Reactions from Other People When Finding Out You Are Pregnant

Updated on November 02, 2017
N.T. asks from Macomb, MI
28 answers

I may be being overly sensitive here! I am currently 4 mos pregnant with my third child. My boys are 71/2 and 6. We had not seen my husbands cousins and uncle in well over a year and today saw them. I am so surprised by people reactions. One female cousin said "pregnant again, huh?!" Another asked if it was planned. I am hormonal but today after leaving I was thinking whatever happened to congratulations!! Maybe they already knew from my husband's sister that we were expecting again or maybe I'm expecting too much from family members that we are really not close to. What do you guys think? Am I being to sensitive?

N.

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S.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

It's hard not to be sensitive, but you can't help others' reactions. You would hope they could just say "congratulations" but it seems people aren't always that gracious.

I had my first and only daughter at age 41. I got, and STILL get the "Was she planned?" (yes!) and "Did you use any fertility treatments?" (no, just used the old fashioned method!)

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K.B.

answers from Cincinnati on

People are just rude! I had 3 boys in 33 mos, with my first two being a little less than 13 mos apart. One time, I was shopping and I had my then 11 month old son in the stroller in front of me (sort of hiding my very pregnant belly) and the woman in front of me in line was asking me how old he was, saying he cute, etc. When I stepped out from behind the stroller, she looked at me, horrified, and said "And you're pregnant AGAIN?!" I was so stunned that someone could be so blatantly rude that I just said "yes" and walked away! Try to ignore it, in the end, it doesn't really make a difference what they think.

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L.M.

answers from Dover on

If you older boys were like 2 & 1 I can see their comments. Based on the situation, they were rude. Can't change people though so just ignore them.

Updated

If you older boys were like 2 & 1 I can see their comments. Based on the situation, they were rude. Can't change people though so just ignore them.

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T.B.

answers from Washington DC on

Oh yeah...been there...done that. I have medical issues that make pregnancies difficult and dangerous for me. We got a ton of "WHY would you even think of having a baby?" "You should have just adopted!" (We would have but were turned down because my condition is considered terminal because there is no cure. To be clear, I could live 100 years, there is no death sentence here, they just classify it that way since there is no cure. But I could go out and get hit by a bus tomorrow.) With our second daughter we got "What were you thinking? You should have been grateful for the one you have?" and my personal fav "I just think that's very selfish of you, you should have considered your daughter's well being should something go wrong and she is left motherless!" To each of these little snarky comments hubby and I replied "Well that's very easy for you to be so judgemental since you already have ___ (2,3,4) children. You don't know what you would or wouldn't do until you've walked a mile in our shoes. Rather than worry about us why don't you put that energy into thanking the good Lord for your own blessings!" Believe me, we put a lot of thought and prayer into making our decision to have children. I lost both of my parents when they were very young. My Mom passed at 48 and Dad was 55. I was blessed to have 2 wonderful sisters without whom I would b lost. We wanted to give that gift to our daughter as well. And should we choose to expand our family again...well that is between us and God!

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G.T.

answers from Modesto on

The nice thing would have been for them to says "Congratulations" but the world is pretty rude now and often we dont think past our own noses. I'd blow it off. I'm sure you will get plenty of accolades form old women at the market :)
congrats!

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T.B.

answers from Miami on

Imagine my surprise when I found I am pregnant with baby #4. It wasn't planned, a total surprise and everyone who knows me, knew I had a hard time embracing my pregnancy. Congratulations was the LAST thing I wanted to hear because I honestly didn't feel happy about it. But, alas, I am 28 weeks along now and after I got over the shock of it all, I am finally excited so when I hear "congratulations," I don't break out in tears. People can be insensitive with the things they say and you could very well be overly sensitive. It sounds like from your post that you are excited about being pregnant. Maybe those around you didn't think you were having more children. In any case, shrug it off, count it as hormones getting the better of you and smile the biggest smile you can when you say, "I'm pregnant!"
Congratulations. : )

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K.M.

answers from Laredo on

Wow, thats not what I would expect from family! and I think I would of had my feelings hurt as well. I agree with Mallory P in that they may just be wondering about the age gap but they should not of said that to you. Sometimes people don't think and instead of saying the right thing Congrats they blurt out whatever they want.

I had told my mother that we were trying so when we told everyone we were pregnant again she was thrilled but the first thing my MIL said was
Wow.. Really?? I had no idea you were even trying! and then after some processing said Congrats lol

Try not to let it get to you, if it happens again I would just say I think what you ment was Congratulations... and leave it at that.

Congratulations to you and your family!!

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R.K.

answers from Dallas on

People are rude and have no manners or common sense some times. Just try not to let it bother you and accept that ignorance is all around. I am sure the people close to you in your life are happy. Just let that be enough and ignore the haters.

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C.W.

answers from Lynchburg on

Oh N.!

I feel your pain! lol...when I had 4...(four and under)...I announced to the kids (when I was comfortably along) that we were 'expecting'...and the eldest said, "What? Another one?"...

Out of the mouths of babes...

