Seeking Advice for Taking a Pacifier Away from Toddler

Another mom told me her daughter gave all of hers to a new baby that was born to one of her (the mom's) friends. My cousin explained germs to her daughter, and told her they were sometimes on her "nu-nu." That worked, too. Good luck.

Anyone who is a mom of a toddler is bound to go insane at some point. This may seem harsh to begin but please read on. I'm a firm believer, a child only gets away with what we let them. Every time you give in he will learn that his behavior is being rewarded by his getting his binky. The only way to do it is as you said only nap time and bed time, then eventually only nap time, and then nothing. Just remember, as I have to often remind myself, we as parents are the parents and know what is best. I took my daughters away at 18 months and it was a trying couple of days but she's fine. Also remember every time we give in we have to start from the beginning again because they just learned that they can get what they want when they cry and whine.

At 2 1/2 years we had a "graduation" ceremony in which my daughter threw *all* of the pacifiers in the trash. We praised her and told her she was a big girl now. At bedtime we had to remind her that the pacifiers were gone [that night wasn't easy!]. After that we just had to remind her that she didn't need them and they were all gone anyway.

Not nearly as bad as I'd feared, but you have to stick to the fact that they're *gone*. And be prepared for some tears. Good luck!

Tell your son that he can only have his paci when he is in his bed and then when he gets out, he has to put the paci in its 'house'. The house is a jar of water that you will make up from a tupperware container or old pickle jar or something. Everyday, without your son seeing, add some vinegar to the water. Within a short time, he won't want the paci anymore and will get rid of it himself. I never had kids who depended on pacifiers, but this worked like a charm for my niece.

Hi J.,
We did the binky fairy at our house as well. My daughter was older- 3- and did well with it. We had weaned her to binky at naps and bedtime only, then to bedtime only, then the binky fairy came. Her palate had started to arch but improved within 6 months of taking away the binky.
Good luck!
S.

I too have a binky lover. I tell my son that "Binky worked hard all night while you were sleeping. Binky is tired. Put Binky back in the bed" when he gets up from naps and/or up in the morning. I also have two binkies. He thinks it's one because they are identical and he only gets to see one at a time. Once the binky goes in the mouth, we are going to bed, period. This helped A LOT. Now the binky only comes out when he is sleep ready or ill.

I also have taken the binky when he is asleep. There is a story in Parents or someother magazine where the Binky is a baby and now he wants to go see his mommy or something. I'll look for it and tell you the issue if I can find it.

I took my son to the dentist when he turned two. The dentist showed me how the pacifier was already messing up his teeth so that night I took it away. We got lucky with our son. I told him that we lost it and we will look for it in the morning, he didn't through a fit about it and the next night he asked for it and told him we couldn't find it. He left it alone and he basically outgrew it. My suggestion would be to start taking it from him during the day. Then when that is going good take it away at night. Try telling him that new babies need them and have him put them in a bag to give to other babies. Tell him that you get to take them to the toy store and for being a big boy and giving them to babies who need them you get to pick out a new toy. Maybe have him leave the bag at the store somewhere and you can sneak it a through it in the garbage somewhere. just a thought.

My daughter was about 2 1/2 when I finally got her off the pacifier.She had started bitting into it herself.I had to hide all the ones she had at first but ended up throwing them out, thats the only way I could stop it.It will be hard at first but you just have to hang in there.I have her very first pacifier holder put away with all her baby things.She is now 11 !
Good Luck!

the only real way to do it, is just to do it!
take it away, and don't give it back, you'll have one or two nights of heart breaking chaos...but then it's done

If you have a friend or family member with a new baby, have your child take it to them, as the new baby will need it more. Of course, they will throw it away for you once you leave. Depending on timing, you could also leave it out for Santa, so that he can deliver it to babies who don't have binks. Both have worked for us. Either way though, it has to be forced by the parent. Children are resiliant, they will overcome it. Have faith! :)

Hi J.,

I had the same problem with my daughter who is now 9 years old. When she was a little over two years I decided to take her pacifier away, enough was enough. I kept two for keep sake, and throw the others away. You see she had one in just about every place possible. When she would ask for her pacifier mommy told her they were all gone, they went bye-bye. She cried for a couple of day's and night's for her pacifier, but soon she didn't cry or ask for them. It got worse before it got better. It did get better. I remember thinking I should have done it sooner. Good luck!!

