Realizing You Arnt His Perfect Girl

It is actually simple, when you asked the question he thought of some celebrity that at the moment he thinks looks perfect. You have to understand there are questions that make guys leave reality for a moment, perfect woman is one of them. It is one of those questions that has deep inner meaning to women and is meaningless to men. After they hit 30 and have blown that question enough times they catch on. :)

Don't believe me, ask him what his perfect car is. He will pick something that costs three years+ salary. Do you think he is waiting for that car either?

Well my husband and I have celebrity crushes and we joke about that. He will never get Mariah Carey anymore than I will get LL Cool J...so it is what it is. We love each other and that's that.

Why in the WORLD would you ask that question??

Oh dear. Why would you ask such a thing?

Here is the deal. I don't know what you were asking, but if you were asking about physical appearance...... well, you can't really blame him. I mean I love my husband, but he looks nothing like Harrison Ford or Johnny Depp.....

If you just asked about the perfect girl and he started with the physical on his own... I mean........ wouldn't the perfect girl have attributes like honesty, supportive, etc.... Why didn't he try to think of things about you that he thinks are great!? BUT...... he is a man, and they don't quite think like us. But, That is the question I would explore. Stop playing games and just ask him flat out....... what is it you like about me?

Back slowly away from the topic and don't bring it up ever again.

Obviously the best answer was to describe you - but your husband went a different direction.

No worries - action speaks louder than words, and his action was to marry you! Obviously that means you have something to offer that is better than his 'fantasy girl'.

But I'd leave topic alone. :)

I'd never bring it up again- any of this conversation. Why would you even ask him these questions? You openened this can of worms, not him so you really shouldn't push it further. Most of us have a "dream" guy and our spouses have "dream girls"- may not be us!

If you ask my husband about his dream girl, it's pretty much Jennifer Love Hewitt... I'm 5'0, 125 (when not pregnant), B-cup on a good day, blonde "non luxurious" hair... you get the idea. Would he trade me for her? Nope. He's pretty clear on that one.

I wouldn't think too much about this... and don't ask him again!

Get over it. You asked. Don't ask questions to which you don't want to know the answers!

It's great that you are taking responsibilty for the conversation and not angry with him. Regardless of how you got the info, now, you have it. You have a right to be a little disappointed/insecure about it.

But honestly, I think he may have been yanking your chain, sort of giving you the business and teaching you a lesson for asking those questions. You are the woman he chose. If he wanted a tall, thin blond with little boobs, he would never have asked you out! If he wanted those other women, he would still be with htem. You are his perfect girl.

How would I deal with it? I would get myself all sexy-fied. Big, glamorous sexy hair, nails done, push up bra for the girls, spray tan, slinky dress or nightie, Victoria Secret perfume, and make him beg! Make him want it so bad he will say anything. Keep pushing him off and tell him, no, my breasts are too big, my curves are too much for you, go get a skinny chick. Laughingly, teasingly of course. Make him recount everything he said and take it all back! Then make him assume the position and take his punishment by pleasuring you - the owman of his dreams! That's how I would handle it!!!!!

How old are you? He's with you so let it go and don't bring it up again. Good luck.

Keep your mouth shut and suck it up.
Sorry, not what you want to hear.
But you started it, and he gave you his honest thoughts. You CAN'T punish him for that. Nor can you get all whiny, insecure, and flood him with questions.

He's with you for a reason, just be happy in that. And hopefully, you've learned your lesson! LOL!

I wouldn't have asked in the first place.

You put him in a no win situation.

If he refused to answer, you would have thought he was hiding something.
Since he did answer, you're upset.

Best to leave the past in the past and, comparisons? If you're going to do this--there will always be someone prettier, thinner, funnier, more athletic, sexier, kinder....need I go on? See the point?

I am absolutely AMAZED at the number of women that suggested you look for another man because he doesn't find you perfect. I thought the women here were smarter than that.

How does a man feel about the woman he loves? "Models need perfect lighting, professional makeup and designer clothes to look as good as the average woman does to the man that's in love with her."

Look at what he said when you asked about the "perfect girl" Blonde, thin, taller and a 'C" cup. And you are brunette, DD, 175 lbs and 5'4". IF, repeat, IF (!!!) you wanted to be that way, you are sssooooo close. All you have to do is drop 25 to 35 lbs, dye your hair, and put on high heels. Drop 25 to 35 lbs and your cup size will diminish. Dye your hair blonde and you are there. Get high heels and you will be 5'7" to 5'9" depending on the shoes. You are there. Is it easy to drop 25 to 35 lbs? Of course not! But if you want it bad enough, you are there.

I wanted about the same thing. Beauty and brains and C or "better". I wanted a smart blonde with long hair, blue eyes, ability to play the piano so there would be music in my home and two kids. She graduated #8 out of a class of 1200. The only 'B' she ever got in college was when we were dating and she would ditch class to be with me. (I hated school/college.) She has dark blue eyes, and before we married she promised me she would keep her hair long, and she does, most of the time. Her hair is brunette and isn't what I dreamed about, but I never dreamed I'd have 8 kids either. If she voiced her love for me as often as I do my love for her, I'd be delireously happy. That's life.

