A friend of mine got pregnant at eighteen with her first child while on the pill. She had to give up a college scholarship and go to work. She had her tubes tied and got pregnant again, many years later (first child grown) and was happy to have a new baby in middle age.
I was using a cervical cap when I got pregnant with my first. My first thoughts shouldn't be seen in print. I almost chose not to have her as it really was bad timing, but I had always wanted to be a mom, eventually, and decided to be a single mom. I meditated on the situation and prayed a lot for the answer. Politically I am totally Pro-choice, but personally, at that time, I chose the baby.
Sixteen years later, I'm thrilled with the outcome. I've got three kids now, and I am DONE, so I understand your sense of desperation. Four kids is a LOT.
Babies are a LOT of work, and it's a scary time in the world. Only YOU know what's best for you. And deep down inside, you do know. Ask yourself and TRUST your self!
You said your third child was unplanned; how do you feel about her? It's natural to have resentment, even with planned offspring (Yes, sometimes I resent them, too). But when you are clear with yourself, you'll be able to do what is best with a clear conscience. Before or after the fact, every child deserves to be wanted, and only you can appreciate how this potential new person would impact you and your family.
Figure out your dates! If you decide it's best for you to get an abortion, you'll want to do that sooner rather than later.
Please find someone you can talk to about this -- maybe a counselor at Planned Parenthood or a midwife or a mental health counselor. This is a decision no one can make for you. Hang in there, it will get better.
L. D., mom of three