Romance & Appreication...how Do You Show It?

Married 11+ years. Something we do each Valentine's Day is that we write each other a love letter - a sincere, one-page, handwritten love letter. Then we exchange them over a special dinner at home. We've been doing this for the last few years and the letters are such precious momentos. My husband kinda likes getting 'off the hook' for a gift on valentine's day too ;-) a letter he can do without having to shop! LOL...

When I am feeling less-than-happy with him because his dirty socks are on the floor (or whatever reason) I can take out those letters and read them and they always make me smile. It is also interesting to see in the letters how things evolve in your relationship from year to year.

Everyone is different, but after a few years together and growing into a mature relationship, I think it's important to come to grips with the fact that holding hands, scheduling 'dates' when he's just not into it, making puppy eyes and all that sappy lovey-doo-doo stuff just was not 'real' anymore for us. I find just knowing we are there for each other, laughing together (finding humor in adverse situations - and believe me there WILL be adverse situations) bonds us the most. Bonding leads to intimacy in my experience and intimacy is the glue that holds it all together.

We do create 'date nights' but spontanesouly, if it's scheduled to us it takes the romance out of it, but I know that works for lots of couples.

:-)

It sounds to me like your question is more for a few ideas than anything else. We've been married for almost 13 years and I guess I consider romance as any time we can connect during the day. We call each other every day at 3:00 to say hello; he wakes me up by giving me kisses on each cheek then nose, forhead, chin and mouth---has for 13 years; sometimes we sneak around the corner to another room when the kids are home and play a little grabby grabby; we hold hands in public; we play footsie when we watch tv; we grab or pat each other's butt just about every time we kiss; sometimes I'll hide a note or a treat in his briefcase for him to find later; he'll go out in the cold to fill up my car so I don't have to....geez, I sound like a sitcom...I didn't think we were very romantic but maybe we are.

Who has time for romance! We have a hard enough time even finding the time to have sex! I know it's something we need to work on, but I don't worry about the romance. (We've been married for 8.5 yrs, and I realized a long time ago that I didn't marry a romantic guy and that I was OK with that. I know I'm loved, that's enough).

As to showing appreciation, I try to cook my husband at least one really nice meal a week, with a bottle of wine, steak, shrimp, scallops, homemade ravioli's etc. I also make him coffee every morning so he has it to drink on his long drive to work. He really appreciates that.

He, in turn, rubes my feet almost every night (31 weeks pregnant). In many ways, this is much better than any romantic gesture he could do.

MB,
Romance is alive & well. DH and I have been married 13 1/2 years with one fully grown & out of the nest, a 10 yo & an almost 2 yo boy. We keep it alive by making & keeping regular dates!! Also, we make a family day on Sundays, which helps us all bond as a family. But date night is most important because our kids demand so much attention & energy, money, etc from us that dates keep us in tune to each other. We were headed for divorce around our 5th anniversary and this really helped us turn things around. If you think about it, our kids are here for 18-20 years, then they're off to live their own lives. You will be, ideally, married for the rest of your life - if you want to keep him & remain happy together, you need to make your spouse more of a priority than fitting him in between pta meetings & grocery shopping,.

As to showing appreciation well there are many ways, the best is through affection, men NEED that. And often they need it a lot more than we do. And I find it helps to tell my husband way to be the big bread winner! Not sarcastically, just appreciatively. He swells under the attention and praise. Again, no sarcasm, just authentic praise, never forced or phony. The paycheck is a great way because men are providers by nature. I remind him of the days when we lived on $500 every 2 weeks and how we couldn't imagine making what we make now (though it's still not rich, it's still a lot better than that!). You get the idea. Essentially I'm saying catch him doing good things & thank him. It doesn't have to be elaborate, though occasionally that works too. :)

I'd love to have heard your friends' discussion, I love stuff like this. I really learned a lot about this topic from Theology of the Body.

D.

Hello M B

As you said you are married for 13 years, you know what it takes to create a bond and show your love and appreciation to your partner.

Why do yo think it is lacking? Or he shows you more Romance and appreciation than you ?

Well, start it with precious words. Tell him something romantic everyday.

Make it a weekly romantic dinner on a Saturday or Sunday.

Just make a list of things that he likes the most from you and do them in a more exciting manner when he is relaxed enough to appreciate it. In case he is not able to figure out that you are appreciating him, simply tell him how much you appreciate.

If he likes a good dinner do that for him. He like to go out with you, do that.

All men like to be intimate in a certain way, do that for him. He will feel himself on top of the world with you and that is the moment to say or show how much you appreciate him.

There are millions of ways that you know the best as you know him what he wants in life, what is his style to feel the love and romance, express it.

Use your charm to create romance and appreciation will follow.

You can do it.