L. M.

Hi J.,

The longer you wait the harder it will be. Just take it away cold turkey, but do it at a time when YOU can handle his tantrums!

I asked this advice recently and got great responses... But the best advice out there is to just take it away and don't look back.

With my son's paci, I took it away in June. It was very difficult and a few times that weekend I wanted to hurl myself through an open window... of a 10 story building!! Haha.... However the first day was the hardest, but then the 2nd day it was very slightly easier, and then by the time I had finished almost a whole week of no paci, it seemed as though he didn't need it, I knew it, and he finally knew it.

Now, I hate those older pictures of him (when he's about 16 and 18 months old) with a pacifier in his mouth!

Just do it and go cold turkey. Have faith, and strength, and within about a week you'll be over it too! Good luck!

We "mailed" our daughter's pacifier to a new baby that needed it more. Our daughter helped package it, and nothing else was said.

Try getting some Thumz to brush on it. Thumz helps thumb suckers to quit because you brush it on and it is so bitter tasting they consciously won't want to. Now what happens when they're asleep is something else. but I'd try brushing that on the binky.

Hi J. -
I JUST took my son's pacifier away Wednesday! He was very attached to his. I did the same thing - limiting to naps, bedtime and that was it! I did what I saw on Supernanny. I decorated a large yellow envelope for the "Binky Fairy" then at night JUST before bed, my son and I went around the house gathering all his binky's and put them in the binky envelope so that the binky fairy could pick them up (off our front porch so that she doesn't see us - while he's sleeping) and give them to all the tiny little babies in the world because now he's a big boy and doesn't need them any more. THAT same day after his last nap w/ his paci- I took him to the store and told him he could pick out a stuffed animal to sleep w/ because he was such a big boy giving up all his paci's to the binky fairy. I really played it up all day. THEN while he wasn't looking I picked up three small car toys for him that I knew he'd love. That night he named his stuffed animal & was excited to see what the paic fairy was going to leave for him for being such a big boy. After he fell asleep (rough time) I tossed the paci's - so I couldn't fall back on them and just give him one for my sanity - wrapped up his new toys and put them on the front porch where the paci fairy picked up the paci envelope and left the prize for him for being such a giving little boy to all the new babies in the world. He was so excited. He actually slept through the night and nap time was a little difficult. Every night before bed he says "I can't do this Mommie" It breaks my heart but I know it's for the best. You can look up other techniques on supernanny's website if you wish also www.supernanny.com! Good luck - it's hard but all worth it in the end! Hopefully you'll have an easier time!!

T.

My son is 19 months old and still uses his paci. I talked to our dentist about it and he gave me a long speech on how he SHOULD say they are bad for teeth this early on but the reality is that a pacifier is not bad for teeth until the age of 3 or 4 when teeth are 'set' in place and when constant sucking can push on the adults formed above (between age 3-4). My son is religious about his paci and I've thought about taking it away cause it's an annoyance for ME. But right away he shoves his thumb in and THAT is far worse than a binki. So for NOW we're sticking to it. I know the longer they have it the harder it is. I think it's easier when they're a little older and can understand though. If I take it away now I'm afraid he'd see it as a punishment. Later I can explain 'you're a BIG boy'. Good luck!

That IS hard! The "bink fairy" came to our house and took my sons. She left him a gift that he liked because he was a big boy! Then she took the bink to a child who needed it because they were little and didn't have one.

Each time he forgot, I reminded him of the toy that he got. He was good with that after a day or so. Good luck!

S.

I am a nurse on the Mother Baby Unit at my hospital. One day when I was working in the nursery, a visitor came up to the door with her son... the mother said that her son had something for me. The little boy proceeded to hand me a large zip lock bag full of his pacifiers & he said "these are for all the babies so they won't cry." Right away, I knew what was going on as the mom smiled and winked at me. I then thanked the little boy repeatedly and told him that I would wash them up right away and give them to the babies (not really) and that it was so nice that a big boy like him would give those up to make the babies happy!
The visitor told me later that she told her son that big boys don't use pacifiers, they use cups and that he got a very special cup to mark the event.

