RSVP - Pet Peeve

Updated on August 11, 2011
J.G. asks from Fair Lawn, NJ
19 answers

I just need to share this because I'm so annoyed! Why can't people RSVP when they know whether or not they are coming? Birthday party is in one week and I need a headcount. I had to reach out to a couple of people to get their answer. And one of them tells me that her 2 kids will be away on vacation!! Why couldn't she tell me that 3 weeks ago so I could invite someone else? Surely she knew the girls would be away. (The party is at a "place" so I'm automatically paying a certain amount no matter how many kids are there.) Grrr. It's just so rude!! Thank you for letting me vent.

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So What Happened?

Thank you, ladies! I knew I'd find support here. It's just so crazy because these people are also parents of young children and know how these parties work -- you need a headcount. I did include my e-mail for the RSVPs (because I think a lot of people prefer that to the telephone), but that didn't seem to help. I know people are busy, so am I. But I always manage to RSVP. Fortunately, I emailed a friend and explained the situation -- she understood and is bringing her 2 daughters. Thanks again, everyone. :)

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answers from Kalamazoo on

I hear ya!!! I was going to have my son's party at a "place". Well no one RSVPd (we only invited 5 kids from his class - 2 of which are twins). So we didnt' get the room and we didn't go! One parent and kid showed, but oh well - maybe next time they'll think it's important enough to call!!!!

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Redding on

Almost nobody RSVP's anymore. I also came across the problem of the invitations never making it to the parents.
My son has received invitations the day before the party. My son's invitations have been lost in a backpack or stuck in a math folder.
We generally invite X amount of kids and plan on them coming. Even with no RSVP, they usually do.
Maybe some people don't understand the importance of RSVP. Or, even what it means. I don't know. It makes it hard to know how to plan though.
I think with people's busy lives, they take a wait and see attitude and if it works out, they take the kid to the party. If not, they don't. One little girl that never missed a party and always RSVP'd had to go out of town as her grandpa was in the hospital. Her parents stopped by with the gift on their way out of town which I thought was really sweet.
Sadly, some people just don't put a lot of thought into these things.

Best wishes and I hope the party is fun regardless.

2 moms found this helpful

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answers from Dallas on

I'm having the same problem and my sons party is this coming weekend. I finally had to just send an e-mail to the parents and let them know that I had to know. I'm still waiting on one response. Ugh. I feel your pain.

I RSVP most times on the day we get the invite if not the day after.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Tallahassee on

We just had our daughter's 5th birthday party so I get where you are coming from. We had her party at a pottery studio and we had to pay for a set amount of kids as well. We invited all of the kids in her preschool class (invites to 22 kids) and we did the invites 3 weeks out from the party so people would have time to respond if they were on vacation, etc. I got 2 RSVP's the first week and didn't get any more until a few days before her party. One mom called to say they were coming and then they didn't show. No phone call or email to let us know either --- RUDE. All in all, out of 22 invitations being sent out, we had 9 RSVP that they were coming (only 8 showed up). Out of the 13 other kids that we invited, only the mother of one child called to say that they were going to be out of town and couldn't come. The parents of 12 kids didn't respond in any way at all.

I ALWAYS call or email to RSVP or give our regrets that we can't make it. My daughter got sick last month and was sent home from preschool the day before we were supposed to go to one of her friends birthday parties. At least I had the decency to pick up the phone and call to let them know that we couldn't make it, unlike our no show.

I have two more pet peeves:

1. A majority of the parents don't write thank you notes for the birthday gifts you give their children. I think that is so rude.

2. Invites sent out with very little notice. We just got an invite yesterday, Tuesday, for a birthday party this Saturday. We had other plans, but this is for a little girl my daughter is really close to, so now we're going to have to change our plans and scramble to get a birthday gift. I think it's nice to give at least 2 weeks' notice (maybe 3 weeks in the summer when people are in and out on vacation).

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

I'm right there with you...... manners have gone out the window and I don't think parents are even teaching manners anymore.

When we've had parities, I have personally called and emailed only to get a response like "oh I am sorry, I forgot to rsvp" BLAH... I RSVP when I receive an invitation within 24 hrs.

Thank you notes are another pet peeve. When anyone in our family received something, a HAND WRITTEN thank you is mailed within 24 hours.

It is not THAT hard to use good manners. People are plain lazy and rude.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Boston on

I had a mom email me a few days before her sons party. She mailed the invitations and quite a few people never got them because our towns post office is very picky about mail being addressed the way they want it. This is one reason why I'm a big fan of evites you seem to get a better response. If you have emails maybe send a friendly reminder.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

Ohhh, I completely feel your frustration!!! I just had my little ones b-day parties and only a few rsvp'd- It is so simple and easy to rsvp!!!! I don't get it!

I am a thank you note writer--I always write thank yous for everything-gifts, bday party, food etc. I haven't gotten a thank u from another parent in a LONG time. Its soooo rude!!!! That is one thing I wish people would do---it takes 2 seconds to write out a personal thank you, slap on a stamp and your done!

Hang in there!


