Scared After Nightmare

If its a fear of monsters spray down his room at night w/ a water bottle might help, get him a night light try a blue light bulb in it they aren't so bright that they can't sleep. If the dream wasn't about monsters talk to him about it and explain things to him. Most importantly give him love, comfort and understanding.

Hi P.,
That happened to my son. I got a little plastic spray bottle put water in it and mixed it with mint drops. Told him that it was monster/nightmare spray we sprayed the whole house and we did his bedroom every night. Told him that the label says this will keep monsters and nightmares away and that fairies made it special for him.
Works great! Also worked for a couple of children in my daycare!!
Good luck hope it works for you!
R.

Yes, give him some time, poor thing. I remember I had nightmares too when I was little. It's scary!!! Don't try to rush him away from you because that will get him more anxious. How about getting him one of those sound machines? It can play falling rain, or bird chirping or the ocean and then he wouldn't be laying at the edge of his bed listening for the monster or whatever he had the nightmare about. They are only about 19.99 online. Good luck.

Help him make a Native American dream catcher (google it). Our son really believed in their powers and made a couple of dream catchers in preschool with yarn. They did wonders and he has rarely been plagued with nightmares since then (he's now 12 with MANY years of no nightmares behind him).

Also, stuffed animals and night lights can do wonders. Shadows were the scariest things for our son when he was little. A night light, or a closet light, and a bunch of stuffed animals were his best protection. And sometimes we would stay with him till he fell asleep to reassure him that he was safe.

Comfort, reassurance of your love and protection, helping him process his fears, and playful humor, go a long way to addressing the repercussions of nightmares during the daylight hours.

Best of luck!

With my son, I used a technique that I remember working for myself when I was little. Use a lovey of some sort - a teddy bear, blanket... what ever works for your child. Talk to him about his nightmare and remind him that our dreams are not real and our minds create them. If there is something that his imagination has created that is frightening him, then he can create his own protection from it. For my son, he chose a stuffed monkey as his protector and we agreed that this monkey was magical. If it was with him, it would create a "protective bubble" around him that the monsters couldn't get through. When he would come out at night after going to bed, I would ask him what color the bubble was that night (we decided that it would change colors every day) and it would remind him to get his monkey. I remember my grandmother telling me that she had once gotten a "protective" pin from her church for my aunt when she was little - my aunt had a lot of fears as a little girl and wearing the pin provided her with similar "protection" and comfort. I also told my son that I love him very much and my love is "magic". This magic added to the magic of his monkey... I hope this is helpful for you!

Hi P.!

I agree with the other mamas about the 'protective' items, but I wouldn't go as far as to use a monster "spray". What you're doing then is validating his fear that there is something in his room. What if he sleeps somewhere else, and doesn't have it, or you (god-forbid) run out? He will think he is not safe, which of course is not the case. I think the best response was one you recieved saying to talk to him about it being in his imagination, and arming him as such.

Good Luck!

Perhaps your pediatrician has some advice? What was the dream about? Maybe it you can talk to him about his dream and show him that there is no reason to worry, it might be better? Like look under the bed, in the closet, etc, etc.

Just a thought!

Good luck!

You are not alone. I have a four year old boy who is very much like yours. I find that talking to him before bed helps a lot. This website called www.thinkkids.org discusses the collaborative problem solving model of parenting which I find really helpful. I think for some kids this is the way the developmental task of separating from the mom plays out. I also am an LICSW (licensed independent clinical social worker) and I am trained in EMDR (which is eye movement desensitization and reactivation.) I took a course at BU on Children and Trauma. The course talks about using bilateral stimulation to help work kid through even minor traumas such as nightmares (maybe stimulated by a scary movie or show.) You could look into this technique. Actually, I use it on my four year old all the time and all I do is just tap bilaterally about four times each finger on his shoulder's, head, or legs. Strange sounding I know but totally non-invasive and very helpful. I could write a longer explanation but I don't think you would want to read that much! Good luck!

