Quality Time

You are bowing down to her. Make her get her own drinks and be a little more self sufficient. She is 8 not 3. Tell her you want to play grown up and make her take care of you for a little bit and then have her pretend that she is grown up and lives alone and is taking care of herself. It worked with my cousins daughter when they were having that problem. Good luck!

...then don't spend all day bowing! Tell her sweetly in the morning when and what that day you will be doing together (puzzle after lunch, reading at 2:00, etc.) Help her to choose what she would like to do on her own. Give her multiple choice, not an open ended question. Also, this is the time to begin training her in household chores. Have her work with you, teach her how to run the washing machine, hang clothes outside (or use the dryer), fold clothes, clean the bathroom. Working with her will take more of your time, but the training will be invaluable and she will be using her time wisely. Follow a chore with something fun.

She's 8, so I assume that she can read and tell time. Make a schedule and post it onher door or on the fridge - somewhere that she can see it readily - put in specific times that you will spend just playing with her, and make sure that during "her time," she has your undivided attenton. She's old enough to understand that you have other things you must do during the day, and that during those times, she will have to find ways to amuse herself. If she knows that there are times dedicated to her during the day, she will be less clingy the rest of the time. It would be a good idea to also have times that her dad dedicates to playing with her in the evenings.
Set specific meal and snack times, and those are the times when you will stop what you are doing and fix her something to eat. Keep healthy ready-to-eat snacks around (fresh fruit, raisins, pretzels, peanut butter, etc.) and keep them where she can reach them, so that if she wants something between those times, she can help herself. Make sure she knows that she must clean up behind herself after she gets her own snack.
Put her toys where she can reach them, so she doesn't need you to get them for her. Put a cup just for her where she can reach it - maybe even keep it in the fridge - then she can get her own drinks.

It sounds like her primary "love language" is quality time. You can read about what that is in any of the "Five Love Languages" books by Gary Chapman. Some things that I had to do with my child who was very much like this was 1)remind her that I am her mom, not her maid or sibling, and that means that if she can do it for herself (get out her own toys, pick them up, get her own juice, etc.), that I was no longer going to do it;) 2)include her in household chores; 3)give her a time, maybe an hour a day, that you will sit down and really play with her...then maybe another time that you read to her or watch a TV show; 4)invite a friend over to occupy some of her time; 5)insist that she spend time playing alone, reading, coloring/art, etc. If you aren't careful, a child like this will start to be demanding with others as well. At first, she may be disappointed if the routine changes, but one day she will thank you for reminding her that the world does not revolve around her. You might also consider that she is feeling a bit apprehensive about her brother going off to college. Some kids will become much more needy/dependent on mom to prove that they aren't ready to do so themselves.

There is no reason you cannot explain all of this to her just as reasonably as you explained it to us (leaving out the 'princess' part).

Ask her if there is anything she would be interested in as a hobby if she doesn't already have one, then explain to her that it would have to be a hobby for her and her alone. She needs alone time just as much as you do, but it sounds like she is insecure, and not only that, but she feels that she is more in control when she has you doing what she wants you to do, all day long. Explain to her that you need some 'mommy' time to catch up on housework, take a nap, just relax, read a book, or whatever. Depending upon how much time you want to yourself, that is the amount of time you need to tell her to find something else with which she can occupy her time.

You might also consider signing her up for some summer classes in something she would be interested in, although around here, school starts next week, so you might be out of time for that. However, there is always the YMCA, with lots of programs even during the school year, for after-school activities if she has time (and you, too).

You have to get it under control now, or she will always be that demanding of your time. Trust me when I say, you do not want that, and it really wouldn't be good for her to always get what she wants, either.

She is bascially an only child at this point and you are it when she cannot have freinds around. If you do not want to spend ALL of your time with her have her invite a freind over I guarentee you wont see her at all.

I know that the age different can be a problem. I have tow son one is 38 and one is 24. I use to talk dating with one and play cars with the other. I wonder if your little one has any close by friends she can play with. She seems to be using you as a playmate Also is it possable for your son to spend sometime with her.

Just an observation but at 8 years old you may want to get her focused on reading, or having the train more accessible to her and getting her own drinks. You have to start helping her find her own independence or she'll depend on you for every little thing (as she is now). I told mine that finding her independence doesn't mean she's not still the baby girl. But you will be helping her in the long run by giving her more responsibilty for filling her own time.
B.

Wow, you make my 8 yr sound independent enough to move out. Some quality time is good, but she sounds like she must wear you down. Maybe have a chart, similar to a chore chart of things she needs to do for herself every day. Have some quiet time (in other words time where she has to entertain herself and you get a break) for you and her. Lock yourself in your room with a book or something.

Hi S.,
I have a 29 mo Old Daughter (Only) and I'm very interested in your question.
After reading the responses you've gotten so far-what if you set up a schedule for her (during the Summer). She might miss the schedule of the school year-get up at xx, start learning at xxxx time, play time at xxx time...
Also, I liked what Heidi said about teaching her chores, perhaps you could work on household chores together and then have a break together. You could tell her that you really need her help in getting things done around the house and after that you will have a snack/break etc...

