" Seeking Answers from Moms That Are Dsm's in the Workplace "

Updated on October 07, 2008
P.N. asks from Las Vegas, NV
5 answers

I am in a position where I mave move up quickly at work. I think this is a great opportunity for me but I don't want to sacrifice work/ life balance with having young children. My children are 2,7, and 16. Are there moms out there who have young children and are in a work position that requires a lot of travel? The position however will allow me a lot more freedom to be with them on special days, weekends, etc. I would love any and all imput. My family is my first priority and I would hate to accept the position them find later it doesn't work.

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answers from Las Vegas on

Well you have to take a look at everything. Is the family income in a position for you to pass on the opportunity. Is Dad, Grandma, or any other family figure going to be with the kids while you travel.

It sounds like you are in favor of passing on this. So if you can afford to pass and wait for something else, then you have to do what make you happy.

I always worked a lot of hours with my older daughter and now work a full time and run a business on the side with a new little one. I am happy that way and feel I make every minute with my little girl special. Every Sunday we do something fun that is her age or family orientated. She is basically an only child, so she plays with others at preschool, as I can't give that socialization here at home. Although she is nearly 3 years old, I hold her close to me for about 20 minutes every night while we unwind and listen to soft n'night music. I spend that same time with my older daughter when she comes home from work. We lay on the floor and talk or laugh for a good 30 minutes before we turn in for the night.

You just have to do what works best for you.

Best of luck in your decision making.


2 moms found this helpful


answers from San Diego on

Hi PN,

My husband travels a lot. We take lots of phone calls from daddy, and Skype is our friend. We also do something special when he gets home--visit Legoland, go out to dinner, etc. My husband collects things from the places he visits--refrigerator magnets, rocks, t-shirts with the city's name or landmark, book about the city, etc. All of these things help. Dad is also called right away if possible when there are bigger discipline problems or major happy moments to share so he can be a part of our daily life.

A military mom I know has her children collect small items to place in a shoebox to share with their daddy when he comes home from Iraq. They have fun picking out the items and telling him about them on videochat and email. They when he gets home, they can show him--kind of like a 3-D diary.

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

My sister took a job in which she would have some "light travel" , once or twice a year. Flash forward a 3 years and she is gone for 3 days to a week almost every month. She claims to "hate it"! However, she has become accostomed to a certain lifestyle with an expensive house, cars, clothes, etc. so she won't stop. She has climbed up the coorporate ladder and doesn't do things with my niece because of her work obligations.
My niece is the one who suffers from not seeing her mom much and I know it effects her.
From what I've seen of their situation, you may be better off putting the big career moves on hold for a long while. Time goes fast and my sister has missed a lot of her daughters growing up. Being a mother is the most important job you'll ever have. If your off on business, you can't be there for your kids. I hope not to sound down on you but as I said, my niece is definitely pushed aside for my sister's career and it makes me so sad. Just be sure what you sign up for actually stays the way it starts and don't let anything come between your family. What does your hubby think? It can also be hard on a marriage being gone a lot.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

P N,

You answered your own question. "My family is my first priority"




answers from Honolulu on

I think this can apply to any couple/family who has jobs or situations which means they cannot be home all the time or are away from home a lot.... because that is what it will be like. It could be any job or situation... but the point being, that one of the Parents won't be there all the time.

My cousin's wife has a job like that. It's a great position, and she travels a lot for her job. She loves her job. BUT, so they have a Nanny that looks after her children... who are about 3 years old(twins). And her husband does a lot of the care-taking at night and on weekends. They both have executive level jobs.

Meanwhile, because the children are with the Nanny most of the time (day or night), the children have learned "her" language first, which is Spanish. And, her children don't always have the benefit of direct daily contact with their Mom...so when she IS home... she tends to "over compensate" and she gets stressed out. The kids tend to be over-scheduled.... (in lots of classes and activities since she can't be with them all the time). But the kids seem okay. Both Parents have long work hours at times...due to their position and traveling. And, the Grandparents will come and help sometimes.

BUT, this was their decision... they have a certain income they need to maintain and a house and all the amenities. Also, she is the type that would go nuts if she did not work, even if they can afford to. But it also means that she is not always there for the kids or their events/recitals all the time.

And yes, her family is first and she loves her children dearly and is a good Mom when she is home. I can't fault her... but, I think it's too much of being "away" versus face-to-face time with her kids, and they are only 3 years old... in the formative years.

It is a lot of "sacrifice" for both she and her Husband... and in their personal life as a couple. But they seem okay, outwardly.

You also have a 16 year old... at this age, I feel they really need a Mom around... this is a hard age and emotionally...they need stability at this age, even if it is just to chat and bounce ideas/problems off of their Mom for input and comfort. I have seen kids at this age, whom the Parents are not available due to jobs... and it somehow leaves a vacant place in the child. A child can be "lonely"... and feel stressed because of the Parent not being there. Each child is different though. But sometimes, given the circumstances, we can "loose touch" with our children... and then we are not "in the loop" where they are concerned...but still "expect" them to be 'grown-up' and happy.

I would gauge your children.... and really observe and "see" what their needs would be, and if they can truly handle your not being available at times.

In my city, there have been several high profile career women who have recently stepped down from their jobs, to stay home with their children. They felt they were missing out too much, and their children were not getting enough of "Mom." They did it to be part of their lives more. I think they felt the "tug" of their own heartstrings and of their children, and chose not to pass it by anymore.

Mostly though, you must make sure it is okay with Hubby.... it can take a toll on any marriage. My Hubby, he works and goes to school... so he is not available a lot even if he is home. And the school counselor warns all couples whose spouse goes back to school, that it IS a hardship on the marriage and kids... and she's seen lots of couples divorce because of it. With a spouse in school (and working), it leaves the other spouse in being a "single parent" kind of situation... it's really not easy. I myself often get very stressed about it... and there is not a lot of time together. The kids miss Dad too, because he is always busy with work or studying or in class. And me, I'm left with managing the whole household and kids single handed-ly. And no, I don't always "like" it... although I understand his situation and obligations. But yes, we get in fights about it.

Well sorry for rambling....
I know it's not an easy decision. I wish you the best in whatever you decide...

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