Preschool Teacher Placing Child in Time Out Too Long.

If you tell him not to cross a line and he sticks his toe over it to see you're looking, he's being disobedient and needs you to put him in his place because if you don't do it, someone out there in the world is going to do it.

The world doesn't look kindly on insubordination and no matter how much you try and tell people that "it's just the way he is" or "my son has challenges" it isn't going to solve the problem. If he keeps putting his toe over the line even with the kinds of disciplines you're providing, it's possible he could do with a longer time out. Something that may stick with him and make him understand that his behavior is unacceptable. I wouldn't give the school a hard time for a 30 min timeout if my kid was out of line enough to deserve it. I'd tell them to make her do it on one foot.

There are a lot of emotions flying around this post. You seem to be upset that some of the moms are giving you advice for that which you don't want to hear. You posted on a public forum, we are just trying to help.

Find some way to be positive.
Mine had to get a smiley face at school then he got chocolate milk at home for dinner.
You bring a bag of treats, DumDums, Sweetarts, for all the children and then the teacher can catch him being good and give him a treat.
Is he a line of sight child? By this I mean can you go to the bathroom without him destroying the house? I had to bring mine in the bathroom with me. I had a strong willed child.
Consistency at school, going to school, at home.
He has been given his way. Really he won. He goes only when there is something fun to do, not whan he has to sit down and be quiet and learn something.
Put him in the preschool, tell him that if he can't behave then he will not go on the field trips.

Talking to the school-- Ask the teacher what was going on. Was he not sitting in TO? Was he belligerent? How was he being disruptive?

Ok, I'm a simple in-home provider and that is WAY too long to keep a child in time out! Nor do I shake my finger in their face. He should be getting 5 minutes or a privelege taken away. I do a warning, and if they do it again, they get one minute per age year and then an explanation and then they say sorry and we give hugs.
This teacher needs to be called out on this. I would speak to the director tomorrow.

I am a kindergarten teacher and also have a 5 year old son. I've read the other comments and agree that you should first get the whole story from the teacher. Also you say "they" put him in time out so I assume there was an assistant. This is good because it will protect both your teacher and the son. Get the assistant's version of the story too, then trust the adults over your son. If you don't trust the adults, pull your son out and homeschool because it's the only way you'll be able to have total control in what he experiences.

Talking in a firm voice, time out, not making physical contact (finger in the face is not harming him-we're not allowed to lay a finger ON the child) is appropriate methods of classroom discipline taught to all educators in order to maintain control of the classroom and not disrupt the rest of the class from the learning experience. While 30 minutes might seem like a long time, if he was misbehaving and was taken away from the activity (an appropriate consequence), 30 minutes is about how long it would have taken. When the activity was completed, he was probably taken out of time out so he could continue the next learning activity with the rest of the class. I'm assuming he did, since he only had a 30 minute time out, not a visit to the preschool director or a phone call home (an appropriate consequence for repeated or extended misbehavior).

What concerns me most is the inconsistency in his schooling experience. It sounds like you are doing a good job at home, and he feels supported, loved, and respected by your discipline system. However, by sending him to school on an inconsistent basis, you're not allowing the teachers time to develop that same consistent, supportive development plan. By sending him to school only on the days he feels like going, you're rewarding his misbehavior, undermining the teacher's consequences. Not to mention creating a dangerous environment for the entire class by sending a child on a class field trip who is unaccustomed and uncooperative to the teacher's procedures, routines, rules, and consequences. You should definitely be volunteering to attend all these off-site field trips with your son, to discipline him when he "tips his toe over the line." I've been the teacher with 2 students who ran off at a field trip because they didn't want to stand in line with everyone else, who had to call parents to report their children missing. We found them within minutes, thankfully, but if you can't get him to mind at home, imagine how much more difficult it is for a teacher with up to 30 other little ones.

P.S. We found time outs less effective once my son turned 5. We now find taking away privileges, versus taking him away from the activity, much more effective for his age. For example, if he crosses the street on his bike, he loses the bike for the rest of the day. Other effective consequences: taking away tv time, video game, trip out to eat or playdate, etc. You might try changing the consequence to see if it's more effective. Good luck! Parenting is hard!

Preschool is designed to teach your child how to behave in real school, more than anything. Allowing him to go for the "fun" things, but stay home on other days...what is that teaching him? He can't just go to gym and art class, he'll have to go to the rest of his classes, as well.

