Private School Vs. Publc school...the Later Years

Heard a speaker once at a homeschool book convention. He told the audience that most parents "do the homeschooling thing backwards." They homeschool when the kids are little, at a time when it really is OK to send them to public; and then, they give up and put the kids into public around 7th or 9th grade - - at a time, when all parents would be aghast at what is going on. If I had to do over again, I never would have sent my older kids through public high school. The following examples are all from personal experience: Gang grafiti in the bathrooms. Gang fight meant to be taken outside, but broke right in lobby in front of principal's office. A boy giving the teacher the finger and walking out of class. A boy throwing a handful of Skittles at the back of a teacher's head. Kids spitting in the teacher's drink that she had sitting on her desk. Ex-Lax pills dropped into several teachers drinks. Several kids never going to the book room to check out their textbooks for their classes - never turned in homework - slept with heads on desks when tests were given out. Made all zeros. Only reason they were at school is attendance laws - - and the public schools want to keep getting the state money for counting attendance for as many students as possible - - even the ones that should be EXPELLED.

Both of my children (now age 21 and 26) both attended private school Pre-K through 12th and the main comment that they both made while attending college is that they are so thankful that we sent them to private school because they learned how to study, manage their time and become independent. Whereas, many of the other students they were college with were struggling with those tasks. We gave up a lot to put our children through private school and would never change what we did. Our children both attended Fort Worth Country Day School but, Southwest Christian and All Saints are both excellent if you are looking for a religious school.

I have mixed feelings in how to answer your request. One of my children went to private Christian school from kindergarten through 9th grade, and the other went from kindergarten through 8th grade. My older one changed to a non-religious private school beginning in 10th grade, and got a top-quality education and had an all-around great experience. (Trinity Valley School in Fort Worth. Too far away for you, but for us, it was worth the commute from Arlington. Wish he'd gone there beginning in kindergarten.) The transition was easy. However, private schools usually do a great job of welcoming new kids, and the the other kids are often eager to see new faces.

My daughter's experience moving from private Christian school to a large, suburban, highly ranked public school wasn't so good. She had expected to be welcomed into the new school the way new kids had been at her private school. She cried every day for weeks. She felt invisible. She heard the "f word" every day. She finally made a good friend in October (also a new girl) and she brightened up considerably. By the end of the first semester, she was happy to stay there, and she loves it now. However, she is coasting. Rarely any homework, making A's with a few B's.....it's too easy. There are racial tensions, which dismay us, since the races mixed very, very well at her Christian school.

The benefit for her is that her high school has a well-developed art program with AP art. Her old school only had one art class. This will be her career. She is a senior now, and is being courted by the country's best art colleges, which probably wouldn't have happened had she she stayed at the Christian school.

However, I have a major, huge, tremendous regret with both children about changing schools: It undermined their faith. They probably would have gone through the normal teenage questioning that many people experience, anyway. However, at a Christian school, there is peer pressure and lots of support for staying more on the straight and narrow path. Many of those kids turn away from their faith after they graduate, but it is well ingrained until that time. (But you also need to realize that some of the kids at private Christian schools are ones who misbehaved at other schools, and their parents put them there hoping that it would straighten them out.)

Both of my kids made a lot of friends in public school and the other private school who are nice people, but who don't care about church or faith at all. This has seriously undermined their own faith and commitment to participating in worship and youth group. If we were to do it over again, I don't know what I would have decided. Knowing the danger of having my kids become apathetic about church would have probably scared me away from making the change. On the other hand, both kids have college opportunities they probably wouldn't have had at the old school (also a good school, but can't be all things to all people) or through home schooling. Salvation is eternal, the rest is not. Peer influence is super strong for most kids at that age.

