Question to Moms That Assisted Their Infants to Sleep

I just finished reading The Baby Sleep Book by William Sears which had some good alternatives to "crying it out." He's really against crying it out and advocates attachment parenting, which attempts to teach the baby to sleep instead of forcing him. Anyway I got the book on Amazon's used book site for like $5.

Good luck!
K.

I NEVER used the cry it out method...I could never do it..I chose to co sleep with my 1st daughter until she was about 6 months then I gradually put her in her crib for naps for a while and then at night...My 2nd and 3rd daughters slep in the cradle right next to my bed and then after a few months gradually moved it closer to the door and finally into there own rooms......Hope everything works out for you.....

E.:

I have always wondered why it is that we are in a rush for our children to sleep alone but choose not to do so ourselves?

Also, why is ok. for us to ignore our children's crying when we would never considering doing so to a friend or significant other?

just musing,

P., RLC, IBCLC
Pres. Lactation Support Group, Inc
800 LACTATE

I have two girls, 3 and 19 months. Sleep is very important to me, as I'm sure it is for every mom. I have never had a problem with my oldest, she just has always been a good sleeper. I never had to use any method for her, I wish all kids were like that. My second was a different story. She never slept! I never had the heart to let her cry it out. I went almost one full year before I slept more than hour at a time.(I have my own sleep issues.) I happened to see The Baby Whisperer book at Target and I figured why not. The pick-up/put-down method actually worked for us. It only took one time at a nap. She has been sleeping happily ever since. I just lay her in bed after reading her two books and she puts herself to sleep. My girls are such good sleepers that even excavation, concrete, hammering and sawing doesn't keep them up (we are putting on an addition).

The cryout method was not my first choice, however, it was suggested to me by my best friend and pediatrician when I was at my wits end with the bedtime routine. It worked like a charm!! It was horrible trying to put my then 12 month old to sleep at night in her crib because we allowed her to sleep with us everytime she fussed. Listening to your child cry is horrible, but for some reason the method does train them to go to sleep in their own crib. Our cry out lasted three nights - the first night was 45 mins, the second was 10 mins, and the third she went right down to bed, no crying, and it has been that way every since. It is such a peaceful process now putting her to bed, and she sleeps from 9pm to 7/7:30am. I would suggest doing this method, even though I know other parents are completely against it. I have heard of so many parents that do co-sleeping or allow their babies to sleep in their room after 1 years old, and they regret that decision when their 3 or 4 year old is still coming into their room in the middle of the night and crawling into bed with them. Good luck with your decision. It is not an easy one, but the cry out method works!!

Hi E.,

I have 2 boys, 6 years and 17 months. With my first, there came a time when his sleep schedule got messed up that we would put him in his safe crib, with toys he could interact with (fish in the ceiling, pull the tail elephant to get a song) that he would play with, then maybe cry a bit and fall asleep. I am not sure it could be called a method or not, just what worked for us.

With my second, I nursed him for 4 months and he would normally fall asleep nursing and I would ease him into bed. After I weaned him we would have our bed time routine, change a diaper while sining a song, quick cuddle, turn the light off and put him into his crib. He sometimes will play with crib toys, crys a bit and then puts himself to sleep.

The biggest problem I had with him putting himself to sleep is when we started camping this summer and he had to sleep in a playpen. He was not used to any other place to sleep but his crib so the transition was a bit more work. There were times he had to just cry it out until he fell asleep, not more than 10 minutes.

With both my boys, if they wake in the night I attend to them, no matter what.

I think you have to keep your child's situation in mind and not try this if they are not tired or overtired. I had a friend the said she let her daughter cry it out and finally went in after 2 1/2 hours of hearing her cry. Now anyone would know that situation is just not right and the baby needs more. I have a feeling she was just telling stories though.

Good luck!

VERY happy that I stuck it out. My son was still waking at night up to 12 months and I thought I would never get a full night of sleep again. But about this time (also when he started eating more table food reliably) he started to sleep through the night. I rocked and nursed him to sleep till 2 1/2. Probably could have stopped earlier, but we both enjoyed that time together at the end of the day since I work. When we got him his big boy bed, he decided he didn't need to do that anymore. We still lay down with him at night for a bit, but we don't have too. I have left him in there by himself since he got his new bed on Labor Day, and he has gone to sleep totally on his own. He is confident in the fact that if he needs me, I will come. As he got older, I learned to identify the different types of crying, and sometimes he was just fussing, but would settle back down on his own if I let him be. But if it was an urgent cry, I always went. He is very confident, not "clingy" or any of the other things the sleep training people say. Kids learn to be independent much better if they know that they have support if they need it. Because he is confident of this, he is very happy to lay in there alone with no crying and has done so for quite a while now.

