Pregnant with 4Th child...considering Adoption. Any Advice?

This is such a personal decision and I really feel for you. My oldest daughter was adopted by my husband when she was 3. Her biological father has many other children that she does not know. She is almost 13 now and is bothered by that. She told me the other day she wished she could know the other kids. So my only bit of "advice" would be to keep contact with the adopted family. The kids will want to know each other as they get older. Whether you chose a farther away open adoption or the family you already know will have to be something you do a lot of soul searching about and I have no advice on that! Good luck!!

Hi.... first off let me tell you how proud I am of you for coming to this conclusion because I know from personal experience how hard it truely is. Let me share my story with you, when I was 18 I was with my bf all through high school we loved each other alot. But I knew it wasnt gonna last deep down. Well on Thanksgiving I wasnt feeling well and decided to get a pregnancy test and guess what! I was pregnant. I knew I didnt have the financial means to care for the child and I myself grew up in a single parent home, I knew how hard it was. I wanted the best for my baby. I lived in a small town where not too many people ever heard of adoption or let alone open adoption. I did some research and decided upon doing open adoption. I found an agency online and looked at some of the couples on there I looked at what had to be hundreds. Well I found one couple that just seemed spectacular. They lived in So. FL they were both doctors and had the same values I did. I knew that was it. I sent them an email and we began talking on the phone shortly there after. (I should also add that my bf left me for my best friend and told me he didnt want a kid) sooooo Long story short Katie is now 6 and I get to visit and talk to the parents all the time.And we have actually developed an incredible friendship. Luckily my husband is from southern FL so I get to go a lot. I know its hard and can be kind of awkward but I honestly couldnt live with myself not knowing who my child was given too. Also open adoption has its perks in the fact that if anything happens to the child you are easily contacted , you know what I mean? Well if you ever need someone to talk to I am here. Once again you are doing a wonderful thing!

T., My husband and I adopted a beautiful baby boy from an agency called Gladney. (www.gladney.org) They are located in Texas but do adoptions all over the country. They are by far the best agency out there, they care for the birthmothers and for the adoptive parents. They have couseling for both parties and you can choose the level of openness that you want. We made a portfolio of ourselves of pictures of family members and us and wrote about ourselves, then the birthmother gets to look at a bunch of them and choose. then they can talk on the phone and even meet before the baby is born if that is what both parties want. Then after the baby is born you can specify how often you want updates on the baby. Our birthmother chose 6 weeks, 6 months, 1 year, 5 year. We send BUNCHES of pictures for her so that she can see how happy he is and how much he is loved. I cannot express to you the joy we have felt since adopting our son, he is the love of our lives. I feel that Gladney really does a great job screening people and doing home studies to make sure the baby is ok. Adoption is such a selfless act of love for your child, I really respect your decision and you will be making a family for someone who may not have otherwise had the opportunity. Please write again if you have more questions or need to talk.

Bless you! My friend has adopted five children, she couldn't have any of her own. She started with two girls that are sisters, then adopted a child with Down Syndrome, thinking they were done the mother of the two girls got in contact with the original agent to contact my friend asking if they wanted the new sibling. Of course she said, then a year later another sibling. The mother had her tubes tied after the last one so the family is complete, but my friend is overjoyed to have all these little blessings in her life. What a gift you will be giving to the new family who takes this baby in. There are options to stay in touch with the birth mother, my friend is in contact through the agency, while the birth mother doesn't know where they exactly live she does get pictures 2-3 times a year that my friend sends to the agency then they forward to the birth mother. Just both parties have to update their addresses if they move. I wish you the best! Good Luck!

I adopted my son when he was just 3 months old. He is now 16 1/2 and the absolute joy of my life. Our adoption was a closed adoption (where the birth mother has no contact.) On his birthday a recent photo to our adoption agency in case the birth mother ever wants to "see" him.
The gift of your child to another is so wonderful. I'm sure you will make the right decision for you. Good luck.

Hi T., I feel for you, I read you request& i cryed as a mother ,you are going threw alot.You are a good mother and person,I cannot tellyou what is the wright decisionto make. But you can pray about it,he will guide you .He has never let me down.I have two wild boys & praying alot is all that gets me trew it most of the time.Whatever you do i wish you the very best!!! Take Care & if you ever want to talk to someone email me at ____@____.com good luck and bless you and your family. T.

First of all, I applaud you for wanting to make sure this baby has everything he needs. This is a very had decision to make. I don't know much about adaptions but back in May my daughter's bio father and his wife adopted a baby from his cousin for the same reasons. They didn't go through an agency, just had lawyers draw up paperwork and everyone signed. He won't give me much details because he wants the baby grow up believing that they are his 'real' parents and he is afraid I'll spill the beans to our daughter that she doesn't have another brother. Either decision you make (to be able to see him grow up or not) is going to be a hard one. If you want him to know the truth later down the road, maybe let the family member adopt him so he doesn't have to search high and low for you. I'll pray that you make the right decision for your and your family:)

S.

