Seeking Advice/tips on Focusing Very Active Child

Updated on March 05, 2008
S.T. asks from Beverly, MA
37 answers

My 4 year old son is a very active boy with all the symptoms of ADHD although he hasn't been diagnosed with it because of his age. His behavior has really declined lately. Whenever we go anywhere, he's all over the place. He hasn't been listening very well either. Winter is always a tough season as he's not able to spend the whole day outside burning off all of his energy. I was wondering if anyone had any non-prescription suggestions to help calm his down and focus and listen better. Thanks for your thoughts!

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T.D.

answers from Providence on

I am the mom of a very active and disrespectful 5 year old boy. Last October I signed hm up for Tae Kwon Do classes. He goes 3 or 4 days a week, and it has done wonders. He gets his energy out, he has learned respect, focus, and commitment. His is making huge strides and is being tested for his first color belt soon. This is the best thing I have done for him and I am so happy with the school. So maybe you could try taking him to a free class in some sort of martial art school? Most offer free classes before you sign up. Good luck.

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S.S.

answers from Portland on

I have a 12 year old ADHD girl...I know very well what you are going through. I have read all the advice here and agree with most of it. I think you need to incorporate ALL the suggestions and find what works best. When he gets to kindergarten you will find out if he is truly ADHD...and if so, meds may be the only way to help him. I have tried most of the suggestions ...some worked better than others (no sugar/diet things did not help at all). When my daughter reached 1st grade she needed meds in order to function appropriately at school, to be able to focus enough to learn, and to be "like the other kids". It is important to their self esteem to do well. Her meds help HER control herself. It was a difficult decision to medicate...but if she were diabetic I would treat her with insulin...is this so different? Good luck to you both.

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M.H.

answers from New London on

Hi S.

I have a very active 4 year old also. I see ADHD red flags in my son as well. Over the last month I have cut sugar significantly from his diet and noticed a huge change. When he is home, (acting like a wild man)I have found that sitting down and reading him a book calms him down quite a bit. Just a few suggestions...I am glad that I am not the only one with a hyper 4 yo boy. Sometimes you really do feel alone...:) M.

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L.B.

answers from Portland on

I have had luck with 123Magic!, I worked with children with behavior and mental disabilities for over ten years in public school systems. This strategy worked for me with even the most defiant of children. It is essentially a behavior plan for inappropriate behaviors(hitting, biting, not listening, disrespectful behaviors, etc.). You can buy the series in dvd or book. This is a great tool for toddlers terrible 2's, 3's and so on. Also, children with hyperactivity do really well in structured environments with scheduled meals, activities and down time, it helps them stay focused and on task. One mom suggested Karate classes, great idea! Good luck!

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T.H.

answers from Boston on

Check out www.SensoryLearning-Danvers.com also I would take a look at his diet. There are some great books on diet out there including "Children with Starving Brains" that talk a lot about the ways in which our bodies metabolize certain foods and what the results are to our behaviors, moods, activity and concentration etc. Another thing to look into is Nordic Naturals Fish Oils. Hang in there!

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M.G.

answers from Boston on

Hi S.,

My son is now 9 and I still remember those days!! I had a separate book bag with puzzles that had to be put in with a stick and a magnet. One was a fishing pole and the other a crane. He loved activities that needed picking up and stacking or placing. He never saw these toys except when I needed him to be patient. I have a daughter who is three years older and we would go to her activities and watch for the hour. I would also switch it with the non-marking markers that are used with the special paper (too long ago, to remember the name). This is just one tip we used. I usually filled it with the favorite activity at his age group. One point it was trucks, then match box cars, then cards. (I always had a car in my purse for emergencies, with a pad of paper to draw a road)I hope it helps.

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R.V.

answers from Boston on

From past experience with 2 boys similar to yours, I found that Martial Arts are great for:
1.) Learning focus and concentration
2.) Learning respect for others
3.) Learning respect for oneself
4.) An excellent source of exercise
5.) Helping a child distinquish between self defence and violent behavior

I do not know where you live S..... But I know that Quest Martial Arts in Barrington NH has an excellent 4 - 5 year old program, that prepares them for the "Little Dragons" once your son is in Kindergarten. If you are not in the area, I believe you can find other dojo's on the Little Dragons website.

Good Luck!

