Seeking Advice - Tucker,GA

Updated on September 12, 2006
C.L. asks from Snellville, GA
18 answers

my name is C. i'm from colombia South America, i have been married three years with a wonderful american guy, we have a 2 and 1/2 year old boy , my family in colombia has only seen my baby twice, my son is very independent and social kid, i have a cousin coming from colombia in december and going back to colombia in january 19 07, i want to send my son with her to visit my family , and i'll go to get him in february 09/07, he will be three weeks being loved by my family, my husband is so against it, but i want his grandparents and auntie to get to know him and give him all the love of the world.

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

So What Happened?

first of all, thank you to everyone that took the time to advise me about the issue, my husband decided not to let him go at all, my family is very sad about it , but they don't have any choice but to be understanding, i'm terribly upset about it, but what i will do is, take an extra week , i was only planning to stay 2 weeks, and i will be in my country with my baby, for 3 weeks with my family, i just want this trip to be me , my baby and my family. thanks everyone.

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.

answers from Nashville on

I would say since your son does not know them very well and may not feel secure and comfortable without his parents with them. Why dont you and your husband try and plan a trip together and take him to visit your family? That way everyone would be happy and feel comfortable about the situation.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.L.

answers from Nashville on

I don't think I could stand the thought of being away from my child for that long, not to mention he or she being in another country. I think you or you and your husband should go with the child to Columbia. I am sure it is difficult getting there and very expensive but your little boy is still just a baby. If you will have to go there anyway to get him, you should just go with him for a visit.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

F.W.

answers from Columbus on

It is my STRONG feeling that you need to honor your husbands wishes! The 3 of you are a family now and yes your parents are a part of that as well... but your first responsibility is to your husband and his wishes. You might share your heart with him and see if possibly he would change his mind. If it were I, and I know it's not, I would NEVER let any of my babies go to my in-laws without myself or my husband. That is just a state away not South America.
Just my 2 cents.

F., Mom to 6 and wife to wonderful husband

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.

answers from Savannah on

Personally, I wouldn't be able to do it. I wouldn't be able to stay away from my daughter that long let alone send her to be with people she has only met twice and probably doesn't remember. At your son's age, consistancy is very important and to not have that would be hard on him. If you do choose to send him, I think you should send yourself right along with him! It may be hard with work etc. But if it's that important to you, which I'm sure it is, you'll find a way. Plus it will be nice for you to spend a little bit of time with your family as well. Good luck!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.N.

answers from Atlanta on

It sounds like your husband is being a little selfish. Sure you'll miss the baby, but it's only 3 weeks and he'll be with his grandparents. Your husband is probably taking for granite the fact that his family gets to see the baby all the time. Remind him of that and I hope your son has a wonderful time learning about his culture in Colombia.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

E.S.

answers from Birmingham on

Christina, I understand how it is to be so far away from your family. I was away from my family for 8 years, not is a foreign country, but to far to drive and too expensive to fly. I feel that you child should be a little older, or have one of his true parents with him to go to a different country. FIrst reason is that, immagration is very very strict on the airline traffic. If something goes wrong and they want to keep your child because some piece of paper is wrong, and the person putting the child on the plane is not a legal garidian, you will be in a mess. I understand that this is your family that he will be to visit, but there are many many dangerous people out there and you will not want for something to happen to your baby and you not be there. YOu will ultimately blame your family, but your husband will blame you. My suggestion, is come to an agreement with your husband, and/or a middle road that you two can agree upon. BUT don't send your 2 1/2 year old with out a parent. I mean no offense, I am looking at it from a mom of a young one. I would not want to send my son with my sister to a state next door, much less a different country. Good luck and God Bless.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

E.W.

answers from Chattanooga on

Has your husband told you why he does not want your child to go there? Personally, I would not let my daughter go anywhere without me. I couldn't stand to be away from her that long. Plus your son is only 2 1/2. That could be very traumatic for him that he thinks that mommy left him. He is not old enough yet to understand that you didn't leave him and you would come to get him. If you can't go now, I would wait until all of you could go for a visit. Trauma at this young age can have some bad effects later, I woulnd't do it right now.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.

answers from Atlanta on

Christina,

It is SO important that your child know and get to experience both parts of his heritage. Both of my children are of mixed race, so I know how difficult it can be.