The 6-pack I have now is usually carried in my hand where it used to be be hidden under my shirt. My light brown hair is now light gray. I used to run 3 miles in 18 minutes in combat boots and fatigues. Now I park as close as I can and my feet hurt if I walk too far. I carried my wife across the threshhold holding her in my arms and could have done it with one arm. Now I hold her hand and lead her across the threshhold. And I love my wife far more now than I ever did, but not near as much as I will next year.

I'm happy with her and count myself a very lucky guy. I think she is happy too and that is what really matters. We are both delighted to be grand parents. BTW, my youngest two kids called us about a month ago and they both told us they are expecting their first children. #7 will have his first in October. #8 will have his first in November. They live side by side. Their kids will be our 24th and 25th grandkids. We couldn't be happier.

Good luck to you and yours.

@ Sunshine: I didn't suggest she make herself over for her husband. I said "IF, repeat, IF (!!!) ". Please read my post carefully. And my wife's and daughteres and DIL's cup sizes increase or decrease with weight gain or loss. Most womens' do as the breast contains a large amount of fat.

Ok, by that he probably meant FANTASY. Most men have a fantasy (meaning, unattainable) that has nothing to do with their actual life. He doesn't mean relationship, marriage, future. He means FANTASY, hookup, if he could have anything he wants. It has NOTHING to do with you!!

Do yourself a favor, don't ask those questions. He's with you for a reason, and it only causes problems.

i agree with others thats a fantasy person that is unflawed. Would it make sense for him to want someone that had shown signs of birthing a child, living life, wrinkles from smiling....you asked him if he could have ANYTHING what would it be?
Whats your perfect guy? maybe someone who has your washboard abs or maybe a guy that knows how to do chores without asking, knows how to find things? im sure he has things you would change if you could have perfection right? but perfection isn't life and it would be boring

Well, what is your perfect idea of a man... does he fit the mold 100% ?

I think his response was rude anyways, and you made him question past relationships and things he probably has never even thought of since. Just pretend the conversation never happened.

Why the heck were you asking him this stuff?
I married a man 10 years older than me and believe me, I didn't want to know details of any of his past escapades.
I was 8 years old when he was 18. 20 years later, when I married him, knowing he'd been married once before was enough for me to know.
I never would have asked him any of the questions you asked.

That said, when you asked him his idea of the perfect girl, you were hoping he would say, "You are the perfect girl, my darling".
Men can think in abstract terms sometimes without realizing it.
You didn't ask him who the perfect girl for HIM was, you asked his idea of the perfect girl. He was probably thinking he was going to be in trouble no matter what he said after being peppered with all the questions. Heck, he could have said Venus de Milo and that statue is missing arms.

I wouldn't worry too much about this. He's with YOU. I have friends that get so jealous if their husbands say someone on television is pretty. They'll pout for days over it as if noticing a pretty woman means that THEY aren't pretty.

Confidence is actually the very most beautiful thing about a woman.
Don't ask any more questions about this stuff.

Don't set him up to compare you to anyone else. That's not really fair to either of you.

Best wishes.

Why did you set yourself up for this? I'm sorry - but this is like asking "do these pants make my butt look fat?"

So since you now know his idea of a perfect girl - the question is - what are you going to do with that information? Are you going to keep investing time and emotion into this relationship or are you going to quit now and find someone who wants YOU?

how would I deal with it? I wouldn't have asked it if I wasn't prepared for the answer he might give. And since I found out I'm not his idea of a perfect girl - I would divest myself of the relationship and press on, finding someone who wants ME.

Keep in mind - that this is an answer/words you will have floating around in your heart and head for years to come if you stay with him.

This is an excellent lesson for the future: Don't ask questions you don't want the answers to. Especially if you're asking them because you're feeling insecure (I mean, really, why else would you ask??).

My ex used to play that game...asking me about the best I've ever had, the biggest, the best looking, etc.. And then he'd use that information against me when he was pissed off about something. Bottom line, he only asked because he wanted to be propped up and lied to. But the thing is...he didn't need ME to tell him those things in order to feel inadequate; he already felt inadequate on his own.

He's describing an ideal look, and yeah you shouldn't have asked. My husband likes looking at women older than me and brunette. He prefers me to stay blonde though, I've gone brunette and that was his input. Who they want to look at snd an idea of physical perfection is different from what we want to see every day. And marry.

Brad Pitt is my ideal man as far as looks are concerned, but I would never want a man likely to cheat on a woman like Jennifer Anniston , marry one like Angelina Jolie and adopt a million kids.

People always want what they can't have. You asked for it by the way.

