Seeking Advice on My Job Decision

Updated on July 27, 2007
B.R. asks from Riverton, UT
12 answers

I have a full time job right now I work 4 10 hour shifts. I do not have any beneifits though. I am a bailiff at a courthouse. My husband is a police office. So while we are at work our kids are at daycare anywhere from 10-12 hours a day. My daughter is unable to go to preschool or dance because the daycare wont take her and by the time I get off everything is closed. I am thinking about working at a job that is 7 on 4 off and 7 on 3 off. It has 20 year retirement and great benefits. I can work afternoon shift that way my kids will be at daycare less and my daughter will be able to attend things in the day. The only problem is my husband is so against it. Everytime i bring it up he gets SO MAD he wont even discuss it with me. He says its because I will hate the job and we will never get to see each other. But my main concern are my children they will always come first to me! SO what would you mothers do? I mean this is a disision ive been trying to make for the past 4 years!!!! I just try to avoid confrontation with me husband but im to the point of putting my foot down and just doing it> I NEED SOME GOOD [email protected] Anothe concern I have is that my husband is always on call and we will have a hard time find a sitter at night. But i feel like i should be able to do what I want with my life too.

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So What Happened?

My husband and I have decided it would be best for me to stay at home. I am trying to start a cookie business. I love baking! I just need some good advice from someone that has started their own business.

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M.W.

answers from Boise on

B.,
Have you ever considered a business at home? I am a consultant with The Pampered Chef now and I make as much as I did working full time, but I only work 6-8 days a month! I'd be happy to answer any questions you may have and would love to meet with you! It's a great night out that I choose to do when I want to and I get paid for it!

M.
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K.J.

answers from Salt Lake City on

That's unfortunate that your husband is not supporting you. Having a career and maintaining that work/life balance with your children is difficult. I also work full time and have two sons ages 7yrs and 3.5yrs. I have taken a lower paying job so that I can be more involved with my kids at school, after school activities and less time at daycare. It was the best decision I've ever made.The kids are much happier and I feel like I've become a better mother to them. I've been able to help out in the classroom at school, involve the boys in soccer, baseball, football, gymnastics, playdates and much more. Yes, I could have a successful career with a large salary, but you can't put a price on the memories you share with your children. They grow up so fast and if there is an opportunity for you to spend that time with them now I say DO IT!!! You can always pick up the career later in life as the kids get older, but there is no going back on the years you lose with them while you are away at work countless hours of the day. My kids come first and always have. I have the support I need in making those decisions though. Try to make your husband understand that you want to give your kids more time and be an active part of their childhood. My mother and father both worked very long hours when I was a child and we never got the extra activities and the time alone with them. Both of my parents regret this and wish they could go back as do I. They missed out on so much as well as each of us kids not having them there more. Stand up to your husband and if he truly loves you and the kids he will see what you're trying to do is best for everyone. GOOD LUCK!!

1 mom found this helpful
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D.S.

answers from Boise on

Hi B.,

I gather that you do keep your business options open in other areas outside of what you are currently doing? Would you be open-minded to hear about a business if it could add to your income without jeopardizing or interfering with what you do now? Yet in the long run give you more time and money together so that you can enjoy your family. I would really like you to see this business in the same way that I saw it. I work with a lot of great individuals who have walked away from business they owned or careers they had gone several years to school for. They walk away because within 3 to 6 months they were able to match and even double the income they made at their businesses. The difference was that thier businesses ended up owning them. With this company you have the opportunity to make money and have time hand in hand. We all rejoice in the fact that now we do have time to spend with our kids. To go to thier events. We get to see our spouses because we aren't tied to a desk all day. This company has allowed me to be a stay at home mom. Plus meet other momís that are now at home with their kids because of this business. Meet fathers who are home with their families because of this. I am 30 years old and mother of 3 boys. Married for 6 years. Long story short. Kidís real mother walked out on them when our youngest was 6 months old. I became all of their mom when the youngest was 4. I love my children very much and am proud to be their mommy. So, would you be available this Saturday at 1pm or would next Wednesday Oct. 11th at 7:00pm work better for you to meet with me and take a look at this business? I live here in Boise at the Signature Pointe Apartments off of Cole Rd. Please give me a call. ###-###-####

-D.

