Question on My 6 Year Old Daughter

Updated on November 01, 2010
K.C. asks from Conway, AR
9 answers

I have a 6 year old daughter and a 5 year old son. My son has always been very hyper and into everything and always getting in trouble. He was recently diagnosed with ADHD and put on concerta (which we figured he was, but was just putting it off until it became an issue in school) Well my daughter in the last week has been, i guess acting out. She has a pre-spelling test every Thursday and if she makes 100% then you don't have to take the test on Friday. Well she missed one world (first time ever not making 100% the first try) and i was by no means 'getting on to her' about it but we were just talking and re-spelling the word. I didn't make a big deal over the fact that she misspelled it. Well all of the sudden she starts with the "no one loves me" and "the teacher just doesn't love me" I never told her i was dissapointed or anythign, i told her how well she did on her words and how proud of her i was. Then tonight she got into trouble and she did the same thing "no one loves me!" she's doing this a lot lately. what if anything can i do?

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answers from Los Angeles on

She's a smart girl.
She has observed some of the attention and concern her brother gets.
She wants that kind of attention, too.
See if you can have a conversation
about love and expectations and behavior.
In particular, it would be good to let her know how proud you are of her
for her usual cooperation, her good work in school, etc.

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answers from San Francisco on

Just give her some extra attention for a few days, she probably just needs her cup filled a little. The teacher doesn't have to love her, and the spelling test has nothing to do with love.

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answers from Oklahoma City on

My 6 yr son and my almost 8 yr old will do this stunt. It is usually after they get in trouble for something. I tell them I love them very much but the bad behavior is not acceptable and I walk away. In your case she is either needing attention or she is getting more than she is used to. Believe me once they start it will come up even more. My kids picked up the "I hate you" at daycare when they were younger. It hurts the first time you hear it but it is just phase until they are teenagers then I believe you will hear it again.

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answers from Chicago on

she might be feeling the extra attention that is needed for your son with ADHD, I know that children with ADHD tend to take up a little bit more time and energy weather you notice it or not.

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answers from Detroit on

My 7 year old does this with me and it is usually when he's in trouble or thinks he hasn't done well on something. I usually respond by telling him I love him very much and always will, there is nothing he could do to stop me from loving him and, if he is in trouble for something, I tell him I love him very much but do not like whatever it was he did or how he behaved.



answers from Las Vegas on

Kids do this. I can tell you from an older child and the younger 5 YO, they say these heart breaking things. You just reassure them that you do.



answers from Portland on

Get yourself a copy of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. It gives you straight-forward and extremely effective ways to help your daughter identify her own emotional issues. And it will give you wise and practical tools to help her find solutions for herself (with your loving support, of course).

She may have the freedom now, for the first time, to get a bigger share of the spotlight now that her brother is on medication (I'm assuming this has changed his behavior). She may be confused, both pleased and horrified, and perhaps even a bit resentful – because she's getting more attention, because her own "flaws" and mistakes will be more evident without her brother distracting everybody, and because she's getting more attention for the first time and it isn't all she hoped it would be.

You will love this book. So will your daughter. And so will your son.



answers from Fayetteville on

I don't really have any advice, but I immediately identified with this post. I was that child. I fretted over my grades, missing things on tests, and put a whole lot of pressure on myself. My parents never put the pressure on me that I did. Even in high school, I sent my mom to parent/teacher conferences convinced the teacher didn't like me because I had a 93 rather than a 98. I really can't tell you why; I just expected myself to be perfect. I was also just highly sensitive and really did feel like nobody liked me at times. I don't know when I started letting go but I did...mostly. As a parent, I still struggle a lot with this, feeling like I am failing or not doing it right. It all was within me. The best thing my parents did was support me and encourage me without pressuring me. :)



answers from Erie on

my kids are both down with bad colds. DD pulled the exact same pity party before her symptoms showed. Might just be tired, rundown or sick.

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