Second Baby Shower Invitees?

A second shower is fine as long as you have a good reason, which you do. I had a second shower because my second child was a different sex. Everyone likes a party, no one will be offended as long as there is cake. Best wishes for a beautiful baby.

Is there a way that you could put a note in the invitation that you understand some people may be offended since this is a second child but that you did not want to exclude anyone. I would also put something in about understanding if the did not wish to participate. Since you speak to them on FB, maybe you could bring it up there and see if they answer and in which way they feel. That may help you decide who to invite.

I am going to "Sprinkle" this coming Sat. My friend has a girl who is 2 and having another girl.I had a "Shower"for her with her first and now other friends are having a "Sprinkle" for this one.I know a friend who had one with her 4th child.It's just a fun time to celebrate and get some usefull things:)

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I have a little idea. See, I lucked out. Having my 2nd child, a girl this February, with my second husband! I do understand your MIL's point-it's old etiquette, but it is still etiquette, and lost of people still abide by those things. Have the second shower, but may I suggest that when mailing your MIL's people(whom you feel would be offended by not being invited) maybe take the time to handwrite a very personal letter explaining that it is merely the honor of their presence,not gifts, that you are seeking. You can say something like -although we are having a shower to celebrate the new addition to the family, I realize that you attended the first one, please, do not bring a gift, as there will be food, games, etc. Only your presence is required, as we look forward to seeing you, in celebration, or something like that. Also, you can try to keep this shower low profile, because you DON'T want to put out a bunch of money to throw a party. Run it by your MIL, see what she thinks, hope this helps!

A.,
Wow, I am really shocked about your MIL's strong opinion about having a second baby shower, especially considering that you lost almost everything. I'm sure she is a lovely woman, just staunchly and unbendably traditional. She is holding tight to what things were like when she was young and feels that it is the best way.

Traditionally, the purpose of a baby shower (and a wedding shower) has been to help provide much-needed items for the baby or bride/groom. With a first baby (and first wedding), it was assumed that a young couple was on a tight budget, and would have a hard time buying everything necessary for a new baby (or for a household in the case of a wedding). Family members and friends would all pitch in, even buying cribs and anything else that it was obvious the new mom needed. By the second baby, you were supposed to have everything you needed, and to throw a baby shower again was considered overkill and unneccessary, since friends and family members on their own would buy outfits and other gender-related items (pink/blue blankets, etc.) for the 2nd baby WITHOUT a shower. Back then, a shower was considered a party with the main purpose being to bring much-needed items for the baby. The same would hold true for a 2nd wedding. You were already supposed to have all of your household items the 2nd time around, or were supposed to quietly buy them on your own, since you would be older, and hopefully financially more established as a couple than the first time around. For people to be expected to buy things the second time around when they had already purchased items for the first baby or first wedding was considered presumptious and tacky.

We live in a much different times today. Thankfully, those rules have gone out the window. The main point of a shower is (or should be) the celebration, not the expectation of gifts, but almost everyone willingly and lovingly wants to bring something. And being able to register online takes a lot of guessing out of knowing what the expectant couple wants and needs. People are going to bring gifts because they want to anyway. Some don't care what's on the registry - they bring what they want to bring, because THEY WANT TO BRING IT! Couples decorate their nurseries and go all out, even if they are on a tight budget, because they can do so very affordably, and if they have a girl and then a boy, they will obviously need new accessories for the boy (not just green, yellow and white stuff!) In the old days, unless a couple was very wealthy (or had wealthy relatives) the nursery was rather gender-neutral. My MIL, who raised 10 children, used the same crib for all 10 of them. No one would have thought to buy her another crib when she was pregnant yet again, unless that one became broken. Buying a crib back then was a BIG DEAL. Buying anything was a big deal back then, and they made do because that's what people did. We live in a heavy consumption society these days, partly because many things have become more affordable. Not everyone goes "all out" there are so many more convenience items available for a new baby, things that didn't exist back in the day, therefore they didn't buy them.

Not everyone wants the perfectly coordinated nursery, however. These days I have heard of diaper/wipes showers where the only gifts to the parents-to-be were as such. I don't even think it's the outfits and accessories that are as costly these days as the stuff like formula, diapers and wipes. Back then they used cloth diapers over and over. All of that stuff adds up and is ALWAYS appreciated. IF someone attended a shower today, and everyone knew that they were financially strapped, I don't think anyone would be offended if they didn't bring anything, or if they were asked to come and celebrate. But considering that you can go out and buy a baby toy for $2 in some places, it shouldn't be much of a stretch to go out and get something. Lots of people look for excuses to knit a blanket or hat or what have you. They jump at a chance to go to a shower and bear gifts. So the not having a 2nd shower is a very dated tradition, because overall, people's mindsets are different. It's pointless to hang on to an old tradition that the majority of people no longer follow.

