SAHD & Playdates....?

Updated on May 04, 2011
J.G. asks from Minneapolis, MN
11 answers

My son (2) has a good buddy whose father stays at home with him. I stay at home with my son. We've done a few park meets with other parents, but SAHD invited my son over for a playdate to their house. When I told my husband, he got a little weirded out...actually, he said "I don't know how I feel about you going over to his house. He clearly has the hots for you." I laughed and then realized he was a bit serious.

I'll respect my husbands wishes and suggest something else, but I was just wondering if you've ever encountered a situation like this? So many more dads are staying at home, it's inevitable that this is going to become more of an issue (even if it's not about going to the other person's house, just meeting regularly with the kids).

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answers from Oklahoma City on

I know how odd this feels. We had a stay at home dad that took his kids to the gym/dance studio where I work in the clothing store a couple of days a week. He wanted my girl to join his for a play date and I was totally weirded out by it. He was really nice too, he gave us all her clothes she had outgrown regularly and was always nice and friendly. His wife was an engineer and made a lot of money, he had a home computer business and made his own money that way. I think it is going to take time for us traditional moms to feel comfortable around this situation. You younger moms lead the way!

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answers from Chicago on

I think that SAHD should be treated the same way as SAHM. I think it is great when a women has the opportunity to have a career and her husband decides to stay home with the kids. We should not punish the dad or the kid for such an arrangement. Treat the dad the same as you would treat a mom.

If your husband has a problem with that, tell him how old-fashioned his view is. Would he be worried or complain about you working with men if you had a job outside of the house? It's the same thing. Being a mom and arranging playdates is your job, it shouldn't matter who the caretaker of your kid's friend is.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Saginaw on

I just had a SAHD com over to our place for a playdate a few weeks back, jus us with our two kids who go to school together, he is a married with two little ones and we are married. my husband thanked me for the warning that I gave him but really had no issue with it. But he is very active in our kids lives, he has been to many pladates with our kids and is now actually friends with the guy who came over. Such a! i don't feel there is anything wrong with it.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

My brother-in-law was a SAHD for 6 years. He needed adult interaction as much as any SAHM. He didn't have any ulterior motives for setting up play dates. Luckily, they had a great neighborhood network and the moms just treated him like one of the gang. If your husband trusts you, he knows you won't let anything inappropriate happen. Ask him to think how he would feel if he was home with the kids day in/day out with no one to talk to.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

I personally would not do a one on one play date with a SAHD. There would have to be at least one other 'grown up' involved. Guess I am old fashioned.

But since your DH has an issue with it and if you can believe what he says-that this guy has the hots for you-then absolutely not. Why is it worth it?? And put the shoe on the other foot. What if your husband stayed home and did playdates with a mom-one that you thought had the hots for him? Would that be cool with you? If so then you are much more progressive, and trusting, than I would be.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Boston on

That's kind of Neanderthal thinking from your husband lol! It's nice of you to respect his wished, but kind of ridiculous. I suppose that in a few years when your son is old enough to go to play dates without you that this will not be an issue, but your husband is really going to need to get over this. Perhaps hubby can take a day off from work and meet the playground parents, both moms and dads, so that he can be comfortable with your growing social circle.

Wow I just read some of the other responses and I'm shocked! Really ladies? Hanging out with another dad while your kids play is something that you consider giving the appearance of impropriety? Really? That's so ridiculous I can't even begin to wrap my head around that thinking. Give yourselves and the other adults credit.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Albuquerque on

We get together regularly with two SAHDs in addition to a bunch of moms. It's a little different because I don't interact with the dads the same as the moms, but like a few other people said, dads need adult time too. And the kids of those SAHDs need friends too!



answers from Washington DC on

I meet regulalrly with a stay at home dad away form both our houses, unless his wife is at home. He has not been here. We are always in a public area. We both homeschool. This dad does the schooling while M. works.

I would tell him that you feel it is inappropriate to meet at the houses and you and your husband feel more comfortable meeting in public areas.



answers from Minneapolis on

If your husband doesn't trust you, something is wrong. You should be able to interact with whomever you choose and not have to ask. Now days, women cheat on their husbands with other women, so just because your meeting up with a man and his child doesn't mean anything more than you make it to be.


answers from Washington DC on

personally? I would meet at a public place so there is NEVER any question or doubt....that's ME - I wouldn't want anything to be misconstrued....

I am a flirty person and I don't want it to be misconstrued that I'm having the hots for him or someone else.



answers from Boca Raton on

I would be fine in a group setting but never one-on-one in his home.


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