Also, I don't think 30 minutes is too long for a five year old, depending on what they've done. Did you address what was done to earn him that? I think that in order for an adult to point a finger and get in a child's face, that adult is at the end of their rope, out of patience, etc...that's the body language they're giving off...so instead, I do honestly think you need to look at what your child did.

Now, I know time outs aren't necessarily effective for children who consistently act up...they kind've have a "so what?" attitude. So obviously, a different approach needs to be taken. But it really, really isn't the pre-k teachers responsibility to "design and implement" some sort of plan for each naughty child, each bright child, each shy child, etc...they don't get paid enough to sit at home each night and spend time doing something like that. I think your expectations of what they OWE your child are a little much. He owes respect to everyone around him, including you...and it sounds like maybe you are bending over backwards for your little one, and he knows it?

You can't make an excuse for your son and say, "Oh, he's strong minded." No, he's disobedient. It's not a personality trait, it's a correctable behavior flaw. I know you said you didn't want to hear anything about disciplining your child...so I won't say anything but that you need to try a different approach with him. It isn't the preschools duty to teach him how to behave...or to get creative with him.

If you wanted to talk with the preschool about it, I would approach the subject by saying, "What ideas do you have that I can implement at home? He does need to learn boundaries."

Who told you it was 30 minutes? My 5 year old niece has no concept of real time, and to her 5 minutes could be 30. How long did it TAKE, to get him in the timeout? What if he talked and misbehaved during the time out, and had more time added? What if he kept getting up? What if he was messing with other students? That time can add up. Again, who told you about the finger? The reason I'm asking, is kids REALLY exaggerate. Not even on purpose, it's just what kids do. To them, they can literally think a finger a foot away from their face, is close.

Quite honestly, your son sounds like he has little boundaries, and not very much respect for the ones he has. Basically, he's happy he can have fun and have no structure. The water parks, field trips, etc. Those are not structured, they don't usually have to follow as many rules. The school can only do so much. If you allow him to tip toe across the line, he will run across outside your home. He is not a baby. He will be in real school next year, and this behavior must stop. Who do you think the school should trust more? A 5 year old who consistently and repeatedly causes problems, or a teach who presumably has not had complaints?? If he drives you crazy, think of how someone feels who is not his mother, and is responsible for a whole class of kids.

*********First how do you know it was 30 minutes?**************, hope you respond to this question!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Perhaps you should read a post today "Matt Damons Speech to Teachers".

Maybe you should read what actual teachers wrote about unruly kids in their classrooms. It's really unfair to other children when the teachers cannot do THEIR job because of children with discipline issues.

If he is misbehaving perhaps you should *take away* the field trips at preschool like water parks. He has no business having fun when he cannot act appropriately.

I say stop making excuses for your son. Get on a good discipline plan with the preschool & stop coddling your son.

BTW if I told any of my 4 kids 'don't cross the line' then they 'tip their toe over the line', that right there is an immediate punishment for purposeful disobedience. I don't mess around.
ETA @ Singlema; I cannot respond to you properly because you keep changing your post, initially it was directed to me but I see you have taken my name off & changed things around AGAIN, perhaps in the future don't direct your responses to specific individuals so there won't be so much confusion.
ETA @ Singlema; I am happy that you are *passionate* about strong willed children and think they 'require more reasoning'. The rest of your post to me was strange, so I won't even respond. Also you keep changing your post so now I cannot respond to some of the things you said since you have deleted it. Also where in the post does it state the child had to sit in a chair or the corner? I am also *passionate* but for teaching kids that being disrespectful incurs consequences, in my home & the real world. I will remove my child from any situation if I feel the discipline was way out of line or too harsh BUT I do think it's important to get the facts 1st rather than take them from a child that is obviously a challenge for the parents & teachers. If the boy is not telling the truth & he witnesses the mom getting upset with the teacher, you better believe this child will/does get away with way more than he should & will always pit his mom against anyone that gets in his way of achieving his goal which is to NOT be disciplined.

I too have a very strong willed daughter that will be 6 soon, but she is a delight & very respectful to everyone, she just likes to push my buttons, her dads & her siblings.

What exactly did the teacher do wrong? She spoke with him firmly, shook a finger at him and put him in timeout?

If he is as strong willed as you say he is then 30 minutes might have been needed if he wouldn't sit through the whole 5 in one shot and she kept having to put him back. Even if it was 30 minutes straight, what a better way to learn to sit still and listen to the class.