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M.C.

answers from Boston on

My son is 16 years old now,and i had the same problem,theres no natural cure for this,i've tried taking to parks,all kinds of activities and nothing.....he started school and as time went by the teachers would say the same thing he probably has adhd,i didn't want to face reality,i had no choice but to take him to see the dr, and sure enough he was adhd now i only give him the meds on school days and the teachers see a big difference,my advice to you is try more activities with him or take to the dr for a evaluation,if not you are going to have problems in school,start researching before he starts school,hope this will help you.

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P.L.

answers from Springfield on

It sounds like my 4 year old daughter. When my very active daughter wounders around from activity to activity, I try to slow down my own life and just sit with her with one activity of her choice.

I think we all live in such a fast past life that our children tend to learn our habits of never slowing down. I also believe that 4 year olds at this time of year have energy to burn. I also like to take my daughter to the library and we just joined dance classes. I just want you to know you are not alone.

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R.V.

answers from Hartford on

Have you tried giving you child coffee or tea with caffeine? I used that with my active boy to have him sit still in first grade. It decreased his activity. I believe adhd drugs are stimulant for adults but work the opposite for kids. Goodluck
R. Mom to 4

D.B.

answers from Boston on

Absolutely! Thousands of parents have had fabulous results with Reliv products, patented, research-based science food. The company is 20 years old, fabulously reviewed by Success from Home, Business Week, Forbes and Fortunte magazine. There is a kids' products which is separate from the adult formulas. It's available in vanilla and chocolate, can be mixed into a shake, a smoothie, a popsicle, added to applesauce or yogurt, etc. etc. It's an immune system builder, and has a great track record for preventing illness as well as helping with focus issues, allergies, etc. by detoxifying the body. You can call me at ###-###-#### or email me at [email protected]____.com, or contact Reliv directly at 800-RELIV-US. There is a kids' health phone call you can participate in/listen in on, lots of stories you can hear about how other parents found help, even meetings you can attend to talk to people one-on-one. Definitely try this before you even think about meds.

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K.R.

answers from Boston on

My son has ADHD he is now 7 years old the only thing i found was to make him sit and color or play a vidoe game or buy favorite movies Now he on medication to help controll it but he still has his days i know what your going though hang in there and if you wish write me at [email protected]____.com

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M.P.

answers from Barnstable on

My husband is a chiropractor who practise the sacro occipital technique (SOT) many chiros who use this technique find that it helps kids w/ADHD. You can look up SOTO-USA on the web to find a doctor in your area or call around to chiros in the phone book.
Best of Luck,
M.

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T.D.

answers from Boston on

I would suggest a visit to Steppingstone's therapy center in Lawrence or the Angel Care Sensory center in Haverhill. Both places have occupational therapists who specialize in sensory techniques to help kids like your son organize all the sensory information he's getting so he can be more calm and have more consistent responses. They can evaluate your son's sensory systems (ADHD is not the only thing that causes kids to be overactive and have the symptoms you describe) and they can help you develop good strategies to help your son WITHOUT drugs! They can tell you more about the possibilities for accessing your health insurance to pay as well, as it depends on what you have for insurance. I highly recommend it for all your sakes!

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C.H.

answers from Boston on

I too have a very,very active 4 year old. I really appreciate your attempt to find non-prescription help. Here's some things that helped us out: "Raising Your Spirited Child" by MS Kurchinka, getting really high quality outside gear for both of us (we spend at least two hours outside everyday), paying attention to diet and stimulation (ie sugar, preservatives, Videos, malls, other people), water (baths in the winter--there are some days when he's in the bath two or three times a day--swimming in the summer). We also have a 'peaceful space', his bed with mosquito netting pulled around it, where we read lots of books and tell stories together. I've found that accessing his imagination really helps to calm things down. Some other winter specific things ~ Boston Gymnastics academy has open gym time we go once a week so DS can run wild, climb, jump & balance. Drums! DH gave him drumsticks a few years ago, I wasn't sure how it would go, but every day in bad weather he sets up a drumset (old pots, bongos, tamborines) and pounds away for a while. This does seem to help and I can hear his rythm improving. Art--lots of paper, watercolors (cause their meditative) and clay (tactile!) work really well for my DS. Good luck! Remember spring is around the corner.

