Preparing 3 1/2 Year Old for New Sibling

Everyone is getting it totally right! Always make her feel like its her baby(bro/sis)...I did this with both of my kids and they were so loving and protective!
Another thing I always taught them to do was "nice". I grab their hands and run it over my cheek very softly and tell them "nice"(niiiiiiiiiice) I then do it back to them so they know how soft you do it. That way, when the baby comes you tell them "do nice" and they know how to touch the baby.
GOOD LUCK!

Hi M.. My daughter was 3 1/2 when my son came along 5 months ago. We prepared her by buying storybooks about new siblings and reading them at bedtime. Also, we let her help shop for baby, picking out stuffed animals, clothes, and a blanket for him. Anything we needed to do, we had her help with, even registering at Target for the baby shower. I also had her attend the baby shower and she even received Big Sister presents. It made her feel very included. And now, she absolutley adores her little brother. I wish you luck.

I've read the responses and agree that it's a great idea to involve Xiaughna in preparing for the baby. Where are you planning on birthing your baby? If your having a home birth or going to a birthing center, you might consider having your daughter there. My daughter was just a few months over 2 when her sister was born. During the pregnancy we talked a lot about how the baby was growing and changing and getting ready to be born. We talked about what birth is like, and that I was going to make some crazy sounds (we practiced these) and that they helped the baby come out. She watched birth videos, she was there for midwife appointments, she played that she was a midwife constantly. I bought her a stethoscope and measuring tape so she could measure both of our bellies, and listen to the baby moving around. She was very excited about it. We planned with a friend to come over just to hang out with her during the birth, and take her out if she didn't want to be there. She was there for a lot of the labor. She would come in the room, and make the moaning sounds with me just like we had practiced together, and she rubbed my back, and she brought me a little flower from the garden. She was so so sweet. When her sister was born, she was there watching, and she even cut the cord! (with dad's help). She really understood that her baby sister was a part of the family, and that she herself was an important enough member of the family to be included in this tremendous event! I believe that it erased any possibility of jealousy. I realize that this is not for everyone, but if it doesn't sound completely ridiculous to you, I urge you to consider it. I think it made a huge difference to my daughter.
Jess

Oh, we also had a gift from the baby and she had one for the baby. They were little pink matching bunnies- a big one for the baby, and a baby one for her.

That was the same time frame about for my kids. I just kept my daughter involved. She went to almost all of my doctor's appointments with me and the doc helped out by letting her listen to the heartbeat and she got to see the ultrasound first (he even took the time to answer her questions about the baby), we read the books together and planned together. I even let her help me when we went shopping for baby stuff. She'd carry the diapers and help pick out the sheets and onsies. I would have her help make the shopping list then give her part and let her pick it out. I got a lot of, "do you think the baby will like this, mommy?" I let her have her own pile of stuff she picked out and let her put it up at the checkout. Made her proud to be the "big" sister and she felt that her feelings and concerns were addressed. I had a couple really interesting blankets but they were the ones she picked out so they were special.

By the time my son was born, she was the perfect big sister. She felt that she helped bring him into the world. I also got her that doctor barbie from the baby and had it at the hospital. It helped that the baby that came with the doll was a boy. (For some reason, my daughter never waivered from the fact that the baby was a boy even when we couldn't tell in the ultrasound. She kept telling everyone that she was getting a baby brother.)

I kept her involved with him after he was home too. Let her help me feed him and change him. Not as a chore but as a sharing experience. Also, I made sure that when he was down for a nap, she and I did stuff together - just us. That helped. She even teases him once in a while about having helped change his diapers. ;)

And, if you ask them, they know exactly how far apart they are down to the minute...you get "we're 3 years, 10 months, etc." Too funny. Now that they are 17 and 13, though.....it is a good thing they love each other, cuz they drive me nuts. :) However, they are closer than thieves and rely on each other and ask each other for help and let the other participate. My daughter even includes her brother in with her high school friends so "he has a good group of friends for next year when he goes into high school."

Good luck.