If you do decide to send your kids to a non-Christian school for high school, make sure you attend a church with a great youth group. We did that at first, but then the pastor left (main minister for a really great new church now), most of her friends there graduated, and so my daughter stopped liking the youth group. Until that time, many of her friends were part of a girls' bible study together. They graduated, the youth pastor left, and now my girl is adrift. So, the problem is really more a matter of not having religious peer support, which doesn't have to come from school.

I have both my boys in a private Christian school right now. Your question has been my main concern since we have decided on private school. First off, I just want to say that we NEVER considered private school until we started our oldest at this school at 4 years old (he is almost 8 now and in second grade), so we have not taken the decision lightly. Also, our school only goes up to 7th grade right now also, so we will face the same decisions.

Now, on to what I have heard and learned in my research about the transition. I have a friend at the school who has 4 children, 3 currently at ourschool and one in the 7th grade. The oldest went to another private school until 6th grade when he transitioned to public (in Frisco). I've been keeping up with my friend's son, interested in his transition. This boy has done wonderful in public schools. She says that he has transitioned well and credits it to having a good Christian base when he entered middle school. I've talked with several parents who have had much the same experience. The only complaints I hear from moms, and these are mostly with the kids that transition earlier (around 1st and 2nd grade) is that the kids aren't used to some of the "mean kids" that they encounter in the public schools. I think part of this is because they come from a Christian school with small groups of kids who are close. Our school is very strict on bullying and that sort of thing so it is a very "nice" environment. I don't know if transitioning at the middle school level is much different than moving at that age or even just the regular big move from elementary to middle for all kids. Maybe that's why I don't hear about the older kids having much trouble transitioning. None of the kids, at any age, had trouble transitioning academically.

For us, we plan on keeping our boys involved in after school activities to help expand their social base. We feel that this will better prepare them socially for any changes we have to make. I love the environment that our boys are learning in right now, we have been very happy with our decision to go private. I know you are making a very hard decision right now. We go through it every year with our oldest (and will with our youngest after this year when he starts kindergarten). Good luck to you!

I can't really answer your question fully. My son attended a pre-school that turned into a private school. My son also was diagnosed with sensory integration disorder and anxiety about change was part of his problem. Therefore, when he was old enough for Kindergarten, I left him in the private school setting and it was an absolute dream. There was a total of 8 kids in his class and he did really well in that setting. Our daughter was born when he was in PreK and she is at the same daycare. Just as a matter of convenience, we left him at the private school for 1st grade (since she is at the same location for daycare). Again, it has been great (10 kids in his 1st grade class). But honestly, we cannot continue to afford it, so we are moving him to public school starting in 2nd grade. I hope and pray that the transition goes well. And honestly, I think 2nd grade is a much better age to start public school. He is well aware of our decision and knows all about it, so he is "buying" into it now. We are going to go and visit the school soon so that he can see it.

I flat out know that we cannot afford private school through all of the years and so we are transitioning out. But, I LOVED private school for these early years of getting used to school and the routine. I think it is a lot easier to adjust to the change with fewer kids in the classroom.

Good luck!
L.

*edit* I'm sorry, I just noticed that you asked people not to relate their own experience. You can take the below with a grain of salt, though I must say I don't think times have changed that much. My experiences at public school correspond with what my teacher friends tell me about teaching in public schools today.
*end edit*

My parents put me in private school at 6th grade and I attended for 2 years. Sadly, they couldn't afford to keep me in and I returned to public school in 8th grade. The transition was awful. I had gotten used to good teachers, good classes, and being around kids who cared about their education and about each other and the world at large. My second day in public school I was invited to fight another girl. Apparently that's how new kids were initiated into the school. I hated everything about school from 8th grade until I dropped out in 11th - I just couldn't tolerate it enough to endure the last year and a half, so I dropped out and started attending community college for dual credit.

I went on to attend college, eventually earning a graduate degree, but I really think going from private to public school set me back. I think I went to private school at a good time, but should have stayed there. Junior high and high school are probably the worst times to be attending public school, so I agree with a previous poster that it's a good idea to keep your kids in public for elementary and then save private school for later when it's most beneficial.

