Privacy?? Loaded Question....

Updated on September 21, 2011
L.C. asks from Hillsboro, OR
44 answers

So my question is more a theoretical one, based on some discussions I have had with other long time married girl friends recently. For those that have been married or together for a long time, how do you feel about privacy? I'm not talking about walking in the bathroom on your spouse and staying to brush your teeth. More of internet and phone privacy....
So do you read your spouse's email or text messages? Would they mind if you did? Would you tell them you did? Would you ask questions about things you read or not? Would you mind if they did this to you? Would they or you feel like your privacy has been breached, be surprised or not care? Do you check their phone to see who they have been talking to would you be ok if they checked yours? Do you share your passwords? Like to facebook or other social media sites?

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So What Happened?

Thank so much all of you ladies.... it is a very interesting subject and for the most part, I think all 40 of us sort of see things the same way.... we and our spouse should have free access to anything that is there, but treat it with respect not to intrude too much, but be able to intervene when we see something that makes us wonder. It is funny how our intution is usually right too. Sorry to those that found things and are coping.. hang in there. Mitizi C your response was exactly what I was telling my girls over drinks and we all chatted about the 'what ifs and whens' for awhile. :)

Featured Answers


answers from Norfolk on

Going on 23 years of marriage - we have no secrets from each other.
And I'm an absolute blabber mouth - sometimes I tell him more than he wants to hear.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Cleveland on

I have been marreid 16 years and we know each other password and such. If there is nothing to hide then why worry!

3 moms found this helpful


answers from St. Louis on

I have my FB account on HIS phone. He can look at it at anytime. I don't care. I have nothing to hide. He can read my email and I know how to get into his. I don't do it because it's none of my business. I do not open any snail mail that has his name on it either. I would never read his text messages because it's none of my business. I can pick up his phone and do it at anytime though because I'm always on it (FB and games). He wouldn't care. BUT I trust him and do not feel the need to see what he says via text or email.

1 mom found this helpful

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answers from Anchorage on

My husband and I have been married for 10 years and we share all passwords, we know who each other talks to on the phone, texts, and so forth. Does not bother either of us that the other is checking or asking who some new number/person is. If you have nothing to hide, then there shouldnt be any issues. If you want to hide things, THAT is an issue.

We are military family so new people and numbers pop up all the time for his phone especially since he uses it for work...there will even be a lot of out of state numbers due to none of us liking to constantly change our cell numbers just because we moved yet again..I will sometimes log onto our account and have him sit with me and we add the "new" numbers to the online phone book. I started doing that after my phone died and I couldnt call most anyone & husband was overseas. Its really come in handy. :)
Plus with facebook (and the like) old flings can hunt you down and that can be an know who each other has and is chatting with so that everyone is on the same page. You dont have to see every conversation or go crazy with checking the others accounts..just have open communication about it all.

To me "marriage" and "privacy" in the same sentence means "can I please use the restroom alone, can I please take a shower alone" not "can I please email/chat with/etc people you are not allowed to know about or know anything we talk about" .... if none of that existed and we were talking about real people in real life settings, not fake settings, then we all would agree that we would want to meet who our spouses hang out with.

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Roanoke on

What's mine is his, and what's his is mine. We dont check eachother's email, but he can read mine and I can read his if we have the desire. We don't have secrets (except presents). Likewise we don't check eachothers phones, but could if we want. And we do share passwords with eachother..we have nothing to hide. I don't feel like my privacy is violated at all..this is what I signed up for when I married him! It's kind of fun to know that I have one person to share everything with. It's our own's home. :)

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Charlotte on


4 moms found this helpful


answers from Richmond on

We do not share passwords, we do not read each other's texts/personal messages (unless we show each other), we do not snoop.

Now, one time, my hubs left a bunch of junk from his pockets on the counter. Being the nice wife I am, I was cleaning it up for him, and came across a scrap of paper with the name 'Tracy' and a phone number. I called him up and said 'WTH IS THIS?!'... um, Tracy is a dude who works at the tavern down the street... insert foot in mouth, hello over reaction, LOL!!