I helped my 2 year old son prepare for his new sibling by telling him that HE was going to have a new baby and that it would be his baby sister. He went to many of my prenatal visits with me and heard "his" baby's heart beat. He rubbed cocoa butter on my belly and talked/read to his baby sister. At the hospital, he was the first to come into the room to visit with the baby. He felt special when my husband came to get him and told everyone else that they had to wait for him to spend a few moments with him baby sister. He felt like he got to help pick the name. Because the baby was nursed, he could not feed it but he was allowed to help rock the baby in the rocking chair. In the first few weeks when someone wanted to hold the baby, they would ask him if it was okay. I never, never took the baby from him to give to someone else. Ironically, when my daughter was a toddler, she would often be okay with her brother soothing her when she was upset. It was the cutest thing. I don't necessarily agree with putting the first child first at all times because that child needs to share mom and dad and join mom and dad in caring for the baby, which really needs to be put first. Just my opinion though, it worked for us. My son and daughter are now teenagers and have a great relationship and have been very close. We just recently "started over" with a new baby and my almost grown son wanted to be in the delivery room with me. Both children stayed for most of the labor and he was the most helpful with helping in and out of bed, tending to my needs....He is awesome and still remains an awesome big brother understanding again that we all have to tend to the new one.

Good Luck

I have a 3 1/4 year old and a 7 1/2 month old and I was very concerned about this issue. I got lots of advise, so here is what I did: My 3 year old went on most of the prenatal appts with me & saw the ultra sounds & we talked to the baby LOTS while she was in the womb. I got books on becomming a big sister & we read them together & really talked up how lucky she was to get to be a big sister and how good she will be and how much help she will be. When we came home from the hospital, the new baby had a gift for my 3 year old which was a new baby doll and she still feeds & changes this doll often when Im taking care of the baby. I am constantly thanking her for being such a big helper and she eats it up!! She always helped me shop for the baby too. One last thing is that YES she does get jealous from time to time and she would get mad at me, never the baby. I try to include her in things like changing the diaper & making the bottle & giving the baby a bottle...also showing her that she is so lucky as the baby only lays there and gets a bottle while my 3 year old gets to eat anything (practically!!) and can run and play and sing, etc....how lucky she is to not be a baby anymore. Hope that helps

have the newborn bring a big present for his/her big sister, kids always like people that give then toys or any thing they may want.
also have baby toys and big items like high chair and swing around weeks before the baby comes so your big girl does not feel like the newborn is taking over her space

When my daughter was 2 1/2 I prepared her by having her involved. We showed her the ultra sound pictures of the new baby as well as the ultra sound pictures of when she was "inside Mommy's tummy". She got to feel the baby move around by putting her hand on my tummy, too. When I was 7 months pregnant, we read lots of books to her from the library about babies and the changes that come in the family. She also watched "Arthur's Baby" on video and read it from the book, too. Arthur's baby sister's name is Kate. We were afraid how Erica would react to finding out that her sister's name was Kaitlin! (Erica didn't have any troubles at all. She loved the name!) Before the baby was born, I took Erica on a special trip to get things for the baby. She choose the outfit that Kaitlin came home in as well as a giraffe security blanket (of which we got 2. Kaitlin LOVES her blanket now!)

After Kaitlin was born, Erica came to the hospital with her Grandma. One of the first things she did was give her own bunny blankie to Kaitlin. It was so touching since she never shares her blankie with anyone! We almost cried! After we got home, Erica helped out by getting a clean diaper for the baby. We didn't let her take care of the icky ones! She was also very helpful on entertaining Kaitlin when we got a little older. She would make the baby laugh!

When I was admitted to the hospital, a nurse gave me the best piece of advice. She suggested to me to give Erica the attention. If she needed me, I needed to go to her first, even if the baby was crying. The baby doesn't know what is going on, while your first born will feel the lack of attention. I took this to heart and it definately helped after the baby was born. She quickly learned that I would get to her as soon as I could, but not as soon as she started crying. She is now 11 months; she is very happy, independent, and active. I know when something is wrong when she starts to cry or is clingy.

Since your daughter is older, you may want to check out the sibling class at Sutter hospital. They have a class just for children 3+ on getting ready for a new baby. It is only for children, no parents.

Good luck!

Hi M.! First congrats on the inpending arrival! That's awesome that your a culinary student as well.....
I would say the best advice I could give would be to get your little one involved as much as possible, and really prepare her for becoming a big sister. Make her feel like she is really going to be needed & that her help is going to make a huge difference, and once the new baby comes... she will feel extra special, ( as you have her already prepared for a role that you need help with!). Hope that helped. Love, A.~

All of my children (3) are 3 1/2 yrs apart it is a great spacing. Include her in everything, have her help pick out the room decorations (bedding, cloth, furniture) or if you are using the ones from her explain this used to be yours, and now that it does not fit you anymore you get to give it to the baby. I found both times I prepared my children for the new baby they were so excited as long as I let them feel they were helping it gave them the feeling the baby was theirs as well. I was able to take my oldest to my apt. she got to help listen for the heart beat. I know not all Dr. offices allow that but it was nice if they do. Enjoy this time.