Hi E.!!

I am one of those moms who co-slept with their babies. I know that there are a lot of people out there who say not to do it....but me and my husband did anyway.
I am 100% completely happy with my decision. I know that it comforted my son to be between me and my husband. I breastfeed so it was so easy to side feed him and fall back to sleep.
My son who is 9 months can usually go to sleep in his crib. It may take some work, like rocking him for a 1/2 hour, but he eventually goes to sleep. He does not sleep through the night yet and he stills likes to come into bed with us early in the morning. But I love that he wants to sleep with us.

I hope this helps!!

---D.

I can only share the experience I had with my daughter but I strongly believe that the sleep training should be dependant on the childs disposition. My daughter was very colicky for the first 3 months so we kept her in our room in a bassinet by the bed for the first month and then after that we would make a "baby burrito" by swaddling her very tightly and then would put her in her car seat in her crib. We did this for multiple reasons. One the swaddling almost instantly soothed her and allowed her to fall asleep and the car seat was because she had very bad reflux and we wanted her upright for fear of her spitting up and possibly choking. Then I broke my leg (yes, a 2 month old with a broken leg, it was not fun!) and my Mom flew in from Florida to help me. She has 30 years of experience as a home daycare provider as well as a mother and helped me wean my daughter from the car seat into her crib. It took 2 evenings of crying and restlessness but we held firm and after the 3rd day she was a pro. Ever since then she has easily gone to bed and rarely wakes up. If she does she is able to get back to sleep within 15 minutes with little fussing. As with the other post, it was hard those 3 days. My heart broke but in the long run I couldn't be happier with my decision to stick it out because I feel I've taught my daughter a valuable lesson about how to get to sleep on her own and soothe herself back to sleep when necessary. Good luck!

Yes, I am happy with my decision. I did not feel comfortable letting my baby cry it out. She and I would lay down together and I would rub her belly and we would look at the pretty night light and such until she fell asleep. Now, my girl is 3 years old and I put her to bed and rub her belly and tell her to have sweet dreams. The process takes about ten to fifteen minutes but she and I are comfortable with it and she falls to sleep on her own after I leave the room. I prefer this because one the few occasions I would let her cry it out, it would take longer for her to fall asleep. She would just be crying and screaming. This way, she knows the drill and is content and happy with it.
Yes, on most occasions, my baby can fall asleep on her own unless she is not feeling well and needs to be babied. I think my baby had the nighttime ritual down around 9 months. Before that, she was falling asleep on my breast and I would just put her into the crib.
I also want to add that my baby was always pretty easy and she rarely gave me any problems. She was always good about things. I do not know what I would have done had I had a colicy or sensative baby. I just did what worked for us and if it did not work, I would have done other things. Each baby is different.
I hope this helps.

I am new to this site but I feel compeled to respond to your inquiry. As a new mother of a 10 month old girl, my worst fear was a child that wouldn't sleep. To my surprise, she has been an angel. I never had to use any "methods" to get her to sleep (for naps or bedtime). However, I do several things to ensure she goes down without a fight and that is:
1) I started by looking for signals that she was tired (red eyes, getting clingly, seemingly uncontent with anything
2) Then I used those cues to start laying her down. At naps I take her to her crib, lay her down and tell her we'll play again when she wakes up. Sometimes she stands up and calls out but within a few minutes she's fast asleep. At bedtime, we sit together and read a book signaling the day is done.
3) Knowing when she's tired and putting her to bed BEFORE she gets overtired is the secret. I also make sure to keep this all consistent from day to day --- laying her down at the same time for each nap and at bedtime and having her home and in her crib.
I've been doing it this way since she was about 3 months old and I couldn't be happier. I can only assume because this is now a habit for her and moving on into her toddler years it should go as smoothly. I guess only time will tell! Wishing you all the best ....

My son is 4 months old now and sleeps beautifully at night (7-2am, then a big meal, then until 6:30am). I have read the Ferber book and suspect that if you have a child with major sleep problems over 6 months of age, using his methods to the letter would be very effective.

We've never had a problem with him sleeping at night (he slept right next to the bed until about 12 weeks) but since he was a bad napper we decided we'd try the Ferber thing for naps. We'd sit and stare at the clock while he cried and force ourselves to wait for 5 minutes before going back in to check on him. But, after about 2 days he almost always fell asleep within the 5 minutes AS LONG AS we put him down when he was clearly tired. And if he is clearly tired and just can't settle himself within 5 minutes (which is somewhat unusual now), I nurse him to sleep for the nap. My philosophy is that as long as he continues to sleep well at night, I don't really care what it takes to get him to nap.