What shocks me is that in spite of the fact that you lost almost everything (and have lost 3 children), your MIL is so adamantly against it. If you hadn't, you might understand her traditional thinking more. But come on, it should be obvious to everyone that you can really use some help getting more items! If you have a shower, people are going to LOVE buying things for your precious new baby. Who doesn't love buying things for a baby? It makes them feel good and it is a win-win situation. I see baby items and wish I had a baby to buy for sometimes! Give me your address and I'll mail you something (lol!)

I like the suggestion that someone had of putting a note in there that gifts are not expected since this is a 2nd child. IF anyone reads that and still doesn't bring something, and they are not financially strapped, they are one cold-hearted stubborn person in my opinion. It would be better for them not to go, and anyone that against a 2nd shower probably wouldn't go anyway.

Your MIL sounds like she would feel embarrassed if you asked her friends, as if you don't know the proper decorum in the shower situation. If you put that extra note in the invitation, that should take away any embarrassment on her part; you are inviting them to SHARE IN THE CELEBRATION.

Your MIL may also not like the fact that it is your mother setting up this shower. Perhaps she thinks that your mother should know better. Her disapproval may not be directed towards you.

And on another note, a few people (usually older) think that showers should only be held for people who need the items. My MIL is the type that if a couple was already well off and appeared to have what they needed, she wouldn't feel that they need much, let alone a shower. She would send a gift, a simple, small appropriate one. But if a couple was struggling or in need in any way, she just might send a gift certificate for a good amount of money.

Many blessings and happiness to you and your soon-to-be little one. You sound like you are due some blessings considering all that has happened to you!

And sorry for rambling so long!

God bless,
S.

Those who really care and no you also know about your three angels in heaven....they will want to come. Those that don't believe it's right well they can and will just stay home. You don't need to be involved let them throw it for you and have someone else on your husbands side get a list together.
Have a blast.

Who made the rule that you can't have a baby show for your second (or third or fourth, etc) baby? Do you only allow yourself to celebrate one birthday in a lifetime? I think this is a silly thing for people to get offend over. And if someone is offended then they just wont come - no need to poll everyone.

The people who will want to be there in the first place are people who love you and the baby, and these people are going to want to get you a baby gift so why not have a shower?

What I would do if this were my MIL is just explain that I have made a guest list of all the people that I would like to be there and if she has anyone she would like to invite just to let me know.

Why should your MIL have a say in who doesn't come to YOUR baby shower?

Just my thoughts! :-)

it is absolutely appropriate to have a shower for your second baby, particularly considering the difference in sex - but even if the baby were the same sex, a party to celebrate this new life is perfectly appropriate - the sprinkles I have been to have been just as lovely as the big showers. As far as the guests in dispute, I agree with the poster who suggested including a personal note about their presence and not presents being the most important thing to you - be very clear about the fact that you just want to celebrate with everyone and gifts are not necessary. I do not agree, however, with the poster who suggested a facebook poll. If I were your MIL and found out about that I would be very offended. You know in your heart what is appropriate with regards to your friends and loved ones. Make the decision that you think is right and then talk to your MIL about it and make it very clear that you want to share this occasion with everyone regardless of gifts. Have lovely party!

I agree that every child should be celebrated!! My children are only 20 months apart and my family gave me a surprise shower for my second child. Since my children were different sexes, I was given primarily clothes. For those that are offended, they don't have to participate, but you will find that most people want to share in your joy and give the new baby something! Many people that were not invited to the shower still send gifts, so if you do leave anyone out and they want to give you something, they will. Congrats and God bless!!

In my circle of friends, we usually give showers for every baby! Of course, the shower for baby #1 is usually best attended with the best, most, most expensive gifts; but there's still a good crowd with babies #2+, with the predominant gift being diapers (unless the baby is known to be the opposite sex of the first baby, and then there will be more clothes). Explain to your MIL your dilemma -- some friends may be offended if they're NOT invited. I like what the other person said, about including a hand-written note saying that you're wanting to see *them* not *their gift* at the shower, so not to feel obligated to get a gift. And maybe you can tell her that your friends were in charge of inviting people, so it's not your fault if they sent invitations to those that she wouldn't.

There is nothing wrong with having another baby shower when the gender is different. I have had a diaper baby shower with close friends when my second was a boy. My third was a girl (other 2 are boys) and my friends gave me a shower. Here is how I see it. You are not throwing this shower for yourself...your friends are. Give them the names you want to invite and let them send them out. If someone does not want to come then so be it. They don't have to. As far as your MIL, I bet this is not the first time you have probably not seen eye to eye and it won't be the last. She can give you her opinion, but don't let it get you down. Tell her you see her point of view, but your friends are giving you this shower and you are going to invite family and friends. Don't be mean about it. Enjoy your shower and the arrival of your little girl.