Really great advice out there. We too used the books, got him involved in helping prepare the nursery, talked about "his" little brother or sister. One thing we did too that I didn't see mentioned is when our oldest made it to the hospital (my husband brought him - not my parents) they together made a special trip to the nursery to see his new brother. Then he got to help push the bassinet down the hall to my room. It was more like "hey mom! look who I found for you!" He was very proud.
Also, as mentioned in another's response - you can put your first child first. I always thought that my oldest would have to "take the back seat" for a while. Total opposite. I would be breastfeeding when of course he needed me. I had no choice but to put the baby down. In the end, my second child is sooo easy! He was always able to soothe himself and fall asleep on his own. We also bought a baby doll for our oldest so he could play along when I was tending to the baby.

Hi and congrats. I suggest getting some children's books on how the baby is growing inside your body. Also books about siblings. Be honest about how having a new baby is going to change things--in both good and hard ways. Have her father start spending more one-on-one time now so that later it's not as big a deal. If sleeping arrangements (or other things) are going to need to change start the transistion now. A baby is a big enough change--making other big changes when (and soon after)the baby comes is not the best idea. Giving her something wonderful that only "big girls" can have helps. Also presents for her when others bring presents for the baby. It's great that you are thinking about this now.

Congrats on your new addition!
I agree with most of the other posts, keep little Xiaughna as involved as you can but without pressure, if she doesn't want to help with anything let her know that's OK too.
I talked with my daughter about it a great deal, what to expect from a baby when they are first born (let's face it they don't do too much that would interest such a young one for a while). We watched the baby show they have on TLC (I forget the name) - it has the first 36 hours of a baby's homecoming on it and it gave my daughter the chance to ask questions about all the things that were scary or confusing (like why does the baby cry when he's getting a diaper change) or what's that black thing (umbilical cord)... etc. We got a lot of books, the Little Critter book is a nice one it's pretty up front on the fact that the baby isn't going to be so much fun to play with at first but that you can still love it in other ways.
I made it clear that she could help as much as she liked but that as a sister she didn't HAVE to, that that was one of the best parts of being a big sis, that she could teach the baby what she wants or play what she wants, even pretend to be mommy but when she didn't want to she didn't have to. She went nuts picking out baby clothes and bedding and toys and all that.
I talked to her about the fact that I was going to nurse the baby like I did with her and explained how it worked, showed her pictures, etc and she had a great time pretending to nurse her "babies" (she got a ton of baby dolls that Christmas).
I also took my daughter to all the doctor appointments and made sure she was comfortable with the doctors, midwives, and the hospital so she wasn't scared (we went on a tour of the hospital, saw the maternity ward). She was scared about the hospital so we sat in one of the rooms and brainstormed how we could make it feel safer- the toys we'd need, books, her tent (we got the PeaPod tent for her to sleep in so she could stay with us in the hospital so her first separation wouldn't be traumatic and more importantly so she wouldn't blame the baby for taking Mommy away). We talked a lot about how we're going to love each other even more now that we're a bigger family with even more love. I also made sure to spend special time just with her. Right before the baby was born we started snuggle time every morning she asked for it, she'd come into bed and we'd just snuggle and sleep a little longer (we choose morning so she didn't get in the habit of falling asleep in the bed at night).
Good luck with your transition.

We had our second child when our first was 2 1/2. What we did was change everything early so she didnt feel that it was taken away because of the baby. ( i hope that made sense) We moved her into her own room 3 months before the baby was born, then the baby didnt go to the nursery for another three months. So, she had a lot of time to get used to a new baby and try to understand that she wasnt being replaced. I made all major changes early, to help her get used to them befor the baby arrived.

I hope that made some sense. Good luck!

Hi M.,
My name is M. and I am a 77 year old mother of 3 and grandma of 6. When I was expecting our second baby my little boy (3 years old) and I would often talk about the new baby. At that time we didn't know what the sex of the new baby was. He helped me to get the basinet ready and put it in our bedroom while I explained to him that the new baby would be sleeping in our room until he moved to the new big bed in his room and welcomed the baby to share his room.