Michele/cat

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M.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

People have no manners that is for sure. The thing is, most people ARE going to be wondering about you because the placement is so far apart. But they should not be asking you about it! I would just shrug it off.

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L.A.

answers from Austin on

Congratulations! Please try to forgive them. They are just reacting instead of thinking.

I think people are projecting from their own feelings about how many children, age gaps, ages of moms, family finances, that they are verbalizing for themselves.. It is VERY rude...

I have to be honest with this website and facebook, all of the stories of moms saying they are shocked to find out they are pregnant, it is the first thing that pops into my mind, but I try to just practice saying Congratulations!

I have known a few moms, that were completely not pleased about finding out they were pregnant and really freaked out. When they share their stories, it sticks with you. Especially once more than 5 years from the last child has passed. I guess I am one of those that assumes that couple has completed their family.. but that is because of my own families experiences.

This is a good reminder to all of us, to not project.. Have a wonderful pregnancy!

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G.B.

answers from Detroit on

Let these comments roll off your back. If possible, answer with a humorous comment. Sometimes people think they need to give you their opinion and it's not really malicious, just not their business. I had my 4th back when Zero Population Control was the big thing. I had to develop a thick skin for awhile, but I wouldn't trade any of my wonderful kids! Sometimes it's out of some sense of love for your husband. My daughter's MIL said her son has to work too hard to provide for these children - kids my daughter apparently conceived on her own! But she's crazy about them now that they're here. Families have this sense of ownership they think gives them the right to tell you what they think. Who cares? You shouldn't care even if it hurts a little. Laugh it off and enjoy this pregnancy.

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A.G.

answers from Chicago on

:( I was in a similar boat. Still am, I suppose. I am 23 weeks pregnant with our 4th. All were planned. Their ages are 4 1/2, 3, and almost 2. Now, we'll have another in early June.

My in-laws only had my husband and his brother. Even though they both come from families with 5 kids, they think 2 is plenty....and they certainly let me know. :) I have 7 siblings, so I am used to large families. I never intended on having more than 2 children, but I honestly LOVE being pregnant and LOVE having my kids. Never second-guessed that!

My mother-in-law is very opinionated on how many kids SHE thinks WE should have. My FIL is similar, but not so much to me as to my husband. It hurts. It really does. We have never asked them for any kind of support financially; we don't need to. We don't ask them to babysit unless it's a last resort because we know how they feel and (to be honest) I'm still bitter that they think they get to decide how many kids we should have.

I don't think you're being too sensitive at all. Those comments ("oh, you're having another?" or "ever heard of birth control?") are funny like the first 2 times; they are hurtful after that. I don't think my in-laws get it. I know they know how hard I work at raising the girls, and I know they're excited we're finally having a boy. BUT, they don't express positive things about the number of kids....even when we're in public and in front of strangers. "These are my grandkids...yes, ALL of them." I mean, really!?! 4 is not really that many.

And of course the hormones don't help! :) All I can say is try to laugh it off with them. Maybe they just don't get how much it hurts your feelings? I don't think my in-laws get it. They are having to help out my brother-in-law a lot financially and otherwise, so they give him their opinion all the time on how he should live....I can only assume they think they need to do the same with us (even though they've never supported us financially or have been asked for anything from us!!).

Try to just enjoy the pregnancy with your husband and kids. Hopefully, you don't have to interact with them too often during the rest of your pregnancy! :) Hang in there!

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S.C.

answers from Seattle on

I agree they were rude! Unfortunately, not everyone thinks before speaking. I felt the same way after announcing the news of my third pregnancy. My husband's parent's were not excited all and even seemed put out! My sister said, "You know, it will probably be another boy!" I heard a lot of "Oh, again?" I just had to shrug off the rude comments. It really doesn't matter what anyone else think, but it's definitely hurtful!

Congratulations on your new baby! I'm excited for you!

S.

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L.D.

answers from Dallas on

Totally depends on your family. My side of the family squealed and shrieked and hugged. When I told my inlaws (and this was their first grandchild!) they said, "Oh! Well... congratulations..." and then started talking about their dogs. However, they were thrilled and dote on my son. They just dont show it like my family.

I dont think you are being sensitive - I would feel disappointed too. But different families react differently.

I'm happy for you! CONGRATULATIONS!!! :) You will have so much fun with this little bundle of joy and he/she will be a blessing and wonderful edition to your family!

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L.L.

answers from Detroit on

I can relate to your story. I went to the doctor when I thought I was pregnant with my third child and he told me that I should consider a permanent fix after I deliver. Needless to say I changed doctors immediately. Strangers would approach me and say do I know what causes this condition. I was abhored and saddened by their comments. This third child was planned to the day. My other boys were turning 3 and 2 that summer and the third was due in April. However, when I was pregnant with my fourth, (again planned), I was congratulated by all I met, friends, family and strangers. Go figure. Just ignore the ugly comments. It is what you want and that is all that matters. Bringing a life into the world is a joyous time!!!! And this happend 25+ years ago. Sorry to hear that things have not really changed. FYI: I had a girl after three boys. Everyone was worth delivering.

