Ran Away from Home AGAIN. What Can Mom Do?

She needs a therapist and to be sent to volunteer at a juvenile half-way home , a women's or homeless shelter because that's where she'll be in a couple of years. If she skips school, have her arrested for truancy. Maybe she'll get scared straight.

The 13 year old and her parents need to get into therapy, it's less expensive than boarding school and more practical. The 13 year old can express and learn to deal with what she's coping with, (possibly feeling like she's been pushed aside by the younger children in the family and the parents not having time for her) the parents can learn the parenting skills they need to cope with the situation and deal with her. They can all learn new ways of behavior and change what isn't working.

She needs to be a part of the family, accepting responsibility by helping to care for the younger kids and/or doing chores in the home. And she needs firm consequences for her actions...which if she continues to have sex at her age she will definitely have one way or the other. Boundaries help children to be secure, that's why they're important from the infant through teen years.

I speak from more experience in this area than you can possibly know, and pray this family can get on track, because it IS a family problem, not just the 13 year old's.

They should make an appointment with a family therapist to work on these issues. If her daughter is 13 and this out of control then it's important to get the family back on track.

As far as your friend saying that her daughter needs to move out well that's just showing how frustrated she is with the situation. She's on the verge of giving up which is the worst thing she can do.

I checked and you wrote about this same girl a week or 2 ago. I said the family needs counseling and I still feel that way.
Children who are in good loving homes do not run away, have sex by 12, get tattoos ect. This is a cry for help and no one is listening. This child is being abused --- my guess she is being sexually abused, by someone, if not a parent then a person who is a regular in their home.
If she comes to you for help try to get her to talk. Hopefully she will open up to you and tell you what is going on. Then you need to take the correct action. I know the parents are your friends --- but if they are abusing her they need to be reported to the police and CPS.

I ran away at about that age a couple of times. Oh man it broke my mom's heart as she was dealing with my little sister's brain tumor. I got pushed to the wayside, not really but I FELT like it. I ran away twice. Yep, it was a cry for attention, you don't really realize that when you are doing it but hindsight is 20/20.
The girl wants a family that feels good to her, and apparently it doesnt for some reason.
I stayed at a girlfriends house both times, hidden from her parents while my mother was frantically calling my friends to find out where I was, and they - like me- didnt realize how heartwrenching this is for a mother and they hid me.
I felt guilty by day 3 both times, knowing my mother missed me and was worried and I went home and got greeted with hugs and kisses and love.
I only did it twice, I think my own guilt cured me of it after my mom shared with me how much it hurt her and my sister while I was gone.
I so wish I could take it all back so my mother doesnt have that horrible memory, I'm quite ashamed about it.
I'm so blessed that my boys never pulled anything like that, but they werent raised in an environment that made either of them feel "left out".
Mom needs to talk to daughter, she's at such a vulnerable age, she NEEDS some undivided attention until she feels secure again. I'm sure in large families there are times where a more needy child feels a bit neglected. It's hard to meet all the needs of your children.
If mom and dad arent getting along well, that is another thing that causes strife and insecurity.
Kids need home to be that secure, safe, soft place to land where they KNOW they are perfect in every way.

A parent... does NOT just abandon their child, because she runs away.
The Mom saying that the daughter "just needs to move out...." is in essence the Mom... abandoning her child. And the Mom not doing anything to HELP her child.... by means of whatever she can do or must do. ie: getting Therapy for her daughter AND the family, being a better parent and/or taking parenting classes, finding out WHY the daughter keeps behaving this way, talking to the school to see if the Counselors can help them and their daughter, etc.

Sure school is not in session now... but even during summer time, there is an office staff there. The parent can contact the school, speak to some Administrator, and maybe that Administrator can try and contact the schools' Counselor... even if just to find out RESOURCES of where the Mom can get help, or from who, or any shelters that are in that city etc.

