Sahms: Equal Vote in Decisions or $ Wins?

He may make the money, but I pay the bills, so bottom line, he doesn't buy more than gas without an ok from me. I refuse to go into debt anymore than we are (couple of minor credit cards, car and house) and he will be the first to admit he is terrible with money. Which is why i handle the bills.

We have always had an equal share of the decision-making whether I was working or not. We also have always had 1 joint bank account.

He usually gives me final say. lol. (I'm the SAHM)

BUT we compromise. If I know he really wants something, or to do something, then I will try to find a way to make it work. He does the same with me. So it's usually very even for us, but sometimes I have to put my foot down. (no, he does NOT need to buy a new video game this week... he just got one LAST week... type things. lol.)

He is very good about not pulling the "I make the money, so I can spend it" card. I try to be good about not being the nagging wife. It works very well for us. He understands that being at home with the baby all day is harder than it would seem, and I understand that he works hard for the money he is bringing in.

I am a SAHM that also works VERY PT (Like 4am-8am 2x a week) so he makes way more $ than I do but I pay all the bills and do our monthly budget.
We are pretty much equals when it comes to making $ decisions....although I must admit that I am VERY aware that I can get my way on anything I want and I try very hard NOT to take advantage of that!!

~My husband likes to joke that he gets 2 votes and I get 1...but we both know the truth so it doesn't bother me and I let him joke around like that...I think it makes him feel better :)

Absolutely equal. I'm not on vacation - I have a job too. We decided together that I would stay home with our son but honestly I'm married to the kind of guy who would have been happy to be an at-home dad. His career just pays better than mine did!

We do different jobs for our family but we are a team. If anything, I might have more influence over decisions involving money because I am the one who takes care of our finances too - I just tend know more what is going on in that arena.

I think there's a big difference between a SAHM and a "kept woman." I take care of the kid, the house including cleaning, yard work, negotiating with contractors, the money, the insurance, the car, the doctors' appointments, and researching anything needed to make those big decisions. I don't know about your coworker's relationship, but in my marriage, we work equally hard so there's no question about sharing everything else equally.

I would not have married somebody in the first place who didn't treat me as an equal. You make yourself very vulnerable when you drop out of the job market to raise kids. My husband's career has really started to grow. If we divorced, I'd have to start all over from scratch to support myself. I could not have taken that risk with someone didn't really trust. Maybe this situation with your coworker says more about their relationship than about what's typical for a SAHM. I think SAHM's come in all different varieties in this day and age.

Both my husband and I work currently, but I'm about to become a SAHM. Several years ago, he went back to school so I was the only worker. Through it all, we've always made joint decisions and I expect we will when I'm a SAHM.

I would never in a million years accept a relationship where the person who earns the money gets to make the decisions, or has a bigger say in how the money is spent.

Completely equal in our relationship. We'll both make our points then decide together. I couldn't imagine it any other way.
I guess the only exception to the rule is when we're trying to surprise one another with a gift...usually we have a budget set, but there are times when we spend a little over.
The highest limit we've ever set was 100 bucks...for his 40th in 2 years I plan on spending 5 grand. I seriously doubt when he see's his gift, he will care how much I spent on it, and would approve. So for cases like that I don't worry about spending without discussing. =)

I work PT but my husband makes a lot more than I do. Our money is OUR money.
Your friend sounds like an a$$. Be glad you're not married to him!

He makes the money, I decide how we spend it. We havent discussed it, but he has no interest in home improvement etc, so its always me suggesting we do this or that. Seems like Im just full of good ideas, and he plays along! lol its a little annoying sometimes though.

I work, he stays home. He has a small income and pays some of the bills. I have a larger income and pay the majority of the bills. We make our own decisions as to what to do with whatever is left over. If there is a large expense, we talk about it and decide how much each of us can put in toward it. It works for us.

Right now, I'm the sole wage-earner in our household, but I cannot imagine expecting my husband to simply say "Yes dear" just because he isn't bringing home a paycheck.

Half that paycheck is mine. Period. If he wants to think/act differently, a judge can tell him so.

BTW... here's a few lines from a 1930's marriage test

Merits
1. Gives wife ample allowance or ***hands paycheck over to her***

5. Helps wife with dishes, caring for children, scrubbing

7. Consults wife's opinion regarding business and social affairs

21. Shares his business and personal problems with her

Demerits

45. Belittles wife's opinions, judgement, or abilities

_________________________________________________

These aren't "new" concepts. Your friend is a jerk.

