Really Need Some Advice on My 7 Year Old!

Since he doesn't act this way at school I don't think it's ADD or anything like that.
Get him back into therapy. Just because you went before doesn't mean he is "fixed." Therapy is often an ongoing process.
Get some family therapy as well. His behavior is not just HIS problem, it's affecting the whole family, and I think you need some professional advice and support in dealing with it. Good luck.

Get a second opinion ... talk to another psychologist. Look for one who's a behavioral therapist. At his age, you're dealing with extreme behavior and a good psychologist can help. You don't even need a diagnosis to get help here ... just some ideas for stopping the behavior, and a skilled psychologist can do that.

Good luck!

Long term, I second the suggestion to get a second opinion. Short term, start implementing natural consequences. He pees on the floor, he has to clean it up. (you'll obviously have to follow-up, but he'll have to give it a good go first!) If there's no natural consequence, then logical consequences. His having a fit takes away time and energy from the family, so he has to pay that back by doing extra chores (stuff he doesn't like to do anyway, so his regular chores don't become associated with punishment).

I wish there was a magical formula for situations like this! We could use a magical answer in our house too :) Hang in there and best wishes!

Because he's this way with you and now your parents but fine at school I'm thinking not ADHD but ODD or Oppositional Defiant Disorder.
Symptoms of ODD may include:

Frequent temper tantrums
Excessive arguing with adults
Often questioning rules
Active defiance and refusal to comply with adult requests and rules
Deliberate attempts to annoy or upset people
Blaming others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior
Often being touchy or easily annoyed by others
Frequent anger and resentment
Mean and hateful talking when upset
Spiteful attitude and revenge seeking

http://aacap.org/page.ww?name=Children+with+Oppositional+...

Symptoms are usually seen in more than one setting, but are more pronounced in one, school or home. But that doesn't mean he would absolutely show symptoms at both places, my friends' daughter was an angel at home, but the reports they were getting from school sounded like a completely different child. With the parent's blessing the principal, who had been called to the second grade classroom on more than one occasion because of this young girl's behavior, took a video on her phone to show them. One day when the father arrived to pick his daughter up the principal beckoned him over, took him inside and let him view the video and he was so stunned and shocked he broke down in tears. Their pediatrician quickly thought of ODD and referred them to a good therapist who has helped them as a family immensely.

This could get much worse if not dealt with now, and of course other disorders could be present, so my advice is to get him in for a comprehensive evaluation, preferably with a different psychologist.

I know this is hard, {Hugs}

a few things stuck out at me in your question - first, why on earth does a 7 year old have a WII, KINDLE, DS, AND A TV in his room???? that reeks of permissiveness. S. you spend 3/4 of the question complaining about what HE does. he's 7. he does what you have raised him to do. he's not malicious, he's not doing it deliberately to "push your buttons." if he acts this way it is because previously (probably lots of times) he has gotten his way by acting that way. last, if he is having none of these issues at school, that's the most telling fact of all, to me. you know he can behave. but he doesn't for you.

just a word of caution, seeing his brother act this way will lead the 3 year old to do the exact same things as he gets older. kids don't magically act right and become good people. we as parents aren't here to "convince" them to be nice. there are times that you must put your foot down. at 7 this has gone on awhile and so yes, he will kick it up a notch if you try to discipline him. YOU MUST KICK IT UP A NOTCH TOO. if you tell him to go to his room and he refuses - PICK HIS HAPPY BUTT UP AND TAKE HIM THERE. if he comes out, put his butt back. as many times as it takes. he will keep pushing until you back off and i have a feeling that's what usually happens. the only way to fix it is NOT TO BACK OFF. so you have a lot of WORK ahead of you.

I would find a child psychologist that listens and tell them exactly what you said here. Don't put it off or your problems will increase tomorrow. Children usually vent on the people they feel safest with. If that is any comfort. My son started having anger issues when he was about 10. He was perfect in school, polite, nice, good grades, etc. It took us six years to find out he had OCD, which they tend to hide because they know their thoughts aren't correct but don't know how to deal with them. I don't think taking things away is going to help. I would definately see a psychologist or psychiatrist. If everything else is going good at home, there is something wrong with your child and make sure they don't blame it on environment. He obviously has a history and that should send up the red flag. Defiant disorder comes to mind. Get help NOW before your three year old suffers emotionally or physically.