We have no secrets and we trust each other :)

My hubs is also notorious for leaving his Facebook logged in. Instead of snooping, I change his status to stuff like I HAVE THE BEST WIFE EVER! or I LIKE KITTENS!.. LOL ;)

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Jacksonville on

We have each other's passwords. We can check if we want. We've been married going on 4 years now so I would say I trust him more today than I did in the beginning. I was cheated on in a prior relationship so I had some issues to work through when we first got together. He can check my phone, my texts, my facebook, my email...whatever he wants to. He doesn't do it very often, but I do not mind. We have no secrets. I can check his also, and I do on occasion, but more out of boredom than worry.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Shreveport on

Never was a snooper and for the first 9 yrs of our marriage I didn't have to be. He was an open book no matter what. The same for me. I didn't mind that he could look at my email or whatever he wanted. The 9yr mark changed everything for me. He changed his pw for an email account. I noticed he was running out of minutes on his phone, he wasnt available or returned calls when he said he would. Very odd things but I blindly and stupidly trusted him that he was just super busy with that TDY and his family since his tdy was in his home state. Days after he returned and some luck I discovered he had cheated on me and was still cheating on me.
So there is no privacy in our house when it comes to cell phones, laptops, computers, emails and whatever else. I never had a problem with him looking at my stuff..hell I leave it signed in and open almost 24/7.
There have been a few times he has gotten snappy when I asked for his phone but I remind him it is his own fault that I feel the desire to check his phone. He stops himself with that and tells me he is sorry and hands me his phone.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Cincinnati on

Its all a trust thing. personally we dont know eachothers passwords, but they are all written down in excel if either of us needs to log into eachothers email accts and stuff. Those passwords are sooo encrypted, who can remember H84ynoYZ1? My husband does not have a FB or any other socia acct, I do (like this one). We DO look at eachothers email accounts but that only when needed (for example, today I had to log onto his because he does not have internet on his phone and needed to know his flight number and time)
So we could snoop if we wanted to, but I have not..maybe he has snooped on mine. I dont care. I have nothing to hide. I figure if he is that bored, have fun reading about me talking to other moms and my highschool friends..LOL
Maybe people who are younger than me care about things like that. I know I was more sensative to who was looking at my husband funny or talking to him back in my 20s. Im now 35..been married for 12 years....guess I have no reason to look at his emails on his yahoo acct. Id rather get the laundry done..LOL :)

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

My hubby and I share everything. We used to have the same email address until it overwhelmed him because I used to get so many emails. So, we split that and each have our own. But he knows the password to mine and can check it and read whatever he wants whenever he wants. He can tell me that he's checked it if he likes or he can keep it to himself. I don't care. There's nothing he'll ever find that is inappropriate. I can do the same with his.

He has full access to my phone and facebook and letters and even my journal. He might not always like what he reads in my journal...hehe. Sometimes that's where I go to vent when I'm mad, but again, it's nothing inappropriate. I almost prefer he read it from my journal so he understand my feelings on things. I'm making it sound like we always are into each other's things - we're not. We just know we CAN if we want. But often we leave it private, knowing the option is always there for whatever reason.

There is absolutely nothing that we keep hidden away from the other one. There is nothing I have that I would prevent him from having access to the info on. Same goes with him. I can look at any of his stuff that I want.

I never snoop, though. I guess I don't have to. But if I look at his email or journal or whatever, it's never because I'm hoping to find some juicy detail that he's cheating on me. I usually have a reason to look - an email that's for both of us but went to him. Or if we just had a baby and he wrote about it in his journal, I want to read what he wrote and how he felt. I do ask him first, just out of politeness (when it comes to the journal...he asks me too but knows he doesn't need to).