I think your husband is just being protective over your child. Three weeks is a long time to go without them especially being only 2 1/2. Plus, it's so far away, it's not like its a couple of hundred miles. However, you might want to sit down with your husband and have a serious discussion about this. It's imperative that your son know as much about himself as possible, and that includes interacting with your family too.

Maybe instead of your son staying so long, he could go back with your cousin and then you go back to get him a week later? Or make it a family trip, and everyone go. I also agree with what one reader responded, that your son be the deciding factor. ALL children are different, and he may take to your cousin very well and may be excited about going. I would never keep my child from exploring just becuase I would miss them. It would have to envlove a danger to their wellbeing, and I don't believe that you would do that.

I really hope this helps. And NEVER give up trying, if your husband loves you, he will come around.

If you need to talk, feel free to email me at [email protected]____.com

Regards,
T. C.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.

answers from Memphis on

Christina,
I know you want your son to know your family but, no matter how independent he seems he is way to young to understand why you are not there with him for three weeks in a strange place with people he has met only twice. I would suggest only doing this for a few days or even waiting until you can go with him. My child was very outgoing and independent at that age also but, just me being gone 2 days threw him into a tailspin. Children crave routine and famlier surroundings. I'm afraid that would be too much for him.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.F.

answers from Chattanooga on

I have to say, even after reading other's responses, that I think I would let my son go with family to another country. Yes, it would be hard to be away from my baby that long, but knowing that he was being loved, and that my family was enjoying him would be worth being away from him. I do have to say that I think my husband would probably be against it too. Yes, seperation for children at that age is hard, but they don't remember that they left momma for very long. He will probably miss you, but I don't think that a few weeks would be all that traumatic. Especially if he will have a chance to get to know your cousin before they leave. I would, of course, make sure that he has all vaccinations he might need for traveling out of the country. But let your husband know how important this is to you. If he has specific concerns about your son making this trip, the two of you should talk about them and see if there is anything you or your family can do to make him more comfortable with the situation. I think it is wonderful that you want him to spend time with your family. If you would like to talk more, you can email me directly at [email protected]____.com you can work something out and everyone can be happy with the solution.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.T.

answers from Atlanta on

Can you go to Colombia with your son and cousin? It sounds to me like that might make your husband feel better about the situation.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.V.

answers from Memphis on

I would go WITH your child as he is still way too young to be left with family members whom he is not yet familiarized. He will miss you terribly and your sister cannot take your place...EVER. Being in a foreign country where there are new people (who are still "strangers" to a young toddler even though they are your family) and where everything is completely new and could potentially intimidate or scare your child unless you are there would be potentially disastrous for your boy. Your sister is coming to visit but she is still an unknown person who takes time to get to know. Beleive me, there is nothing stronger than the bond between a child and his mother. I think sending him without you would be very unfair to him and very intimidating/overwhelming for him. Remember, he is only 2 1/2 yrs. old and sees the world much differently than you do. I know that it's your family he's going to visit so mabey you thinkthat because it's your family, he will feel as comfortable as you do...But, remember, he doesn't know these people like you do so you can't expect that he will feel comfortable, safe or secure with a house full of new people ("strangers")...It is up to you to help him make that transition to get to know his extended family. You can't just let him go alone with your sister and hope for the best...Also, as this age is very big for "separation anxiety" at day cares or moms day out programs, you have to consider how he's going to feel: He may feel as though you have abandonded him completely even though you say he will be loved, etc. I have family on my husband's family from South America and we have gone to visit several times when my son was first born and afterwards when he was still a toddler....Conclusion from those travels: There is no way that he would have handled not being with me when visiting my husband's immediate and extended family. It was way too much meeting so many new people who did love him and were wonderful with him but he needed to know that I, his mama, was with him at all times. For that matter, as much as I love my own parents and siblings here in the USA, I would never leave my toddler alone with them for an extended period of time. It would not be fair to my child...it's way too confusing at this age for them to travel without their parents. My advice: GO WITH HIM...AND BRING YOUR HUSBAND TOO SO THAT HE ALSO CAN MEET YOUR FAMILY AND BECOME MORE FAMILIAR WITH COLOMBIA FROM YOUR PERSPECTIVE... OR... INVEST IN A WEBCAM SO THAT YOU CAN TALK AND SEE EACHOTHER AT THE SAME TIME AND YOUR FAMILY CAN CHART YOUR SON'S PROGRESS UNTIL YOU ARE ABLE TO GO YOURSELF WITH YOUR SON. IF YOUR FAMILY IN COLOMBIA DOESN'T HAVE A COMPUTER, SAVE THE MONEY FOR AN AIRPLANE TICKET TO PURCHACE YOUR FAMILY A COMPUTER WITH A WEBCAM ATTACHMENT AND A PRINTER TO PRINT OUT DIGITAL PHOTOS OF YOU, YOUR SON AND YOUR HUSBAND SO THAT THEY CAN BE CURRENT ON YOU AND YOUR SON'S DEVELOPMENT. ALSO LOOK INTO INTERNET PHONE CALLING SERVICES SUCH AS SKYPE TO OFFSET PHONE BILL EXPENSES. HOPE THIS HELPS!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.W.

