Preschooler Afraid of Swim Lessons

My older daughter (now 8) never wanted to go to swim class without us either at that age. We didn't push it. Swimming is a great form of exercise that you can do at any age and you don't need to be on a team to participate!

I just kept taking her to the pool and the beach (we go camping a lot) and worked with her myself to help her get over her anxieties. She's a little fish now and doing great.

Personally, I would wait until he's ready for swim classes to put him in. I'll bet if you take him to the pool and bring toys (especially the kind that sink) he'll start having a great time and won't even realize how wet his face is. And you'll both be getting some great fun exercise together.

Hi I used to teach swimming lessions at the Marion YMCA - I loved the little ones - my first question would be are the lessons in a huge pool? We taught the littles ones in the therapy pool where it was no deeper then 4 feet and it was by no means a comptetion pool it was much smaller and the water was warmer for therapy. Second how does the teach react to him? I had many students that wouldn't get in but would let me hld them in the water and I would then gradually be able to get them to do more and more as it takes time. Now did you do any mommy and me classes? Perhaps if they have that you should change to that for a little while. Do continue to take him to lessons but two big things never ever throw him in - I know you didn't mean tht but my brother did not learn to swim until he was over 10 because someone at lessons threw him in - and two - do not allow any instructor to force him to put his face in. He needs to do everything in his own time. And he will - and I'm sure by watching he is learning more then you know. Good luck. And another idea - have him practice in the bath tub what he learned at lessons....

Uhmmm... he's 3! Just let it go for now. Most kids I know that age don't like the water. If you force the issue, he'll just resist more and probably end up hating the water more. Step away for a few months, then try again. Make it fun for him and let it be his decision, and he'll be more likely to want to be in the water. My oldest hated water from age 2-4 and wouldn't go near a pool. So we stopped mentioning it and just 'gave up' temporairly. Less than 4 months after we stopped pushing, he was asking to go to the neighborhood pool and just jumping in fearlessly on his own -- that is when we started lessons with him. He's 7 now and part fish during the summer.

The whole point of preschool "swim" lessons is just to get them familiar with the water and not be afraid of it. Most experts agree that most children (not all, there are always exceptions and I know a few of them!) lack the physical and mental coordination to really swim until closer to age 5. Yes, preschoolers can learn to 'swim' a little bit and stay afloat for a few minutes... but they are not truly 'safe' in the water until a little older.

The best way for a child to be safe in the water is to simply wear a life jacket and have adults nearby. My younger kids wear a life jacket everytime we're near the water, even though the 4 year old can 'swim' a little bit. My 7 year old still wears it sometimes... he knows his limitations and when he starts to get tired he puts it on.

I don't understand the push to get kids swimming early. When we were kids, it was unheard of until kids were in school - and even then it was mostly just splashing around having fun. Most kids didn't take real swim lessons until almost they were pre-teens, if at all! Whatever happened to just going to the pool to have fun with your family and learning that way?

Why are you continuing the swim lessons when he is clearly not ready? Wait a year.

Just take him yourself for awhile until he gets use to the water. Once he is more comfortable in the water (may take awhile) then try swim lessons again.

Hello J.,

Often pools are very scary places for young children. While I agree water safety is important for children to learn, if your son is as scared as you say, forcing him around the pool will create more issues than not.

I suggest you talk about pool safety with your child, read books or watch child friendly videos and wait for the swimming lessons until this summer. It's always amazed me how more mature and willing to participate children are just 6 months later.

Good luck!!

R. Magby

J.,

I think forcing him, and especially punishing him for his fear, would make things much worse. I think you should take a break and stop pressuring him. In the meantime, is there something else going on? Does he take a bath without anxiety?

Maybe the chlorine smell or on his skin is the problem??? Is he sensitive to the water temperature? Maybe it's too cold? Maybe it stings his eyes, his privates, or he doesn't like the way it feels in his ears or up his nose.

hi..at 3.5 i wouldn't punish him for being afraid of the water. Does he go in the pool with you or his dad? does he like it then? Alot of children and adults do not like getting splashed in the face. My neice who is 8 now, was thrown in the pool when she was 4, grandma thought she would learn to swim that way. Well she was horrified of the water after that. I have a pool in my backyard, for the first yr my niece ( after the throwing incident) clung to the sides of the pool. We just let it go, slowly and by encouraging her ( but never pushing) she can now swim. She still won't put her head under water, but she swims. but we were in with her, and always made her feel secure. AS i asked before, does your lil boy like swimming/playing in the water with you? public lessons are not for everyone. Sometimes mommy is the best teacher. GL