I found a baby doll that was the right size for him to dress and feed with a bottle. I madea few clothes for the doll and some matching ones for the baby She turned out to be a little red-head for whom we already had the name picked out.
Our Vicky Lynn was born on the Fourth of July in 1956. Jim (our son) had gone to visit his paternal grandmother for three weeks while I was in the hospital (for six days) and getting settled back home with Vicky Lynn. The first thing he said when his Grandma brought him home was "I want to hold Bikky In." He soon learned to say Vicky and always loved his little sister.I usually arranged for Jim to feed his baby when I nursed Vicky and he got to bathe his dolly when I gave Vicky her bath.

I am blessed today with what I lovingly sewed so many years ago. Jim lives not far from me (about 4 blocks) and is taking good care of me as I continue recovering from back surgery. I have been widowed for 2 years so I worried a bit about how I would take care of myself when I needed to come home from the hospital. Jim told me to stop worrying since he had fixed a bedroom for me at his house and would help me move back home when it was time. My friends all tell me I did something good all through the years. I believe that if you handle each situation with love, you'll find the right solution. I am happy to be a part of mamasource and hope my thoughts help you with your 3 1/2 year old.

Hi M.!

Congratualtions on your upcoming arrival! This can be a very exciting time for you and your family, especially for your daughter.

First, what I wouldn't do....I don't want to sound negative, but you NEVER know what God's plan is, so please don't make a HUGE hype about the birth. Just "glide" with it. I mean, what if there's trouble later? It's much more difficult to try to get your daughter to understand problems later if you "hype it up" too much now.

What I WOULD do, is include her in simple things to help get an understanding of how "lucky she is" to have a baby in her house pretty soon. After the birth, I had a small party planned to celebrate. It was for my older son, and the party was to celebrate HIM becoming an older brother, and NOT the fact the baby was born. This made him feel so proud to be a brother that he told EVERYONE everywhere we went. That new baby will get so much of your attention, and if you start out with making your older child "proud" first, then it will hopefully be eaiser for her to adjust. I'm sure this is why you've written in, trying to avoid any problems with your daughter feeling "second". You'll just have to "listen" to her closely to what she's saying later. Her words will "clue you in" to how she's feeling.

Don't worry, you'll be fine! It's a normal transition in having a family, and with alot of love it will work itself out. See how sensitive you are, the baby is not even here yet, and you're already thinking of the best for your daughter :o) You will be great with this transition!

:o) N.

A good way to start introducing the new siblings to your first born is to make sure you NEVER say mommy and daddy are having a baby. Your daughter is to young to understand that the new baby will not take her place. An excellent way of telling her she will have a new sibling is starting to tell her that she is going to have a baby sister, and you are the one caring it for her. If you make it all about her having a baby sis or brother and how she is going to be a wonderful big sis she will love this new baby because it it "hers". It also help if you tell your family to include her as the big sis she will be. Once the baby is born have everybody acknowledge her, and ask her to to introduce then to "her" baby sister or baby brother. I can guarantee you she will be a wonderful sister who will love that baby as much as you do. REMEMBER IT IS "HER" BABY!!! Good Luck and congrats on the new baby.
A.

Three pieces of advice for you...

Answering questions about the pregnancy. In general, it's best to be factual, concrete, and simple. Young children ask what they need to know at the moment, and what they are ready to understand. For example, if your daughter asks, "How did the baby get into your stomach?" you could answer, "He is not in my stomach. He is growing in a special place called a uterus." You don't need to go into any more detail, unless she asks for it.

Expect ambivalence. Don't be surprised if your daughter has a lot of mixed feelings. She might be excited, eager for a playmate, worried about being pushed aside, or she might not show any strong feelings at all. Often the new baby isn't "real" for a young child until after the baby has been in the home for days or weeks. The realization that the new baby is staying often comes as a shock.

Invite involvement, but don't push. A three-year-old might be very interested in learning about feeding, diapering, and bathing. Having a baby doll can be useful for this purpose; this goes for boys as well as girls. Children who take on a helping role often develop closer relationships with their younger siblings, On the other hand, everything should not all of a sudden revolve around the new baby. By continuing to do some of the things that your older child likes to do, you let her know that she is still important.

Other relationships. The biggest challenge for older siblings is to give up her exclusive relationship with you. It helps if she has strong relationships with other adults, such as her other parent, or her grandparents. More time with them is a bit of a consolation for the loss of some of your time and attention.

Keeping some things the same. The birth of a sibling brings with it profound changes in a young child's life. In the midst of this, it is comforting to have the same meals, playtimes, naps, bedtime routine, and bed. Predictability helps a young child feel more in control. If there are special things that you do together - such as reading books, or going to a particular park, let your daughter know that these things will not change.