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K.P.

answers from Burlington on

Hi S.,
I have had 2 active children, one a girl and one boy. I have to say that my boy was most challenging at age 4. He is now 5 and able to do so much more and is so much more happy and learning self control. He takes swim lessons and soccer etc. My active girl is now 12 and guess what? She's an incredible athlete, bright and curious!! My advice would be to HANG IN THERE with this boy!! It is amazing how their seeming 'deficits' turn into wonderful attributes as they grow! We use alot of indoor 'active' activities that seem to help. We have soft baseballs and bats, basketball hoops and hockey nets with little sticks etc!! I stopped trying to take these active ones to reading hours and playgroups etc. that would stress me out so much to try to control their behavior and feel defeated and angry by the time we left. Winter is so awful too, I know you know. We got a membership at a gym that has saved my sanity I think. The kids love swimming and wall climbing and using the huge gym to run around. And, I use the daycare to get some time off and work off some stress myself. My other 2 are the most easy going, down to earth sweethearts so it is very very interesting to see how different the needs of children can be. Have faith that it is so worth it to hang in there with your son and even though we can go to thinking that there is something wrong with them or that we can't continue helping them, we can, and they are wonderful children whose energy will benefit them as they grow older. My children are not ADD or ADHD, so I don't have that experience to share. Parenting can be soooo challenging, and I feel like I am literally running a marathon sometimes! It helped my son when I verbally told him that I had faith in him, that he would grow through these difficult stages and find more comfort with himself as he grew. He really seemed to understand and appreciate this. I know his worst times were difficult for me, but they were very difficult for him, being such a little guy and trying to learn to cope with himself and life and all. When I shared that I had faith that things would get better for him, he seemed to be able to muster a bit of faith for himself. And, things have changed for him.
K.

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M.B.

answers from Lewiston on

Well it sounds like you are on the right track. Although there is not much time (before he goes to kindergarten) you might want to look into early intervention services. I don't know what Mass has but I think every state is supposed to provide some sort of EI. Anyway, my son is the same way and has recently been dx'd with disruptive behavior disorder NOS, they also said he is too young for the specific dx of ADHD or ODD. He was also evaluated by an OT through CDS and found to have sensory issues. Sensory and ADHD often go hand in hand, but it is possible that I child could only have sensory issues and will calm down once those are under control. There is a couple books out there on sensory processing disorder called the out-of-sync child and the out-of-sync child has fun. I would read the out of sync child first and see if it sounds like your little one and if so look into buying the other one and it has lots of sensory techniques that are fun for kids that should help calm him. It explains this in the books, but some techniques are not recommended to be used w/o the guidance of a licensed OT too.

I also would try the 123Magic program like others have said. I personally wasn't good at it, too emotional lol. But when we could keep control over our own emotions it did seem to work well for our son. Of course some things don't work well for all kids, but this one I think has a tendency to be more successful with most if implemented correctly. I would recommend trying to find the tapes from a library rather than the books as it actually shows you examples. Good luck and if you need additional help email me personally - I am also a head start teacher so I have lots of resources at hand.

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R.R.

answers from Boston on

Hi S.
i have been trying to think of winter activities as well,my boys are older,but my youngest has just been diagnosed with type 1 diabetes,and it is important to have an active life.we were thinking about roller skating and sledding. i think the biggest help for your son at this age is a structured schedule. even on the weekends,have an am activity planned at the same time every day,then lunch then outside time,and maybe a reading activity before dinner to kind of wind him down for dinner..make yourself a schedule and try it for a few weeks,i bet the consitancy will give you some relaxing momements,and him some focus....good luck
R.

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S.S.

answers from Boston on

It looks like you have gotten a lot of good advice. I'm a mom of two kids with ADHD. If your son is in preschool, is it effecting him at school? If it is, you may want to contact your school system to get an evaluation. That way if he need any services or accommodations before he enters or when he enters kindergarten they will be in place.

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N.D.

answers from Boston on

Hi S.,
I have a 7 yr old boy who has recently been diagnosed with ADHD. We saw the signs early on as well and research supports that it runs in families. Anyway, we have tried a few things. The most helpful was omega 3's. I bought a liquid kind online from Dr. Sears or we just poke a hole in the capsules you can get from Trader Joe's and we put it on a spoon. He swallows it and then drinks something fast. I went to an information session (ADD Health and Wellness in North Andover) and a doctor recommended this. In addition, we have lowered his glycemic index especially for breakfast. Cereal and oatmeal (what we fed our son everyday) is very high on the glycemic index. We have been serving yogurt with fruit or eggs instead. His teacher noticed the difference as soon as we made that change. I also am sometimes reduced to sending Luke outside to run around the house "as fast as he can" to burn some of his boundless energy. He also plays the drums. It's loud but worth it! I hope that helps.
N.

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L.S.

answers from Portland on

Hello my name is L. and i am from Gorham.I have a grandson just like that he does not like to mind and if you dont pat attention to him he screams.