So, anyway, there's that! No, I never feel like my privacy is breached. I am never surprised. I don't care. He feels the same way. We don't hide things from each other. But we aren't always reading each others things either. We automatically give privacy and generally ask when it comes to things that are typically more private (like journals). We are always fine with it. And, I know that should I ever want to keep something private, he would respect that. But I want him involved in all things that are me and vice versa.

I think when you shut access out from your spouse, then it leaves room to make cheating easier. I've seen it so many times! We like having a completely open relationship (between ourselves, not referring to an "open relationship"!). And, like I already said a couple times, we trust each other, which is why we often automatically give each other privacy, knowing we have access should we want it.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Spokane on

My husband and I share an email address, my fb page is saved on our computer and he can check it at any time (he's even used it to contact his buddies) and there have been multiple times where I've asked him to check through my texts for me to find something I need. Our password is the same for everything. I have nothing to hide and neither does he.
This doesn't mean we "check up" on each other b/c we don't. I don't think either one of us feels we have/need to.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Waco on

Most of the husbands in my Sunday School class at church share their passwords with their wives as an accountability thing. I think it is a nice thing to do. If you don't have anything to hide, then why would it be a big deal?

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

My husband will often ask me to check his email to see if there's something he was looking for & I'm on the computer. I wouldn't mind at all if he looked at my email, or call history, FB posts or texts. He hasn't. And I don't "check" his.

He wouldn't care O. way or the other id I did, and neither would I. We don't have anything to hide...

The BIG difference between people that "check" and people that don't is the motivation behind why someone would feel compelled to do that.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Colorado Springs on

Everything is open and free to access for both of us. We know all of each other's passwords. I always check my husband's emails. He tells me he is thankful that I do because I can help him with organizing his meetings, etc. I am totally okay with him reading anything that is sent to me or that I send to someone else. We have no secrets, and no need for privacy from each other. I think that a married couple need to actively protect their marriage. This is one way we do that. We've been married 22 years, and we are very happily married.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from New York on

I do want some privacy but I don't NEED it. He doesn't have my email passwords but he could read everything. I do like to vent about him on occasion to my BFF via email but usually it's about a disagreement we had or his lack of bedtime smarts.

We are friends on FB so that's not an issue.

I trust my husband completely - but I have checked his phone records a few times for no reason. Just to see who he's been talking to or who is calling him. It's all work.

He can check my stuff if he wants - but he trusts me. As he should :)

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

I have been married for 14 years....

We read over each other's shoulders...i share with him...he shares with me.

I don't go nosing through his briefcase and he doesn't go nosing through my purse...

If he went through my purse without permission? Yeah - I'd be torqued.

We know how to get into each others FB and bank info....

Don't read his text messages...don't read his e-mail unless he asks me to...not that we have anything to hide - just don't do it....just because we're married doesn't mean I need to be in ALL of his business nor he in's a matter of trust...

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

My husband and I have been together 10 years, married for 5. He leaves his email account and facebook account open all the time. I've never once read anything from either account. Even though we are married, he has a right to privacy. I would mind if my husband read my emails or facebook without my knowledge, but that would be more of a betrayal issue that what he actually read. We don't have each other's passwords, but there have been times we need to get to an email in each other's acounts and we give each other our password, but we don't write it down or remember it. Same thing with the phone and text messages. I have nothing to hide, and I know he had nothing to hide, because he would be lousy at hiding things from me, but for me, we each have a right to something that is ours.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Austin on

I do not check my husbands emails, text, number dialed etc.
I can if I wanted,. I know all of the passwords.

He has the same for me.. Last night he gave me a new phone and was setting it up, I gave him the passwords to everything so he could program the phone. Yikes, even my password to mamapedia!

If he wants to bore himself with my correspondence it is fine with me.

FYI, our daughter also has all of our passwords for everything, in case of an emergency.. We have no secrets from her either.

FYI, people that keep the biggest secrets should never have them written down or stored anywhere anyway. Unless they want to get caught.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

I think it will depend on if they have something to hide or if one partner is insecure or not.

