Really Need Advice

Updated on July 12, 2015
M.M. asks from North Hollywood, CA
25 answers

I posted a question regarding my husbands dog a few weeks ago. I had to make another account so I'm very sorry for the length of this, just want to give you some background.

Basically I wrote about my husbands Pitt bull that he had accidentally hit with his car about 5 years ago. We had no idea where he came from before this. I said before that it has nothing to do with the breed, I'm sure any dog can be fine if trained properly. The dog has attacked my husband before maybe 3 years ago but for the most part always loves people. Except for my 3 year old. He has always hunched down when walking by her. Extremely food aggressive/toy aggressive. One time my daughter was walking by his food and he ran over to it hunched over.
Basically after attacking an older dog we have for the 100th time I told my husband he had to go. I've told him this plenty of him times before but for some reason he took me seriously this time. Maybe because I'm in my third trimester and the dog is really starting to piss me off at this point and I'm worried for my kids. Husband asked for 6 weeks to train him and finally start walking him. I agreed but I said at any point if he growls at my daughter he has to go. Or if he attacks another dog.
The Pitt bull bit another dog because people were walking by the fence and he couldn't get to them, so bit the first thing he could.
The next day my husband was at work and I'm sure the dog was still scared from the fireworks but I was trying to put him in the kennel, grabbed his collar and he flipped around, snarled at me and snapped. Then he ran in my closet. My daughter for some reason doesn't get scared if a dog growls so she tries to run in to pet him and he growls at her.
I'm done and I feel like the dog needs to go. My husband was fighting me on it saying we could get a trainer and I just don't feel like I could compromise anymore at this point.
I'm an animal lover but I feel like the dog should go to a pound or somebody that knows Every Detail.
My husband has an acquaintance that said she would take the dog but he's not being honest with her. She asked if he was good with my daughter. He said yes she was, told her he's only growled at her when she pulled his tail. She's never pulled his tail because I don't let them in the same room hardly. He didn't tell her the dog was food aggressive or that once a month he attacks our other dog. I feel really bad that he's not being honest with her. I've never met her but I've thought about messaging her on Facebook because this isn't right. She doesn't have kids but I'm sure one day she most likely will. She has two other dogs that I'm sure will end up getting bit.
I guess my question is, what would anybody do in this situation? I feel like my husbands being incredibly insensitive and heartless and he's telling me I'm evil for wanting to put him in the pound.

What can I do next?

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So What Happened?

I love my daughter more than anything. I could see how it would seem like I'm a bad parent but my daughter comes first before anything. I've been fighting my husband about this for years and have always kept the dog locked up away from her and it all got to be too much. I'm not in the best marriage and its been hard for me to voice my opinion and have my husband finally listen about getting rid of the dog. I've finally had to scream and demand that it has to be done for him to listen to me.
I've called no kill rescues. None will take him without a large donation and the other ones want nothing to do with him since he's bit already.
The girl adopting him wanted us to drop him off and my husband is being weird about me going.

He keeps saying it's my fault he's aggressive because I've made him sleep in a kennel for the past month instead of putting a baby gate in front of my daughters room and because I've tried to walk him the last couple of times to help train him and when he pulls me I take the leash and tap his butt with it. He's saying I'm whipping his dog. I've never hit his dog. Before the growl I was reading training tips trying to fix the situation and when my husband would walk him he would let him pull and do whatever he wanted.

Featured Answers



answers from Indianapolis on

I would take the dog for a little ride and tell the husband he ran out of the house when I opened the door and you couldn't go after him. If he growled at my daughter he would be gone period.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

What jumped out at me was that you want the dog to go to a pound. You can't send this dog to a pound knowing its history. It really needs to be in a home where people do know its history and are willing to work with it. Sending it to a pound is irresponsible because they will just end up having to euthanize it. That's something you need to do not them. Or let the lady who is considering it know what is going on.

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answers from Rochester on

I think it may be time for you to re-home your husband and he can take the dog with him.

Sorry you are going through so much stress!

