Second Baby Shower - Appropriate?

Updated on January 16, 2014
K.B. asks from Greenville, SC
32 answers

My son is 2 years old and we are expecting our second boy in May. Because my husband and I are planners (aka, packrats), we kept everything from Hudson's infancy on. Thankfully, we will only have to purchase a couple of "big ticket items" (a new swing and a new high chair) and some smaller things (new bottle nipples, pacis, bibs, etc). My mom, husband, and I were talking a couple of nights ago and I let it be known that I thought it was inappropriate to have a baby shower for the new baby because we were so blessed with gifts the first time around, our son is only two, and we're having a baby of the same gender. My mom and husband thought I was nuts, especially if someone outside our family offered to host a shower or if my co-workers did some kind of small shower. Any thoughts on this? I don't want anyone to feel obligated to buy the new baby gifts, but I also don't want to look a "gift horse" in the mouth, so to speak! Should I do a registry online just in case anyone WANTS to buy anything?

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

So What Happened?

Thanks for all the input! I am looking at Craigslist for the swing, mainly because I learned my lesson on brand new baby items the first time around-ha! Thank you too for the congratulatory remarks...we are excited about welcoming our second son!

Featured Answers



answers from New York on

Not appropriate. You just had a baby two years ago and have everything. You are also,having the same gender. A little party at work before you leave on maternity leave, but that's it. If anyone wants to get baby something, they will do it when he is born.

9 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

I recall a friend having a "casserole" shower right before the due date. It was small, but I thought it was a good idea because you don't feel like cooking. People prepare a meal which can be frozen. Maybe something like that would be more useful and you'd feel like you're not gouging the system.

8 moms found this helpful


answers from Norfolk on

A baby shower is not to celebrate the baby.
It's to celebrate a woman becoming a mother for the first time.

'Look a gift horse in the mouth'?
You mean make a grab for gifts/free stuff?
No, a baby shower / registry is not appropriate.

Have a meet and greet baby party after the baby is born.

7 moms found this helpful

More Answers



answers from Atlanta on

I agree with all who said it's totally inappropriate to have a shower for a second child.

10 moms found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

I think your first gut feeling about this was spot on.
Congrats on #2!

10 moms found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

I agree with you. Not appropriate to have a shower.

That said, at my work, we would have a little surprise party and give the mom-to-be a gift card. And for my 2nd, my 2 best friends took me out to dinner and gave me a small gift.

But a shower and/or registry? No.

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Boston on

Not appropriate, sorry!

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

Why would you even bring it up?

I'm old fashion, baby showers are to shower new mothers with wisdom.

It's tacky.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

Around here showers are for new moms, not new babies, but I suppose it's different depending on where you live.
With my second and third my closest friends & family took me out to celebrate, a nice meal at a restaurant with cake and a few presents, but certainly no registry. That would have seemed really tacky to me.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

I'm with you, I feel it is inappropriate to have a second shower, especially so soon and same gender.

There is nothing wrong for your friends to take you to lunch, etc to celebrate maternity leave and your baby but a blown out shower is over the top.

I agree all babies get celebrated but it's not necessary to have a shower with each pregnancy. Some people will want to give your new baby something and that's ok, accept with graciousness. I would not have a registry.

I personally don't care for showers. I've given many gifts over the years but sometimes the invitation comes across like an invoice. That is the reason I elected to not have any bridal or baby shower. I felt like it was asking for gifts and I just don't do that.

Congratulations on baby #2!!

4 moms found this helpful


answers from San Diego on

I personally think every baby should be celebrated! I do not see an issue having a shower for more than the first child.
I honestly think insisting that you have a "meet the baby" party is ruder than having a shower.
I don't see showers as a gift grab either. We did things for baby that were personal. We did wish blankets where people each tied knots in yarn put in a quilt and made a "wish" for the child. There are lots of people that want to buy for any new baby and there are plenty of things that need replacing, all those consumables and worn out items. I always get something personal just for baby like a dream catcher or something personalized.
We did registries for all 3. Partly so we knew what we bought already, what items we liked and was going to pick up later and also so all the people that kept asking what they could buy had some suggestions. And believe me, I was asked so very many times what we needed/wanted for my second and third. Just as much as with my first.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Kansas City on

I don't think you need one if you already have most everything. I know people say a baby shower is to celebrate the baby, so every baby should have one. I disagree. A baby shower is to shower new parents with all the stuff they need for kiddo #1. We always used our sons' baptisms as 'their' celebration.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Baton Rouge on

If you don't want a shower, and someone offers to hold one for you, simply say, "That's very thoughtful of you, but I'd rather not."

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Boston on

I agree with you but this tends to be a regional thing. Where I am, in the Northeast, showers are for first babies and special circumstance such as a huge gap between children, twins after a single, etc.