We have the same passwords for email so he can go into mine at anytime and I can go into his at anytime, but the way I see it is I don't even have enough time to check my emails, so there's no way I will have time to go into his.

Now, if he wants to go in mine, the only thing I would ask is to get rid of all the junk and/or old emails - and therefore, I'm sure he would not even want to attempt to go in mine.

Now if for some reason he changed his password, I would be suspecious.

We also have access to check each other's phones, but haven't. If he has checked mine, he hasn't said anything. My facebook is always opened so he can go into that as well (but hasn't to my knowledge). He doesn't have a facebook page (at least that he's aware of - I created one for him, but that's another story :).

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Iowa City on

I don't check my husband's email, I don't monitor his phone calls, I don't check his text messages, etc. He doesn't check any of my things. We just don't feel the need to do that. If he were to ask to check anything I would be surprised but I would be like, yeah, go ahead....why do you want to? I have several of my passwords saved on the computer so he could easily have access to most things. I'm ok with that because I have nothing to hide. But that is easy for me to say because I know my husband isn't going to go all crazy paranoid and demand to see my text messages. I would start getting angry if he told me he didn't trust me and needed to check up on me on a regular basis.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Cincinnati on

My husband asks me to check his email on occasion because he never gets around to it. We don't have cell phones so we don't text. I am the only one with a facebook page and it is the home page of our internet so he sees it whenever he goes online. When he makes a call from our home phone I do ask who he is calling only because he only makes phones calls on very rare occasions.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Seattle on

Ok...I may ramble on this one...cause it is loaded for bear with me please.

I HATE when my husband picks up my phone before I do when I get a text message. He will open them and read them right in front of me. Then set my phone down and act like nothing happened. If I were not in the room...I would have never known I had a text.

I go mad when he does this. I am trying my best to not go mad about stuff and to act adult..but when he does this MY fire is just ignited.

When he gets a text message, I will go take his phone to where he is. ONLY if he is bust and he says,'' will you check it'', do I open it up and read it.

And then if he need to reply I will ask him what to write.

We share an email account for junk mail. I have my own personal email for back and forthing with people. He doesnt have the password....and I now that I think of it dont think he has the address to it even...We talk via FB during the is a ghost for us:)

I am sure he checks my phone. Why I have no idea. Which also makes me go crazy.

Here is the kicker...he is all freaked out...and HE IS THE ONE THAT HAD A OUTSIDE THING GOING WHILE WE WERE MARRIED. Sorry I will stop yelling now.

Right after I had our second kiddo, he was working for Starbucks. He would go and work the College football games at UW.

There was a girl he was working with he fancied. There were text messages and emails back and forth that he didnt really cover up well.

There were a few Saturday's that he went into Seattle and I thought he was working the Football game..and he was really ''Hanging'' out with her.

Right before I found out about it, he had tired very hard for her and I to become friends. Almost to try and cover up his tracks.

I almost clawed her face my mind.

I never had solid proof anything other then them hanging out down town ever happened. I cant pin him sleeping with her to him...because there was never any awkward hotel bill or lipstick on his shirt. I can only hope that I am not being naive and nothing really did happen.

We have our own Facebook accounts and share alot of the same friends.

He has alot of his female friends from well as a few old flames.

He asked me to unfriend a few of my boyfriends that I had been in long term serious relationships with...just cause it felt odd they should be so involved in our life...fifteen years after being split up. I complied with the request just because the fight was not worth it.

Now when he asked me to unfriend someone that I had known since sixth grade that had been a flame at one time for a short while...I told him to shove it where it stinks. He is someone that I care about and is not someone I want to shut out.

I see him as controlling sometimes.

I was in a relationship(my first serious)where I was controlled. Emotionally and Physically abused...and that freaked me out that for a year I thought that was normal....and ok. So I vowed no man would EVER rule or reign over me again.