I took pacifiers away from both of mine at Christmas. We left all 20 of them on the table with a note to give them to babies that need them. They then got a special gift only for big kids. It was a tough couple of nights but they were so tired and excited from the holiday, a little cuddle and they were out. Before we did this we did only in bed or the car. I would allow them to go into their beds and have their paci there during the day, but they might stay about 30 seconds. LOL Good luck. Remember it is harder on you than him. FYI---By the way, my daughter was a month shy of three and my son was two and a half when we did this.

On an issue of supernanny, they had the pacifier fairy come and take it. They put it somewhere special and the fairy came and left a different toy for the child.

The pacifier is a way for your child to self sooth, so maybe a cuddle toy would be a good option. You could make a special mail box out of a shoe box and he could decorate it and put his binky's in it and tell them goodbye. I would really play up that he's a big boy and will have a big boy cuddle now... just a side note, make sure and buy 2 or 3 of the same stuffed animal or blanket, since you are trading one cuddle for another, you will want to be able to wash, and replace if one gets lost, just make sure to swap them out so that they get the same wear and tear and feel the same to small hands.

I agree that it would be dangerous to cut it up. I have a few suggestions for you, but first you have to commit to sticking with it and not letting him wear you down. Every time we are inconsistent with our kids, we're training them to rebel. They learn that if they're stubborn, we'll eventually give in. This is not good for them (despite what they think at the time), because it teaches them to crave instant gratification and to expect to get their way on everything, which isn't a realistic or healthy expectation for anyone.
That said, I would start by putting the pacifier on a shelf where your son can see it but not reach it. Tell him that this is its new home, and that he can visit it before naptime and bedtime, but it cannot come down or be put in his mouth. Replace the comforting he's been getting from the pacifier by spending several quiet minutes with him before sleep, making sure to make it a soothing, not stimulating, time, preferably in a darkened room. You can try gently patting or rubbing his back or tummy (depending on how he sleeps). You may also choose to give him a small drink of water (not too big, or potty-training will be tough down the line) to satisfy the urge to have something in his mouth. Within a couple of weeks, he should forget about it.
There may be tears, but this doesn't have to be a truly traumatic experience. Just hang in there, and not only will you have an emotionally healthy child, but you might just avoid paying for braces later!

Okay I probably won't be a whole lot of help because my daughter is a thumb sucker and not a pacifer-lover, but I did want to mention something about your comment about the teeth. Remember your child has baby teeth! They will fall out and he will get permanent teeth years down the road...so I don't think there is a need to worry about his teeth just yet.
Oh, and I don't think the idea about cutting off a piece of the binky every couple days is a good idea...I've heard that for weaning a kif off a blankie, but it doesn't make much sense for a binky!