He just hasn't found his fins yet. My suggestion would be to not pressure him, I can understand how frustrating it is. My son was very hesitant of getting his face wet and going underwater even after 6 months of private swim lessons. Then we went on vacation and within a week he was jumping in and going under with no problem. I think it was the security of me being right there next to him and going under with him and making it fun and then he got it. He is only 7 and a much better swimmer then myself now, lol. But it happened when he was ready. Maybe try again right after the summer and spend a lot of time in the pool with him in the warm months. Swimming lessons are a great idea but don't torture yourself or make it stressful for you both. Good Luck, He will get it :)

ditto my son at 3.5. we just had dad get in the pool w/him during the swim lessons. basically we paid just to have the time in the pool. i have been bringing him to the pool to play and he jumps off the edge into my arm and i put my hand on his belly and he 'swims' to the edge. its a long time coming and he won't be ready any time soon. I'd just go at his pace. I kn9ow if we put him in a class approp for his ability he'd be w/the 2 yr olds and that would be embarrassing!

I have never answered one of these before, but I have taught swim lessons for 15+ years and figured I could offer you some help. First of all, don't pull him out and don't punish him for not participating. If he sits and watches the class, that is participation on some level (some kids won't even do that without fussy and crying). It does sound like a private lesson would encourage him to make progress faster. Most places that offer group swim lessons offer privates too. In a private lesson, trust between teacher and student develop much faster. Plus, in a private the teacher works at the kids level so there will be no sitting on the side. Also, something you can do at home is play in the bathtub with him. If you splash around with him he will get more comfortable with water and getting his face wet. Kids who are timid in the water just need exposure and time.

Do you ever take your son swimming with you? I would NOT throw him in (you're going to traumatize him that way), but maybe he needs some time in a small pool just with you. Give him floaties or something and reassure him that you're right there and you won't let anything happen to him. Have him sit on the edge of the pool during lessons and dangle his feet in. Get the teacher involved in his process, as well. You don't want this to turn into a phobia, but at this age, it isn't worth a big fight, either. Just take baby steps.

We had a similar situation with my daughter this summer. She was throwing fits and I told her to just sit and watch the lesson because I really didn't want her to think it was OK not to know how to swim. On the fourth lesson, she started participating. I'm not saying your son will do the same, but she finally decided she wanted to have fun with the other kids. I was so frustrated at the time, I had told myself this was the last time we would try and she totally changed around. I did offer her rewards before going to the class if she participated.

We are into our 3rd session for our now 3y/o daughter. IT didn't start out easy, and still isn't 'perfect' but I personally think it's important so we're sticking with it. Her older brother was in her class initially (age 4) and that helped a bit, but I've also given her incentives that have been helpful.
Where we go they have no more than 5 kids in a class, and the teacher is awesome, so if you have the same experience, I'd keep with it. It's only his 3rd experience. Maybe you could make 'deals' with him and talk to him leading up to the lesson day, letting him know your expectations -- maybe next class he's to sit on the side with his feet in the pool watching for the entire class. If he meets the expectations, he gets a reward.
I know there are many different feelings on this topic. Just sharing mine ;)

Hi J.!
First, take a deep breath & regroup yourself. I know it's frustrating. Maybe try offering him a reward if he gets in the pool. A bribe esentially. Or perhapse tell him it's like a big bath tub.
Good luck!

My son was the same. He even went through a long time that he didn't want to take a bath, and still only takes showers and only gets in the bath if I need help when watching my younger niece. He hated those group lessons, he did them b/c he's a rules follower but it made him like swimming even less. This past summer he took private lessons, in a pool in someones back yard. She was AMAZING. Not only has he found a LOVE for the water, learned the VERY important water safety tips, he went from not letting his face touch the water to being able to jump off the diving board and swim the whole length of the pool completely alone. I will NEVER send another kid to group lessons again. Her price was cheap (in my own opinion). $8 a class with a max of 4 kids at a time, 3 times a week. This to me wasn't so bad, since it cost $13 for a group of 12-20 kids at our local swim club. The private lessons gives the teacher the opportunity to really learn the kids personality and work with them on their specific level and learning ability. Ask around and find a private person in your area. Obviously this would be more summer stuff.