T. R. This is a very touching situation and I know you love your children. But what is the real reason why you are thinking of giving up your child? is it finances? time? no help? write down on a piece of paper reason why you want to keep your baby vs reasons why you want to give him up and be totally honest with yourself. But before you make any final decisions with the adoptions go to GOD in prayer and let him give you all the answers you need. And my advice to you is DO NOT let an ex-in law of any kind adopt your child because you are asking for more hurt. If you truly love your child and want the best for him let a christian family adopt him and make sure you do a back ground check on the family no matter who there are. Because believe it or not there is some crazy people in this world. I wish you all the best and if you want to chat some more you can email me at ____@____.com God bless you and your children. P.

That is a tough spot to be in. What an amazing heart you obviously have. My husband was adopted and we have friends who have adopted. Things to consider would be 1) Can your family member have children of their own or is this their only chance to have a child 2) At some point the child will be told they were adopted and how will it be explained that you were their biological parents. We are strong Christians and have two couples trying to adopt right now, so I know the joy you will bring to someone's life. I think if this were the only chance for your family to have a child, then I would do that. But if they already have a child or can have children then I would weigh out all your options. On a positive note, it would be nice for your child to grow up knowing all their cousins and family members, but through a different household. I think as long as you are open about why you gave them up for adoption and the communtication is freely exchanged at an appropriate age you are fine. We have a family friend who adopted their grandchild, and still haven't told the daughter/granddaughter who is now in high school. I personally feel that is too old. Good luck and let me know if there is anything else I can do. We will be praying for you!!

God Bless you!!! YOu are very courageous to know that you can not take care of this child you are carrying. God will give you strength to make the right decision. Is this child your ex's? If so then I would opt to let the person in your family adopt, that way you know you can be apart of his life. But you are right no matter what happens it will be hard. Good luck.

I know this must be a hard decision to make. My husband was adopted at a young age but has always maintained a relationship with his biological father. He values now that he was given that option, and that all parties involved agreed to be open, honest, and upfront with him throughout the years about the whole situation. The reason I say this is because I think you too would value to know where your baby is, and maybe later down the line you could have a relationship with your child (if you want/choose and if the ex-husbands family agree). I hate to sound cliche, but blood is thicker than water- so if you have a family member that will love your baby unconditionally and provide the very best life for him/her, then you have a wonderful option that very few pregnant mother's have.

My goodness girl, please, please email me, i'm going to give you my email address thru a private message. I want to help you and share my experience with you. I am married and have 4 children who live with me and one that we gave up for adoption about a year and a half ago. I want to tell you first T., I think u are such a wonderful, wonderful person for considering to do this. We all want whats best for our children. And sometimes that does mean looking at options you never thought in a million years you would consider. I think u are brave and strong and completely selfless in what you're doing. It's def not always an easy thing. One thing that I think I searched for and never really found was some people that had been thru this and understood. So, i'm here. Anyways,...... about your question...

You are going to need to figure out what you think the best thing for you is. I will tell you this. Agencies on an average make anywhere from $20 - 30,000 dollars off of a baby for one adoption. Even alot of the "Christian ones" are not so much, but have that on their name to draw people in. I've seen first hand. I'm not by any means saying they're all like that, but many many are. We chose to go thru a facilitator - they work as a go between for adoptive couples and birth parents. They make no money off the child. Just charge the adoptive couple a minimal amount to keep the business running. We looked thru over 400 profiles of families in many many places, not just thru the facilitator, and finally chose a family. We are Christians as well as the family we chose. We, personally, chose to go with a family that was out of state. It was going to bee too hard for us. But adoption is sooooooo different from what most people think today. We have what's called a semi open adoption and receive letters and pictures every 3 months. There is also adoptions called open adoptions where the birth and adoptive families choose to see each other. The adoptive mother raises the child, but allows the birthmother visitation or pictures or letters, some take vacations together, invite birthparents to bday parties, all that stuff. It depends what you are looking for. You can choose a family close to you, 30 min away, or out of state. Believe it or not, many great adoptive parents are open to this, you just pick the parents based on what you mutually want. So there are tons of endless options, and you get to decide everything.

I hope that helps a little and answers some questions. Again - i'm sending u a private message so that you may contact me anytime. I hope this also educates people reading this about the many options that are out there! Please take care of yourself!

T.,

I so understand where you are coming from, I have been a single mother of three and I understand the ability of not having what you need for you child. I would say though before you give your son up that you make sure this is your only option, and if it is. Pray about it and make sure you have peace on what you choose, for me the most import thing would to have my child in a loving christian home. I have a very close friend who has adopted 2 and in the process of 2 more. She is a wonderful christian and would love to talk with you. Please e-mail me if you would like to talk with her. And please know that you will be in my prayers.

Truly,

J. M. H.
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