People will still give you gifts of generally useful things - diapers, new clothes, etc. I wouldn't register and if anyone offers to throw a shower, I would see if they would instead help you plan a "meet the baby" event after the baby is born and you're up for having visitors. In my family this is accomplished via a party after the baptism but if you don't do anything religious, it's nice to have a little "welcome baby" get-together instead.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Hartford on

EDIT: Are there really people dense enough that they think that the shower is a "welcome baby" and "greet baby" party? That it's not actually about making sure that new, never-had-a-baby before parents get off on the right start so that they don't have to break the bank in buying everything babies need? When you have already had a first or second baby then you HAVE EVERYTHING and whatever you don't have you are expected to buy it yourself. Because not everything should be bought FOR you and your children. Good God. The sense of self-entitlement for ourselves and our children is staggering in this thread. Absolutely disgusting greed.

Showers are for the PARENTS and not the babies. How utterly stupid and short sighted is someone, how completely dense can you be, to say that it's "ruder" to have a celebration to greet the baby after its born. That doesn't make sense. All people want is to see and hold a new baby. People have Christenings and naming ceremonies and other important celebrations AFTER BIRTH that welcome the baby into the world and that's when you celebrate.

It's perfectly fair. What's not fair is money grubbing and gift grabbing. If you want to gather with friends for a "last hurrah" before baby comes then go ahead, but do your best to make sure that it's clear that there are no similarities to baby showers.


First, don't ever ever ever plan your own shower or sprinkle or whatever the heck you choose to call a 2nd baby shower. Second, do not hint or get someone else to do it for you. Third, if someone chooses to throw one for you on their own just because they feel like it, then that's when you register and only then for items you might actually need.

Showers are also for parents who have significant age gaps between children AND those parents no longer have any of their old baby items and/or any items they have are not likely safe to use any longer. One other situation might be if the couple is suddenly expecting multiple babies and they need more than the one of each item they already have. Or they lost everything in a fire. Situations like that.

In your situation, a normal situation, I would refuse a shower and wouldn't register. It's presumptuous. You don't need one and anything you may need you can afford to buy yourself and don't need others to pay for it for you. If others want to buy gifts they don't need a shower for the opportunity. When the baby is born you can have a Christening or whatever ceremony it is your religion has that might be comparable, and a celebration party afterwards that also acts as a "welcome baby to the world" party. At THAT party people will either gift something or not. They'll either ask if you registered somewhere or not.

People have no sense of decorum or what's right in these situations any longer. It's not about "equal rights for babeez!" because as already stated the showers are for new parents and NOT FOR THE BABIES. Parties for the babies occur after the babies are born.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Jacksonville on

I wouldn't have one, but if someone insists, have a diaper shower! I wouldn't do a registry-it looks presumptuous.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Oklahoma City on

I'd think you were really poor and needy if I got an invitation to a shower for you and I knew you already had a child and that you got rid of everything you had for your first child.

If you want people thinking you're poor and didn't know to keep your stuff if you planned on having more children then by all means say yes to a shower offered by anyone.

I know this sounds harsh but you're right in your opinion. Say no thanks, we really don't need a shower.

Most people will bring a gift to the baby while you're in the hospital. You 5 months to save and buy a swing and you have nearly 3/4 of a year before you'll need a highchair.

I'd say no, you know what's right.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Cleveland on

if I can give a vote from the north,

No registry AT ALL buy your big ticket yourself or I would be rude enough to ask grandma to chip in, depending on your family, but not other people

I agree showers are for new mothers. It's a gray area for diff gender or big age gaps. where it can sometimes be ok but people will bring outfits or diapers, NOT HIGHCHAIRS or SWINGs

We did do a meet the baby shower and it was a lovely success because everyone got to hold him and this was a side we didn't get to see as often but still feel very close to. this was my first and it was more like a traditional shower, we did get gifts on the larger side, but still not huge.

in your examples if someone from work wants to do it, "Oh what a lovely surprise", but don't expect a huge to-do like you prob had w the first.

if someone outside the family ( maybe a bff?) wanted to do that then who would be on the guest list? other close friends? ok maybe but again expect outfits, and expect a much smaller more intimate guest list.

I think it sort of matter how you define a "SHOWER" there are diff levels, like the first time blow out shower with a registry, like a diaper party, like a sprinkle, like the casserole party ( love that idea), like co-workers chipping in for cake a lunch. different levels, ya know.

I think with a second baby anyone that WANTS to buy you gifts, will do so and bring them by when they drop in to visit at the hospital or to meet the baby at home. I don't think it needs to be a "hosted" party. just casual and intimate.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Las Vegas on

I look at it this way, each baby is a blessing... so why not celebrate.. not sure I'd do the baby registry thing, but I might not mind if a bunch of close friends and family got together to celebrate and IF they wanted to bring gifts so be it...

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

This question gets asked on here all the time and it seems people are always pretty divided.

We often have baby showers or "sprinkles" for 2nd babies around my parts. Maybe it's just my family or the folks I hang out with, but no one passes up a chance to celebrate another birth around here. However, I would say it is inappropriate to make another registry... that's kind of just for the first-timers IMO.

For me, I had a smaller shower the second time (basically just my sisters and cousins) that they called a sprinkle- same gender baby, people just got me a few new cute items. They also showered me at work even though they knew it was my second, we had a lunch and a few people got gifts or others contributed to a gift card.