He's screaming for tougher boundaries. You said they key phrase: "I try my hardest to give this no attention"

The cruel hoax these days, is that so many people will tell you to ignore raging fits. But ignoring raging fits is absolutely the worst thing you can do. Some rare kids get over them on their own, but SO MANY kids are left with no choice but to throw even bigger fits and go to greater dramatic lengths-literally screaming for negative attention. You have listed some mild consequences here like taking luxuries away, but these too are rarely effective in a child who is having difficulty respecting parents and battling a huge temper. He doesn't care, because these things are no big deal. AND, if you're sometimes ignoring, he has no reason not to gamble.

You need to up the toughness BIG TIME and give him some more responsibilities he can be proud of in general. You know he CAN act well for others, so you know this is not medical. If I were you, I'd sit down and explain to him what will not be allowed from now on. Tell him how much you love him, and you cannot let him have an unhappy life or be a mean person. Explain you will be removing all the luxuries from his room, and he can earn them back as he behaves well. Assign times for certain things: One week of good behavior for the wii, one month for the TV,,etc....to be honest though, my oldest is six and has none of these electronics, your son may need to lose some of them permanently because he sounds like he's becoming very angry and entitled. Anyway, take it all away to be earned back-but this is NOT discipline, this is just taking away rewards he never should have had, and that he will now need to earn.

THEN, start enforcing serious consequences immediately after one warning when he begins tantrums, rudeness, whatever. Don't get mad, don't give several warnings, just re-state what he is doing and act right away. EVERY TIME. For excellent consequences for this age range check the book Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson. In addition to the firm immediate consequences, assign a tough chore after so he does some "Sweat equity" and accomplishes something. Also reset the time it will take to win back his luxuries, and repeat. At his advanced age, there is no "not understanding" or "lack of impulse control" issue going on. Once he sees you can't be trampled, he'll quit trying to trample you, and love you much more for it. He'll also like himself better.

As for messes and peeing. Cleaning is NOT a consequence. It is something we all do when we make a mess. He needs strong discipline for each infraction and then he can also help you clean up the mess. But the cleaning is not enough. And to be honest, for his age and with his level of rage and defiance, I would steer clear of the Love and Logic and 123 things. He'll get even more frustrated by more wishy washy stuff. He's not a toddler. I would go to cmt.com and watch some episodes of World's Strictest Parents. Very inspirational and helpful.

First - take the TV out of his room and don't put it back. Bedrooms are for sleeping. If you want to watch TV, you watch with the family.
Set some house rules and some consequences - write them down and hang them up. Make the children both help.
Create a sibling constitution - it is a list of rules that the children create such as: No going in sibling's room without permission. If you borrow something, it must be returned in the same condition. etc.. mine did one years ago and the bickering stopped.
As for the tantrums: House rule: No yelling. You want to yell and scream - you do it in your room.
Peeing - he cleans it up.
Messes that he makes during a tantrum - he cleans it up.
Get another psychiatric opinion.
You might also consider Karate. It sounds counterintuitive, but it works. They teach self control, self discipline, and respect for self and others.
LBC

No child of mine would ever have so many devices of their own in their room. You aren't taking enough long enough. He sounds spoiled to me. I would take them all away as well as fun activities and fun treats. He would have a book and a bed in his room and that is it. Nearly every thing he would ask for would be answered with a "NO, until you can behave better you will not receive anything from me." You will have to teach him the way to get back what he desires. Explain that he isn't very good at being polite and playing nicely so he is going to have to practice the desired behavior. So him how you would like him to respond to people and show him how to interact with people in a polite fashion. I have cared for many kids with this kind of behavior. They don't do it for long at my house. It isn't worth it. Don't let such a little fella bully you. Your the parent.

Devices in my children's rooms = 0

There is only one TV in the entire house. It has a Wii that is only played if you if your school work is done and all your chores are done. If my children acted as you describe your's they would have no toys in their room, no access to TV, no access to computer, no time with friends, no extra curricular activities, no bike, no favorite foods....... If he can hold it together at school then he is capable of good behavior and he knows what it is.

I think you need to see a new therapist. He may need some help in controlling himself. I have 4 kids, my youngest is 7. This is not typical 7 year old behavior. They do have the occasional whining. I think he needs a little help. This sounds like something that he cannot control.

A psychologist would tell you a bedroom is for sleeping. No computers, tv, etc. This can create excitability in children. I would start with removing all that from his room and start from there. DO not give in and be patient and see if things change. If it doesn't you need to have evaluated by a behavioral psychologist.

