Retiring to Florida

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So all of your kids are still living at home??

WHEN does your husband want this to happen, tomorrow???

Sounds like you need to step back and talk WITH your husband about what HE wants...and what compromise you can make. Maybe he wants to move to Florida for the winter only....not full time...maybe he wants more but you have stopped listening to him...

TALK WITH HIM!! NOT TO - but WITH...

At some point you must cut the apron strings and allow your kids to fly....it almost sounds like you are too involved in their lives and are wrapped up in THEIR lives that you are forgetting your husband...

TALK!! COMMUNICATE!!!

You're not ready to move. Did you tell your husband that?

Did you ask him when he wants this to happen?

Your children are adults. You don't have to be involved in every aspect of their lives.

Which is more important to you, your children or your marriage?

The cost of living is MUCH lower in Florida compared to Illnois. Florida is not too far away, less than a day's drive. Florida also has a huge modeling industry and if your daughter becomes established she can live any where and fly in for photo shoots.
Bottom line -- hubby is unhappy in Illnois. How important is your marriage to you? Is your marriage more important than your kids? And lastly, the kids will grow up and move on with their lives. Right now they are all still in school and living with you. When they graduate and start a job hunt would you stop them from moving out of state?

Gamma, do you actually know ANYTHING about living in Florida? The cost of living is MUCH lower than living up north. Our heating costs are much lower obviously - we were in the 70's today. People do not drive around and fall into sinkholes all of the time. Yes, there was a guy that died because of a sinkhole last year - I have lived here for almost 15 years and that is the first story I have heard of that nature. We have not had serious hurricane threats for about 10 years. I live in Tampa and do not speak Spanish and do just fine. Yes, there are many Hispanic folks here, but it is not necessary to speak Spanish here to live.

You do not mention your ages here. Are you even financially able to retire yet? Your children are adults and can make their own decisions about where they want to live. It doesn't sound like you are ready to retire quite yet.

It doesn't sound like you're ready to retire, regardless of where you live. You do sound very involved in your kids' lives, which can be good if it's not excessive. But you also have a work life and, presumably, friends. REmember that kids in their 20s don't always stay put - it's a good time for them to experience a different part of the country, so be prepared that they may get opportunities before they marry and have their own kids. So you can't have the "area where they were born" conversation with them or guilt-trip them into staying put - you gave them roots but you also have to give them wings. However, that doesn't mean you pack up and leave.

Do all 3 kids live with you? Is that why moving would disrupt everything? I realize losing friends is a huge factor for you as well.

If 2 are in college, it doesn't much matter where you live, except for paying for air fare for school vacations. However, I can't imagine that you and your husband could find a place to live right away. Retirement takes research, and that means looking at property values, living costs, taxes (and fees - which are hidden taxes), real estate markets in both places, etc. Florida is a big state too, so you have to explore a lot. If you enjoy your current job, but the winters are tough, you could take 2 weeks of vacation in the winter and rent a condo in Florida for that time. Next year, you can do the same thing in another Florida city. Your husband can get warm, but you can also experience the sights and cultural opportunities, recreation, and more, in a new city. Talk to real estate agents there, and learn about the area. Do the Atlantic coast one year, the Gulf Coast another year, etc. That way your husband will see that you are listening to him and willing to investigate, but you aren't selling your home and uprooting everyone. It's going to take at least 2.5 years anyway to really find a community you want to be a part of. If you go with a non-judgmental attitude, you never know - he might hate it and then the problem is solved!

Spend some time talking to your husband about how you 2 would spend your days in Florida if you aren't working and there aren't 3 kids to be involved with. Discussing retirement is something you should be doing anyway, over a period of many years. So start the process without feeling pressured into making a decision immediately.

Sounds like you are not ready to go, but maybe talk to your husband about having some kind of plan when your youngest finishes college. You also cant expect your kids to live with you forever and Florida is just a plane ride away.

It is cheaper here in Florida and you cant beat the nice weather. Maybe consider becoming snowbirds and come down in the winter months. This way you can get the best of both worlds. Most people retire here so that the state governments don't take away all their money in taxes.

I wouldn't be overly concerned with sink holes since they happen everywhere in the world. There has only been one death due to a sink hole and that was a freak accident. Hurricanes happen but you have days to prepare and most are not that bad. I look at it that no matter where you live something in nature could make a mess. I would never live in tornado alley or California (earthquakes).

Talk to your husband and find out why he wants to go so soon.

I'd move in a heart beat to get out of the cold. But understanding where you're coming from, I would think waiting a few years wouldn't be unreasonable.