Sounds like if he is not being entertained then he acts up...sounds like the school is helping him. They are not letting him get away with tipping his toe across the line.

I am not sure what they did wrong.

Just wondering how you found out on a Sunday night that your child was talked to in a firm voice and put in time out for 30 minutes?? Is it because he won't stay in time out and the whole ordeal with the strong willed child takes 30 minutes?

You are familiar with his behavior, he is five, it has to stop. It doesn't sound like asking him nicely will work. He shouldn't disrupt the class though.

I wouldn't talk to the preschool about anything. From what you've told us, they were firm, not abusive. I would not get all focused on the teacher's discipline, when you should be 100% focused on your son's behavior. I would talk to your son. There is a reason for the finger pointing and long time out, what happened? I can understand why he doesn't like preschool. He has consequences for his behavior there. No one LIKES consequences, but they are sometimes needed. What does HE need to do differently to avoid that happening in the future? I think you're doing your son and disservice by only sending him to school for the fun things he wants to do. He has all the control. To him, school is a choice. He's only about what's in it that is fun for him. The rest, you are saying is OK to disregard. That is a dangerous precedent to set. I can see how the showing up only sporadically for the fun things would be frustrating to the teachers. The year just started, right? I think you have to decide if you are going to do this preschool program, commit to it 100%, if you really feel like it's not working, pull him out altogether. Don't just bring him for the field trips or try to fight the teacher's rules.

I wouldn't talk to the preschool about it. Your son is disobedient and is "toe-ing" the line to see what will happen. Now he knows....he gets talked to in a firm voice, finger wagged, and put in time out long enough that he probably missed a fun activity. What's the problem?
They ARE working with him and his "challenges". They are being firm. I guess I don't see what the problem is.
L.

Updated

I wouldn't talk to the preschool about it. Your son is disobedient and is "toe-ing" the line to see what will happen. Now he knows....he gets talked to in a firm voice, finger wagged, and put in time out long enough that he probably missed a fun activity. What's the problem?
They ARE working with him and his "challenges". They are being firm. I guess I don't see what the problem is.
L.

First, I'd want to know what he did to warrant this action. Second I'd want to know what the time out meant. Did he have to sit in a chair for 30 minutes or was he removed from the rest of the class and activity for 30 minutes? To answer this question, I'd also like to know how you know this.

Are you sure the information is accurate? I'd start by asking the teacher what happened. I frequently take care of my grandchildren. My daughter used to start out, when I'd disciplined or not the kids, by making a judgement such as "you shouldn't have done this." Put me on the defensive every time and we seldom had a productive conversation. Now she asks me what happened. For example: "tell me about the bike incident." There are always at least 2 stories to every incident.

My daughter and I both discipline by sending the child to their room when they're misbehaving. They can leave their room when they're able to say they're sorry. I could see putting a 5 yo in a space away from the other kids and leaving him there until he could behave.

I understand keeping him home when he can be watched by his brother and sending him to school for the fun things. But I wonder if this gives him the message that if it's not fun he doesn't have to co-operate. Kids way of thinking is immature and he may not have the same understanding that you have about responsibility and school. I would still continue allowing him to stay home and going for fun activities but I'd be sure to talk with him about having the responsibility to co-operate when he's there.

As to not liking going to preschool; this is not an indication that he is being mistreated at school. It's common to have good days and bad days; to like something one day and not another. I do wonder if you're giving him the wrong message when you keep him home because he doesn't like school. I would tell him that you're keeping him home because his brother is available and you want him to have time with him as well as time at school instead of you're doing this because you know he doesn't like school.

I'd talk with the teacher. Get her description of the event. I'd assume that she is working with you and that your conversation will clear the air and help you both to come to a new understanding. If you are still in disagreement and the issue is that serious for you, then do change schools.

My 5 year old spent over an hr in timeout because he wouldn't sit...

The first night we met our daughters kindergarten teacher at Back to school night, she asked us all to "Believe 50% of what your children tell you happens at school and I will promise to believe 50% of what they tell me goes on at your home".

Boy was she correct.

Anytime it sounds totally outrageous.. ASK the Teacher. Also let your child know you "are going to tell her exactly what" your child told you. Your child may start to have a different memory of how it all went down.

