Pushing Sports?

Well, my take on it is that they are twins but they are also two different people. Just because one isn't interested doesn't mean the other has to follow suit. I would go ahead and sign him up for the sport and try to find another activity that the other would find interest in.

What about signing them and give them an out. If they don't like it after say two weeks of trying, then they can bow out. Just let the coach know this is the deal you plan on giving them. Most likely they will love it and if they don't, you can say you tried.

I try to use "the rule of three." Try it three times; if you don't like it, stop/change.

Tell them that it's good to trust their instincts. If instincts are only 70% correct, they're still doing okay, but may miss 30% of a good thing.

All three of my sons were scholarship athletes at Division 1 schools. So, I know what I am speaking about in the sports for children avenue.
I think age 7 is too young (for your sons)................Take them to the park to play with other kids or have play dates with their school pals. Some kids are ready for sports at age 7 and some just are not.
Hopefully your sons will be able to do what they want without the other one doing it too. That seems to be your bigger problem right now.
Next year as they become more confident about themselves, they may be interested in sports again.

Hi J., I agree with a lot of the other moms who responded. Get each of them into what they are interested in. WE have a rule that each of our kids has to be involved in some type of extracurricular activity. Each can be different but just something for them to get exercise, be creative or connect with other children. Good luck!

Are you and your kids open to trying other activities: swimming, gymnastics, martial arts, dance, music, etc.? I agree with most of the other readers' posts.

Good luck,
Lynne E

I would sit with them and explain that they if they don't want to play soccer, that is fine, but that they will be involved in SOMETHING. Get the local ValleyWide or recreational list and go through the different options with them and let them know that they will pick one, together or seperately, and that once they pick one, they WILL participate. Basketball, swimming, karate, tennis, music lessons, etc. I would also let them know clearly that you understand how much they like to be together, but that you would be sad if one of them didn't participate just because his brother wasn't really into it, and maybe give an example on how you and your husband love each other, but are into different things, and how it gives you MORE love for each other. Just my two cents, good luck.

J.,

Does it have to be sports?

If one is into sports, and the other isn't then I agree with one poster who said you need to sit down with them and explain that it's okay if one is into it and the other is not. They don't have to do EVERYTHING together, and it's okay if one of them wants to play and the other doesn't. My Mom always had my sister and sign up for the same things...softball, basketball, dance...and my sister was not a 'joiner'. She was shy, hated being in front of people and these magical upset stomachs every game...but, she was an amazing artist. My Dad pointed it out, and my Mom finally let my sister pick what she wanted to do.

Ask your son who isn't sporty what he DOES want to do...is there something he's especially good at or interested in? I wouldn't push him to do sports, if its not his thing. My sister to this day, resents having to play sports when she hated it.

Good Luck!

There may be aspects of the sport they're not good at yet so they're uncomfortable being around other kids who are a little more advanced then they are. My son is signed up for a sports clinic that he goes to once a week. They work on basic skills for all different sports. Each sport they do for 2 weeks then they rotate to, they do about 5 different sports then repeat them. It gets my son familiar with a lot of different sports and it also helps him to choose a sport he'd like to participate in. Maybe you should ask your sons which sport they are most interested in. They may both want to do something different. My daughters best friends (twins) are actually doing different activities this year. One karate, one gymnastics. They're happier that they each get to do what they wanted. More work for mom, but happy kids :)

Try ayso.. Thats soccer organization ... My kids at first didnt want to then started to like it and enjoyed it so try ayso if possible or community center at the park ... Either that ok? I hope your twins will enjoy that...

Hi J.,

The way I presented sports to my boys was to tell them we are doing this to stay healthy and that being physical is so important. I also let them choose the sport they were intereste in. They both tried soccer and didn't like it, so we finished the season and then they played basketball which they both loved. Although they enjoy basketball they are going to try baseball through Master Your Sports, which is only once a week to see if this is what they'll like before joining a team.

All three of my kids swim as well. They swim spring through summer.

I hope this helps! If they can't come up with a sport of choice, tell them that you'll choose for them. I think that will get them motivated!

P.S. Remember to tell them that they'll need to finish what they start, so if they don't care for it, they can quit after the session/season is done.

Not everyone is cut out for team sports. There are other ways to get your children to play with other kids. Maybe you could try solo sports such as swimming or bowling with a group of other children. Maybe your twins have different interests such as art or is musically inclined. My brother found a niche in woodworking when he was seven, and my mom found out about a class for 7 - 10 year olds at the park. The local park might have classes they are interested in.