I am pregnant with a third, and my SIL already surprise "sprinkled" me at Thanksgiving by secretly asking people to bring me gifts and made me a cake. Then my godmother wants to host me a little something as well, I said ok just keep it light. My other aunt just recently threw something for her DIL, my cousins wife, on #3, we all showed up and enjoyed gifting her :)

I say go for it, just be demure and low key about it, allow others to shower/sprinkle you as much as they want!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Jacksonville on

If your co-workers want to do something small, then I would let it be known that you "don't really need anything, but it would be fun to get together before the birth" or something... if they want, they'll gift you (with diapers and such most likely). Let's hope you don't still have THOSE around. ;)

But no, I would not let a family member host another shower on my behalf in your circumstances.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Raleigh on

Baby showers mean different things to different people . You get together with friends, eat ,have fun…..good times. You can find those big items on Craigslist for very cheap . If somebody wants to have a shower for u…let them !!!!!!!!!!People who REALLY care will come. I want to have a shower for a friend in the spring…….and she is having her 4th boy :)

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Cumberland on

Have one-do a registry-and give people an opportunity to get you something that you would like/need. I have never felt resentful of someone who was in a position to receive a gift! People give out of the goodness of their hearts. My first Grandson was born in the winter and the second in the spring-they had different needs at different times-maybe this is the case with you? I'm a little ticked off right now because my dear friend's DIL just had a girl and I am ready to shop-and he hasn't gotten back to me with an address!! (I have three Grandsons and I am itching to buy something for a girl!) All the best!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Athens on

Congrats on the new baby. I think you are right. Unless there is a big difference in years between pregnancies, where you are starting over with baby things, it is inappropriate to throw another baby shower.

Some people wrongly beleive that you should have one with every baby.

If someone wants to give you a gift, let them. But another baby shower so soon is tacky. Ask Mrs. Manners

Good luck in the delivery.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Detroit on

I agree that your gut feeling was correct. I would think it was rude if I was invited to a shower for someone's who's first is merely two. I was also think it was tacky if the person registered. If people want to give you gifts-great!

Peoples attitudes towards showers here are very traditional. Showers are for first babies and if you want to have a party for the second (or more) you have a diaper party.

I recently threw a shower for my brothers(he lives out of state) first baby. Since it wasn't a traditional shower-and long distance (online) I also had a
Welcome to the world party here. I felt it would be rude to ask for presents with out feeding everyone a nice meal! It was a huge flop. Some ppl sent presents-but several rude comments were made and many sent regrets. Seems that ppl can sometimes stick to what they think is polite/traditional.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Wichita Falls on

For the second child, some people have "diaper showers" instead. It gives your friends and relatives a chance to celebrate, you get something useful without doubling up on gifts.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Miami on

If you have friends who want to give you a shower, there is nothing wrong with that. Your family has no business fussing at you for it. However, you know that they disagree with it, so you do not put them on the invitation list.

Yes, there will be people who tell you that you shouldn't have a second shower. As long as they aren't on the invitation list, then don't worry about it. And yes, do a registry online. It helps people to know what you really need.


answers from Boise on

Go with a 'sprinkle shower' (diapers and wipes shower). That is one thing no parent can have to much of. Then if people want to get something bigger they can, but at their desecration.



answers from Los Angeles on

I think it is worth registering, as some people will want to buy you gifts and a registry helps them choose what you really want. You don't need to tell anyone you've registered unless the ask about it, or ask what you want/need. Also, a lot of places do promos where anything not purchased off your registry you can get later at 10% off, so it's a nice way to get things at a slight discount if you buy them yourself.

I'm with you - I do not like second baby showers (really, I don't even like first showers, but I am not opposed to people having them... I just don't like going).



answers from St. Cloud on

When you are having a different gender I can understand because then you need different things and people love to buy baby clothes. A friend or family member may be thinking they are doing something nice for you. At my hubbys work they didn't do them after the first child. All he asked about was sending around a card. They didn't want to so we bought them a bunch of stuff and hubby took it in.



answers from Kansas City on

My sister threw herself a baby shower for her second baby and I thought that was tacky. My aunt asked if I was going to have a baby shower with this baby, and I said I wasn't going to throw myself one, but if someone else did I would be ok with it, because I for sure wouldn't want to hurt someone's feelings when they wanted to celebrate my new baby. I would just want it to be more of a "meet the baby" party after the baby is born and not a traditional baby shower.



answers from Phoenix on

With our second baby boy, we had a combination 3rd birthday party for our older son and welcome baby party at a local park when baby #2 was 6 weeks old. We let everyone know that the focus was big brother, but it was just a general party with zero gifts expected (not on the invite, word of mouth, mentioning gifts on invites at all is rude). We had a separate cake for the baby and of course he was there to pass around. It worked perfectly. My son's friends came and played, friends and family could just drop in for a few minutes to say hi, it was very casual with lots of low key food and simple games for the kiddos. Maybe 60-70% of people brought a small gift for big brother, maybe 20% brought something for the new baby. No one felt obligated to do or buy anything but everyone appreciated the chance to see the baby and welcome him. It also helped to have a lot of attention on big brother.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions