Hey moms,
Embarking on new territory: playdates with school mates that we (meaning my husband and I) don't know yet.
Do you set up the initial play date at a neutral place, like a park, to get a feel for the parents, or do you set it up at one of the houses and go with your child?
Our daughter is in first grade and although we have playdates with our longtime friends w/ kids, the friends from school thing is new to us.
Thank you!
Added: playing after school isn't an option; I work and so does my husband. So this really can't be "casual" it has to be set up on a weekend. Wish it could be as easy as when I was a kid!
I love the idea of a neutral place. I used the park, McDonalds, and an indoor play area at the mall.
My kids have always hit the buzz book and had them over here. No one was ever freaked out about not knowing us. I suppose when they walked the kid to the door they would run if they got the ax murderer vibe but no one ran.
We've started at parks usually - pick one that would be somewhere they have likely been before. During that kind of playdate you and the other parent(s) will get to know each other a little bit. Makes it a little less awkward than going straight to the playdate at the house I think.
This has been interesting for us too. We have just been inviting friends to our house and I've been surprised at the parents who send their 4 year olds (preschoolers) to our home (and parent not staying) having never spent any time with us other than waving "hello" at pick up or drop off. We do meet at playgrounds too but I don't think I would be comfortable letting our child go to someones home unless I know them pretty well.
Just invite them over after school. People make way to much of this
playdate thing and being politically correct. Call ask if so and so can
come over to play after school.
I have set up playdates for my almost 4 year old daughter. the first time gettting together we always meet at a park. That way I get to visit with the parents and get a feel for if I feel comfortable letting her play at her house. Because she is so young the other mother and I still stay around and talk while we watch our kids play. But I think a good start would be a neutral place.
I always seemed to know the family before I sent my kid, so I never really dealt with this. But, I did have one dad come and stay with his daughter for the playdate one time. Really awkward! But I totally respected him for it. I just wished my husband had been home! So, I guess you could go.
In response to DAZ, it just gets worse as they get older. In jr hi, my daughter was always having friends over and I had no clue who they were nor had I met their parents. They'd just dump their kid in the driveway and drive off. And then drive up and honk. So weird. I ALWAYS went in to check out the situation - seem like good people? parental supervision? safe environment? etc. And, my son is in high school now and he's had several overnighters with multiple boys (they stay up playing video games & watching movies) - and the parents (I've never met) never call to confirm, come to the door to meet, or anything. So weird. I would never let my highschooler go to someone's house to spend the night without checking it out first.
1) do you know the parents already, or have seen them around?
What is the vibe you get from them? Meaning, do they seem fine and normal?
2) Yes, you can set up initial play date someplace neutral.
Then, feel them out.
3) If it is at another person's house... then you can go. And YES go with your child, unless you know them well and trust them/their home.
4) Do you know the friend of your child from school? Do you ever go to the school and volunteer in the class or can you? That is also a way to gauge your child's friend/parent.