So when he starts getting controlling I tend to blow a big red whistle and throw in a penalty flag.

Steam comes out my ears and he hears it.

I have cheated on two boyfriends in the past.

I vowed to him that I would never step out on him. and that Is a promise I would never break to him.

Trust is the most important thing you can rely on in a relationship. without that, there is no relationship.

So...we are a work in progress here.

Someday he will be able to leave my phone alone when someone text me.

I am hoping that the someday is not a pipe dream.

As for Passwords with stuff like bank accounts,online accounts and family things...we have a family password..and screen name we use.

It is just easier that way:)

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Houston on

My husband and i have no secrets, Im not saying all people should be this way, it works for us. We dont share our bathroom moments though, that door locks.

We Do share a password, we use the same very complicated one for everything we do.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Asheville on

In 14 years of being together I have never invaded his cell phone privacy (he doesn't FB), until last year. Something had been going on and he wasnt telling me anything, just getting angry and hateful and making home life really awfull for me and my girls. I asked questions, begged, pleaded, etc. No answers. So I checked his texts. I knew his father had given him pain pills for his back pain, but I found out that he was getting them other places too and taking far, far more than he had admitted. He was addicted. It changed his personality. It culminated in him hitting me this summer and me and the girls leaving. I had him arrested. He is in anger managment, counciling, seeing a psychiatrist and knows that my family will welcome me and the girls with open arms if ANY of his behavior from the past two years resurfaces. He is back to being the person he was for the first 12 years of our life together (not perfect, but at least the person I knew and married).
I have never regreted that invasion of privacy, but I have regreted needing to check so I could know what was happening. Wish he could have told me himself.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Kalamazoo on

We have each others passwords........

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

We have separate emails both business and personal. I have FB, he does not. We both have passcode locks on our phones.

Do we snoop on each other, NO. If someone wants to look at something, sure but explain to me why you are so interested all of a sudden.

We do not look at each other's mail, email or anything. I would never go through my hubby's phone and he would never go through mine. We have respect for each other.... we don't own each other... we are a team. We share things that need to be shared with each other.

We are secure enough in our 25 yrs together that things like this are meaningless.



answers from Milwaukee on

I didn't feel the need ever to check up on my husband until about two years ago. We were fighting a lot and I finally figured out he was cheating. She lived two hours away and he would disappear if we had a fight and say he was up at his cabin up north-which I totally believed. I never ever pictured him cheating-he just wasn't the type and when I finally figured out I was wrong-I was floored. Right after I caught him, I told him the phones had to be shared and public-all he did was get a trac phone to call her and told me he didn't talk to her anymore. A total lie. It all came together on our anniversary-believe it or not. I found the trac phone and just blew up. Huge argument.
Now 2 years later-I am pretty philosphic about it. If I catch him again-we are done. I'm not obsessive about watching the phone or his time but I hope I will recognize the signs if it happens again. And one of the signs was secretiveness. I'm not saying you have to check up on everything he does but he should be okay with putting the info out there if asked and vice versa.


answers from Sioux City on

We often share passwords. I have access to all his and he has access to all mine. I don't read his and I don't know if he reads mine. I wouldn't know if he has read mine, but I wouldn't care if he did. I don't have anything to hide. He and I are one so I guess I view things as we not me. There are things that are private for us but not between us.



answers from Cleveland on

No, I don't check my husbands phone or e-mail. I know all of his passwords and he knows mine. I have a facebook but he doesn't. I never log off of my facebook so all he has to do is go to the facebook website and he's logged in and can see anything he wants. I am pretty sure he does check up on me because he is just that kind of person. It is a little annoying because I just don't like the feeling that someone is looking at everything I do, but I have nothing to hide.



answers from Cleveland on

Yes i check his phone, I have no problems with him looking at mine or my email or anything of the sort because i have NOTHING to hide and same with him he has nothing to hide so i have full access to everything.. the way i look at it is if there is nothing to hide then why not let your SO look in your phone and email and such.