Stay calm.. 5 minutes and 10 minutes and a teacher who is having to correct a young child, will probably feel like a finger was waved in thier face and 30 minutes in a time out, when in reality.. it was not that dramatic..

Did you ask your son, "why would she wag her finger at you?"
"Why would she feel like you needed to be in time out for 30 minutes?" "They do not just have children sit in time out unless you did something." . "Please tell me the truth."

My mother made me and my sister a promise when we were little. "If you will tell me the truth, I will not get mad." I might be disappointed or my feelings may be hurt, but I will not be mad."
We told her the truth and she always has kept this promise..

Before you make any judgments, I am curious to know how you knew it was 30 minutes, and what exactly occurred. If your child is strong-willed, as you have indicated, this punishment may be warranted. If he didn't stay in time-out, and had to be put back, time starts all over again. It could easily take 30 minutes.

As far as pulling him out because he doesn't like it, well, of course he doesn't like it! The teacher is making him behave and doing her job WHILE attempting to teach the other children in class.

Talk to the Director, to the teacher and have your child present. When the teacher gives the "real and full story", question your child right in front of her. Children need to know that their teachers as well as their parents, are on the same page and united. Otherwise, your child will continue to be "strong-willed" in school and the problems you will face in the long run will pale in comparison to these.

Pulling him out of preschool off and on is sending the wrong message. They are working with you ,and helping him curb those specific behaviors by the time out. Did you ask the teacher why he was placed in time out in the first place? I know that when my son acted up in school, he was placed in time out til the end of the activity, or he would be in time out during recess , and not be allowed to play outside( this was a big deal for him). He learned quickly what behaviors to avoide. Consistency is the key, both at school and home.

If my kid gets time out by someone other than myself then he would get double that once he got home. Pushing the limits is also not allowed. Sounds like your son needs to sit out of the fun events for acting up in school because he hasn't earned them. Sometimes the strong willed need stronger punishments.

This is part of the problem with older kids acting out in school because they never were taugh how to behave and do what is expected of them. So many parents call and complain when their child is disciplined because it's too harsh or my Johnny wouldn't do that. Leave it alone you can't tell the school how to discipline your child. You say "at least 30 minutes" who told you this? Your son? I would think if a teacher did they wouldn't have Bernard quite so vague. Maybe he was interrupting a certain fun activity so he had to sit out the rest of the time. You need to find out all the details before you go getting upset about it.

Unless your going to home school your child you really don't get to pick and choose how discipline is handled in the classroom. You yourself have said your child is "strong willed" He likes to go to school for the fun stuff (field trips, water parks etc) but not for the learning part. What it comes down to is he has to behave at school or suffer the consequences. If you leave it alone he will learn to function in a school setting. If I were your sons teacher I would go nuts with a parent who pops in and out. A teacher can't control a classroom when mommy and daddy are constantly distracting the kids. and it is a distraction when a parent comes in. not only to that child but to others. why is my mommy not here yet? I myself would tell my child. those are the teachers rules and you have to follow them. so stop climbing walls, screaming or whatever it is he gets put in time out for in the first place. while you call it strong minded the teacher is probably in her mind saying your kids a brat make him behave. teachers have little sentences they use on report cards "little Suzy is very vocal this year" this means she never shuts up. "little johnny is having a little trouble with spacial boundaries" little johnny hits. "little Mary loves to explore art media" little Mary graffiti'ed the wall in the classroom during art time. take a hard look at what your really asking which is for the teacher / school to accept your child's misbehavior. So I guess my answer is that I would not talk to the school about this at all I would talk to my son.

I personally think that the "one minute per age" timeout thing is out the window when a child reaches this age. For a toddler or very young child, two or three minutes seems like a really long time, but 5 year olds.....depending on the offense, 10, 15 minutes or even longer in not inapproapriate. Especially if they drag the timeouts longer by not staying put, etc.
With my kids, it was a matter of time out starting all over if they didn't stay in their spot so in acuality a 2 year old might have more than a 2 minute time out if you have to keep putting them back.

You know you have a "strong willed" child so you need to talk with his teachers on how to work together about it. Is your son exaggerating? Is he a bit defiant when it comes to taking his time out?
These are things only you know and hopefully the school can work with you on them.
If he truly pushes boundaries, he needs to figure out how far that will get him. Nowhere. And he needs to figure that out now because preschool is different than regular school. If he does these things in kindergarten, he may be found not to be ready to advance to the next grade.
First of all, confirm with the teachers what is going on. Try to come up with a game plan. If your son is truly pushing, then he needs to expect consequences and you will have to back that up. They can only "work" with you on his challenges to an extent.