Hi J.,

I have a ten year old son who has been in pony baseball since tee ball. He plays the regular season and winter ball. My daughter is six and in Daisy Scouts. Both of them take swim lessons in the summer and that is it. My husband and I feel it is important for them each to be involved in one activity such as sports or scouts especially since public schools (which we are a part of) have cut so many of the physical and arts programs. Both kids know that they can change their activities when their commitment is complete. This teaches them that they are responsible for what they commit to, but also gives them a way out if they are truly unhappy. My daughter has taken gymnastics and chose not to continue before and also soccer.

I think that you should talk to them separately, and if one really doesn't want to, let him select something different. Ofcourse it will be easier on you if they chose the same activity for the scheduling. I often wonder how moms with more than two juggle all the practices and classes etc. God bless all of you out there!

C.

I think it is important for them to be involved in something: sports, music, art...something. Maybe let them give you their choices? Tell them: I would like you to try 1 activity this year, what would you like to try. Have them give you 3 things and you choose which one fits your life, budget, and time constraints. The kicker is...they have to see it through. When you sign up for something, you don't get to quit in the middle: its a commitment.
Good luck!

I wouldn't force them if they say they don't want to do it. I also don't agree that if you don't start sports this young, you can't play and compete in HS and college. I'm on the 'older' side of things, and the only 'sports' available to girls when I was young were softball (I still don't care to play it) and baton. That was about it. With 6 kids, my mom didn't have time to drive all of us around. We rode our bikes or walked to piano lessons and scouts.

I didn't start on organized sports teams until I was in junior high. I competed in Jr. high, HS and college...without having the 'benefit' of starting much younger.

There are a lot of individual sports which might suit your sons better. Tailor the sport to their individual interests.

Also, you say it's for socialization, not for fitness, so it could easily be another activity that they might enjoy more. What about organizing playdates after school or on the weekend with a few of their friends? Something a bit less structured might be more fun for them at this age.

Maybe I'm missing something, but I don't see the point in forcing them to do something that is not 'required' like attending school. Seems like it would make everyone miserable, these things usually cost money, and it may really turn them off about participating in something when they really are ready.

There are so many benefits of being on a team sport: learning to pull your own weight and how you can contribute to the whole; the emphasis on teamwork and cooperation; learning how to lose (and win!) gracefully; respecting your body and what it is capable of (particularly good for tweens and teens who may be influenced by unrealistic body images perpetuated by the media, dieting, or, heaven forbid, illegal substances); meeting new people in the community; and so many more.

What worked for my family: I told my daughters that they could choose their instrument (piano, violin, voice, etc) and their sport (including leagues that weren't hyper-competitive for the more reluctant one), but they needed to choose one of each as the different activities enriched their lives in different ways. So the emphasis wasn't on a particular sport but on fun and fitness, and they felt they had some say in the matter. They also see me following my own advice, as I carve out time for each in my life as well. The music, obviously, is more year-round, but the sports seasons tended to be relatively short (especially the YMCA leagues!). They have had exposure to a wide variety of sports in this fashion, and are sometimes influenced by what their friends are interested in at the time, which I consider a plus! Why not try something new, you might just like it!

Good luck!

This is one of those things that you have to figure out if it’s worth it or not to force your kids through. These sport activities require a lot of discipline and hard work. Many kids don’t like them. However, often they as they get older they really appreciate having been forced to continue to play. If my own son had not played soccer from the age of 7 he probably never would have been able to play well enough to join his high school team. He made all conference three years in a row. This was something that gave him a lot of confidence. My son by nature was sort of insecure and being good a sport made a world of difference in his high school experience. Sports are not for everyone, but they tend to mean a lot to young men. If you make the choice to let your sons not play as kids, unless they are very determined or natural athletes they probably won’t be able to play as teens in high school. It’s hard to compete with other kids who have been playing for 7 years. I guess it becomes a matter of degree. It’s not really a question of weather or not they like it, but how much do they dislike it and why. We forced both of our children to play until junior high. We heard many complaints over the years. My daughter still thinks it was mostly a pain. My son on the other hand, is very grateful that we “pushed.”