All joking aside, take a moment and realize that he only gave you the physical attributes. There's more to honest love then just the physical attraction. Lord knows I'm not my husband's idea of female perfection, but he still finds me totally and completely appealing and desirable. I am more then my body to him. Take comfort in knowing that no one is actually "perfect" and his description not only just happens to be your opposite but the basic average of all women. Not too tall, not too short, not to heavy and not to slim. Right up the middle. It's sort of funny.

Love him openly and honestly. It might help to talk to him about how you felt about his description of perfection. Good luck to you both.

#1 You shouldn't have asked. Why on earth would you want to know which ex he would want back and why would you ask what his perfect girl would look like? On the other hand, if he had any brains in his head, he would have described you.

#2 I find 8kidsdad's suggestion that you do all you can to your body to make it perfect your your boyfriend absolutely appalling. Be yourself. I always want to be the best version of myself, but I will not make myself into something for someone else. There is no reason for you to try to fit inside someone else's narrow mind.
Also, your boobs won't necessarily shrink, as per 8kids.... advice. My DD's never changed with weight gain (pregnancy) or weight loss.

You went down a rabbit hole you should not have gone down, and he was stupid enough to follow you. What you are going to have to do tell him the conversation was a huge mistake, that you are hurt, but you will try to get over it since you asked for it. And be honest with yourself, in describing your perfect, does your bf fit the profile?

I think there is a huge difference between not being his physical ideal and not being the perfect mate for him. If my husband described my physical opposite as his physical idea, I would rejoice that I have so many other, more important qualities that my my physicality irrelevant. Yay, you! ;-)

Never ask questions that you don't want to hear the answers to. Since the man has bascially told you that you are NOT the one (in a very hurtful way), I would suggest thanking him nicely and move on to someone who deserves you.

If I brought it on, I suck it up.

I always try to keep in mind that I don't want to ask a question that I may not like the answer to.

I am a firm believer of "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"! If he didn't find you attractive and appreciate who you are and your attributes then honey he wouldn't be w/ you. Being you is what drew him in to you to begin with. Be confident in you who you are and what you have to offer to him your relationship w/ him. I would say he is describing his fantasy female all men do it, even women do it is a natural human thing. Don't get mad, hurt or jealous about it, stay true to you. But remember he CHOOSE YOU for a reason and is w/ you for a reason and that is bc who you are all 5'4 175 lbs and DD's! Be sassy and confident in your skin love!!

The most beautiful women are the one's that are confident in who the are no matter what size or height they are. Curvy women are sexy more and more men say that look at Marilyn Monroe she is still one of the hottest sex symbols ever and in today's society she would be considered plus size bc she has boobs and booty and she is all women! Men still find her hot bc she is.

As she would quote: " I am very definitely a woman and I enjoy it"!

Just don't ask past questions they are in the past for a reason, and remember you and him don't live there anymore that is why it is called the past and you can not judge someone for what happens in the past. Let it go and move on and stay out of areas you don't want to know the answers to.

BJ

Looks fade, character counts. I wouldn't necessarily kick him to the curb but certainly the dynamics of our interaction would change.

He was being honest with you about what his preference is. Now you have to figure out if you want to continue in relationship with him knowing you are not his preference.

I am my husband's preference. It does matter and it does count.

There are things you can change but you probably would be better served moving on. If you really like the kind of man your boyfriend is, I would strongly suggest getting a hobby, making new friends, and not being quite so available. Men love the chase. Perhaps he hasn't realized the true value you bring to his world because you are often right there at his beck and call because you love him. Don't make that mistake.

Make plans for life and living without him and see how he responds. This is what I would do only if I really liked the kind of man he is besides there are plenty of fish in the sea and you are probably someone else's perfect girl. I'd much rather be with the guy that thought that much about me and I am.

lol.. I always would put my husband on the spot too. You just can't take it seriously. It could be that he was telling you that because to him that was a crazy question since he chose you and after all the other questions he could have been tired of it all. I use to tell others in front of my husband that Pierce Brosnan was my 3rd husband. They would say "wow, how many times have you been married?" and I would answer "2". Pierce was the only guy my husband was ever jealous about... Ok I didn't help it when he would kiss me and I would say "ohh Pierce". Anyway, the point I am trying to make is that you can't take things seriously in a non serious conversation. I probably would have answered the question just as you bf did, complete oppisite, just for the shock value. Also comes to mind is the "don't ask questions you really don't want to know the answer to" bit. Anyway, if you weren't his ideal woman, he would still be out there looking.

You were hoping that with each of your questions, he'd lead the answers all back to you, weren't you? You were testing him. That's always a bad idea because it's unfair.

You have to always remember that before you came along, he had a life. Once you came along, he still had a life. Being together now, he still has his own thoughts. You may have a life together but he's still a separate person. And he's chosen you to be with. He doesn't need to be tested to see if he finds you attractive or if he loves you as long as he treats you well and shows you he loves you all the time.