Best wishes.

Your Question: Talk to the director about the teacher and the 30 minute time-out. Take him out of the preschool.

Take him out of that pre school babe, like yesterday. Always listen to a child when they say that they don't want to go there anymore. I have a strong-willed child and they are actually easy to get to cooperate, you just have to understand them and the things that work for them... things that work for other children will not work for a strong-willed because they require more reason data so-to-speak, they are natural critical thinkers. I don't even know how I would keep my temper in... 30 minutes is RIDICULOUS for a time-out. I'd report her, to me that's just uncalled for and I would wonder what else she does when you aren't there. Just reading that makes me mad to think of a child in a chair or corner or whatever for half an hour.
My daughter used to do exactly what your last sentence says, that's what strong-willed kids do. Be consistent and he will know that you won't allow him to disrespect your rules. You have to be consistent when he tries to tip toe on that line :)

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I understand about teachers and unruly kids, if the teacher couldn't handle it call mom to pick him up, there is no excuse for a 30 minute time-out. That's part of the job, kids get unruly- to be a teacher you have to have a system to deal with it, it's like a Marine b*tching because they have to deploy, it's part of the job. There should be personal accountability for the teacher and I'm surprised how many moms don't believe in personal accountability yet expect it from their children. Unruly kids don't make 30 min time-outs or any other harsh punishment okay for teachers.

Time-out on one foot? I see a lot of power struggles and trust crumbling in your future Nicole if you choose to tell your child it's her fault for harsh punishments from teachers. Hope she never runs into a mean-spirited teacher. And the "put him in his place", kids aren't things to be controlled. You don't have to just dominate. Kids are supposed to be taught and guided, not controlled.

A., I hope your not getting discouraged, there are options other than putting your child in time-out for hours. Read parenting the strong-willed child and you'll get advice and suggestions that aren't going to affect your relationship with your child in the long run. Strong-willed children aren't impossible to teach and discipline, but time-outs don't usually work because strong-willed kids are critical thinkers and time-outs don't teach anything, just like spanking... with a strong-willed child it doesn't do anything b/c it doesn't teach and it isn't logical... they don't have adult rationalization but the simple form they do have is still logical, they make simple logic connections. I'm just amazed that so many moms agree with irrational responses, there must be a lot of control-freak moms on here. I don't mess around either and my child doesn't push lines because I read about strong-willed children and put those methods into practice. I didn't just stick her in time-out for an hour, which apparently a lot of moms want you to do lmao. And if I recall this was all about a teacher's personal accountability not discipline lol.

I didn't say he was in a chair, I said chair or corner or whatever, implying whatever means they used. If you have to put a child in time out for 30 mins to an hour, it is time to find a different consequence because it isn't working. A child shouldn't be in time-out for 30 minutes, that is way excessive. And "thinking" they require more reasoning as in they don't just accept things at face value, they aren't naturally compliant and are more stubborn. That is from research and any strong-willed child book, that first chapter or preface where they explain what a strong-willed child is and how to know if your own is actually strong-willed or not. I agree consequences should be implemented but 30min time-outs are not going to teach him diddly squat. I would hope that any teacher/parent or school director meeting wouldn't even include the child. This is based on a 30 minute time-out, if it turned out that the assistant (she said they) re-directed him to another activity for 30 mins that is totally different than time-out. I have every right to re-read and cut out things that I feel don't need to be in the post.

Sounds like they have a handle on him to me. My only concern would be that he doesn't like it there. I would try to establish if he doesn't like it because they discipline, is getting singled out, does he just want to be with you, or does he just not click there. It took me three places to find a preschool that worked for my oldest son.

Needless to say, they do not seem out of line to me. If he is strong spirited they have to be sure all the kids can benefit from class not be disrupted by your son.

Good luck!

If he was really placed in a time out for 30 minutes, that is nuts. You need to take him out of this preschool, IMO. However, did he tell you it was 30 min or the school? My kids (same age) have no concept of time!
However, you should also work with your son on behavior issues.

hmm I do not agree with the finger pointing in the face OR 30 min timeout. If I were you I would ask to have a meeting with the teacher and maybe her supervisor to see what they have to say about it. And then you can get the gut feeling if maybe there was an exageration of the situation or they are not doing their job correctly. You have every reason to react, it is your child! Best of luck!!!