You might want to try a sports class at the park & Rec. My son takes basketball there once a week for six weeks its only $40.00 that way you aren't out a lot of money or time and if they don't like it the team isn't left with out a player. If they really enjoy the sport they may want to sigh up for a team next season. I would try many sports they offer a lot of choices. Maybe one in basketball and another in soccer. Good luck. I think sports are great for all kids!!

How about the one who is open to it, sign him up for soccer, but not the other one. The one that signs up has to promise to go through the whole season and not quit. I never let my girls quit sports because they would start to give up half way through on a lot of things. Once your son is doing soccer, the other one may want to start or start next time. Some leagues let kids start late on a team. They usually have both spring and fall seasons, so it wouldn't be too long of a wait if you waited for the other one to start the next season. I think it's important to get kids into sports when they are fairly young because when they are older, it's really hard because most of the other kids have been doing it for a while, then some make fun of the kids who don't have the experience. Kids really do need exercise, and if they are into sports when they are older, they get into less trouble, so I think it's really important to start now. Maybe your other one would be interested in baseball or swim team, or there are even young pop warner football teams.

While the skills that come with being on a team can be valuable, I feel that team sports are overrated. Let them decide what they'd like to do and don't push them.

Seems like many parents feel the need to push their kids into soccer or baseball because "everyone" does it - your kids should not have to conform just because "everyone else" thinks that these experiences are valuable. My daughter is only 2 and already we have people saying how we "have to" sign her up for soccer next year. If she asks, of course I will sign her up, but I refuse to do it because "all the kids play soccer."

They will just wind up resenting you in the end if they are playing sports that they hate - I speak from experience. To this day I cannot stand competitive team sports and would rather hike, run, skate, or do lap swimming.

I totally understand that you want your kids to be active and healthy, but let them decide how they would like to go about it. That way, physical activity remains fun for them, which is better in the long run.

Hi
I didn't get a chance to read the other responses. But maybe if you sign up the twin who is less resistant the other one may come around next time once he sees his brother is having fun. And that way, he's wanting to do it on his own and not feeling pushed. I think its important to get them into sports, music, or whatever peaks their interest early on. Maybe there's something else other than sports that he's willing to take? In fact I was just thinking, because my parents were foreign and old fashioned they didn't get me and my siblings into many things, and I felt like I never had the chance to nurture my talents. So, now at 33 years old I don't feel like I have much of a hobby or talent and I wish I did. I guess its never too late! But anyway, I think its important to get them to try different things until they find something they like and can nurture, they'll appreciate it later on!

Good luck!

I hate pushing kids into sports but I also hate kids not being involved in sports!! That makes it a little hard if they aren't already interested. I know in my area there are some community centers that have pick up games all the time. Why not set aside a regular time each week to spend at a place like that. We also take our son to the dog park. He has a great time running around with all of the little dogs.

They are each different individuals... I don't think you have to sign "both" up, like they are a 2-package item. Just let them develop their own interests. It's okay and I think more in line with their age. As they get older...they will more so develop their "own" things and likes and dislikes and interests.

My friend has sons like that... one is more more introverted and has different interests than his twin brother who is just naturally really athletic & social. So, her issue is helping her more introverted twin to not feel insecure because his brother is just SO much better at athletics, and to feel fine with having his own interests. But at the same time....the 2 boys are close.

Anyway, just something I know my friend deals with with her 2 twin boys.

All the best,
Susan

Hi J.,
After bad experiences with coaches in both T-ball & gymnastics/tumbling class my boy did not want to do any more sports. I couldn't really blame him, but at the same time, kids don't play in the neighborhood the way they use to and I wanted him to have the interaction/experience. We gave it a break for a few years, but at 8 I told him it was a law that boys had to try every sport for one season. I told him if he didn't like it, he didn't have to do it again, but he had to stick with it for the season. He tried volleyball (great coach!) and he enjoyed Kung Fu and stuck with that for 2 years. He also tried basketball and is still playing that too. He's also had swimming lessons, sailing lessons and tennis lessons, etc. We just exposed him to everything because we wanted to see what he might like and how do you know if you don't try. All of it was much better than the first two experiences, so I'm at least glad to have new experiences to sort of wipe those from his memory. We are still working on trying sports with our younger son (now 9). He's been in soccer and had swimming and tennis lessons. They both agreed to sign up for volleyball this upcoming season. We'll see how it goes. We also go hiking, bike riding and Boogie boarding in the ocean. I think it's just about finding active things you like to do - so life is not all about video games!
Good luck to you!