13 moms found this helpful


answers from Phoenix on

I'm sorry to be so blunt but what the hell is your problem? Why do you keep asking us about this? You waiting around until the dog seriously injures or kills your kid before you REALLY decide to put your foot down. I'm sorry but I'm over this. Last time I said to pack your damn bag and move out until the dog is gone. This time I'm saying to take the dog to a vet and pay the $85 to have him put down. If you lose your husband over this then that speaks VOLUMES on who and what his priority is and it's not his kids and wife. Gads.

11 moms found this helpful


answers from Salinas on

This whole situation is a tragedy in the making. Your family is about to become one of those news stories where the dog kills a kid (or another animal, or a flippin' full grown adult) and the rest of us cannot believe the owners could allow it to happen.

In fact I question your ability to parent effectively given that dog is STILL living with your three year old and you married to a guy that would LIE to an unsuspecting dog adopter.

PS-Your husband is a total jerk.

8 moms found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

When the dog bites her or someone else, and she sues you for everything you have for not being honest about the dog, then what excuse is your husband going to make?

8 moms found this helpful


answers from Kansas City on

It's the dog or his family. Period. There is an issue if he's not willing to let you go (either this girl is more than a friend to him, or he's lying to her about the dog and doesn't want you to spill the beans - either way, shady as HECK.)

The dog is a problem, and your husband is a problem - but it's also a big problem that you're not putting your foot down. Seriously. You've asked, what would anybody do? For myself - I wouldn't be there. I'd be long gone. Sorry. I think most mothers would not allow this situation to go on for long.

FORCE him to choose. And DON'T BACK DOWN. That is the key that you seem to be missing. While you're at it, stand up for yourself because from some things you've said about your marriage I get the feeling he is treating you like an afterthought in other ways as well. You don't deserve this.

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Norfolk on

Your husband really is being unsafe with regards to this dog.
The woman has no kids for now and if she has half a brain she's going to figure out the problems with this dog pretty darn quick.
Would she give the dog back if/when she discovers the truth?
If she takes him - it MUST be made clear that she CAN NOT bring the dog back.

The whole problem with the dog is your husbands fault in the first place.
He picked him up off the street and then neglects him, doesn't train him, won't pay to train him and doesn't care if the animal is a danger to you and his/your daughter.
It's sad for the dog - but the dog needs to be put down hopefully before he injures/kills someone.
I'd have to think really hard about wanting to raise kids with a husband like yours.
Whether the dog leaves or not - you should make plans to take the kid(s) and leave your husband.
He's not a healthy man for man nor beast to be around.

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

This is why dogs with a history of biting people get euthanized.
I could NOT, in good faith, give this dog to anyone else without full disclosure.
IF you surrender it to a shelter and do NOT disclose the aggression? That blood will be on your hands as well.

That said, if I was in your exact shoes? I would either:
A. Call my husband's coworker MYSELF to make sure (100%) that she is aware of this figs temperament. She may still take him.
B. Surrender this dog MYSELF to a shelter (pay for the surrender) and fully disclose his history/temperament.

It doesn't sound like your husband will be 100% honest with either scenario.

So to minimize potential harm/trauma/injury? I would take this particular matter into my own hands. I'd talk to the coworker first. If she declined? I'd drive this dog to a shelter myself while my husband was at work.

Times a ticking. Does he want to wait until your daughter is getting stitched up to move on this?

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Portland on

OnePerfectOne's advice is really good.
I would follow that on how to deal with the dog.

When I read this, I kept thinking the bigger issue is that you have a husband who doesn't seem to care about your concerns, is willing to lie to a well intentioned person to rid himself of a problem, and doesn't seem to care about your child's safety. I can totally see why you are upset.

I would deal with the dog as OnePerfectOne suggests, and then I would look at how to improve the situation with your husband. You shouldn't be dealing with this stuff - not in your third trimester, and really not ever.

Let us know how it goes. Good luck :)

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Raleigh on

You are married to a royal douchbag.