D. ;-)

If your daughter likes dolls. You could buy her a special baby of her own. She can take care of her baby while you take care of your baby. For sure make time for just your 3.5 year old. Let someone watch the baby and do special outtings with her. Lot of people might offer to take your daughter out for a while so you can rest or spend alone time with the new baby. I would just ask them do you mind sitting for the baby instead. If she is not in preschool already and you are considering it. Do it before the baby comes. You dont want her to feel unloved or pushed aside because of the baby. She might even like to help. Picking out the outfit, or handing you the diaper wipes. I have also heard of stories where the new baby gives a special gift to the older sibling. Plan ahead and take it to the hospital with you. Have something special wating for her besides meeting her new sibling. Sorry to ramble, I should have waiting till my coffee started waking me up. Good luck to you!

One of the best things that I did when I was expecting a new one was to include the other siblings in the excitment of the new one coming as in showing them my belly as it grew. Letting them feel the baby kick or the hiccoughs. Now you can let them hear the babies heart beat with at home monitors. I also let them help me pick out things for the baby and decorate their room. I showed them how to even change a diaper on a doll. I know that sounds way too young but they loved it and fought over who got to help me change the baby when it came. There are a few cute little books out there for the young ones that talk about getting a new family member and what happens. I hope that helps and congrats on your new one.

Although I only have one child, I heard a great idea from a friend who has two... Instead of holding a 2nd shower for you & the new baby, have one for Xiaughna & the new baby. She'll be the one opening the gifts, cards, etc. for the new baby & will be happy to have the attention & party in her honor. Hope this helps. :)

Hi M., preparing a child for a new sibling can be fun and exciting. Although my daughter was a little older you can still involve Xiaughna in some aspects of the preparation. My daughter was 5 when my son was born. I took her with me to a few of my Dr. Appointments so she was able to hear his heartbeat. We posted the ultrasound picutres on the fridge together. I read stories about babies to her. We also decorated his room together. I kept her involved in everything we did for the new baby. Before he was born we had a t-shirt made that said "Im the big sister" that she wore to the hospital. I had a c-section so my husband was able to bring my son out to meet the family before I was out of recovery. And my daughter was one of the first ones to hold him. Just by keeping her involved she didnt become jealous and when we brought my son home she knew where all of his things were, she knew what to expect from a new baby being in the house, so there were no surprises and the 2 of them were very very close. Hope this helps!

I agree with everyone who has posted their great ideas so far. I did all those things with my daughter, who was the same age, with fantastic results. I would just like to add that I thought it was kind of difficult to find really good books to read with her. SO many of the books for the older sibling dealt with jealousy - my daughter was just excited about being a big sister at this point, and I didn't want to plant the idea of getting jealous in her head! I figured I would read those books with her if it became an issue, but I didn't want to start out with them. I found a few that were about how great it is to be the big sister and/or what it will be like. My favorite was "I'm A Big Sister" by Joanna Cole, illustrated by Maxie Chambliss. It had simple, positive text and colorful, enjoyable pictures. The absolute BEST books for us, my daughter's favorites that she asked for almost every day, were the children's line of "What To Expect" books by Heidi Murkoff, one of the authors of the "What to Expect" books for adults. There was one about what to expect while mommy is pregnant, and one about what to expect when the baby comes home. The information is presented in a way that is perfect for this age. My daughter felt so well prepared, confident, and excited, and so proud of her knowledge that she wanted to share it with everybody. The books use real scientific words like "uterus" but the explanations are age-appropriate. More than once my daughter explained to someone who said I had a baby in my tummy that no, the baby was in my uterus, and food goes into my stomach, and if mommy had a tummy-ache the baby didn't feel it. Pretty cool.

You have probably heard this already but talk about how she was born. She will love hearing this 'story' over and over again. Give her a new special 'baby' of her own and practice diapers, feeding, etc. There are lots of great books out there on bringing a new baby into the family. It's important for her to know that at first, there is not much a baby does but sleep, poop and eat. And that they need a lot of attention.

Also, prepare her for the hospital stay - that you will be going away for a few days and returning with her new baby sister/brother!

I found that it was helpful to know if it was going to be a boy or girl so that I could start helping my son prepare better. But, of course that is entirely up to you whether you want that info.

I felt a lot of guilt at the beginning because I was not able to spend as much time with my 3.5 year old son (now 4.5). Every time he cried, I cried right along with him! But it has gotten much better and now he can't even remember a time when his sister was not in his life. That's the beauty of childhood - they adjust quite quickly.

Best of luck to you all!