I think your situation is different because you have twins. Most singleton parents don't understand the connection and power of twinship. I too have twin boys (identical) and they are attached at the hip. Mine tend to only want to do something if the other does, or if one says yes and the other says no the yes twin will quickly change his answer to no. So I get the need to "push" them. Because if yours are anything like mine they would never venture out of their little comfort zone of eachother. Personally that is my biggest concern about raising twins. I want them to love each other and be attached, but I also want them to be able to think and do things independently. At this young age they need your guidance to do that.

First of all it is vital to their health to get and keep them active. Starting now only encourages them to maintain lifelong fitness. Sure you can have them try out other activities but your question was about 1 day a week soccer. At this age I think you do need to push the issue. I liked some of the responses that said they have rules that they have to either try every sport, or be involved in an extracurricular sport each season etc. You could give them the choice of say soccer, basketball and swimming for example and let each one pick. But personally, having them in the same sport or same place and the same time is easier on my schedule, saves gas and my sanity. On the other hand if they are each in different sports they will gain the confidence to make friends on their own outside of their twinship. Which in my opinion is a great thing, something my twins lack. Good luck.

I am an identical twin (and a mom) so I have a perspective others may not. First of all, twins or not, 7 years old is such a great age to be involved on a sports team and 1 day a week is the perfect way to start. So, even if you pushed it for a time, it's certainly reasonable. How do you think they would feel if you just had the one twin try it out while the other came and watched his brother? It's very common for twins to be totally opposite in what they like to do (as with my sister and I!) so why not let your one son be on the team alone. It's so good for him, too, to be on his own as we twins rely on our "other half" in social situations because it's so "easy". This way, the other boy can perhaps think of something else HE'D like to try on HIS own. Also, as far as "pushing sports", perhaps tell your son you'd like him to try it for 2 months (or something like that), and that if he doesn't still want to do it after that, he doesn't have to. I usually do that with my kids, and that way they don't feel trapped into doing it indefinitely. And don't forget a nice "reward" when he starts, like going out for ice cream, or just something fun to celebrate his efforts.
Enjoy your twins!
M.

Sports and just plain exercise for boys are fine. What you need to do is find the right sport or exercise. It might be better to have them do DIFFERENT sports. Twins don't have to do things together. It might be more transportation but it might make for happier kids. So ask them what sports would they like to try for maybe just one day? Ideas besides soccer and T-ball might be martial arts (judo, tai kwan do, akido), track, basketball with the lowered rims, dog walking (I know kids that walk the neighbors dogs for fun and $$), horseback riding (there are two stables that give riding lessons, expensive, but fun), dog training (this is where you can do frizby and obstacle with your dog and both of you get exercise), biking (an activity you can all do together!), hiking (you can go on trail hikes as a family and learn about the plants and animals and insects, etc), there is even a frisby trail at the Huntington Beach Central Park, there are frisby sports teams, gymnastics (several recreation departments offer sport), tumbling, even dance (tap dancing takes a lot of effort!), swimming sports, fishing at the pier, even weight lifting. Think outside the box. It doesn't have to be an organized sport. It could just be some physical activity that you could all do together and they could get exercise. Think outside the box!

I think it is very valuable to encourage activities such as sports. The boys are old enough that they should be doing an activity with other groups of kids their own age. I might try explaining to your sons that they need to choose an activity to participate it. Let them pick soccer, t-ball or karate. Personally I think it is very valuable for them to work with other children their age. Best of luck in whatever you decide, congrats on twin 7 yo boys! Very exciting times!

I would not sign them up for it if they enjoy it now but don't want the pressure of being on a team. Because then they will hate it. I would continue to encourage their socialization with peers at school and encourage them to play with neighbors or classmates at your home. That way you can monitor their socialization. Best of luck to you.

Hi J.,
I would be in favor of having them choose a sport or two. Then once they decide
and sign-ups come around I wouldn't ask them a second time I'd just sign them up.
Kicking the soccer ball around the backyard, is not the same as playing soccer. I loved when my 2 boys played soccer. They got so much exercise and came home tired, but they both enjoyed it. They made new friends and learned so much. I would also agree that they could choose a different sport from their twin, if that is what they wanted, and you have the time to accomidate that. The best to you and your boys.
Linda