answers from Portland on

My husband and I don't really think about it. So, I never think to check his phone or email, we are friends on FB so we know what each other is talking about. If we need something in the other person's email, we go get it and it's a non-issue. When there is nothing that exciting, you don't even think about it. I suppose he would care if I started checking his messages, texts, etc. just because that would seem like I don't trust him, but I doubt it would be a huge issue. I'm not saying you shouldn't check if you think something is going on, that's your call, in that case I'd check things out too and would only worry more if my husband reacted strongly. Oh, and occasionally I'll see a text message come in from one of his friends that is a little interesting gem about the latest love interest in the friend's life and he does get a little apologetic when they aren't very tasteful, but I think they are funny. ;) So, I'm not saying he's a saint.


answers from Chicago on

Earlier on in my marriage I obsessed over checking my hubby's email and texts....I drove him crazy, he expressed his disappointment in me, and I got over it. So happy that I don't bother checking anymore--he's far too busy to do anything, even if he wanted to.


answers from La Crosse on

my hubby isn't technology savy. I created his email and facebook for him. If he does something wrong and cant get into it he has me relog him in. Every once in awhile I go through his phone, more so because I will look at it and it will show that there is a message so I tell him and he looks and can't find where the unopened message was. His email.. we never check it, its there but we haven't looked at it in 2 years. His FB I check it usually in the morning and at night and let him know what is going on with different people. He doesn't like the computer and doesn't know how to use it very well. He also has full access to his FB from his phone and will check it once in awhile. All passwords are saved on the computer in our Norton Acct. There is a tab that drops down and you click on what you want to get into. Right now really anybody can get into any account on the computer through that method... mine, my hubby's, my son's. There is no secrets between us with our different accounts. My hubby will read my FB or emails over my shoulder. When he does, I don't feel like he is breaking my privacy. When I go into his I don't feel like I am breaking his privacy and he doesn't think I am either.



answers from Dallas on

We are open books about everything. He knows all my passwords, I know all his, we also have some joint accounts. We don't care. Nothing to need privacy about. I will say, I've never looked at his stuff. (Unless he asked me to go in and find something.) I don't think he's ever looked at mine, unless I asked. If he had, don't care. If he looked it would just be for fun, and NOT because he thought I had something bad in there.

When you are open and there is nothing to hide, their is generally no desire to look.



answers from Seattle on

There's only ONE thing I care about privacy over... and that's books/stories I'm writing. It's an ego thing/ V.W. thing. I tear through those stories and redo them and cut/paste blah blah blah 6 ways from Sunday. By the time I have a "time to let an editor do the same thing" to it piece... I have at least half as many words on a CX file. I'm not the kind to be passing out chapters or scenes to friends/family to critique and it IRKS me beyond belief when someone tries to. I'm not a performer.

I have NO such problem with photography, sculpture, or anything else I do. Just writing... and ONLY fiction. Stomp through my academic papers or stream of consciousness posts on here as much as you like. But the first time anyone reads through is after I've gotten something back from my editor and SHE (or he) has read through

Emails, phone, FB, here, etc? I don't care about one whit.



answers from Baton Rouge on

We have each other's passwords, but we do not use them unless absolutley necessary. We don't open mail addressed to each other, and we don't snoop in each other's electronic correspondence. And even though there is nothing in there that he shouldn't see, I would be royally pissed if I found out that he had been reading my correspondence without asking me first.



answers from Tampa on

I seem to be very different than most of the responders. I have nothing to hide but would feel very uncomfortable if I caught my husband reading my emails or looking through my phone/text messages. I find it creepy...if he trusts me, why doesn't he just ask me what he is so interested in knowing that he feels the need to read my texts or emails to my friends/family? I see no reason why I would look through his texts or emails unless I thought he was up to no good....since I do trust him and he has not given me reason not to in the 15 years that I've been with him, I do not snoop through his phone/email etc.



