Seeking Advice from Moms Who Are Sending Kids to College for the 1St Time

Please do what you can to get her into a college and into a dorm. Dorm life is practice for real life (adulthood). It offers a bit of freedom but also offers some protection while they are adjusting to the next step in thier lives. I just took my first born to Western in August. It was one of the best things that I ever done. He is growing up and blooming. He is getting good grades and adusting and learning life skills. I am also learning to adjust without him. I was made to stay at home and attend a local college. I did not get a chance to grow and experience what I should have. I married before I graduated (looking back) because I wanted out of the home. It was not a good marrage - and it ended. Who knows what could have happend to me if I was allowed and supported to grow up a bit and live away from home. Good Luck. Scholarships and Grants are out there. Also, student loans are another option. My son has them.

Hi B.,

I can only help you with one of your questions, how can you afford it? Well, my husband and I are not in a position to help our kids, it's sad, but true, and they know that.
So, they are applying to scholarships, and will also look in to finicial aid. There's help out there for the kids, they just have to look for it, and ask! Have her go to her high school counslers and ask them for help, that's what they are there for....also look in to "fastweb.com", it's a web site to help the kids look for scholarships on there own.
Good luck and encourge, encourage, encourage!
L.

Hi B.,

My kids aren't old enough yet to attend college, but when they are, I will be 100% supportive by sending them away. Having said that, I was one of those kids whose parents discouraged going to college. I never went "away" to school, but I did attend community college part-time while working full-time and I finally graduated with a bachelor's at the age of 32. And let me tell you, that was the tough way to go. It took a long time and I could have gotten further ahead at a younger age in my career had I gone to college full-time. Work and school became a burden after a while and I stopped going, got married, got divorced, then picked up going to school again. It was alot of stress that probably could have been avoided. Please encourage her to go full-time. If I had to do it all over again, I would definitely get loans, scholarships and any other available aid to go full-time to school--it's worth it in the long run. Have her contact the school she is interested in and keep plugging away until she gets the answers she needs. A majority of kids go away to school--it's the norm. Trust me, she'll do just fine. She won't feel out of place either because there will be many other students her age doing the same thing. Please keep her strong and encourage her dreams:)

M.

B.,

It's so hard to believe that family memmbers would be so backward as to discourage a young adult from seeking a college education. There are many things that she can do to get herself to school and in these times it is imperative that she do so. My husband and I supported and insisted that our sons go to college. Higher education is essential for finding a self-supporting job these days. First she should try for all the scholarships that will be offered in her school, work on having the best grades and apply for those scholarships. We have friends who's daughters both received full rides for four years of college through the ROTC program. She should begin by looking for such scholarships and working to obtain them. She can also apply for loans to pay her tuition and even help with her housing. Once she is established on a campus she can look for work to help her with whatever is not covered. Having another adult (such as yourself) to encourage her and help her with such things can make it happen for her. Hopefully you won't be afraid to stand up to her mother or Grandmother and let them know how foolish they are being. It is so upsetting to me when people who are suppose to help their children shut them down. I hope you will take an active role in helping her niece, it could be one of the best things you do for her.

S.

Have her look for grants online or with the school she chooses. Maybe she could start out at a community college or a lower cost/shorter time period academy as a stepping stone.
It's sad that she's surrounded by unsupportive people. They might be valid in their claims, but what would they have her otherwise do? Stay at home, do nothing, and listen to them enforce her 'can't do anything' attitude? They aren't allowing her to grow up and become a person. Encourage her to find something she likes and wants to become good at and maybe as a career. She needs someone in her corner. MEAP scores also account for tuition coverage. they could be holding back the next Nobel Prize winner! That's awful. Jump in there, for her sake!

Her family members do not want her to move on with her life, they are bringing her down. Remind her that this is her life and future, not theirs. She needs encouragement to follow her dreams.

My so-called family members are like that to my kids. Talking them down, makes me sick!!! They do not want to lose their "helpers" nor workers! As I told my kids, never say never. The world is awaiting, if you see a opportunity to go to school (might take longer due to finances) or what every they want, they can and will succeed!!!

Hi B.,
Please be sure to look at how "sheltered" your niece has been. I have a niece that was wanting to go off to college that is very "sheltered" by her mom, grandma, etc. Unfortunately my niece was immature for her age because of this. I took her down to MSU to take the ACT because she didn't have the support at home either. Two years later, she still lives at home, but is attending a community college. I try to help her as much as I can, with encouragement and supplies. I now think that my niece was not ready. So, please consider everything before encouraging her to bite off more than she is ready for.
I also have a son that will be going away to college next year, he is a senior now. We work every day on preparing him for independence. Although I am afraid for him, I know he will do great. As far as finances go - we are in the process of looking for scholarships right now. There are so many out there.
Helping her with essay writing and college applications will give her a better picture of what she has to look forward to. She should have already taken the ACT, and if not - she should as soon as possible. When she is accepted into a college - some want a deposit to secure the spot.
Good luck, I encourage anyone to go "off" to college - worst case - she comes back home after her first semester (or before) - best case - she completes college, gets a good job and lives a fulfilled (educated) life!

I am sending my son away at the end of this year (his senior year) to college. He is a great kid and gets great grades but I too believe he needs a push to become more independent. He never wants to drive anyway, never wants to do anything alone - and I think needs that push out to the real world to get those skills they need to succeed in life. College is expensive and I have been on fastweb.com looking at all sorts of scholarships available, plus there is financial aid and loans available too. To save money he is going to a Junior College his first two years which is cheaper - but I am still sending him to one that is out of area. We have family in that city so he will have some family but wont have his Dad and I to do everything for him. He is going to have to get himself to and from classes and buy his own food, etc.. After two years he will transfer to a 4year school he wants to go to that is 9 hours away. I know he isn't ready for that now - but we decided this is the best option for us financially and for him to start out small. A lot of junior colleges have room and board options or look for a small studio apt to rent within walking distance of campus. there is always the bus too - it is a great skill to have to know how to use a public transportation system. Encourage your niece to go to college. In todays day you need a college eduacation - the high school diploma doesn't cut it anymore. Maybe your other family members are being selfish and want her to be around them to help out and are afraid for her to go to school. I know i will miss having my son around - he does a lot to help me around the house and helps his sister out too. But he has a life and needs all the skills - education and independence - to make sure he has the best opportunities for his own life. Hope this helps.

Your niece is very lucky to have an Aunt like you. Please pull her aside & talk to her directly about what an exciting time in her life this will be. I never went to college but I have been talking about college to my dghtr since she was a little girl. My dghtr was a homebody in H.S. & never went out with friends, so I was worried about her going away to college. I wanted her to go away so she could become more independent & not come home every weekend, but the farthest she would go is to the city so an hour away from home. She is now a sophmore & the deal was this year she couldnt come home except for holidays. She is doing so good now, she has matured & learned how to be a young woman instead of me taking care of everything for her. So now for your other concern how to pay for it. Well my dghtr is not an honor roll student she does pretty good but not the best. She didnt qualify for any scholarships, grants, etc. Also my husband (not her father) filled out the FAFSA form & we didnt qualify for any discounts because he made to much money. Her 2nd yr we had my dghtrs father fill out the FAFSA cause he makes way less than my husband. So if her parents are no longer together make sure the parent that makes less money fills out the FAFSA form. When we went to a college tour my husband had mentioned we should look at the ROTC program. We ended up getting her to join the Air Force ROTC program which pays for her tuition. She was not happy but saw the benefits. You can join the ROTC program for 2 yrs but the 3rd year you have to sign up for the Air Force in order to get the tuition paid & to get a monthly stipen. At first she said she absolutely will not join but the past couple months she says she definetly is joining so she will have to be in the Air force for 4 yrs after college. Your niece may also qualify for federal work study. I dont know what your niece is interested in as a career but I have some info about a 2 yr college that places graduated students into a very promising career that pays very well, if you want more info message me. College is very expensive but very neccesary so encourage her. I hope I have answer your questions.

The best thing you can do is share your story with her. Where there is a will, ther eis a way, and if she starts planning now she will be able to go away for college with financial aid, but she will need her parent's backing. And you might want to talk to your mother an tell her to bacfk off, that she is having the same devastatintg effects on her neie that she had on youl. She probably thinks that she is right and is clueless to the impact her negative ways has. Let your neice know that you support her and that could make all the difference. With so many megative influences in her life, a supportive positive influence could only help.

It has only been in the last 20 - 30 years that the standard became that the parents should "send" their kids to college.... Before that the child themself made the investment of the time and money. Call it motivation to do the best they can instead of "floating", taking a lot of "extra" classes and then not taking what they studied seriously.

There are many scholarships and financial aid packages out there. It sounds like you are already encouraging her!

Most college campuses have a public transport system for their students. All you need is a bus pass.

Look into the cost of Internet courses thru the local community colleges to fulfil the usual "necessary " classes. Just make sure that they will transfer to what ever school she wants to go to. Or encourage her to go to the local college and get a cheap apt with a roommate. Then she will be local if she needs something.

My dad paid his own way thru college, my hubby paid his own way thru college and my children will pay their own ways also...