Recess Meaness for My Little Girl

S.,
Tell your daughter that people are mean and cruel and you won't get out of life without someone saying something. Tell her she has your permission to ALWAYS stand up for herself and you will stand behind her. Obviously you have taught her to be respectful, but tell her she needs to be respectful to herself. Tell her that kids/people will say things, it's what "you" respond too. Ask her, are you a boy? And she will say of course not, then tell her so don't let it bother you. And if she does just hang around with boys that is totally fine, at that age especially they just want to have fun and play, tell her that girls are caddy like that and she just has to be bigger than them all the time. Also let your daughter know that those girls are jealous of her, because if they are being that mean, they are jealous, they probably can tell she's having fun and in order for them to have fun they have to put someone down, and that's what they think is fun. Ask her, do you want to be like that, or just continue to be yourself. Build her up, let her know how proud you are of her, tell her you are glad how she's being so grown up towards her classmates. Make sure she knows she doesn't have to change who she is. Please encourage her to be herself, don't change her hair, her clothes, continue to raise her to be strong in herself. If she wants to wear a dress that's fine, if she wants to be in a T-shirt and jeans, GREAT, let her be herself and ENJOY life, don't let those mean girls say anything. And be proud that you raised her right, just think, those girls, learned that from someone, their "Mother" aren't you glad you aren't teaching your daughter that? You aren't that kind of mother...
You are doing a good job, continue!

Define tomboy, please? My husband's ex sent his daughter to school in her brothers' hand me down clothes. She faced some of the same stuff, so I put rainbow patches and flower patches and stuff on her jeans to make it clear they were female - and gave her teacher a supply of girly shirts for her to change into if she wanted to.

She is still a tomboy, but she wears girly jeans now with fitted t-shirts, no one fools with her, and she is comfortable with how she looks... which is all I ever wanted for her, but I think it had more to do with how strong she is on the inside than any patches I put on her butt six years ago.

So.. my advice? "People are stupid. Sometimes you have to choose whether you want to fit in with them or do what you want to do, but realize they're going to talk." If she wants to join girl scouts, by all means - but keep in mind that most girls are catty backstabbing little creatures now a days.

S.

ETA - I wasn't implying that you dress her like a boy, just that tomboy means different things to different people - my dsd truly was dressed 'like a boy' - now she's still a tomboy, but she's girlier about it because she chose to be... and she's always pretty, no matter what she wears. I hope I didn't offend. 70 percent of her friends are still boys.

Speaking from personal experience as being the "smart kid" rather than the tomboy, I don't know if there's anything you can do other than help her to be comfortable and strong in who she is. People, lets face it, are jerks towards other people when they are different, regardless of age.

Question - and I don't mean this to be cruel - does she look like a boy? Or does she just not wear girly things? I ask because some kids at that age really do look like either depending on their clothes, especially if they have the type of hair or haircut that is gender neutral in terms of cut (my parents did the bowl type thing on me in the 70's - ug!). If that's the case, than a minor shift in appearance might be helpful (hair cut, and maybe some MINOR decorations on the clothes in colors/designs that she really likes - I'm not a girly girl by ANY stretch of the imagination, and I don't think she should have to go there if that's not who she is.

If she DOESN'T look like a boy, just dresses like a tomboy, then the only response I can think of to the question "are you a girl or a boy?" is "you can't tell? WOW!" in a really shocked tone. Maybe the other kids will feel stupid?

Scouts might be good re. female friends and also the shyness thing - hopefully she'll find other tomboy girls. I don't know if they have sports at that age, but girls soccer or something might also be a good way to go.

Good luck and good job of you for helping her be who she is :)

S., I am sorry that your daughter is going through this. I have a second grader and she talks about how the kids make fun of others all the time. She has been the victim of it many times. We go to a school that has uniforms so it isn't that bad on the dressing of my child. Kids are mean.

I really wish that you would get the new movie called "Chrissa" it is an American girl movie that was just released maybe a month ago. This movie deals with bullying. I really think that it teaches a great lesson and helps girls to know they aren't alone and how to deal with it. I watched it with my daughter and it helped reinforce the things I had already told my daughter to do.

Good Luck!!

First, make the teacher aware of the issue. This is bullying if it is happening often. I think your daughter is handling the situation well. If the girls get no response from her then they should eventually lose interest. I think you should encourage your daughter to participate in activities that she is interested in whether they are geared towards girls or not. We all come up against things like this in our lives and unfortunately she is having to learn early how cruel some people can be. Just be there for her to talk to and support her in her decisions. With a supportive mom like you, I'm sure she will come through this difficult time.