I tend to think that kids act this way because they don't have other options. It's not about stuff or discipline or rewards or punishment. It's about learning new coping mechanisms and using them as their OWN reward. I'm sure he's not too happy about how things are going at home, and if he had another way to manage his feelings he would. He needs guidance on how to deal with what are clearly big emotions.

Get him in on the problem and the solution, when you are all calm and have no other pressures. Do you see connections between events and his reactions? Does it seem to happen when he's tired, frustrated, angry? The more you can give him the language for what happens, you guys can talk about it together better. "Kiddo, the temper tantrums need to stop, and I think we need to explore other ways for you to deal with your feelings. When you are feeling X, do you think there are other options that might make you feel better? what about counting to 10, taking deep breaths, going to your room for privacy, taking a walk, punching a pillow..." Get him thinking about his own feelings, and get him thinking about ways to manage those feelings.

You have a sensitive kid on your hands, and there could be lots of things happening at home and/or school that are bothering him. As simple as sibling rivalry or a snub from a friend, it doesn't have to be big trauma to create big feelings. Bad feelings, even ignored, will find a way out, and it's usually not pretty! it's a life skill to be able to face emotions and react properly, and the more he can manage to avoid a tantrum, the more confidence he gains in himself, which makes it easier to calm down the next time. But he needs guidance and support, it's HARD to face negative feelings, he needs to hear it's going to be OK and that he's not bad for feeling bad.

Short Term 1-2-3 Magic... our ped recommended it and it's amazing. Long term ask your ped for a child psych who specializes in ODD and get an e-val. Best of luck to you... hold strong b/c if you don't, you will be dealing w/ this foor the rest of your life. better to do the hard (tremendously hard) work now and hopefully he will mature into a self controlling adult!

I would see a Behavioral Psychologist to see if theres anything going on. What if you and him just did mom time for an hour each day like play a game he wants or play legos or do the Wii together and maybe once a month, you could go somewhere like the park together. It sounds like he is wanting attention and he'll take negative attention if thats what it takes.
My son went through this and I decided that for every good thing he did, I would let him know what a great job he did and give high praise even if it was throwing away a piece of paper. Sometimes I would say, since you did such a good job, we can go to the park or the zoo or somewhere that he likes. After a while, his behavior got better. Now when he acts bad, he does not get to watch Curious George for a week or no computer for a couple days or a week. The length of the punishment depends on what he did. If he swipes everything off his dresser in one swoop, he gets to pick it all up and put it where it belongs. the only time I lift his punishment early is if hes being extra good and helping out a lot without being asked.
You could sit down with him and ask him what hes feeling and see if you can work out a solution.

Perhaps a pediatric neurologist? Psychological behaviors may be connected to physical symptoms. Best not to assume and to get testing to get to the bottom of things.

Have you had him evaluated for ADHD? I only ask because my daughter's friend has it and acts like that when she is out of control. I think that this age is much like the teen years were for us. My 8 yo does things that I wouldn't have even thought of. She is often on the switch and will go from happy to tantrum if she doesn't get her way. I will give her the option of going to the time out spot by herself and if she doesn't, then I will carry her there. Because she is heavy it often hurts her for me to carry her. I have also locked her up in her room if she keeps it up. And she cries like you would not believe. The doctor told me that it was time to start taking away priviledges. No TV for a set amount of time, no phone, no video games, etc. then take the thing you are removing away from him. I had my daughter sit down and tell me what kinds of things she thinks i should use as punishments. She was much harsher on herself than I would have been. We are starting this, and many friends have started doing it and it seems to work better than the time out.

I adore the Love and Logic parenting method. Though I saw that one of your responders referred to it as "wishy washy," I totally don't see it that way. It's all about respectfully teaching your child that their behaviors have consequences without resorting to yelling. I've had fabulous results with it with all ages - from 9 months, 2 years and even 14-year-olds!

Here's a link to some of their articles to show you how to deal with specific behaviors: http://www.loveandlogic.com/articles.html

Good luck!

my 4 year old does this. when she starts her tantrums i just pick her up and place her on her bed kicking and screaming. then i tell her when she is ready to act like a big girl she can come out (i do this so there is no time limit its up to her to calm down and make the decision). when she is really bad i will litterally have to restrain her physically. she screams im hurting her and im not. theres times where i litterally have to be in her face. the amount of screaming that comes out of her you would think i was beating her to death.
maybe he is over tired? maybe have him have some quiet time after school for an hour in his room on his bed with a book.