Kudos to you for trying to get your point across and finally do something about this scary situation, but nothing has actually happened. Yes, he should absolutely be honest with that woman about the dog; it could be dangerous consequences if he isn't up front about the mannerisms.

Honestly, if it were me? I'd pack a bag for me and my kid, and stay with a relative or in a hotel and tell him to let me know when he decides to put us first. At the same time, I'd be seriously reflecting on this relationship. When all is said and done, is he going to resent you because of this since its been an issue for so long? Doesn't exactly point to a bright future, ya know?

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

I guess my question is are you afraid of your husband's reaction when you take away the dog?

He broke the "contract" with the dog. He agreed to take care of it (he doesn't), he agreed to walk it regularly (he doesn't), and he agreed to get a trainer (he didn't) in all this time that you've had the dog.

If this were a child neglecting a pet, the parent would take the pet away and find a loving home for it.

I see you as the parent and your husband as the child, but not only is the pet neglected but it is threatening your child and you are afraid to take away the pet. Someone needs to be the adult and take away the dangerous pet.

Your husband has already chosen the dog over you and the children.

I would first call a divorce attorney and find out my rights to protect my finances and children.

Then I would call the vet and make an appointment to have the dog euthanized. I would tell husband he can be present for the appointment or pack his bags. If you are in fear for your safety I would ask an officer to be present when you tell him about the appointment, and perhaps a friend check on me often.

So I guess my point is that you fear your husband so much so that you are putting your children's safety at risk. Perhaps you need to contact a domestic violence shelter.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Denver on

I would be really afraid for my child in this situation. I can't believe you've been putting up with this for years. Your husband is putting everyone's safety at risk. At least if the dog attacked you, you might be able to defend yourself but not your daughter! She could be physically scarred or even disabled for life if she were attacked. I believe in trying to work things out in a marriage but this would be too much for me, I'd leave! Or I'd at least leave until that dog was out of the house, and I would not allow another one to come back in. As far as the woman goes, I'd definitely want to make sure she knew what she was in for, I'm sure it won't take her long to figure out your husband was lying to her.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Richmond on

nope..a dog that acts aggressive towards kids needs to be somewhere a pine box. its not the breed, its the dog...get rid of the dog before it attacks your child, once you add another tot to your home, keeping an eye on an aggressive dog is gonna be more then you can handle, and it only takes a few seconds for an aggressive dog to maim a child, your husband doesnt want to get rid of the dog, tell him, fine, we will add a wing onto the dog house and you can move in with the dog..problem solved. but , that dog is NOT welcome around the kid(s) anymore..period. K. h.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Columbia on

This single woman may very well take him despite his aggression, and have time to work with him and train him, and get him to a point where he's a great dog.

She needs to know. Insist that she know, and ensure that she does because YOU are the one who talks to her before she takes the dog.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Cleveland on

We have an 8-9 year old typically docile breed who has been around a ton of kids and no real issues except yes, if kids pull at his tail, he warns them. Otherwise, he's great. But for some reason last weekend, he snapped at a little girl who had been playing with his tail probably too much. He didn't bite thank goodness and I figured it was the tail thing. Then she was gently petting his neck with her mom and I (her mom was totally fine with it all) and then he growled again. No snapping but a growl so of course I got him away. I was so surprised and so upset. The damage he could do to a toddler is terrifying and I'd never forgive myself. So one more growl or snap (and I pray it wouldn't be an actual bite) and he goes. We will put him down. And believe me, I LOVE this dog. We all do. And he's so sweet usually. Everyone in the neighborhood raves about him. But no way am I risking a poor child being maimed or scarred or even just made to fear dogs bc of some type of incident. He is a dog. If he can't be trusted, he has to go. I wouldn't even rehome him to be honest. We treat him like a king but also he behaves for us so not sure what else could be done. Putting a dog down takes one second for them. No pain etc. So the idea that this has gone on this long for you guys is unbelievable to me. The dog needs to be put down. I love dogs too. But they are dogs and you've given him as good a life as possible. He's not meant to live as long as a person anyway. Good luck.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Reno on

You received lots of good advice the last time you posted the question.