What is your question?

i'm giggling a little at the OMG the sky is falling response. the earth will swallow you up if you move!
i think you both have good points, and both of you need to talk with each other and more important LISTEN to each other, not just try to convince that you have the 'right' POV.
it sounds as if all 3 kids live at home? it would be very disruptive to them if you moved now. i would assume that if they have lives and school there in chicago that they would stay there, and it would probably be difficult for them. but all except for the 19 year old ARE old enough to start thinking about it. i can understand waiting until your son gets out of college, but i do think your husband's needs and wants need to factor into the big picture.
all of us hope to stay close to our kids and grandkids, but being 'involved in their lives' shouldn't dominate your retirement plans. they should be allowed and expected to separate from you at some point, and staying close and involved with them should not mean you are physically tied to them when they're independent adults. and you do (or should) want them to be independent adults, right?
so while i might resist moving right away, i'd certainly be open to discussing and planning this with my partner, especially if he's really over the cold weather and wanting an easier climate. he isn't unreasonable for feeling that at some point his (and your) priorities become more each other and less the kids.
i think it's unfair to say 'to me our family is everything!' as if that's not the case for your husband. wanting to move doesn't mean he's not committed to his kids, and by relegating his perspective to the 'you don't care as much as i do' end of the spectrum, you're minimalizing him and his role in the family.
don't be inflexible.
khairete
S.

How long have you been discussing retirement and moving? Is this something new? Have you visited a financial planner to see if you are even in a position to retire? You might think compromise. And you might see if you can afford the kind of life you are living in Chicago when you both are retired? Perhaps you can compromise by staying in the area until your son graduates from college with you continuing with your job. Your kids may end up on opposites sides of the country. Many men handle retirement well and many don't. If they don't have a plan for what they are going to do with their time, many end up with health problems and premature deaths. Good luck. Good luck!

It's a nice place to visit but I wouldn't want to live there.
I like a place with 4 seasons and just enough cold in the winter to knock the bugs back a bit and not too much snow to shovel.
Florida is too buggy for my taste.
What you don't spend on heating you make up for in air-conditioning.
North Carolina is nice.
It's fine for your husband to have a plan but it needs some work and he can work on it for a few more years before acting on it.

The issue isn't retiring to Florida, per se.

The issue isn't even really retiring, right?

It's moving. And to me, unless there is a truly pressing reason to go such as a vital job change or an illness that requires relocation -- if one spouse says a strong "no" backed up with a ton of reasons, while the other says "yes" backed only by "I like the climate better" with zero research behind any other aspect of a move.... The "no" wins, at least until both partners have spent a HUGE amount of time and energy doing some very serious research that includes spending substantial amounts of time actually living in (not just vacationing in) the destination spot.

I am confused about why the careers of your adult children are such a huge factor here; they are all out of the house -- or are they? If they live with you, it's past time to get them moved out except perhaps the one who has you as his base while he finishes college. And their moving out (if indeed they live with you, still not clear on that) should happen ASAP even if you and your husband never leave your own home at all! However, I would wager that the real issue with your adult kids is that you just want to remain geographically close to them, and as long as you are not doing it to support them financially or provide a roof for them - that is totally a fine reason to stay in an area. If you and they are close, there's nothing wrong with wanting to stay where you can go to your daughter's modeling shows or music gigs, or where you can be around as your kids get married, have kids, etc. But let that, and not "they need us here for career reasons," or worse, they need us to finance everything, be why you stay. I'm not sure why you write that "they don't want to move and disrupt so many things they've worked so hard for" because why would three adults all move because mom and dad move, unless you pay for everything they do--?

And if you like your job, why should you leave it? Does your husband have some pressing reason he wants to leave his job or hates his job? Is that really what drives his yen to retire, and Florida just sounds good and warm to him? That does not mean your own career should be dumped. If his own job is the problem, he needs to work on THAT problem, and not just focus on escaping it.

He really needs to examine why he's on this hobby horse right now. Midlife crisis? Job issues that make him want to give up and pine to be retired and boss of his own time?

Have you spent any time in Florida other than maybe vacations? My friend's parents (from NYC) retired there based just on a few vacations. They moved back to NY in a year. They had never actually spent more than two weeks at time there; had never really looked at properties, checked out what there was there to interest them, done day to day things every day for a longer time. They just had heard that "everyone from the north should retire to Florida" and went with that, but they were dyed-in-the-wool New Yorkers and found it wasn't a cultural fit for them. Not dissing Florida here, but saying that ANYwhere you retire, you need to do some serious time there first. I wrote an article some years ago about that very topic (used to be a reporter) and all the advice from aging experts, career experts, relocation experts was that people need to do far more due diligence investigation of a potential retirement location than they actually do. Has your husband thought through what would happen if you sell your home then regret a move (to Florida or anywhere) and can't get back your home or even a home remotely in the same area or in any price range you can afford?