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L.D.

answers from Hartford on

Hi S.,
I recommend looking into getting a sensory evaluation done. If your child has 'sensory defensiveness', he will really benefit from the exercises used to help that. You can get the eval done at a physical therapist. Look online to see what it's about. There are 3 types of defensiveness, and the exercises are different for each one. Some of the exercises seem odd ( stroking with surgical brush and joint compressions, swinging, spinning), but they really made a difference for my daughter. It helps the brain's chemicals balance out and the child ends up feeling more in control of themself. I wouldn't have believed it if I didn't see it for myself. The change was absolutely amazing.

I find it very disappointing that I have yet to hear of a pediatrician that recommends this first, before an adhd evaluation. Perhaps because there's no medication involved (??)
Good luck.

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J.E.

answers from Boston on

I have a 4 year old boy who can be very difficult at times as well. Fish oil & fatty fish (salmon) seems to work for us. I'm from Australia but you can buy berry flavoured fish oil capsules here which he thinks are lollies and is very happy to throw down. We really notice the difference if we go off them for a while - not pleasant!

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H.P.

answers from Boston on

Hi S.,

Sometimes in puplic children know dicipline will be different. They really are very smart. As the mother of 5 boys all active because they are boys! Boys are not girls and they can be given time outs in public. Is it inconvienent? You bet, but the change in behavior is noticable after consistant use. Stop them phyically, kneel face to face with them, make sure they are looking at you, then with firm authority tell them you can not behave this way this is why so this is what you must do because you acted this way. If they whine repeat. A 5 minute time out. You can threaten loss of something but must follow through if they continue to ignore you. Being active is not a crime not obeying or listening isnot good. A multi-vitamin B can have a calming effect on most children ask your Pediatrician to recomend a good one for children. Personal choice for me in never medicate a child for there activity level. find a winter sport to channel that energy into. sign up for the Y and get him doing constructive things. Drugs is always the last resort in my book. Good luck. H. P.

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J.M.

answers from Bangor on

My daughter was 3.5 years old when i got her diagnosed with ADHD. You have to be very persistent with the doctors and you need to have them get you in with behavioral specialists. Also, you need to insist that they send your child for testing because this is the only true way for them to diagnose it. Is you child in any sort of daycare? This will help with the diagnosis also. I understand completely what you are going through because believe me I have been there. I kept questioning myself as to what i was doing wrong. But once we got the diagnosis and got her on the right medication, life got so much easier. If you have any questions, or just want to talk, my e-mail address is [email protected]____.com luck!!!!!!!!!!!!

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M.B.

answers from Boston on

Hi S.,

Well, some of the things that I have done is: a kid-size tramploine with a safety bar, kids exercise videos, arts and crafts. I have also done "I spy"....more when I am driving around town when I need to get out of the house in the winter time. I have tons of puzzles, crayons, markers, construction paper.. My boys are 9 and 6 and I just keep them as busy as possible..I also have the boys practice sports in the house in the winter time..."catching" a beach ball for their eye-hand coordination.."dribbling" the soccer ball through the house..bouncing the basketball. We also make forts and pretend to "camp"....dancing in the living room is not uncommon for us to be doing....they especially like it when they get to pick out the music themselves. The boys have a "leapster" they use that allows them to play educational games...great for hand/eye coordination.

A little bit about my situation...
I live in snow country so I know what you mean about not being able to be outside all day. Both of my boys are very active...one is living with autism and both are ADHD.

Good luck!

Shell in Snowville!!

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E.C.

answers from Hartford on

Hi,
I am a former first grade teacher and saw these challenges daily with some of my students. One thing to try is a behavior modification chart- some kids really take to these quickly, others need a little more coaxing...you can do a chart with the behaviors you want to see (walking in the store, staying close to mom or holding hands without a scene, etc). If he does this for an alotted amount of time(even for a minute at the beginning) he can put a sticker on his chart. If he gets a set amount of stickers (5 in a day? or whatever you think he can accomplish), then he gets a reward (5 more minutes outside, a trip to the park, whatever you feel would excite him). The trick is to set the limit for him to actually achieve it - making him feel good about doing those behaviors and following through with the reward. As time goes on, make the expectations higher- has to walk through the store the entire time or whatever you feel he can do.

I hope this helps- I saw dramatic results with some of my students using similar behavior mods.

You can also try to have him stop and take a few deep breaths to center himself or get control of his body.

And the small little trampolines that are sold at sporting goods stores can help release some of that energy :)

Good luck!
~E.