The only new advice I can give you is that lying to a person about how a dog behaves is completely inexcusable and you not saying anything to this person makes you just as much to blame as your husband.

Good luck to you

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Miami on

I'd call this woman and tell her the truth. And then I'd take the dog to the pound. You cannot live with this anymore. Your husband is the evil one, lying to a woman who could have her throat torn out by a dog who doesn't know her and will NOT see her as the alpha.

You and your husband could be SUED by her or her estate. I'm not kidding. He cannot just lie and allow her to be hurt by this animal.

Stop talking about this and DO IT. Take this dog to the pound and tell them the truth. The dog needs to be put down.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

If you and your husband have not invested in a trainer - you MUST.

The dog is aggressive. Okay - got it. It's NOT the breed - it's how it's raised.

You need to get a trainer. However, since you want the dog gone and your husband is NOT being honest? He needs to be put down. I HATE this. I REALLY REALLY HATE THIS.

DO NOT take the dog to a pound. If you REALLY live in Hollywood, CA - contact his rescue organization tomorrow. Tell them the truth and take the drive to the shelter. This dog deserves a chance with someone who has the patience, time and love to give.

It's obvious you do NOT like the dog. He knows this and reacts to you. Dogs are pack animals.

I lost my Pit Bull on June 13th at the age of 5. He was the most loving dog I've EVER had. He was taken from us way too soon. We are still mourning his loss. If I still lived in Upland? I would meet with you and the dog.

You MUST be honest with whoever takes the dog from you. If you (your husband) can't do that? he need to be put down.

Good luck!! I wish you loved the dog and wanted to give him a chance. I'd be angry with you to too if you kept me in a kennel all day. Dogs DO have feelings.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

This dog needs training, but I don't think your home is the place for it. The dog needs a kid-free and other animal free home. It doesn't matter at all that it's a Pit, you could have written this about a ChiHuaHua and I would have had the same response.

If your husband really wanted to train the dog, he would have done it when he first got the dog. I would never take in a random dog off the street not knowing it's history. Sadly, partly because so many people are so ignorant with Pits and train them to be bad when in fact they are some of the most amazing dogs there are.

Any animal, I wouldn't care what kind, that bit my kid or repeatedly growled at my child would be gone. Not to a pound because it would be put down, but to a home that could help the dog.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

You need to be honest with her.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Asheville on

It was in our local news this morning that a pit bull killed a 6 yo child. Horrible. Children are often unpredictable, as are other animals, so this is animal is unsafe.
Get rid of the dog any way you can- just get it out of there. Honestly, I would put it in the pound or have it euthanized. At this rate, that's going to be the dog's inevitable fate if it kills another animal or worse.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

It doesn't matter what the breed is, you have to quit feeling guilty and get rid of the dog. We have had to do that, it hurts for a short while and then you either get a more pleasant dog and move on or live without one. Your family, your daughter is more important. We had a German shepherd years ago, and sadly got rid of him to a different owner, a beautiful huskie and got rid of her. They went to different owners and it worked beautifullly. we had a boarder collie for many years who died, and have a lab mix right now. It isn't the breed. My brother has a wonderful pitbull mix, it is sadly the dog. Much like we have childrenw ith different personalities, so are dogs. Good luck, sorry you are going through this.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Minneapolis on

Is he having an affair with the girl who has offered to take the dog? Weird question, I know, but if he is, what a "win/win" for him :(

I have no trouble seeing that you are really stuck between a rock and a hard place, and I don't really have a good answer for you. I hope that it all works out and you are able to get rid of the dog so you can feel that your kids are safe.

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Springfield on

if the dog has bit another dog then it will bite again. period. if this woman really wants the dog i would fb her and tell her everything. let her decide what she is going to do. she may not want the dog or she may immediately euthanize it for the safety of everyone and every other dog around. you can bring it to any shelter, they will evaluate it and if the dog can be retrained and changed then they wil do so before sending it to another home.

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