Preparation for Birthday Party

I thnink that some people can't look beyond their needs and expectations. There was one time that we couldn't afford much so I had a party for the girls and a Pot Luck for the adults. And EVERYONE had a GREAT time. The parents loved the idea and enjoied the party as well. They brought what they wanted to eat and other peoples food. I provided the kids meal and cake and ice cream and all the drinks for everyone. It was one of the best parties I had and everyone wants to do it again this summer.
C. C

when I go to a party with my daughters, I don't ever expect to be fed. Usually they do feed the adults too, but if they didn't, i wouldn't get mad.
I wouldn't go to a party starving anyway... if i was hungry beforehand, i would eat a little something, or if it's only 2 hours... i'd just deal with it! that's just my opinion though.

As a general rule, I would say yes, that if you are hosting kids' birthday party and parents are expected to attend, you provide snacks for the adults. On the other hand, I don't think their not providing adults snacks is a very reliable reflection on them as good friends or a nice family. They planned the party between meals, so perhaps they felt that offering cake to the parents was good enough. Perhaps, they just didn't think of it. Perhaps, they forgot or perhaps they had planned adult snacks and at the last minute they felt they weren't good enough to serve. I think even though it was inconvenient for you and your friends -- it isn't a big deal. Not everyone is very sure as to how to host a party. In some cultures, not offering food to guests is a very big snub -- I know because I am married to a Latino man. A person enters your house in his culture and the very first thing you do is offer refreshments, no matter what time of day. In U.S. culture, that rule is a lot more relaxed and a lot more tied to whether it is meal time or not. So, I wouldn't take it too seriously.

Updated

By the way, I now live in South America and I know how difficult it can be to navigate the unwritten and unspoken social rules of a second culture -- it is also very rewarding. I understand that I have often been offended by things that I thought were rude, but are just cultural differences. Also, there's no doubt that I have offended in the same way. It's very understandable to me that you and your husband and friends felt offended -- and it's absolutely great that you asked the question before you acted on being offended. Wishing you all the best!

When I see that a party runs from 2-4 PM, I assume that they will not be serving food since it's not during a meal time. At our kids parties, we served snacks, cake, and drinks, and offered the same to the parents.

When I host a party I usually offer veggies, snacks and such for everyone prior to the main food being served. That's just how my family is. I tried to keep it simple one time and not serve things like that and everyone just thought that it was odd since it wasn't what I normally do, so I went back to doing it.

When I see that a party is from 2-4 I don't assume that there will be a lot of food, especially if I don't know the people well, or if its going to be outside. I always get my child a sandwich before hand just in case he doesn't like whats offered, and we always stop to get drinks and such if needed on the way home.

I don't usually have people drive an hour to attend one of my parties, but if I did, I would definitely offer them some snacks and sodas/tea.

M.

Hi - while it is frustrating not to be served food at a party such as the one you describe (probably because this is something you would do/have done as a host/ess), I urge you to to reconsider your rather harsh judgement of this family; I am guessing that they are doing the best they can and probably were raised/taught differently than you and me. They may also have financial challenges that you are not aware of. I suggest giving them the benefit of the doubt AND when going to a party at that time, bring a veggie dip and let the host know, "I knew you'd have your hands full so thought this might be helpful". They will appreciate it and probably learn something, too...AND you will have provided a great kindness. So, please let the judgement go and think about how you can help this family rather than how you can criticize them. We are all here to help each other!

yes & no, normally a pool party is really for the kids & they probably invited parents to be safe? At a party during that time I would not think adults nor children would be feed. A snack maybe & cake of course!

Culturally it's tough to know what's normal and what's not. America has a HUGE variation on what is proper hosting behavior. And if your family didn't do much entertaining growing up, unless you're a natural entertainer, you wouldn't have a clue (I speak from experience :)

I would say, especially with the economy being as tough as it has been, to assume that feeding a bunch of adults would have been expensive and may have been too much for them to deal with. It was a kids party, so they focused on the kids. It was a between-meals party, so food wasn't the focus. And really, I can't stand dip - I would have been fine with pretzels (LOL).

It may be also that the negative things other people were saying about this family made you feel that something was "wrong" as well.

I think it is very good of you to make the effort to understand the cultural differences and to ASK about it. The fact that you realized that your culture differs in some areas and can look at ours from a fresh perspective is great.

This is a child's birthday party. I have never gone to a child's b-day party and EXPECTED to be fed or entertained. It is for the child and his guests, not the adults. It depends on whether the entire family was invited to come or if it was only for the child and his friends. IF the entire family was invited, then yes, there should be much more expected. This famiy did nothing wrong in the way that it was handled.

seriously? that degree of frustration and anger (they're SELFISH?) directed at some nice folks who are providing a party for little kids?
i hope this family finds some nicer friends for themselves and their kids.
khairete
S.

If it's a kids party from 2-4, nothing more than chips and pretzels, cake and ice cream would be expected. It gets very expensive to put together food for everyone and maybe this family is watching their budget but still wants to give their child a party. I never expect to be fed when I take my young son to a party. It's for him and I am just there to care for him while he has fun.

A party from 2 - 4? I would have only expected cake and punch. I always make sure our daughter is fed before a party unless it states lunch will be served.

A swimming party, I would think the kids would want to swim as long as possible..

I think it also depends on the ages of the kids. If under 5, most parents do stay, and perhaps some drink or a bit of a snack provided for them. But if older, I have found most tend to drop their children off and pick up later. But, during that 2-4 time, I would only expect cake and a drink to be served, especially at a pool party.