A 30 minute time out is ridiculous. But, I do think you need to talk to the school and find out their side of the story. For example, was it really 30 minutes or did your son exaggerate? Was it a true time out where he was stuck sitting somewhere alone and doing absolutely nothing, or did they make him take a 30 minute break from whatever activity had caused the problem and direct him somewhere else instead?

I'm not saying your son lied. I'm just saying that 5 year olds often have different versions of the story, different perceptions and feelings, etc.

Give the school a chance to explain. Ask them what happened without telling them what your son said to see if maybe their version of the story makes sense with what he told you. Don't put them on the defensive right away and you're more likely to get the truth out of them.

If it does turn out that it was a real 30 minute time out, it's time to find a new school. Good luck.

We all have different perceptions of what's appropriate...So, that being said,

1) find out exactly what happened
2) if "finger pointing" did take place, I would address that because it could have been received as threatening to your child. IF THAT IS NOT A DISCIPLINARY PRACTICE USED AT HOME THEN IT SHOULD BE UNACCEPTABLE AT SCHOOL.
3) Tone is everything as well. There is a difference between firm and harsh. If the teacher was impatient then his/her emotions overtook them. They didn't stay calm. a 5 year old is still learning and at least you admit your child can be challenging, but that does not justify a hard line approach to correcting behavior.

4) 30 minutes is tooooo long, did he take a nap from boredom? Seriously, how could he learn from his actions if no one is spending time talking to him and helping him understand what he did?! The walls can't tell him!!!!!

5) Get the facts before you go Rambo on the school. Seriously. Breathe and make sure you address what's truly IMPORTANT TO YOU so as to not focus on things that will make the important stuff seem insignificant.

Did you ask the teacher what happened? If not, start there. Find out why he went to timeout. Why he was in so long etc. A 30 min rest period is much different than a timeout for bad behavior. Did he need to be removed from the class because he needed quiet time or what was the infraction?? Start by asking questions and then see what they say. The pointing in the face is completely innapropriate and not ok to do EVER. That teacher should know that. I would really have a heart to heart with your son and see what he likes and dislikes about pre-school.

Is there any possibility that he is being bullied by the teacher?? I know alot won't agree with me for asking, but I had a teacher that bullied me when I was little---you just never know. Please support your son and if he doesn't want to go any more, switch schools. HTH

M

FIRST - talk to the school. Find out what happened. I always do that with my kids because they can tell us things of how they THOUGHT it happened, but it may have been different. Use your judgement on who you believe, even though we know we trust our kids, a 5 year old is just that. My 5 year old came home from school and another child had pushed him. He told me the teacher hit the other kid! WOW! So I called the school and started a stink because that was NOT okay and it turns out that my son WANTED her to do that, so it's how he told me the story. So I'd do my best to get the truth. My younger son is 4 and sounds a lot like your little guy. He is punished for bad behavior at home. At day care he misses out on things and goes to time out. If he is really bad, I leave work and go have a chat with him or pop his bottom if needed. Do what you feel is best, just try to get all sides. Best if you and the school work on the same kinds of punishments too. For example, if he goes to time out for 5 minutes at home, he should be able to do it at school. If he loses a toy at home, he should be able to handle losing privelage to toys at preschool. Try to work with them and have them work with you. But absolutely, 30 minutes in time out for ANYONE (other than me- haha) is way too long.

I'd pull him out. When your child says that he doesn't want to go to preschool anymore I would listen. We had a negative situation happen with our son's preschool and I regret not taking him out sooner. You can pm me if you'd like to chat more about it.

If this is an actual preschool in the elementary school district I would be in the principles office and filing a report. What is he learning while he is in time out? Nothing but anger for being set apart.

If this is a child care center then they can lose their license to operate if their licensing worker were to find out they were putting him in time out that long. They are not allowed to do time out anyway, they can remove him from stimuli to help him get in control of himself but not as punishment.