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A.W.

answers from Lewiston on

Hi S.,
I too have a 4 yo who is crazy active. He is also an early riser to boot so our day starts before the sun and ends after 7pm. I do not know how you feel about computers and video games but we have found that an hour or so playing games like I Spy Junior on the computer or, Leap Pads word building game ( I forget the name, but the box has a roller coaster with letters riding in it) which is a plug-n-play or other pre-school games from Scholastics have been wonderful. We set my son up with an old computer in his playroom and removed all the non-essential applications (word, online apps, etc) and set up the icons to show on the desktop at the largest setting possible. I labeled all the games with the matching pictures and he can change games when ever he wants to now and will go there on his own when he feels overwhelmed. A few minutes up to an hour will go by and when he feels better he comes out and is proud of himself for chilling out on his own. The games are great and educational: matching size and colors, counting, adding, spelling and reading, problem solving and cause and effect all at age appropriate levels. He is learning a lot from the games and it changes his mind and refocuses his energy for a while. Plus, it gives me a chance for some peace and quiet too!

As far as your son goes, it could be more of a sensory issue than ADHD, which is easy to deal with once you learn the tricks. If your son is out of hand or whatever, change the activity to something like freeze dance or red light, green light. These games help him to practice listening with out being boring. Or playdough, a water table, or what I did, a large plastic container with dry rice (or beans). It feels neat and is easy to clean and not dangerous for kids or pets and trucks and cars can drive in it too. My son has the match box size construction trucks which work in the rice "quarry" often and it travels to grandma's house once in a while for an added treat. Hang in there, spring will come eventually!

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L.S.

answers from Hartford on

You need to instill {1 2 3 timeout} in your day or you will go nuts. There has to be a consequence/for every misbehavior and a very structured day, with a playtime of course. You son at age 4 is old enough to have restrictions, he also can have some little chores to do/ we found that this helped with our adhd son, who was dx'd when he was 3 1/2. you need to reel that young son in and the respect will come, instill manners also everything goes hand and hand and the outcome will be wonderfull, even to this day i am always told how polite and well behaved my 17yr son is./he is still hyper and do not forget that spring is right around the corner, spring fever is in the air

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M.C.

answers from Springfield on

hi-just wondering what make you think he maybe adhd? my daughter is three in a half and extreemly active and needs to burn lot's of energy as well and a big part of the behavior is sleep and diet as well. she requires constant redirecting and lot's of energy. i am a licenced social worker and adhd always in the back of my head but i think that is why and i have to remind myself the frist tool out of the box should not be medication! hopefully they grow out of stages! i feel your frustration-it is a struggle.thanks

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B.W.

answers from Boston on

You have your hands full. Many ADD kids have undiagnosed food
allergies. When certain foods such as sugar, flour and chemical additives have been removed, behaviour can be markedly changed. I think one resource is called The Feingold Diet. YOu might also look into allergy elimination, the NAET approach.
Good luck.

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S.C.

answers from Boston on

Diet is everything and I bet you will see a big change in his behavior if you eliminate soy, (it's all genetically engineered-new studies show the worst thing you can put in your body!), wheat, dairy, sugar, and peanuts too. Try organic veggies/meat and rice based products. You can use organic rice milk fortified with Vitamin D and calcium in place of milk.Don't forget a good probiotic too-try the Jarrow- dolphilus brand from Whole Foods-they make a toddler one. Good luck!

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K.S.

answers from Boston on

Diet is extremely important...our foods are so overprocessed, laden with sugar and preservatives, it's no wonder so many children are struggling. Also get him checked for any allergies to foods or environmental conditons. Suppliments can really do wonders. Be consistant with consequences. Good luck!

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B.B.

answers from Boston on

I have some very active toddlers in my classroom. Especially when it's too cold to go outside. I think the most imoportant thing is to have structure. Be sure you have activities planned for the day and of course free play. I hope this helps. : )

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L.G.

answers from Boston on

I had similar issues with my son who is now 7. I enrolled him in Karate and it has done wonders. It ws amazing to see him sit and be focused. Good Luck!

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M.F.

answers from Springfield on

How is his diet? Cutting out sugar and refined foods can help tremendously.

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K.K.

answers from Boston on

Get him an indoor swing (hard to find - but look on line), a sit and spin or anything that will get his energy level down. My 6 year old presents the same way and we have been told (by Children's Hosp testing) she does not have ADHD. These things help her lots. I would try and schedule this into your routine at the same times each day (like 4 times a day). Then after you do a "busy" activity - help him focus on something, like building a toy, coloring, etc.
Best of luck!

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