Also-if you can put her snack stuff where she can get it and let her do her OWN snack/drink. (She can make a peanut butter, turkey etc.. sandwich and pour her own milk/juice etc...). You might even ask her to make a snack for you Both and when she finishes and you finish what you are doing you can snack together.
Also, you might set up a regular "playdate" with her friends on 1 day/week-say if she helps with the chores let her have a friend come over on Thursday afternoons and they can play (or you and your girl and her friend could go to the Mall or something they like to do). Offer this as a treat for her helping with the chores around the house.
One thing I learned from my Parents-Please DON'T Use household chores as punishment. I had a smart mouth growing up (was doomed-both parents do too ;-), I used to have to wash dishes for the family if I smarted off (NO Dishwasher)-I'm almost 41 and I STILL HATE to handwash dishes!
I think if you give them responsibility they Like feeling needed/important in the family/running of the house-it also helps them when they have a home of their own. You could reward her for being more responsibile by letting her have a couple of afternoons off and going with her to the library or mall or letting her have friends over.
Just my 2 cents-hope it helps!
C. :-)

You make it sound as though having to "deal" with her at all is an inconvinience to you. You have to get her breakfast, luch, drinks, etc... Isn't that what a mother does? If she is whining or complaining then she was taught that it works so unteach it. The best way to reverse it is to say that you don't understand what she is saying when she talks like that & ignore her until she speaks to you properly.
As far as playing with her ALL DAY, she apparently is seeking some sort of connection with you & not getting it. I am sure if you approach her in the same manner in which you wrote you this post then you are pre-occupied, irritated, or bothered by her & she sees it &/or feels it first hand.
I would suggest that you set aside time, quality & quantity & plan a mommy/daughter day. If you do this on a more regular basis I am sure you will see her independace blossom. YOU are in control of the outcome & behaviour of your daughter. As her mother, you alone are the most influential person in her life. You are teaching her how to interact, connect, & communicate with you. If you gripe & complain, then she will too. I have a 5 year old daughter & an 8 month little boy. Plus two older step-daughters. The 17 year old moved in with us this last year & I had to make extra time for my 5 year old so she didn't feel pushed aside or ignored. As well as when her little brother was born. It is an ongoing struggle for every mother to find a balance of alone time & parenting time & special time with your kids. But that is what being a parent is. If you are lucky she will still want to hang out with you in 5 years. Hope I wasn't too harsh.

I did that for along time and felt that I had no time for myself and that I was staying up late to get the stuff around the house done. I finally decided I would tell both of mine that I had stuff around the house that I needed to get done or that I just didn't want to right now. I told them both that I was their Mom, not their playmate, and that I would definately play with them some, but that they needed to find something that they could play with for awhile that didn't involve me. If they couldn't do it by themselves, then they needed to go look in their room and find something they could do. Pretty soon I had time for myself to even read a book. I found myself to not be so stressed out about my house and the things I needed to get done. I still to this day spend time with them and teaching them, but I don't feel like I never get a break. I get a break when I want it now. I hope this helps. I found talking to my kids helped better than anything. I did this when my oldest was about 5 and he is 9 now. We still have alot of fun together. We play baseball, playstation, wii, all of that still, but I have "ME" time too. I hope this helps out some.

"Princess" is almost right. Even though she demonstrates this princess like behavior, the truth is is that she may not know any better. If she's never been able to do things herself, then she's never learned these skills. Don't enable this behavior by giving in and doing it for her. Instead show her how to do it herself and let her do it. Learning how to become self sufficent are skills that she will take to the work force and use in her daily life. Children who always have everything done for them grow into adults who are hard to please, they lack empathy for others and no one wants to be around them. They turn into those people who think "it's all about me". Seriously, you need to get this under control or you'll find yourself with a 16 year old toddler. It's obvious that you love her otherwise you wouldn't do so much for her. Do for her what she can't, she needs to learn to do the rest. Good luck!

Once the train or whatever play stuff is set up, she needs to be told that she is going to have her play time for an hour or so and not to interrupt you. Or have a designated time that you will play with her, and then a couple hours during the day where she is expected to stay in her room and play,read, whatever, but by herself so you will have some time to get what you need done and have some down time yourself. Doesn't she have any friends who can come over to play? By 8 years old, she should be having some independence. Moms and Dads should play, but remember, you are the parent first and you can't be expected to entertain her all day long. She is old enough to pour herself a drink or get a juice box out of the fridge once she has asked permission. Good luck!

I'm not sure if you're still looking for answers, but here's what worked for us... We were having the same problem with our 6 year old being bored all the time. She likes art, so I set up an art center for her to be able to easily get art supplies in/out. We even converted our coat closet (by our front door) into a game/puzzle/large toys closet so the kiddos could get whatever they wanted on their own (yes, even at 6yrs. old). I went on to explain to her that if she played on her own (read, play in her room, did an art project, watch a movie, whatever) until lunchtime, I'd give her one hour after lunch of whatever she wanted to do with me (usually it's a board game). This has been working for us for quite some time now. Of course when there are errands to run, the hour of together time does not come into the picture. I also give her extra time for helping me do chores. I explained to her that when she helps me, it frees up more time for me to be with her. This also works (for the most part).

Our family also has 'Super Sunday Family Funday', where every Sunday is our fun day. Since we are on a very limited budget, we go to the $1 movie theater, the park, the mall to play, or any free/cheap events at museums and other local events. (I'm really good at finding great deals for local entertainment). It gives us something to look forward to each week.

I've read a few posts and I have to say that I don't think your child is doing this because she feels like she isn't getting enough of your time. I think she does these things because she's simply lonely. She is definitely old enough to get her own drinks - my 6yr old will get water with her cup in the bathroom on her own. I think it's just a matter of encouraging her interests and teaching her to be a little more independent. Maybe she could do something once a week, like gymnastics, dance, music, or perhaps a sport? Sometimes when my girl is bored, I just have her practice her gymnastics. She gets really excited about putting on her leotard because I don't let her do it often, except for class and when she's really bored. We either put on Bella Dancerella or she practices what she's learned at her gymnastics class. I highly recommend the dvd games that teach children stuff. There are all kinds of dance ones, but now they are even making karate ones, too. We have the karate one, as well as a few dance ones and they are a big hit in our house! Well, I hope this helps a little. Take care and good luck! ;0)