Second Child Anxiety

You've received some great advice, and I don't need to repeat what's already been said, but I just wanted to add my reassurance that all will work out well if you include your daughter in the baby's care (age appropriate, obviously). She'll feel a sense of 'ownership' and protectiveness. At that age, eventually she won't even remember what it's been like being an 'only'. My two are like that. They are 16 months apart.

One thing I did for my son when I was pregnant (they are 20 months apart) was to buy a realistic doll and start teaching him what you should and should not do with a baby. I am not sure what to tell you about breast feeding, for this was the worst time in our home for jealousy. It was so bad I weaned after only 3 months. Other then at that time my older son was very good, children have a way of understanding that this new baby is their family, not just a baby. Even so young, children get more then we think, and have an amazing ability to adapt. Good luck with your new baby and my you all be blessed!

My boys are 2 yrs 2 wks apart. Once the new baby came, I made sure to make my oldest feel like he always had a part in what I was doing when taking care of the baby. If I was changing the baby's diaper, I would say, "WE have to change the baby now, can you hand mommy a diaper?" (I would have him hand me burp clothes, socks, and blankets, and diaper wipes, etc. Whatever I needed even if I could reach it myself.:) ) When I nursed the baby, he would sit with us on the couch. Anything you can do to make your oldest feel involved is best.
Also, I made sure NOT to always say, "NO! That's not yours, it's the baby's!"
I would just tell him that, "yes, that car seat used to be yours, but now you get to share it with your brother!"
Anyway, these things worked for us and I hope this helps.
I'm sure that the transition from one to two will go smoothly for you! Congratulations on the new baby! :)

You've received great advice. My girls are 2 years 4 months apart, and to be honest, it was very difficult during those first newborn months. Some things I didn't see coming:

-taking baby home in the stroller. Ella had a huge meltdown when we loaded the baby up in "her" stroller. Hadn't even thought of that.
-breastfeeding: it's the one time that you really can't just drop everything to attend to your toddler.
-putting baby down for a nap: okay, so I guess this is another time you can't just drop everything to tend to toddler!
-transition times (normal for any toddler, exacerbated by baby): leaving for work and coming home were very difficult, especially since Anna needed to be nursed about the second I walked in the door.

Some tips: keep an assortment of snacks in containers that she can open and that hold an appropriate serving in a place she can access during times you are busy. Create some sort of ritual for before, during, and after stress points you identify for your daughter. For example, if you know when you'll be nursing and that this is a trigger for meltdowns, spend some time with your daughter just beforehand- something special like reading. doing a project, etc. Next, create a short list of special things she can do only while you're nursing- maybe it's TV, play-do, or using some special markers. Finally, after the nursing, show her affection and how much you appreciate her patience or how special she is.

Good luck! It's not hard in the beginning for everyone, but It was for me and for a few of my friends. The good news is, it does pass, as does everything, for better or worse!

J.

C. ~
Congratulations on the upcoming baby! It isn't easy when #2 comes along, we just had our second (& final) in December. Our oldest daughter is 3-1/2. There are moments when I think to myself what have we done. However those thoughts are replaced by those of joy when I see our older daughter cooing over her baby sister & the two of them smiling at each other.
We talked to our older daughter a lot about the new baby coming & how life would change but that we had enough love to go around even if there were times when she wouldn't be the center of attention. We also purchased the book "I'm a big Sister" by Ronne Randall & made that story part of our bedtime routine every night. For her b-day (which was a couple of months before the baby was due) we got her the Dora Explorer big sister doll too. Anything we could do to get her excited about being a big sister. Our pediatrican also recommended making a "nursing bag" which was a special bag, filled with toys, books & anything that is self entertaining, for the older sibling to get out while Mommy is feeding the baby.
As for bonding with new baby & time w/ older sibling just take any moments that you can with either of them. Make a special lunch to have a carpet picnic while baby is napping or even just sit down & watch a tv show together. Take a couple extra minutes during a 2am feeding for some extra snuggle time w/ baby.
I'm sure you'll do great! Good luck!

ps I know it's easier said than done but don't forget to sneak in moments for yourself too! You deserve it! :0)

hi C., i have the same gap from child number 4 to child number 5, we found that it helped her having her own 'baby', we brought a dolly that drank and wet its nappy and it really helped, when we brought the babyg home she felt she could help change nappies and bottle feeding, also if friends are comming over ask them to make a fuss of her first then introduce the baby, she will still be jealous, but maybe this will make it a bit easier

C.,

I have about a 3 1/2 year gap between my two kids. I was terribly afraid of the dreaded sibling rivalry. I was raised an only child, and my husband is the 5th of 6 kids. Listening to him talk it's a miracle that they all grew up without burning the house down.

What worked for us was taking him to as many of the prenatal visits as we could, and the doctor got him to help her find the baby's heartbeat. He loved that. We took him to the ultrasound, but that was a mistake, he had nightmares for a couple nights afterward.

We did everything we could to make him feel a part of what was going on while Mommy was pregnant. If he didn't want to do something, or was just being three, we allowed that too. After my daughter was born dad took him to build a bear and they made a bear for his new sister. The first words out of my son's mouth were, "Can I hold my baby sister now?".

Do what you can to have your older daughter be a part of what's going on now. I realize that the age difference between mine and yours are different, but I honestly thinks kids just want to be a part of what's going on with their parents.

Encourage your friends/family to make a big deal about the new big sister first. I know our hospital has a special "big brother/sister" care-type package that they give too all the older siblings.

And now that I've digressed into rambling,
Hope this helps,
Melissa

My kids are exactly 23 months apart to the day. There was jealousy for a few months after my second was born, especially when I would breastfeed, but my son quickly fell in love with her and adjusted well. He was always very fascinated by her. What helped, was to get him involved. I would have him bring me a diaper for her or bring me the wipes. When I started her on the bottle, he liked to help hold it, and he would bring her toys and blankets. So that's what I would really suggest is to allow your daughter to help with as much as possible, not only will it make her feel more involved and less left out, but it will make things a little easier for you as well in more than one way. Good luck.

We also included our oldest in the prenatal visits, she even carried a copy of the ultrasound picture around with her for weeks! They always checked her heartbeat as well as mine and baby's, she got weighed too. She got to meet the baby right away, and take a "baby" of her own home from the hospital. We also got her a big sister necklace. Some of my friends were nice enough to bring her presents at the baby shower and when they met the baby too. The cake at my shower said "Congratulations Shawn, T., and Big Sister Amelia". She got a big sister t-shirt to wear to the hospital. It helps to refer to the baby as "our baby" not "my baby", then she feels like its hers too, toddlers love the sense of ownership! Some people say that you should not be holding the baby when big sister comes in to meet them, that you should hold them and let them meet the new sibling when they're ready. We didn't have this problem, and she still has not acted mean toward her sister after almost four months! She just takes it out on me sometimes, but I can handle that =)

I just had my second child 4 months ago. I was worried that my older daughter would be jealous but she is doing very well. What I make sure to do is pay plenty attention to my older daughter, even when the baby cries, so she doesn't think thats a way to get attention ( atleast for her). Also my older daughter and I have one night a week where we do something special just the two of us. My husband will take the baby to my sister in laws and I will take my oldest out to do something special. In regard to breastfeeding- you should start pumping a week or so before you go back so you dont have to rush to get enough at the last second. Then you can pump on your breaks at work for the next day! I use the avent isis manual pump. It's very natural feeling, portable, easy and doesn't hurt a bit! I wish you the best.