His bedtime routine now starts around 6:45 or so. I bathe him (which he loves), put his pajamas on, nurse him in his dark bedroom, and lay him in his crib. I sing him a song I made up, kiss him goodnight, leave the room, and he's asleep within minutes.

So, I guess that doesn't really answer your question, but I know that for now at least, my 4 month old goes to sleep much easier than his 2 year old cousin. And except for the one night nursing, he stays asleep longer.

1/Absolutly happy with my decision, I couldnt think of letting my daughter cry for long periods of time and not having me comfort her! I rocked her until she was 18 months old and then laid down by or next to her. At 2 she moved into a twin bed and I laid with her.
2&3/My daughter at 3 started going to bed on her own with me leaving. We do have our night time ritual of bedtime story, a short short (like 2 min) puppet show with her stuff animals and I sing You are my sunshine right before I leave the room. She also has a baby blanket that she likes spritzed with a spray of my body spray. She does have a couple night lights as well. 2 nights it was crying for about a 30-40 minute period and I had to have a supportive friend on the phone just coaching me to stay put. But now its a breeze.
Good luck and email me at ____@____.com if you need any thing else!

I tried everything I could to not use the "cry it out" method, but by the time my daughter was 11 months and still not sleeping more than 1 hour in her crib at night, I just couldn't keep doing it. While I loved sleeping with her, I was working full time and needed to get some sleep. I let her "cry it out", and after one bad night and about 2 more difficult ones, she loves going to her bed and sleeps all night, every night. It is hard to hear them cry, but it is so important for everyone to teach them to sleep on their own. Good luck with you decision!

my daughter is only 4 months old, but she sleeps through the night. I usually feed her, and she will fall asleep during that time. Then I lay her down, and she stays asleep. I couldn't handle hearing her cry and just ignoring her.

hi E. -

i didn't use those methods. i can't tell if you want to sleep with your chld or not, but here is what i did with both of my sons (the youngest is 4 months now.) my pediatrician recommended to put them down for naps and bedtime awake when they are around 3 months old. each child sucked their thumb for comfort when i put them down. sometimes they fussed/cried for 2-5 minutes, but i never let it escalate into the "cry it out" technique (they always fell asleep after the first few whimpers.) this is what my doctor recommended and i am so grateful because now i have well-rested happy kids who never have any sleep issues.

also, i agree with the mom who says get them on a schedule and put them down at those times. i've always felt that regularity has been a huge benefit for the kids. hope that helps.

I did not have to use the "cry it out" method or Ferber method with either of my children. At a young age with both (approx. 2-3 months) I would try to put them to sleep drowsy but still awake so that they learned how to put themselves to sleep without an aid. Additionally, I didn't rush in to retrieve them at the first peep. I might give it a few minutes to hear whether they had definitely awoken. Often babies make noises in their sleep, but aren't truly awake. Prior to 6-7 months the nap schedule is a little bit free form, but essentially after about 2 hours of being awake, I would place them down for a nap. I tried to establish a consistent nightime bedtime by using a routine. The middle of the night wake-ups would fluctuate, but in both cases by about 6-7 months, both children demonstrated the ability to sleep through the night until about 5:30 - 6 am (my pediatrician also indicated to me that this is the point where infants no longer require a middle of the night feed). After that point, I no longer responded to middle of the night crying unless it truly sounded like a distress cry (i.e. sick, teething, etc.) Both children are now great sleepers. I can't say that my toddler always is happy about nap time, but he generally gives in to it without too much protest and goes to sleep. I think the key with my toddler has been to keep in the crib as long as possible. I know some people who have been lucky transitioning their children to beds, but for some it can mean the end of napping with their new found freedom. I hope this helps.

This is my favorite co-sleeping article:
Quoted with permission from Kelly of course. :)

Sleeping With Baby, December

Steam rises, here and north of here,
from a hundred holes in the snow,
from a hundred warm stone caves
where sister bear curls dreaming against the cold
around a cub who grumbles, stirs
the way you do against my belly,
under this thick white blanket.

In the walls of here and everywhere
in fluffy nests of shredded work gloves,
leaves, insulation,
mouse mother's white belly curves
like the crescent moon around her naked brood,
containing their blindness.
Think of it: in attic boxes, basement drawers,

warm fur and the tiny miracle of mouse milk.

Even in deepest sleep I cannot put you down.

I know from instinct
that birth takes months; a push from womb
to cradleboard, hammock, sling.
Woman rises, sore, from birthing,
returns to the work of life. Hands free

for gathering, digging in dirt, kneading bread,
she walks unhindered, patting the sling
like a pregnant belly, shifting familiar weight.