1 mom found this helpful


answers from Richmond on

This is why I don't send invites; I personally call people, give them the time and date, and wait for them to tell me then and there if they'll be attending. Saves myself the frustration ;)

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Denver on

I had a friend from my son's class send an invitation on Friday for a party on Sunday - mind you this was the middle of the summer - we weren't even in town.

I didn't RSVP mostly because I felt that with such short notice it wasn't worth it - sorry.

i also think thank you notes are going the way of the typewriter and dodo bird - they just don't happen anymore. i always make sure my kids give a verbal thank you and make phone calls if it's from out of town guests.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Naples on

I hear you! I have a hard time with that too, each year I throw really nice parties for my daughter, and recently a bridal shower for my best friend. One of the birthday parties was a fairy theme, and I had a face painter etc. I I dictated on the invitations that I needed rsvp's by a certain date because I would be transforming all the girls in to fairies. (fairy tutus, wands,halos, wings etc). I had people RSVP and NOT show up, people who did RSVP brought an older sibling, & asked for a costume for the older girl! The most interesting thing was on the following Monday morning I saw the whole fairy outfit in Pre-k on top of the dress up box! I asked the director if it came from where I thought that it did, and she said yes, they donated it because the older daughter out grew it! Really? In 2 days? After ASKING for it? After having to stop the party activities to get my daughter to open their gift early SO THAT they could leave early because the older sibling suddenly wasn't feeling well? REALLY? Well, to top it off, the one that DID RSVP and then not show up brought s gift to pre-k and said that they couldn't come because said child was throwing up and they were so sorry! Thankfully, I had extra tulle at home and raced home to whip up another fairy outfit to bring back at the pick up time.
I recently posted about the bridal shower rsvp's, and other people telling me that "so and so isn't going to RSVP...she is probably just going to show up". I can hardly wait until I am hosting a baby shower for the new bride and have to deal with all the same people!
I've just decided that people are rude and clueless, sorry!
Good luck with your party, have fun!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from New York on

We had this issue too! We ended up sending the invite then a "reminder" to those who had not responded. I put my email address as the RSVP & that really helped!


answers from Detroit on

I had people RSVP the DAY (only an hour-2hrs before it started) of my daughter's 8th bday party at a Roller Skating Rink.



answers from Burlington on

you know what!? My birthday as well as my 6 year old birthday is on this coming sat august 13th and I said in the invites to her beach party only RSVP IF you CAN'T COME. and I had it underlined. I got this tip from a friend of mine (thank you naomi) whom does this and she is right it works much better! then people don't have to bother unless they can't come. I hope this idea helps you. try it, you'd be surprised. I was.
P.S. don't forget to underline/ highlight that part.


answers from Boca Raton on

TOTALLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYY agree!!!!!!!!!!!! Can't STAND that!!!!! It's RUDE PERIOD!!!


answers from Chicago on

Hi J.,

Many moms now use the online invitations from the link that I copied and pasted below for you. I think this might help you in the future with how many people respond back to you because it's so easy to simply click "yes" or "no" and send the response back via the internet. The site sends a reminder to the invitees, regardless if they did rsvp or not a few days before the party and I like that to remind me that there's a party coming up that I or my kids is invited to. (I am not sure if you used this site for inviting your guests, but I 'm assuming you did not because when I respond via "evite", I always see the other moms responses and the turn out is high who has already responded. I think with an actual invitation card, it gets put aside some where in the kitchen, under some clothes in the laundry room, behind a dresser, etc.... and people forget about it.... especially during the summer months when we are "running" around even more so.



answers from San Francisco on

I am so sick of people not RSVPing. If I don't hear from them, I don't even bother calling or asking anymore. If they show up, I make a point of saying, "I didn't hear from you...didn't know if you were coming or not." I haven't been successful with evite either. I'm notified that my invitation has been viewed but still no, yes or no repsonse...not even a maybe. With cell phones, voice mail, email, text messaging, how is it that difficult...takes all of about 30 seconds. I'm so tired of people not having manners.
BTW, on the day of my daughter's birthday party in April, after the party had already started, I had a mom calling me asking me where the party was and what time was it starting.


answers from Los Angeles on

Grrrr! It's so rude! Lately we've just invited family and close family friends w/ kids. At least they do respond! Seems like if people don't know you personally (say, if your kids are just classmates), they don't feel the need to respond.



answers from Jacksonville on

I know how you feel! But, having it at a "place" kind of makes it easier. That way, the company will provide for those you didn't expect and your child will have a great time and be thoroughly distracted even if only one friend shows up.
If you're doing goody bags just make one for all invited and hope for the best. Good luck and have fun!


answers from Kansas City on

People are selfish, lazy and inconsiderate. I recently had this issue when helping with the party of a close friend. It was so much work just to get people to RSVP. I sent e-vites because her spouse didn't have many of her friends and family's addresses. I had to repeatedly send PMs on facebook as well as email reminders to please let me know so we could order the appropriate amount of food. What was most frustrating is that E-vite allows you to see when someone viewed the invitation and I could see that there were people who were repeatedly viewing it, but still not selecting whether or not they were coming. There was even an option for "maybe" and they wouldn't even select that. What a headache!

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