answers from Montgomery on

I would let your child be the main determining factor on if he goes or not. If he is comfortable leaving with your cousin and wouldn't mind be among people he doesn't really know for that length of time, then you and your husband should consider letting him go. My daughter is three. She gets to see her extended family about 6-8 times a year. She is very independent and has never cared about staying with strangers. Over the summer I let her go stay with her extended family for almost a week by herself and she was fine. You and your husband should talk about why he should and should not go and then see how he gets along with your cousin. Good luck!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.T.

answers from Huntsville on

I think it's a good idea to have your son visit his family. If your husband has a problem with it then maybe you two could compromise and you son could only be gone 1 week instead of three. If your family complains of the reduced time, tell them, "I'll miss him so much--I just want him to come back sooner."

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.R.

answers from Birmingham on

I must agree with everyone else, I couldn't be without my kids that long. If I were you I would go with him to visit your family. Maybe then your husband wouldn't be so against it. That way you would also get time to spend with them. They would see your son and your son will still be at ease because he will be with you.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.

answers from Chattanooga on

C.,

Does your husband know your family well? Has he ever met them? I personally wouldn't let my child out of the country with a in-law that I am not comfortable with. it is also going to be a strange environment for your son and to do that without his parents would not be in my opinion the best for him. If you are already planning on going to visit in February why don't you take your son with you then to visit. And ask your husband why he feels the way he does.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.D.

answers from Lubbock on

go with your son to visit your family. He is too young for you to send off somewhere. This is one of the most important times for him developmentally and he is too young to be sent to a place full of strangers...he will not understand. If I were your husband I would be very against it too - it makes me sad for your son to think about because I think he will be scared to death! Being social is one thing, but to be sent away from his family and familiar invironment is another. It might be a cultural difference, but I think I agree with your husband. Go with him if it is that important for him to meet family. I don't want to sound harsh, I am sorry...I just really wanted to tell you my thoughts.

S.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.

answers from Savannah on

My husband and I recently moved and rather than subject our 2 1/2 year old son to the long trip in the truck and the days and days of living in piles of boxes, we sent him to stay first with my family for about 10 days, then to stay with my husband's parents for a week or so. Sam did great! He did miss us but he wasn't traumatized and wasn't mad at us. If your cousin is staying with you while she visits and your son really gets to bond with her in the month she is here, I think it's a great idea. He may not even cry when he leaves you (don't be hurt :-)!)You can talk to him on the phone every day and check in with your family to fill them in on behavior issues as they come us.
I understand your husbands misgivings but if you trust your family to care for him and he'll be in a safe environment, I'd say do it. My sister in law goes on one big trip each year and has left her daughter (now daughters) with her parents each summer for about 10 or more days at a time. It's great for the grandparents and great for the kids. They are building some pretty great memories on these annual trips to visit family. Maybe you can spin it that way for your husband - that this is a real chance for your son to bond with your family and learn about where you came from (language, culture, grandparents, etc). If it becomes an annual trip for him, that's even better.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions

Related Searches