Sending kids to a "boarding school" is also NOT the answer. That is just making someone else, the "parent" for THEIR child.
I went to a private boarding school when I was a Teen. A very exclusive private boarding school. And let me tell you... the school is not a "substitute" parent. Most of the parents that send their kids to boarding school... were not even involved with their kids' lives. They left it up to the school. And these kids... were NOT "angels."

This girl's parents... have to, do whatever they can... to HELP THEIR DAUGHTER, before something unthinkable happens to their daughter. If something happens to their daughter... they will never forgive themselves. Or.. they will perhaps, just see it as their daughter's fault. Not theirs. And that is PATHETIC.
The girl is a child... a parent has to intervene.
This is about their daughter's LIFE.

This girl's parents... do not even seem to "want" to do anything.
Because if they DID want to help their child... they would be scrambling like crazy to get their child help.
AND they would be getting Therapy for themselves, and/or attending parenting classes. At the, least.

This may clarify:

http://www.livestrong.com/article/141332-runaway-child-laws/

I will pray for this little girl and her family.

She is not necessarily the victim of poor parenting, she perhaps has an emotional or mood disorder which causes her to feel she is not cared about or loved. Parents need to contact an insurance agency, find out if she could be sent to a hospital and have some therapy. If there isn't that available, then they need to contact whatever free services there are and get some help. The parents also need to go to some parenting classes even if they are great parents, they need to give logical consequences. I wonder even how a thirteen year old can run away, have sex and get tatoos, since I just about stalked my children into their twenties. And there still turned out to be some problems! But fortunately they can overcome some of them.

I suggest they look into Heartlight Ministries -- I have heard incredible things about how they reach teens and turn their lives around. www.heartlightministries.org

God Bless!!

When I ran away at 15, I was only allowed to come home under the condition that I go into family therapy. I agreed. The rest, as they say, is history.

They need family therapy. I guarantee it is not just the daughter who is having issues. She is just the one crying out for help! The family is a system that needs to work together and needs to be treated as a whole, addressing all parts.

Moving out is not going to make things better, nor will boarding school. I don't doubt that the parents love her, but I do wonder whether somehow they aren't showing it in the ways she needs.

They need to put her in therapy. She should do individual sessions as well as family sessions. My guess is the mom would benefit from individual therapy as well. Insurance will cover some of the costs. They NEED to find a way financially to make it work. It needs to become the top priority after housing and food.

The mom needs to prove to this girl just how much she loves her. She needs to give her positive attention, spend time with her, and talk to her more. 12 year olds don't have sex unless something is wrong. They don't run away from home repeatedly and stay away overnight.

Encourage your friend to get into therapy immediately. Encourage her to establish some hard, but fair, ground rules for her daughter.

This is the tip of the iceberg. A girl who has sex and gets tattoos at age 12 is doing MUCH worse stuff at 16.

Hmmm.
I'm wondering why boarding school has even been a consideration.
It seems to me that this child needs more boundaries and more attention. She is out of control and it seems like no one is trying to do anything about it.

She's the oldest of 5 kids. It seems to me that perhaps she's just fallen off the radar because I can promise you that there are large families where the 13 year old isn't having sex, running away and getting tattoos.

Lord knows I've threatened to sell my kids, joking (of course), but just giving up and thinking they need to move out? Never.

If this child continues to run away and make poor decisions, she could be labelled as incorrigable and sent to juvenille hall. Even the threat of that might scare her straight, or, she may not care enough about herself to give a flip if that happens.

She sounds like a very troubled girl and I understand feeling like you just don't know what to do, but finding somewhere else for the girl to go would probably just make her feel even more like she doesn't matter.

It sounds like she's crying out for attention, even if it's bad attention.
And that is a very dangerous thing.

I think your friend should contact some local resources such as the county mental health department to get low cost or no cost counselling services before this child really messes up her life. She's too young to be tossed aside.

Just my opinion.

They need family counseling with her and her parents. It seems like the typical situation where there is something missing in the family dynamic. Very rarely is it just the child who needs counseling. They'd better do something quick as she is awfully young and is making very scary decisions.

There's nothing anybody can do. The girl will have to experience goings, and she will have to make that decision. Speaking from experience.