Baby remembers the tight, dark warmth,
the comfort of heartsounds, rides rocked
in her walk, awash in the waves of her breathing
like before.

At night, in the furs and quilts,
in hammocks and sleeping mats, pioneer rope beds,
in wigwams, grass huts, soddies,
they slept as we sleep now

heart to heart. Before you were born
I listened for you all night, curled on my side around your squirming.

Now your breathing comforts me back; you wake
and nurse, rooting, grunting like a lion cub,
smelling of warmth and milk.

When newborn nightmares furrow your brow
(what fear from deep and long ago?)
Push that quivering bottom lip, you stiffen, reach out, touch...

mama

and that face erases, small pond after a rain.

I try to imagine why you should be
in the next room, alone, on that wide caged mattress
where predators drool and prowl,
where instinct (your only compass) says unheld is unsafe,

Alone, crying that wail of the dropped and falling,
the howl of the foundling,
orphan left on forest floor,
on glacial ridge, in desert sand

alone.

Kelly Averill-Savino
http://www,primalpotter.com

Very happy with my decision. My daughter trusts me and is confident that she is safe. Just recently (she is almost 3) I added some things to her room (a bookshelf and one of those canopys that go over the bed) and now she is so excited to be in there even by herself at night. So lately she has taken it upon herself to not wait for me to lay with her (I don't fit under the canopy) until she sleeps and now she falls asleep under this canopy without needing me at all. I think when they are ready it'll just happen. I do know that letting a child cry without responding is just awful. We don't even do that to our pets, do we? You know you don't want to do that!
Good luck to you!

L.

We did not use the "cry-it-out" method, but I'm not saying there weren't some times that our son cried in his crib.

1. I am very very happy with our decision. I don't know how long I would have been able to hold out on the "cry-it-out."

2. Our son (15 months) goes to sleep on his own. We had a very rough start as Jacob was extremely colicky. But, after the colic passed, we haven't had much of an issue. At bedtime, we literally put Jacob in his bed (even for a nap) and he falls asleep. He may moan for a little bit, he may play with "Tad" for a little bit, but he's in there for the night. There are rare times that we will put him in there and he will just stand up and scream/cry. But, to me that's an indication that he's not ready to go to bed. We'll go get him and have some quiet time for about 10 - 15 minutes and then will put him back in the crib and he'll fall asleep.

3. He started doing this as soon as the colic passed. So at about 4 months or so. Don't get me wrong, he didn't sleep through the night at that point. We had a rough 8 months with that as he got up to eat (breastmilk) until we starting mixing with formula when, unfortunately, my milk supply dropped.

Some things that worked for us:

Jacob never slept anywhere except in his crib. No bassinet in our room, no co-sleeping, no me laying in the room with him to get him to sleep. We would feed him right before bed and he was set. The closeness of the feeding probably was equivilant to rocking him to sleep, but we didn't usually do that.

We swaddled him tightly and he loved it. I honestly do not rememeber when we stopped doing that though.

Due to the colic, our doctor recommended he use a pacifier. He did and it helped calm him. At this point, we are weaning him off it. He uses it only at naptime/bedtime.

We offered him music and it worked for him.

Of course, our next child could be 100% opposite and all kids are different. I'm not swearing by what we did or think it's the way that all moms/dads should do it. But, it worked for us.

Good luck!

Hi, we helped our boys go to sleep when they were younger. My husband didn't want them to cry it out or use any other method so, we did what felt right and we never regreted our decision. Both of our boys (now 6 and 4) are well adjusted boys with no problems with detachment. Never had it. It all has to do with the temperment of the child, but we rocked them to sleep til they were 18 month old and then they went into a toddler bed. They loved it and never gone back since. We are very happy with our decision!

Hi, E.!

I have literally read a handful of books about children and sleeping, since my son, from infancy, refused (even after hours and hours of blood-curdling screaming) to go to sleep without my assistance. My son is now 3 years old and falls asleep with me or my husband beside him. Many have criticized us for this, however we are one of the few societies in the world that supports the 'cry-it-out' method, and at what cost? My son sleeps through the night, we get our needed sleep, and my son is better behaved and confident and secure because of it. I will agree with critics that it's important for children to learn to fall asleep on their own, but I also think it's more important for a young child to feel safe and loved above all else. By the way, my (much younger) brother also fell asleep with my parents and slept in a family bed, and grew out of it by 6.

Overall, I advise you to do what YOU think is best for YOU and YOUR CHILD. No one knows your child and your life better than you, and it's no one else's business.

Good luck!