Doesn't everyone have a shower for each baby?? She sounds like she needs to have her hormones checked. LOL!!!!

It is not so unusual to have the second baby shower these days, especially for a different sexed child & considering you lost a lot of things.

Your friends & family love you & want to participate. I am sorry your MIL feels differently. Those are her feelings. You are not responsible for the way she feels. It seems to me if you are FB friends with folks, invite them. They will be hurt if you dont.

The only thing you might say to your MIL is "I am sorry you feel that way. I would feel bad to exclude people."

Enjoy, you deserve it.
Have a safe & Happy delivery!

P : )

I would comment about it on facebook and ask for honest opinions. That one "friend" has expressed that they feel it is inappropriate but another says because you lost so much... and just do a poll of your friends/family.

Good morning A. and congrats on the new baby!! We experienced a similar situation. Our first was a girl and then our second a boy, much closer in ages than your though. We did have a shower with our son, too and my in-laws did the same thing. There were some extended family members that were a little offended.

I really don't know how to tell you to handle the situation, just thought I would share my experience. Hope all goes well!!

Good advice so far.

There is NOTHING wrong with having another baby shower for a second child, especially since you're having a girl this time! Don't feel bad about it and don't let anyone else make you feel bad, either.

I think inviting your friends (and your MIL's) is the polite thing to do and let them decide for themselves if they want to go.

Back in the day, a 2nd shower wasn't held but today, it's not uncommon to have a shower for a 3rd or 4th if baby times are needed. (esp if there is a long time btwn babies or a catastrophic occurrance like a flood). Your friends and Mom are throwing you the shower. I say they should invite anybody they think would like to help celebrate your new addition. Invitees are not obligated to attend or send a gift and can respond with regrets if they choose not to participate.

Absolutely a shower is in order. Especially when it is a girl this time instead of a boy. Every child should be celebrated!! Good luck and God Bless.

Congratulations on your expected little girl. What a joy she will be to you!
With that being said, let me shout from the mountaintops, "It's NEVER inappropriate to celebrate the birth of a new baby!" I am from a family with many, many children. Every life is equally worth celebrating. In our famiy, we have a shower for the first of each sex...and a sprinkle for the others. Since this is your first girl, it is very appropriate for you to have a shower. Talk to your MIL. Explain to her that it means a lot to you that your friends want to do this for you. Explain to her that you appreciate the help with baby items since you lost so much in the flood. Also, explain to her how sad it will make you if her friends won't make it to this celebration. Sometimes we get so bogged down in the rules that we don't consider what is truly appropriate. I understand a lot of rules of etiquette, but that one isn't founded in logic.

I have a couple of thoughts:

First, I would tell her that you completely understand her feelings on this but want her to understand that times are different now and that many women have showers for 2 and 3 children. When someone has a 2nd child that is the same gender, they usually can use the same things from the first but when the gender changes, they need some financial help. You can also remind her that with the flood you lost many baby things and can't afford to replace them. You can tell her that you are friends with many of these women and are afraid that if you do not invite them, they may get upset. Ask her if she has an idea of how to avoid upsetting them or if she has any ideas of how to let them know you would love for them to come but it is up to them.

My second idea is to have your friends and family throw you a Sip-N-See. With my 2nd child, also a girl when my first was a boy, my friends wanted to throw me a shower. I knew that I needed many things but felt that it was inappropriate. I even had one friend tell me it was inappropriate. What I decide to do was the Sip-N-See and told my friends that I would throw it myself but if they wanted to help with it, I would love that and appreciate it. A Sip-N-See is after the baby is here. I made the invitiations prior to her birth and then about 3 days after she was born, I mailed them out. It was a brunch for everyone to come and meet our daughter when she was 2 weeks old. That gave me 2 weeks to get settled in and rested and her 2 weeks to be home. With a Sip-N-See, you are not asking for gifts and everyone actually gets to meet the baby which is what they ALL want to do anyway! When my son was born we had ppl stop by unannounced right when we got home, we had ppl calling non stop asking when they could meet him, etc. Honestly it was a little overwhelming and I wished they had given us more time alone before coming to meet him. With the Sip-N-See I chose the time, the day, and was prepared. I gave a 2 hour window and in the invite I said they could come any time between - to - and meet the new addition! I did not register, I did not ask for gifts.........BUT everyone brought a gift b/c they love babies! Honestly, I would talk to your MIL about this, if you like the idea, and if you do, try this and your friends can and family who know you need the big items can maybe put in on a gift card. Tell your mom to hint that you need gift cards. As far as the other guests, they can bring outfits, blankets, etc and you will not feel as though you are asking for gifts. :o) have fun and congrats!