A.G.

answers from Pocatello on

No your not overreacting. Some people get really jealous when others are pregnant around them. Like the female cousin might just be jealous your pregnant and she's not. Even if she's not married or is done having kids herself some woman still don't like it when other woman are getting so much attention. And I know how you feel. When I announced I was pregnant with my 2nd baby my SIL just got up and walked out of the room. She was that pissed about it. Then when I got pregnant with my 3rd I got a shirt that announced my pregnancy and wore it to a family get together. She took one look at the shirt and said "oh that's cute" then turned and walked away. So yeah I know the feeling. Just remember that there will be lots of people out there happy for you and wanting to congratulate you so try not to worry too much about the other ones. And by the way CONGRATULATIONS! :)

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C.M.

answers from Detroit on

Ignore them and look forward to your new little sweetie! Cograts!

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S.L.

answers from Boise on

People can be so dumb. If I don't know exactly what to say, I keep my mouth shut. But some people haven't learned that skill.

I say that if people ask if it's planned, just say, "OH yes, we love babies!" Or "oh yes, our boys are so wonderful, we just couldn't think of not having another!" Knock 'em over with kindness. If they meant well, they'll be delighted. If they were being snarky, they'll feel bad. They'll get what they deserve either way.

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D.C.

answers from Portland on

I know the feeling. I have three kids and just got pregnant with twins. I got terrible reactions but I let it blow over. It's annoying when family isn't supportive but ignore it. ~D.

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S.C.

answers from Phoenix on

Yes, I think you're probably being a little sensitive. I guess it depends on their tone (and expressions) while speaking, but it sounds to me like they were simply being conversational.

Congratulations, by the way. ;-)

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T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

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M.P.

answers from Provo on

HOLY RUDE!!!!!!!!!!! Man! I'm still hormonal so I'm sure I would have just slapped them.
No you are not to sensitive. That is just some awful horrible thing for them to stay. Who cares if your pregnant "again". It's a baby! They should be so happy for you! Now if you were in a bad marriage, I could see them saying that, but still! So rude!

S.P.

answers from Nashville on

def. not over reacting! My sister has 3 kids and i have one and married and financially stable and stay home to take care of my daughter. I wanted my kids to be 3 years apart. My daughter is 2 and we started trying couple months after her 2nd birthday and got pregnant we were so excited told my parents and they were like oh...i was like no congrats and my mom goes yeah congrats. Well a few weeks later i miscarried that baby and week after miscarrying i conceived again and told my mom and she goes well i wouldnt tell anybody until your almost 5 months along. that made me cry:( but she didnt mean to hurt me like that. I just ignored it and brushed it off. My husbands side of the family Are super excited and i will be due in sept. 2011. Nobody should tell you how many kids you and your husband should have because there not the ones supporting them and raising them. Congrats on your pregnancy:)

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B.B.

answers from Detroit on

After we had our 2nd my FIL was trying to convince my hubby to get a vasectomy... lol After our 3rd... He started saying that I was too old to have any more (I was 28)... Now our 4th is here after an interesting pregnancy (gall stones popped up) and FIL's take on it? My body is "broken"... lol
So how did I react? lol No matter what he said about what ever I would put on my cheeriest face and voice and say "I KNOW!!! Isn't it wonderful? What a BLESSING!" And with every grandbaby FIL LOVES them more and more!!!

You can't let it get to you! Come up with some happy go lucky response and then no matter what the question, use it! That will make the person stop and think that it made no sense which will make them think about what THEY said... Perhaps then they will realize how rude they sounded...

As for the planning thing... My dad always said that there are no "unplanned" pregnancies... just unforseen blessings. :-)

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M.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Alot of people just can't be happy for others because they aren't happy themselves. I would like to say CONGRATULATIONS! to you! I love it when I see others pregnant and I wish you the best with your third child! As far as negative comments, if they say something like that again, you could say.....Of course it was planned, didn't you know we wanted more?? Or oh, i see someone is jealous, can't you just be happy for us? You don't need to take abusive comments from anyone. If they don't like it, they can just shut their mouth. Take good care~

M

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K.T.

answers from Detroit on

Yes, you are hormonal....you are supposed to be! No, you are not overly sensitive...they were rude. Sometimes people make assumptions (we all know about those.....) that you are done and then SURPRISE! It takes awhile to sink in and they blurt out the first thing that comes to mind because they are in no way thinking you could be pregnant.
Your reproductive behavior has nothing to do with anyone but you and and your husband, but it could very well be jealousy or whatnot that prompts people to be rude and snarky. You are probably glowing and they can't rock that look on a good day! Congrats!

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K.M.

answers from Detroit on

unfortunatly intodays society they frown at us who have more kids people can't handle more than one or two and those who do have more they think where crazy my husband and i kept our one that i am currently pregnant with for a long time because of there reactions and to be honest so what what they think its what you and your husband decided and if it was an accident feel blessed the lord believes this is what you can handle. We are on our 6th.My brothers unfortunately the one who looks down on me is the one who's wife can't have any more because her body rejects them so he thinks i am crazy for having more than two and than the other one he choose to only have two so he thinks im nuts too. Congrats and feel blessed and screw the rest as long as you all happy!!

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