Hello,
This sounds very familiar! My 4 y/o daughter is showing some of these same behaviors. She used to use the bathroom, go upstairs to her room, or downstairs to play in our family room on her own. Now she needs her 6 y/o sister or my husband or I to go with her. This developed rather quickly as well and seems to be stemming from a nightmare she had.
The nightmare didn't seem so bad that night. She calmed down and went right back to sleep. But the next day and these following weeks have been tough!
I think maybe the dream just started her thinking about scary things in general and now she needs the reassurance of someone else's presence? It's a hard call for me. Sometimes I try to push her a little to go on her own, but I don't want to make her feel like her feelings are silly.
I just try to let her know that I understand her scared feelings are very real to her. I tell her that our home is safe and I go with her to show her it's safe. Then I try to leave her to play on her own. Usually she gets pretty upset anyway! Luckily I can usually convince my older daughter to go with her. They also share a bedroom so that makes sleeping times easier.
I understand your frustrations and can only tell you that you are not alone! Maybe it's the age- but I don't remember my older daughter doing this same thing. I guess it's different personalities? Just hang in there and be as supportive as you can. I just try to remind myself that she's not trying to be annoying, she's really scared.
I hope this at least makes you feel less like it's abnormal!
Let me know if something works for you!
-S.

Hi Pam
I too went through this with 2 of my children when they were small. The oldest was frightened on night by a nightmare. The next day for nap, he screamed until I took down a picture of "The Beast" from Beauty and the Beast. He tagged after me for a few days and I did have to stay with him until he fell asleep but he recovered quick.

My daughter on the other hand.... at 4, she had a nightmare and swore she saw a finger coming out of her book case. She did very much what your son is doing to the point of not sleeping in her room either. She joined us in our bed for a solid few weeks. I had to accompany her everywhere. We emptied her shelf, sprayed her room with 'finger spray' etc. Finally after awhile she was convinced enough to try her room as long as I slept in there too for a night. It took a good month or so...but she finally settled down.

i went through this same thing with my 3 1/2 year old son. he would start crying hours before bed-not wanting to go to bed, it was heart breaking. i tried everything i could think of to help ease his mind and let him know he was safe. he was obsessed with vampires, wolves, zombies, it was all he could think about-he was afraid they would cut our screens and get him. i bought ninja turtle curtains to protect him, i left the light on plus he slept with a flashlight, i left fun music playing, i sat outside his door,the list goes on and on. in the end he just needed time and now doesnt even talk about it. goes to bed great and all is well. it did however last for a month and a half. i too was tired and frustrated-i am sorry i dont have a trick for you. just know there is another mom that has been there done that. you will survive :)

Try this...put your son in charge of a teddy bear or other favorite toy, who has the same fears as your son. for example sake say your son's name is Johnny...bring Johnny to the teddy bear and say in a calm reassuring voice "Teddy, I know you had a bad dream about monsters... but we know they are not real, but thinking about them still can be scary...Now don't you worry because Johnny is here and he'll make you feel better" Then turn to Johnny and say "Okay Johnny, now just make Teddy feel better when he's scared, I know you can do that and he'll be okay". I wish I had more time/space to go into this but it hopefully will help your son feel more in charge of the situation and not at the mercy of it.

good luck.

I had this happen when my middle son was about the same age. He wouldn't go to sleep unless I was in the room at night. He was afraid to be without me all day. It makes for a long day when you have someone dogging you heels all day. LOL
What I finally did was get a can of air freshener ( make sure you like the smell ) and then get some contact paper and decorate the can. I wrote Monster - B - Gone on the paper and my son decorated it with stickers. I had him spray the can around the house to scare the monsters away. He also used to spray his room everynight before he went to bed. That seemed to do the trick. I would say it was probably a month of spraying before he moved on. I let him take the can around with him where ever he needed to in that month though.

Have you been able to get out of him what the nightmare was about and work from there to reassure him? we went out and got a nightlight that was for the 'shadows' my son was worrying about, and told him it 'said' on the box it was for shadows and then we would say a prayer asking to be watched over (if your do that) every night. It has really helped.

I think you need to find out what it was aoubt and then go thru ways to make it so that won't happen again for him..