Well, we just said our final goodbyes to the pacifier and our daughter turned three in April... I had plans to lose it at 2 but it was such a source of comfort at nighttime and naps that we talked about doing it at age 2 1/2. We never allowed it for other times of the day or out of the home. SO at 2 1/2 we went one night without it. I slept with her because it was so uncomfortable and painful for her. The next day i did more research and determined that the risk of tooth problems really isn't proven unless you go into later years when the real teeth come in--i just felt in my heart that this was not a reason to take away something that continues to bring so much comfort at sleeptime. Ideally, its not great but we kept the pacifier to sleeping only. We were sure that at age 3, we would call on the pacifier fairy and be done for good. Of course, at her third birthday she didn't want to say goodbye to her pacifier. Due to a change in babysitter and then more working hours for me, we did not feel up to the challenge ourselves. We did notice her trying to get her pacifier in her mouth during daytime hours more and more as i think she knew it was time to say goodbye to her pacifier. That frustrated me and i knew we had to do something. As luck would have it, she got a cut lip, which turned into a canker sore on the inside of her lip and using the pacifier was not only painful, it was gross thinking of all the germs, etc. This was our chance! We 'reasoned' with her and went the first night without her pacifier. It really was not easy but because of her lip, it was easier to stick to the plan. The next morning we packaged up her pacifiers and sent them off to the fairy who sent her some very nice toys--which she was thrilled about. It was still a struggle for her, but after 3 nights, it was pretty easy. A few times she wanted her pacifier back but she settled for me singing to her. Overall, i'm thankful that the transition went as it did. This is getting to be a really long story... my point is, try not to beat yourself up over this. At some point, he will be over it. Limiting it to nightime or naps seems like a fair compromise or i am sure that cold turkey works as well if you can get thru the first few nights. I do believe that some children are extremely soothed by pacifiers and it becomes a very hard habit to break. Why we are so h*** o* children about breaking things that give them comfort, i just don't know... i know i probably come across as a big pushover--which i'm kinda pretty strict and firm on somethings. I'm learning to pick my battles and the pacifier just didn't seem like that big of deal in the big picture. I always felt that getting good sleep is the priority for the whole family. My second daughter has very little interest in a pacifier and that just confirms that there is not right or wrong things to do across he board. Different kids need different things. Anyways, best of luck! Sorry this turned into a book! You're definitely not the only one to agonize over the darn pacifier!

At two my daughter started chewing on hers, so it became a danger. She really depended on it for bedtime, but I didn't want her to be one of those kids you see in the mall that are like 6 with a pacifier, that is ridiculous! Right before she turned 3, the "Nookie Fairy" took it one night and left her a bunch of gifts including a book about not having a pacifier anymore. Oh, she cried and screamed so much she could barely breathe. We stood strong, no matter what, we are the parents and they will be FINE!! After that rough night, she would just tell people the fairy came and gave it to the new babies, and she was fine. It has been nearly a year of her pacifier free life and it's great. I had a friend who just cut the tip of her son's paci off a little bit everyday (no, he didn't choke on it) and eventually, he lost interest in it. No matter what you do, just remember that you are the parent and you do know best, he has to give it up eventually!

All three of my children had their pacifiers until they were about three. In our house the "sucker fairy" (we called our pacifiers "suckers")comes when you are a "big" boy or girl and leaves you a present but takes your sucker to give to a new baby who needs it! It worked great for us. The first two nights were horrible but we all survived. What I liked about it was that the child couldn't blame us, it was the sucker fairy who took it away not mom or dad. My kids were a little older than yours so they may not understand the fairy part but it's worth a try. FYI, my children's teeth are all fine despite the pacifier sucking. Hope that helps, A.

Well for one don't worry about his teeth Pacifiers are not really that bad for teeth, thumb sucking is way worse because it actually pulls the teeth foward. As far as getting rid of it my son was older by the time we got rid of his but you could try what we did. One night he had been playing and then when it was time for bed he couldn't find his pacifier (you could help with this by taking and hiding it when he is not looking) we searched for a few minutes an couldn't find it so I told him he would have to go to bed with out it and that maybe the Pacifier fairy had come and taken it but we would look again in the morning. He was a little upset but went to bed with out any major break downs. In the morning after making sure all the pacifers were hidden away I got a present out that I had hid away for Christmas (but you could go get one just for this) and wrapped it up and hid it in his play room. When he got up and asked again for his Pacifier I told him I would help him look but that I thought maybe the Fairy had come and taken it away since he was a big boy now and that if she did that she always leaves a present hidden away as a thank you. So we serched and he found the present he was so excited to open it and find a cool big boy toy inside that he kinda forgot about the pacifier and only asked about it a few more times and when he did I just reminded him of his present and he was okay. Good luck

I also had a son who was very attached to his pacifier. At the age of 1 we started limiting it to naptime and bedtime only. In order to transition him into this we allowed him to have it whenever he wanted but he had to get in his crib to use it. The first couple days he was in his crib a lot but after a few days he felt like he was missing out on other things so he didn't ask as often. After about a week he was only using it for naptime and bedtime. Since he was such a good sleeper and I felt like the pacifier helped him sleep, he used it for sleeping until he was 3 and then the paci fairy came and exchanged them for some toys and gave them to new babies who needed them.

