Here are a couple ideas that have worked pretty well with my kids:
First, on the things you can give her 2 or 3 choices on, keep doing that. On the things there is no choice about (like eating dinner or doing chores, tell her the choice is doing it "happy" or doing it "sad." If she wants to have a punishment first for arguing or throwing a tantrum, that is fine, but she will STILL do it--just sad. Otherwise she can do what she's told and be happy. On getting out of the tub, I used to say to mine "do you want to get out in 2 minutes or 5 minutes? Then whatever they choose, I set the timer and then "help" them out of the tub (forcibly if necessary.) Pretty soon she'll get the idea that EVERYTHING in life involves choices, but the choices have consequences (good or bad.)
Another idea is make a "Family Plan" of 2 or 3 behaviors you want to improve on. Each behavior will be listed on a chart with 3 columns: 1- List the behavior, defined as what, and who decides if it has been followed or not; 2- Negative Consequence (for not following it) and 3- Reward (for following it.) Here is an example from my own family (we had similar issues):
1- Be Respectful to Parents-- Defined as: no backtalking, excuses, blaming, arguing, or ongoing negotiation; obedient to parents; respectful tone of voice; no other disrespectful behaviors-- Decided by: Parents (A warning will be given unless the behavior is blatant)
2- Negative Consequence--Loss of cell phone for 24 hours (for the older girls) or Time out of 1 minute per year of age (for the younger girls)
(You could also do Loss of friend privileges for 1 day or whatever is really important to her.)
3- Reward--Everyone who does well on this behavior all week gets to participate in a family outing on the weekend (ice cream, movie, out to dinner, shopping, etc.)
This one has worked really well for us. My husband and I made the plan and presented it to the girls. We printed it out and have it posted on the fridge for reminder. Now the plan is the bad guy, and not us.
Finally, I am a big fan of Love and Logic Parenting. They have seminars and books that have been invaluable to me. Here's their website: http://www.loveandlogic.com/ See if you can find a local seminar, but if not, ALL their books are wonderful!
Good luck--hope I helped some,