With all your recent losses, and since you are having a different gender this time, and with how common it is nowadays, and since there is a fairly sizeable difference in the ages between the two (because of your losses) I think it is ok to have another shower. Older women (your MIL especially) may not think so, just because that was unheard of in her day.

Maybe take a poll of your facebook friends (assuming the older ones check facebook very often). Ask them (on facebook - as your status) to honestly state whether they would be offended at being invited to a shower for your second child, which some dear friends INSIST on throwing for you. When I have a friend who has suffered a loss, I want to do something special when she does finally have a bundle to celebrate.

A dear friend threw a shower for me for my THIRD boy. I absolutely didn't want to have one because I didn't want to appear greedy or whatever, but she absolutely insisted and wouldn't take "no" for an answer. I had most things I needed, in all reality, so when asked what I wanted I said "premade scrapbook pages or diapers", as a lot of my friends are really good at that, and I'm not. So I got some wonderful pages that weren't expensive gifts. I got plenty of other things as well. Be specific if people ask what you need (baby wash, onesies, etc. aren't terribly expensive).

I find it's best to just be straight forward, and maybe if you did that on FB, say outright that you totally understand if they would rather not come and that they shouldn't feel obligated. That lets them off the hook if they really feel that way. Just an idea.

Any birth, shower, party etc, that calls for a joyous reason to get together is wonderful. Make out your list, send Mom an invite,and let it go at that. It is not her business what your friends want to do for you. No one has a rope around anyone's neck, making them come. So, enjoy, and don't take mil so seriously.

I think you should have a baby shower since this time you are having a girl. You will need clothes and items for a baby girl.

Not sure if this was suggested since I didnt read all the responses but since your on facebook and so are some of the friends I would do an event invite on facebook and you can do RSVP on there and they can then respond to it on there if they want to. If your MIL complains you can tell her what you did and say its not your fault they are on FB it was a general invite. BTW you can pick and choose if you dont want all your friends to come on FB and your MIL if she isnt familiar with FB doesnt have to be the wiser.

Personally, I think it's up to the invitee to choose how s/he feels about attending. A shower is more than an occasion to collect a bunch of booty. It's also about coming together to celebrate the fact that you're bringing a new life into the world. I think your MIL is wrong but it's really up to each individual.

well, my motto is "don't piss of the MIL". But I understand your predicament. As far as the FB friends go... you are friends with her friends because of her. So if she doesn't want you inviting her friends, don't. As far as family goes, you have every allowance to invite whatever family members you are close with. Just understand that she is old school. She doesn't understand that it has become pretty normal to have a couple of showers for each of the first two children, especially when there is a gender difference and significant amount of time in between births. According to Miss Manners however, she suggests calling a second shower a "tea" or "luncheon" in honor of _______ who is celebrating the arrival of a daughter....and suggests not inviting the same guests that attended the first time so as they are not offended to have to sit through a rerun.
Oddly enough, not knowing that I was pleasing miss Manners, did just that, I had a brunch with a crowd of friends that were not able to travel to my first shower.

YOu can read ANY baby magazine and find that in this day in age 3 baby showers are NORMAL. It does NOT matterwhat child it is or how many you have already had. So Don't listen to her in fact if she is sooo not for it don't invite her if she can't support it. So enjoy being papmered with gifts girl!! :))

I have attended many shower's for friends who already had a child. I was never offended. Since you are having a little girl, I think it is very normal and not offensive at all for your family/friends to want help you celebrate. I would invite everyone and if you want let the close family members know they don't have to bring you a present, but you wanted to include them in this special day. I think you'll be surprised that people want to shop for little girls. :) I have a 17 year old boy and a 1 yr old girl. Most of my friends couldn't wait to buy a cute little dress or pink outfit for her. Congratulations!

this is not about her. this is about you and your baby if you want to invite them then do so, if they feel its inappropriate they wont come. these days its very common to have more than one baby shower. why is only the first baby special?? they arnt! have a baby shower and have fun!

Stop taking it so seriously. I have learned in life that many people have many opinions. Send the invitation and if she decides to join the fun, great. If not, her problem not yours. Enjoy.

Sip-N-See is the way to go. It's completely appropriate for a second baby. It's a little more casual and light, everyone gets to ooh and ahh over the sweet new baby. Though you don't include registry information etc.. most people will still bring a gift.

First of all, let me start by saying if this is the first time you have upset your MIL in 19 years, I would like to know how you have done it! LOL. Sorry... This is your pregnancy..... Maybe not expect big baby items, even though that would be great gifts, but maybe have a "baby girl" party. Expecially since it is your friends that are planning the party. Maybe put some feelers out to see how your MIL's friends feel, but since they are your friends to, I think I would go for it!