My Son was about 2 1/2 when he started grinding his teeth with it and creating a hole in it. I told him if he did it again then he would have to throw it away and I wasn't going to Target to get him a new one. He did it and then had to throw it away. NEVER asked for it again. If you poke a hole in it, it will lose it's air inside and deflate ending the purpose of it. Good Luck!! We are all rooting for you!!

J.

We just went cold turkey with takings ours away. When both boys reached 1 1/2 years old all the pacifiers went into the garbage. Yes, it was a rough week for naps and bedtime but they both adjusted rather quickly and we still think that was the best way to do it. I think it gets harder as they get older.

both of my children had their pacifiers. My son was about 3 when he finally took it out of his mouth and said I don't need this anymore. And he never went back. He is considered my "good" child. My daughter on the other hand, was a little more difficult. I would try to take it away and hide it but she would always find it. Finally one day she was being very bad and I got so mad I pulled it right out of her mouth and put it in the trash can. I of course had to sit on the trash can after that. And she screamed and screamed and made my life a living Hell for about the next 3 days. But I won the battle.
As far as teeth go my son did have an open bite and will most likely need braces. My daughter also had the open bite but hers went away and she seems to have straight teeth now. My son is 9 and my daughter is almost 6.
Good luck it is a tough one but if you can get thru a couple days you will prevail.

I have 3 children and am in the midst of my 3rd successful pacifier erradication using the snip method. The only choking hazard is if you give your son the snipped off piece! The snipping merely breaks the suction effect of the pacifier, in a sense, making it no fun to suck on. With my first 2, they were more stubborn and required additional snips over several weeks to shorten it so they couldn't keep it in their mouths at all. The real trick is to make ANY and ALL other remaining pacifiers disappear so they are only left with the "broken" one. If you are seeking to reduce to only naptime or bedtime, he will know that there is an intact pacifier SOMEWHERE and will attempt to wear you down in order to get it. That will just take intestinal fortitude on your part to out-stubborn him!! If you are seeking to completely do away with it, the snipping method has proven results in my family and I believe in it whole-heartedly. My third, who is only 13 months old, is COMPLETELY off her pacifier during the day because the only pacifer she has access to is the "broken" one that is attached to her bib. Her intact one, for naps and bedtime, remains hidden on the kitchen counter and is only given out for sleeping. It is becoming a kind of cue, that when she gets the pacifier its time to sleep. She is actually going down for naps A LOT quicker now and I think its because she is associating the real pacifier with sleeping times. Good luck and remember, no matter what method you choose, it is going to ultimately come down to whether or not you can out-stubborn him and NOT GIVE IN!! He may act like he is dying but that is just his last ditch effort at winning you over!

Hi J. - I know how you feel about that binky! Our son had his until he was a little older than two, he might have been about three. He used to go with me to bowling and play with the other kids there. One day his got lost there. I told him we didn't have any others and that the stores only sold them for smaller kids. I told him I was sorry but it was gone. That day he tossed the little rabbit he used to use as a blankie right out of his bed, couldn't figure out what to do with it without sucking on the binky at the same time!

I don't think cutting off a little piece every few days will present any choking hazard, the front piece will still be the same size and it will get less and less satisfying to suck on it as it gets smaller.

You'll think of the right way for you. Good luck!

Beth

Hi J.,
A great friend of mine attempted the snipping trick (she cut it all the way down) and it did not work for her daughter who was 2 1/2 at the time. She still held on to the snipped paci and even sucked on it. My friend also tried "giving" the pacies to my daughter who is 15 months younger than her daughter. Didn't work so hot either. What finally did it was at her daughter's 3 year doctor appointment (which happened to fall right on her 3rd birthday). My friend informed her daughter that at her 3 year check up she would have to turn her pacies in because that is what all of the big kids who turn 3 do. She talked about this for a week or two before the appointment. Well the day came and her daughter walked right into the doctors office and slammed the pacies down on the front desk to "turn them in." My friend decided to wait until they actually saw the nurse or the doctor, but her daughter had no problem with it and didn't even fuss when it came to nap time that afternoon. :)