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K.O.

answers from Portland on

I agree with Kaylee. It is so important to have time to spend with your children. If this means sacrificing some free time with your husband, then that is unfortunate but it is also part of being a parent. The time will come when your children are much older and are more interested in doing things with their friends and being out of the house, that is when you get the time with your husband back. For awhile I worked four 10 hour days and never saw my husband, I'll admit it wasn't easy but we knew it was best for our son. It kept him out of day care full time and gave him more time with each of us. So be more assertive, he should be supportive of your decisions. You are right, it is YOUR life, and you should live it the way you want to. Confrontation is never fun, but sometimes it is necessary

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M.M.

answers from Great Falls on

B.,
I was curious how your cookie business is going for you?
Let me know.
M.
[email protected]____.com

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C.M.

answers from Reno on

How about planning for the future and starting a home based business part time and in a couple of years you could quit your job and stay home with the kids.

3 years ago we started our own home business and now we stay home with our kids and business..
if you want to take a look free of charge go to www.moretimeforfamily.com

If you want your life to change you have to make changes.

God Bless,
C.
[email protected]____.com

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M.

answers from Las Vegas on

I can see why you are having such a difficult time with the decision. While I definitely agree that as a mother, your first priority should be your children. However if taking this job will cause serious problems in your marriage, then it may not necessarily be the best decision for your children. They are better off missing some of the "traditonal" experiences of childhood in exchange for having a happy homelife. Perhaps you could hire an afternoon sitter who could p/u your kids from daycare and take them to dance class or wherever.

On the other hand, if you are truly unhappy with your current job, that's not good for the kids either. Are there any other jobs that you may be happy at that your husband would support you in?

It's definitely a very personal decision. Good luck!

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H.J.

answers from Pocatello on

Hi B.: Tough one...Are benefits important to your family (does your husband have health/life insurance you all of you? 7 days on does sound like you'd be missing a lot on those days..my husband works 4 on, 4 off 12 hour shifts. I feel like a single mom on those days - maybe that's what your husband is worried about. If you think it would be a better job, more fulfilling then maybe you should try talking to your husband again.. yes, you need to make choices about your life. Have you looked into other daycares? maybe one who ofers pre-k and dance at the center..several do. Then you won't feel like your children are missing out. What about a Saturday activity for your children?
Good luck! H.

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T.H.

answers from Eugene on

I think you and your husband need to go out on a date and talk about it. I can see how he would be concerned about not seeing you but he needs to see that your kids will benefit from the schedule and you will be happier and bring more joy into the home. But, just as it is important to make sure you are spending quality time with the kids, it is equally important you spend quality time with your spouse (even if it is less time overall).

It might also be good, if you do change your schedule, to find a fun thing for your hubby to do with the kids once a week in the evening. There may also be other reasons he is not really forthcoming about (scared of bedtime). You could also mention that you would have one more day off every other week so if the days off fell together, you would have more family time.

It has helped alot of my friends who fell into not spending time with their spouse to plan a date night once a week or every other week. Doesn't have to be anything spactacular, even going for a walk for an hour to catch up and just visit.

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A.E.

answers from Las Vegas on

That is a tough one. I understand you wanting to put your children first. I think thats what a mother should do but you need to think about your relationship and how your husband would feel and treat you. If he is so against it that he starts to resent you and starts being mean and hurtful (feelings not physical) then it wont be worth it because your children will see that. If he gets so mad that you will fight all the time, the children will see and hear that as well. It is a really tough decision and there is a lot riding on it. Im sorry I cant tell you what job to keep or stay with but I wanted to point out that if you go against your husbands wishes other problems could occure. Good Luck with your decision.

A.

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S.G.

answers from Spokane on

well, the only advice I can give you from my standpoint is to do what is best for you and your kiddos!! I have a 10 1/2 month old son, and I basically gave up my career and two full time incomes to be able to stay home with him. I took a part time job (work Sat,Sun, Mon ) and stay home the other days. My husband has Sun, Mon off, so he watches our son those days and my sister watches him Sat. We made this arrangement in order to avoid daycare, but it was a huge sacrifice because my husband and I don't have any days off together. We see very little of each other, but it is the sacrifice we have made for our child. we both agreed that our sons needs came first, and we both agreed that one of us needed to spend a large portion of our time with him. Hopefully my two cents helps. Good luck!

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C.S.

answers from Boise on

I think you should definitely take the job with the more flexible schedule, if that is what you want. It makes a huge difference in your life and your kids' lives when you are happy with your work situation. After I had my son I took a long time to look at other jobs and found that there is a lot out there that have better schedules for working moms. Explain to your husband that this is important to you and that when you're happy, it makes the whole family happy.

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