answers from Kansas City on

My husband and I share the exact same email account, so it's ALL together. We are not jealous of each other, so none of that matters. My husband does not FB, or text much. He mostly just receives texts, and he does not care if I look at them, but I'm really not interested in it. If he looks at my texts, I don't care either. The only thing that bothers me, is when he is looking in my purse for something, which is OK with me, and he says" wow, there's a lot of junk in here" and he starts cleaning it out for me. I'm like what the heck!! I yell at him for that one, but it doesn't happen very often. And he's not being nosy about that either, he just wants to clean it out. My husband and I have been together for 28 years.


answers from Austin on

My husband and I mostly have each other's passwords and sometimes swap phones if one's more charged than the other. We don't text and 99% of the time we only call each other. We use my email address when filling out forms and his more for financial-related things, and leave one open on each computer. He sat down with me one time and wrote down the passwords for all the web sites and bank accounts he uses, in case something happened to him. We laugh about how we have totally opposite ideas for memorable passwords (he likes numbers, I like words).

We've always been OK, with nothing to hide. But recently things have changed. First, he got a smartphone and we put my facebook on it. It was great when we were on vacation and we'd both be posting pictures. But now it bugs me when he uses my account to talk to his sister. Then a couple of weeks ago, after reading some of the mamapedia posts over my shoulder, he told me that he was going to sign up for his own mamapedia account- and not tell me what his user name is! Don't know if he was joking, but I'm feeling a little paranoid over that- if he clicks on one thing he can then see all of the questions and answers that I've ever posted on here. I try to be tactful but I can't guarantee I've never complained about him on here.



answers from Houston on

We share some passwords. "Share" as in "have the same" passwords. We keep our telephone passwords separate and secret for specific reasons, but either of us is welcome to ask the other to allow access at any time, for any reason. We don't get excited about it. E-mails, Facebook...we have full run of each other's accounts. Sometimes I need to send stuff out from his or he'll ask me to read something there. And vice versa. My personality is such that if I have a question, I ask it. I am prepared for him to be annoyed if it comes to that, but he knows that I don't care...and that I am not doing it simply to annoy him. Sometimes it might catch him off guard because I don't often ask, but if a strange name pops up I want to know. That's just me, though; it's not about any insecurity. My husband is so busy that certain things fly all over his head and they just don't register on his radar. I usually check his stuff just to help him remember to tell me stuff, to update our calendar, etc. Example: "Hey, I see you talked with so-and-so today." (Maybe that's somebody he doesn't speak with often.) His response--"Oh, yeah, I'm glad you reminded me. Let me tell you what I found out."



answers from Milwaukee on

My husband doesn't like any of that stuff. I have to beg him to take his phone with him. He uses it to text his friends but that's about it. He uses next to NO minutes on his phone, probably because he can't hear that well (thank you US Marie Corp) but I digress.

I have a printed sheet of my passwords and he can check on anything anytime he wants. Ya never know if something happens to me and he has to log into the banking or insurance account. I just over think that stuff sometimes.


answers from Eugene on

We had separate computers and separate passwords. I treated it as if it were his hand written diary. I never read them unless he showed an entry to me or a drawing. Same for his emails. I only looked at them once he was dead.
I took his unpublished books off the computer before giving to a family member.
I have never shown anyone his journals.


answers from San Antonio on

Been married for 4 years. We JUST started doing texting. I have read a few and they're super-boring, all business. :P Emails - the same. Boring stuff. We don't do social media sites. I did not tell him I checked his email when I did-so. I was just curious what was going on. My first husband cheated on me and I couldn't help but look at my now-husband's email.

If he checked up on me?
Email -- there are a few I'd rather he not read (talking about him). But he has the password. I think he's too busy to want to care about digging thru my sent folder or deleted folder.
Mamapedia -- I'd rather him not read some of my posts/answers
Texts -- they're boring girly stuff btwn girlfriends. Sure. Look all you want.

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