I agree with a lot of the comments about how it's more for us than it is for their benefit. My 22 month old daughter is super attached to her paci as well. She is only allowed to have it for naps and at bedtime. I haven't considered taking it away yet because it is such a great source of comfort to her. I want her to understand too as to why we're getting rid of it and I don't think she would get that now. Hope this helps and good luck with everything! :)

I would put some lemon juice or vinegar on it. This tastes funny but nothing toxic or a choking hazard and it will discourage the usage naturally.

My mom works at a day care, and has had parents do the cut a little bit at a time. Her initial concern was the same as yours - a choking hazard. However, unfortunately, there wasn't much she could do about it - you use what is provided. At the same time, she hasn't had a problem with it. With that said, I'm with you I was much to afraid to cut little pieces off it. My first daughter got Rotavirus at 4 months and broke herself at that point, so I learned nothing with her. My second daughter though, was very had to break. I finally got a clue when day care sent them home, saying that she no longer used them at nap time!! That night all the binky's disappeared (went to the trash, and outside at that), the following night I told her that the "binky fairy" came and took them - they needed them for a baby who's mommy couldn't afford them. I'm not sure how much she actually understood - but she did grasp that they were gone, and she couldn't use them any more. She was around 2 at the time. You may just have to pull them completely, maybe take them away for nap time and after a week or so take them away at bed time as well. Make sure that there are none around for him to find though. Good Luck!!

My son turned 2 last month and we just went through this. He was down to 1 paci (his beloved Detroit Tigers paci) and two days after his second birthday, it got a hole in it!
It was his only comfort object and he was very upset. I decided I would hold out for a few days to see how he did without it. Naptime and bedtime were rough, it would take him an hour to fall asleep, he did a lot of crying plus he wanted me to hold him until he fell asleep.
It's now been 15 days and I think he's actually forgotten about the paci. He stll wants me to hold him while he falls asleep but it only takes about 20 mins and he is no longer crying.
We made a big deal about him being such a "big boy". We told everyone in our family about the "big boy at our house", and we even went to the toy store and he picked out a new big boy toy.

J.,
I now have a 7 year old girl and a 5 year old boy but, I remember this time as being very difficult with both kids. I also had the added pressure of family members pushing us to take it away. There is no quick easy answers. I remember trying to take it away at 2 years also but, I don't think it actually happened until almost 3 years. I think with both kids I took it away for good, at least 2 or three times. Finally, it stuck at about 3 years. I think all kids are different, my feeling is that he will give it up when he feels ready, not when you want him to. I think what you are doing, eventually, will work. Give it to him less and less, and give it to him at specific times. Try to function on just 2 or three that way when they are all missing, you can always say that you can't find one right now, and maybe it will turn up later. Then, see if he can fall asleep. If he does fall asleep, you know that you are one step closer. Definently, don't make yourself crazy. If he needs it to function, then let him have it. If he can't fall asleep, you can always say, "Look what I just found under the couch." Try substituting other things for the binky like favorite stuffed animals, blankets, toy cars, books, anything that works. You can be rest assured, he will eventually give it up. I do have to tell you though that, with both my kids, once they did give it up, they started chewing on their shirts and became very attached to their sippy cups. Oh, well. Good luck.
K.

Wow lots of advice.

My daughter was 18 months old and like your son VERY attached. I kept thinking there is no way in the world I am going to take this away without her having a complete fit. But on the advice of friends one day I cut one of her pacifiers all the way down..the end completely off. She asked for one and I gave it to her she went to stick it in and stopped and I said...oh no its broke. She looked at it and said broke then took it and threw it in the trash. She asked for it quite a few time for the next couple days and we reminded her it was broke. She never threw a fit...to our amazement. (I had even saved her other ones thinking...yeah this won't work) It was pretty easy as I look back now.

No matter how you do it...he won't be completely happy. But hey maybe to your amazement he will take it much easier than you think. So my advice is whatever trick you do...just stick with it.