Prek Student Does Not Want to Go to Bathroom at School

I too have a similar situation with my daughter. I was able to speak with her pre-K teacher and get an IEP revision that would enable a occupational therapist to work with her on toileting and problem solving skills. Maybe this is something that you can talk to his teachers about and they can help as well. It may be even as simple as having another peer model or working with an OT for a time. The previous advise you recieved was FABULOUS and I definately agree with everything she said. It is hard NOT to question your parenting skills in our situation...trust me I have been there, done that. The fact of the matter is I have realized that it is only I whom can advocate for my child and if there are resources out there to benefit my child it is my job to find them. I try to instill in my daughter that it is OK to ask for her, so I try to "lead by example" if you will. It is difficult raising a special needs child and stressful at times (especially when you are alone I understand) but also rewarding in the sense that you are able to see the progress he has made. Keep your head up and know that you are not alone.

Hi K., My girls (twins) are 6,One of my girls is very outgiong and the other reserved. My more reserved one had (and somtimes still does) major bathroom issues. It all started with self flushing toilets, we were at wal-mart when i took her to the bathroom at 4 and the darn thing flushed with her on it because she leaned forward. We began to get over it but guess what, her school has self flushing toilets, ya thats been fun. I would first talk with him and make sure nothing happened in the bathroom that scared him, even somthing minor such as the toilet flushing or the bathroom door closing too quick or perhaps another child teasing him about his speech. If thats not the case, ask his teacher if he can buddy up with another boy when he has to go to the bathroom, somtimes just having another child with him will add to his qwn bravery. Speech issues are so h*** o* little ones both my son he is 10 and my older twin ( the same one with bathroom issues) are in speech therpy. Make sure his school has a no tolerance policy, what i mean by this is teasing another child about their speech is considered a form of bullying and has to be stopped even in pre-k. Even at six though my girls somtimes still want me to walk them to their classrooms and then to breakfast and other times they could not get rid of me fast enough, i do think all kids go thru periods of insercurity, when mine do it somtimes lasts a couple of weeks, thats when i encourge her at home to do things that i would normally have the older boys do, such as helping take out the trash, putting the dogs leash on and holding her leash outside, setting the table and so forth, good luck and let me know how it goes!

My son is 4.5 and has some of these same issues. He also has some speech problems (as I did as a kid), but we have not addressed them formally yet. I was told my a speech therapist at my school not to worry about it until he's in school, then we will get him started in speech. I've found that many kids have problems with certain sounds at this age (R, S, L), so try not to worry about that too much. No one could understand me as a kid besides my family, but after a few years of speech class in school, it was corrected.
As far as the bathroom situation, could it be that he hasn't learned how to wipe himself yet? I've been working with my son for a couple months about wiping himself, getting him ready for school. I noticed that he would rush to the bathroom every day when we got home, and when I asked his daycare teacher, she said that he never goes at school. He was holding it until he got home because he didn't have anyone to ask to wipe him (obviously, they don't do that anymore at his age). You might want to practice getting him to do this on his own, if that's the problem.
My son is also shy and is slow to warm up to new situations. That could be your son's issue with hanging back from the other kids...trust me, that's much better and easier to deal with then one who's over hyperactive or the class bully! I'm a teacher, and I can tell you that this may just be part of his personality...I see it all the time. Have you tried invited other kids out for a playdate at your house, or getting to know the other moms so you can get the kids together? Make sure you take him to every opportunity to socialize with the others (birthday parties, after school functions, etc.) or maybe get him involved in sports or boy scouts or another activitiy the other kids are in. He may come out of his shell.
The situations you are describing are totally normal for his age, and will probably resolve themselves in time.
Hope this helps!! (Sorry so long, but your son reminded me a lot of mine :-)

Bathroom phobias are normal at this age. The thought of having to remember to use TP, flush, wash his hands and dry them is probably a little overwhelming.

Claiming inadequacy is also an attention getting technique that children with delays tend to keep using because it works. So from now on don't remind him to go, and if he goes in his pants, well, that's his problem. Cleaning him up should be an emotionless get it over with effort in order to keep him from feeding off the negative attention he could be craving. This site talks about all of that: http://lifematters.com/step.asp

As far as the social skills go for right now, I would ask the teacher to just let him off of the expectation of being paired with another kid. Some kids just aren't social when they're working so hard to cover other deficits. His speech delay may prevent him from interacting or he could be being paired with some one where he can't get a word in edgewise.

Also make sure you're reading to him for 20 minutes every day alone. If you want to check out books on using the potty or making friends and read only them each time then do that. Try to avoid talking about "problems" with him and focus on talking about good things with him. Praise him a lot, "Insert name in here, YOU did a great job putting that toy away"... or what ever he did besure to say his name, you and exactly what he did. This will boost his self confidence and show that you really are paying attention to him rather than issuing a "good job" just to get him to leave you alone.

So if he has a younger sibling you start a bath time routine where he gets to play on the computer at preschool.com, pbskids.org, or starfall.com while you're bathing, reading and putting the other child to bed. Then it's his turn.

If he's the youngest you start with him a half an hour before bed time he has a five minute bath, five minutes to brush teeth and get dressed then 20 minutes of you reading to him before he goes to bed. Dad should do this when he gets back from deployment. Then you start the next oldest child's routine after he's in bed. the older he gets the more you can transition this to him reading to you, covering homework problems or talking.

I know it's hard to do this alone but there is support out there for you. Family and Children's Services can help with the social skills.