I worked and made more money (by very little but technically true) until the birth of our first child. I have stayed home and earned no money to contribute for 4 1/2 yrs...which I will probably continue for a few more yrs since I am pregnant with #3. We have so little money, esp. "fun money" that every financial decision is mutual. One time purchases aren't that big of a deal (a clothing item, a movie) and it's more of a "I just want to let you know I bought/plan on buying..." But commitments like cable, internet, cell phones that are contractual and obviously anything that is debt incuring are definately democratic and we each get one vote :)

His 'equal' vote (read: I make the money, I spend the money) costed us almost 6 figures in debt. NO MORE!!! If it is over his 100/pay period allowance, we have to discuss it and it is 'up' to me as to whether or not we can afford it. It so happens that I pay the bills even though he makes the money, so if I chunk down 600.00 on a credit card and he has to go without the new fancy 3DS (like we don't already have xboxes, PS3, regular DS, home theather system and 3 big screen tv's) because there is only 100.00 left in the checking account for emergency milk, then so be it! When we come into extra, unplanned money, I usually let him have the final say.

I tend to get the final say on the big things (like when I wanted to buy a house). He wins out on the petty junk like electronics.

I have never earned much, and haven't had a job in a lot of years, but I think it depends on what the purchase is and for what area of our life. If it's for the house where I am ALL DAY, I usually make the decision. If it's for his car, I don't care, I don't like his car anyway and if it had been up to me he wouldn't have bought what he bought. If it's my car, I decide as long as I understand what it is. (both cars are in both our names, It's more a matter of who usually drives which one) Yard stuff and landscaping, I get to make the call since I'm gonna see it all day and he leaves before sun up and comes home after dark. He's not gonna see it anyway, except when he mows. If it's a vacation (so rare) I put major ideas on the table and they usually end up involving golf anyway so he is happy. I've thought many times that if I really want something, I can almost be certain I will get it cause I can convince him of most anything. I have a few times come up with a great plan and convinced him we should buy or do whatever,, and then changed my mind and reversed his decision and he goes along with it. I don't think I am pushy or bossy, but we are both real easy going and listen to the other. But mostly I'd have to say I make the decisions cause they usually effect me in my daily life, and he just supplies the income. Not that that is the only reason I keep him,,lol He also admits I usually have the better ideas anyway. (o:

I make most decisions around here. I'm talking picking out my son's clothes, toys, if he's having hot or cold lunch, blah,blah,blah. ALL the stuff he doesn't need to be bothered with since I'm home to do all that stuff and LIKE doing that stuff.

The big stuff we discuss. New car, what school to attend, speech therapy needs. etc. Things that cost a LOT of money.

Basically I've always did all the bank stuff WAY before our son came along 14 years after getting married.

He deals with the stocks and 401K stuff. <<THANK GOD!>>

My being a SAHM has nothing to do with final decisions. We value each other equally as husband and wife; my husband does not consider himself superior to me, and neither of us consider me to be inferior to him. But we feel that it's important to have a designated leader in our family, and we are traditional in that I give the final say to him (except at the times when he says for me to make the call, which does happen pretty often). In this way, our family has a kind of order to it, but he knows better than to try to step all over me when we are in the decision-making process. It is either mutual automatically or we will debate it heavily (and sometimes hotly) until it becomes a mutual agreement/compromise. (You might say, he enjoys home cooked meals too much for it to be otherwise...And yes, I'm kidding.)

The person who makes the money in a household where one parent stays home does NOT automatically become the default "final say" decision maker. That's not fair or balanced. Mainly because even though the person staying home isn't earning a paycheck for what she does, she's working just as hard if not harder. Honestly, if I earned a paycheck for what I do around the house, with the kids, and in general I would earn considerably more than my husband.

So for most things we discuss things and come to a decision together. Equal say. For other things, it depends on who the "expert" is on a subject or who has more invested in a subject or who is more interested. We take consideration from each other in those instances and then come to a decision together or one of us acquiesces and gives the other the right to make the whole decision.

In a pinch, important decisions can only be made by one of us if only one of us is present and can't get in touch with the other and there's an emergency (such as a month or so ago when my youngest needed stitches and I needed to make the executive decision to go to the ER).

My husband and I have always been on equal footing so to speak, whether I was working full-time (as I do now) or part-time (first 5 years of our child's life). My husband does make more money than I do; but I've never been of the opinion that he or she who makes the most money makes the rules or decisions. Frankly, I would have never married someone who would think this way, either. I was raised to be very independent and I am.