In response to your question is that if the private school in which they will attend high school is accredited you will have no problem. If it is not you will need to make the decision before their freshman year. Public schools will not accept any credits from a non-accredited private school.
As far as the socialization of going from private to public that will really depend on your boys. I know that my son would have easily mainstreamed back into public school without any problems.
If you have anymore questions please ask and I will try to answer them as honestly as possible with a non-biased view.
Good luck to you and your family.

God Bless.

**EDIT**
After reading through the responses so far mine seems relatively tame. However, everything that all have said are very relevant and very true. There are many many options out there and it is really a personal decision. Also if your boys have any learning disabilities getting them in public school is very difficult until your child has failed or is about to fail a complete grade. I know this one from personal experience.
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Charter schools are an alternitive to private schools, some are very good, my kids go Westlake Academy in Westlake TX (north FtWorth/Keller/Roanoke area) and we are very happy, they do ask for a lot of donations but it is not required, and some parents definitely give more than others based on their financial abilities. WA is an International Baccalaureate (IB) school K-12, and fully accredited. The teachers are wonderful and my kids are very happy there, my kids are young (4th and 2nd and one in K next year) and we don't plan on moving them, so I can't help with that part of your question. there is a lottery to get in the school, for those who live outside of the Town of Westlake, but very worth it. there is a website you can check out if you live in the area. please feel free to contact me if you have any questions

just wanted to offer you an alternitive to a private education with a public school price.

My 3 children attended and graduated from Notre Dame Catholic School in Wichita Falls. All 3 received an excellent education there...two of mine graduated from college early! Mainly, day in and day out, God's love for them was taught alongside the curriculum. Biblical principals of "respect, love your neighbor and the poor, etc." were focused upon. Another added benefit that I feel is that they were "sheltered" from so many things that come too early in other schools. They adjusted just fine when they attended college. Good luck in your decision. You sound like a GREAT mom for just thinking about it now!

www.mycmsite.com/marycluley

My children 6 and 10 have been in Private school since preschool.
At 1st and 4th grade, I face the cost of what it will take to keep them there. I can not believe the devestation my 4th grader will have if I move her to public. She is secure and feels safe in this type of enviroment. My kids have gotten a outstanding education. But it is not just that and the class size of the school. It is the teachers that are so loving and Christ centered to make an enviroment so incrediable for the students. All the kids respect one another, love one another. I know it gets difficult in the older grades, and they will face peer preasure and mean kids as with any school....but the fondation is there for the most part. It is a community, a church, a neighborhood. I will do all possible to keep them there.

You say times have changed. They have but the fact that public education is easier than private has not. If you have to make that change, your kids will surely not want to leave their friends and may be angry with you for "making" them change schools. When they initially get there they will more than likely feel like they know more than the teachers and be bored by the whole "learning" experience. They may then settle in and just get very used to not having to work so hard to get good grades. This may make the transition to university difficult for them later and could result in their dropping out because it's either too difficult or too much work to be bothered with. In other words, they may get lazy in public school. Not every child is like that so you just have to keep an eye on what kind of determination your children have.

My niece and nephews started out in home school, then went to private Christian school. One nephew and my niece later transitioned to public school. My niece wanted to go back to private after 2 years of public so she went back to her private school. She quickly transferred BACK to public because she didn't like all the homework and her grades suffered. She wanted to go back to "no homework and As and Bs"(as opposed to "lots of homework and Cs and Ds). Both nephews are struggling with university now. Both the transition from home school and from private were as I described above: knew more than teachers, etc. Their grades while at private school were very good. (They had to transfer to public for financial reasons. When finances got better, (just to recap) one of them went back to private but the grades were no longer very good. It is their experience I refer to in the beginning. The transitions began around 7th grade for the youngest. Also, they don't live in or near Frisco so names of schools won't really help you.)