You and your husband need to have a very serious sit-down. You need to be cool and not get all emotional about "I want to be here for grandbabies!" and so on. But you do need to get your opinions out there very clearly and talk about what isn't negotiable for you, and ask what HE most wants - and why; there may be depression or just plain job frustration behind this. If he has real and serious issues with the climate he needs to see a doctor about that; there are medical conditions such as seasonal affective disorder that can be treated. Again, as with job issues -- he needs to treat the actual problems he's having, not run away from them in the name of retirement.

You can try what my friends did --they got a high-quality RV and traveled the US when they retired but kept their base where the adult kids were and returned there for longer stints when the kids had grandkids. It's not for everyone but it worked for them well - they got the wanderlust out of their systems each year, and could spend long periods in warm places, but also had a permanent base near the adult children.

I know a couple where the wife lives in the North and her husband lives in the south. They see each other once every 3 months and are happy with this arrangement. They are both in their 80's and have lived this way for over 20 years. I wouldn't choose that for me or my marriage.

Florida is a state with no state income taxes and the cost of living is lower than the North. So you would definitely get more bang for your buck there.

I'm with others on your focus on your grown children. The only reason I can see to stay in there would be for the college student because colleges charge so much more for out of state students over in state students.

Your children could get a place together or separately but this would be something they would need to work out without you. Don't handicap them by continuing to provide a roof over their head. It is time for your 24 and 21 year old to adult up and figure these things out.

You should get an idea of the timeframe for your husband's exodus and see if there could be some compromise there. Perhaps there are jobs in your field in Florida. You don't know because you haven't looked.

I would find out what kind of timeframe he is talking.

I know of a couple that retired to Florida last year. They had a home built from the ground up and between their two pensions and other expenses are saving well over $3,000.00 a year in savings from the costs of their auto insurance alone. The quality of their life has certainly gone up. Neither regrets the decision and they have a large family that live in the North. Their two daughters, one lives in GA and the other is still here in the North East.

You don't know what the future holds. What if your kids choose to move out of the area and away from you, what then?

Get your husbands time frame and work out your angst. Could you be truly happy with your husband enduring misery in the cold of Illinois?

I think hubby isn't all that off. I "DO" understand the desire for a more comfortable climate.

BUT start doing research on Florida, hurricane season, sink holes, Census statistics, super high cost of living due to retirees with massive retirement plans moving there, and stuff like that.

I would never even visit there due to sink holes. I would be constantly worried about their danger. That man that was in his bed and fell into one that opened up under his house...that was the major thing that happened. He was home, safe in bed, and fell into a hole that opened up under his house.

Hubby isn't seeing the bigger picture. Florida;s cost of living is super high. I think that Chicago is probably high too but I bet Florida's higher.

I have some friends who want to retire to a warmer climate too but they are looking more to Houston and Galveston because the cost of living is just a LOT less.

I have another friend who would like to move to a warmer state. She's from Arizona. He refuses to look at Florida or Texas because he's racist. He says that the ethnic community is not a minority in those states and he refuses to learn a foreign language to do business in America. He emphatically refuses to move further south.

There are many choices of places to live out the remainder of your life. Why not go on vacations to some of those places, check out the cost of living there, what options are available to purchase or rent. Can it be affordable? Is it the same standard of living you have in Chicago?

Some other countries in that same section of the earth have good living conditions and aren't as high as Florida.

Go, travel, check out a lot of states and some other countries. I think hubby might be swayed over the next few years to retire to a different place.

There is also the possibility of wintering in a sunshine warm place and summering in Chicago too.

My husband and I have always says we will retire in Florida . I think I would only be able to be a snow bird and go for a few months every year . I would never be able to leave my children either . I am thinking I would get bored too . Let him know you aren't ready or wasn't to be a snow bird . It's not something you do overnight anyway . Ask him for time and see where your kids land . Good luck 😊

Can you downsize rather than move? The suburbs of Chicago are expensive. I am assuming that you own a home. Since the kids are out of the school districts, maybe now is the time to relocate to a different suburb. Then in 10 or so years, move to something more retirement focused.

That's how it is here in the NYC suburbs. Pay the crazy taxes for the good schools and then move into a condo or smaller home once the kids are done with school.