I would probably say that the bulk of the little decisions (how to decorate the house, what type of products to buy, clothing purchases for our daughter, etc. etc.) are done by me because my husband doesn't care. But major decisions/purchases (car purchase, vacations, etc.) are always discussed and agreement is mutual unless someone clearly has a better case to make.

It's interesting, though; I have a girlfriend who is a SAHM and her husband makes ALL of the decisions. As in, I didn't have a text package on my cell phone at one point and she assumed it was because my husband wouldn't let me, wouldn't pay for it. HUH? Um, no, it's because I didn't text at the time. I don't need permission to add texting to our cell phone plan -- or anything else for that matter! Very surprising that some people give up control like that. But that's just me.

We get equal votes. Even though he brings home the paycheck the money he makes is equally ours. Luckily we're both about the same when it comes to spending. The only time I wasn't happy with his decision was when he bought a drum set for our son without consulting me. However, it wasn't really about the money it was more about having this huge thing sitting in our basement. And of course the NOISE. I had him store it in the garage for a week to think about if we should return it or not. I finally gave in, mainly because I knew it was as much for him as it was for my son. I got lots of hugs and kisses from both of them.

I was a working mom before I became a SAHM, so we've always been pretty equal. DH pretty much will go along with what I want to do, anyway.

My husband is a grad student and a consultant for a bio-remediation lab. I stay home with our 1 year old twins and 4 year old daughter. And he lovingly refers to me as CFO of our lives. I handle all financial issues even though I don't contribute monetarily. We are BOTH the boss, just in different fields. We defer to each other whenever a decision needs to be made in our respective departments, rarely do we compromise because it is unnecessary.

We go equal. In disagreements no one wins and we try to find a comprimise. We say I give the most expensive haircut he can get. His whole paycheck. It is our way of putting light on the fact that he may earn the money but I do plenty to earn it too. We share respinsibility and credit for all of our decisions, good and bad.

DH makes the money and I handle all of the finances. He wanted to get a new car I told him the top limit with X down no more and it came out over the limit so his new car will have to wait. He and I have had it very tight for the past couple of years and now things are finally getting nicer and I really dont want to be back in that situation again and he understands that. I just read an artical about what a SAHM is worth in the job market lets just say it can potentially be near the 6 figure range if not more with 2 or more kids.

My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years. We've had a joint checking account since we got married. He was in medical school then, so I was the main source of income along with his student loans. We sacrificed a lot then, knowing that it would get better later on. When he was in residency, we both worked until I had our first son. That's when I became a SAHM. I think that even when I stopped making money for our family, I still had a fairly equal say in our finances. Mostly it's because I've always been the one to carry the checkbook and to pay the bills. There have been situations in which my husband had the final say, but that was when he bought his first car and when we've purchased large/expensive electronic items (flat-screen TV, computers, etc). I usually defer to him on those matters because he has more experience and knowledge in the technology field. Other than that, I do most of the household shopping (groceries, clothing for the boys, gifts for friends and family). The hardest part of our having an equal say is that he tends to buy himself whatever he wants. It makes getting him gifts for holidays and birthdays hard. :) I think the one purchase I've totally refused is a PlayStation 3. We already have a Wii and an XBox 360, and my husband has a laptop for computer games (and work). He wanted the PS3 because it's a BluRay Player. However, I think when he bought his newest laptop, it's BluRay compatible, so the point with the PS3 is now moot. I hope that helps!

I am a SAHM and it's our money. I get his paycheck go to the bank and give him his cut of his check. When I used to work part time it was my money..his money is my money and my money is my money...we always decide together but he usually doesn't care if its what I want or what we need he is ok with it...

I am a SAHM.
My Husband and I, always, make joint decisions on major financial expenditures.
My Husband, does put weight on my input and the final decision.
He trusts my common sense about it.
But we are often on the same page, about money.
We can also, compromise.
It is not about 'who' gets the final say, just because he works/gets a paycheck and I don't.

For any other non-money decisions: we BOTH make these decisions. Together.

If my husband ever said he had more vote because he made the money, I would have to backhand him! =)
We get equal vote. Of course, we are both very responsible with money, so it is not like either of us are trying to save ourselves from the other. We have had times where I was working and he was not and when he was working and I was not. I worked when our baby was 3 weeks old until 6 months then he started working. We appreciate each other no matter what the position. Our opinions and decision-making is something we discuss and both do together.

equal when I was working, still equal as SAHM