Well I have a friend who is the children's pastor at the church I grew up in and she was also a Montessori teacher for years as well. She told me that for a time out you should do about a minute per age of the child so I would say 5 minutes would be about right for your son. 30 minutes is way too long I think. They just don't have that kind of attention span. I think I'd just focus on the fact that a time out is fine, but that 30 minutes was just beyond the bounds. I think if the teacher isn't willing to consider paring down the time, I'd take my child out. Pre-K is about fun and play, this doesn't seem to be in that category at the moment. I was a spirited child and I had a teacher really come down on me too severely. It is no fun for the child, bc children are powerless really. I say talk to the teacher, if she portrays an attitude that your child is just a "bad" child and she is defensive, I'd take him out. Wish you the best that is a hard situation.

I would not use a preschool where timeouts and finger-in-face were considered an acceptable way to treat a child.

talk to the director 30 mins is too long for a 5 year old if shes not on your side pull him out

You absolutely need to talk to the school about this! This is not acceptable in any way shape or form. I am a parent of a strong willed young man, have taught preschool for years, and now own and run my own school. Under no circumstances should a child be placed in a time out for that long unless that child is tantruming that long and even then the teacher should be actively trying to work the child out of it! You need to find a school that best fits your child's needs. A school that worked for your older child may not be the best fit for your younger child etc... Ask to speak to the teacher or director (whichever you are the most comfortable with) and tell them how you feel. If you can't come up with behavior plan that you are comfortable with, then it is time to leave. If your child his having a finger in his face and being left like that then you really don't know what is being said to him and that makes me nervous. I have had the hardest of kids in my classroom and in my school and no matter what they always want to come to school. If your child is telling you he doesn't want to come and you know this has happened, you need to really look at this and see what else is going on. It may simply be that this school is not the right fit for him and there is a better one out there for him. Try to find a preschool (if this one is not) that is learning center or play based, so he has control of his choices during at least part of the day. Make sure the school has outside time so he can get out an run! What kinds of food are they feeding for snacks? Try to find one that serves whole foods, fresh fruits and veggies etc... Most importantly be sure that you are comfortable! Good luck to all of you!

I agree Talk to the preschool Teacher, was he in a corner for 30 minutes? or did he lose recess? was this time out for one incident or several? My son's preschool never used time out. they redirected children and talked to children about the rules and SUPERVISED, SUPERVISED, SUPERVISED. You can head off behavior problems if you constantly supervise.Is it possible you little one is reacting to problems at home? (I think it's nice he was able to spend some days with brother-I doubt that is causing the problems) Is it possible you can find a better preschool? Have you ever noticed the Moms who recommend spanking are also stating their children are behavior problems? So spanking is Not a miracle cure and may even be making things worse. I hope you can get to the root of what is causing his behavior problems, is it inconsistency or is it anxiety about family issues.(sorry but I've read your previous posts and it is devastating to my little one when his big brother fights with his Dad. OK your question was HOW to talk to preschool, dont accuse them of anything, unless you know for sure what happened you are ASKING them what happened, go in with the attitude that you are not sure about anything that happened, act more curious than upset, at least at the beginning. IF you begin to think things were def handled inapproppriatly than ask for the director to be involved.

How do you know he was in timeout for 30 mins? I ask b/c he doesn't know how long and you might want to be sure before you say anything. also, was he in timeout like, in a corner, or was he in timeout like no recess that day? very different things. Did they tell you what he did? That may make a difference too. Basically if you have proof of the 30 min timeout, you make an appt with the teacher and just ask them what happened. Then if you don't get anywhere, you make an appt with the Director of the preschool and just ask what his/her thoughts are. I work at a preschool and it would be obvious to me that you go straight to the teacher and kindly ask what happened. Don't assume, don't blame, just ask.

Ok...my first question is how do you know it was at least 30 minutes?

Yes 30 minutes is too long, but did they tell you it was for 30 minutes? I know when I give time outs in my house (I am only speaking about my children) if you throw a fit, ask to get up then time starts over...could this have happened? I'm not saying your child is lying or anything but to a five year old 5-10 minutes can seem forever?

As far as the pointing the finger thing...I can't say that it was abusive, I wasn't there to see it. However, if you feel this way for a reason...if you are concerned talk to them. Request an appointment time with the teacher and director. Let them know your concerns.

I would simply say "I'm hearing my child that there has been some behavior on the schools part that makes me concerned..." then state the examples and see what they have to say.

how do you know that it was 30 minutes? were you there and timing it?

Preschool teachers are NOT supposed to point and get in a child's face - they are supposed to put them in time out as discipline.

if your child is strong willed and if he is one that habitually crosses the line to see if he can get away with must be taught with strong, firm reigns - in my opinion...