Pregnant with #2 - Poplar,WI

Updated on March 03, 2011
E.B. asks from Poplar, WI
19 answers

Ok, I am 35, tried 8 years for #1 and finally got him at age 30. He is 5 now & I have come to terms with only having one child & actually looking forward to enjoying the freedom a school age child brings. Found out I am pregnant this morning. About 6 weeks. Am happy but very worried about money, space in the house, having to start over at age 36 with a new baby.

But my biggiest worry is that I was going to tell DH tonight. Well a bit ago he called to say his uncle suddenly died in his sleep last night. Needless to say he is not taking this well. So now I have to break it to our son that his great uncle (who was more like another grandpa) has died. Do I tell DH about baby or wait. Was already worried about telling him for all the reasons listed above but now with Uncles death i am more sooo.. Any suggestions?

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So What Happened?

Ok. DH went home early yesterday to cope & visit with his aunt. I picked up our son from school & told him about Uncle bob. He is amazing, asked how & is he in heaven now. Wiped my tears & gave me a hug. He then proceeded to tell me he was going to give everyone hugs to make them feel better. & said "well now i have to marry auntie sheri" . God I love that boy. He is a true blessing. That night he told my husband that it is ok & that any time he wants he can still talk to Uncle Bob, just like when pray. And he can hear you to daddy.

I told DH last night. He was a little slow to react but he is happy. If a little shell shocked.

Thank you everyone for your words if wisdom & kindness

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answers from Phoenix on

I would tell him about the baby. I think that he would want to know. With all endings there is a beginning... Maybe the news of the new baby will some how bring him comfort.

I understand how you feel about starting over at 36. I'm 35 right now will be 36 in April and am 26 weeks pregnant. I have two older children who are 9 and 5 yrs old. When this little one starts Kindergarten my oldest will be starting high school and my middle child will start middle school. Crazy! I was very nervous and scared when I first found out at 4 weeks. But now I'm looking forward to this new baby. Just give it some time to sink in.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Spokane on

Maybe the wonderful news of a little miracle being brought into the world will help with the pain he is dealing with over losing his Uncle.
Best wishes!

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answers from Chicago on

Such happy news! A true blessing...Tell him.

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answers from Minneapolis on

When I was pregnant with my first child my beloved grandpa became very sick and told me he was going to die. I said 'Grandpa, you can't die, you have to meet the baby"! He said, "Don't worry, I will meet her - I will be going up and she will be coming down [from heaven]!". For some reason this always stuck with me... for some reason it comforted me to know that as one life was ending another one was beginning. So I think you should tell your husband about the baby asap and hopefully it will be a comfort to him too :-) Good luck.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Phoenix on

I believe we are given only what we can handle. What a blessing to have another child. I am thinking the news would be better to be said now then two weeks from now. I guess I would not be good at keeping a secret. Maybe really make it special. Have a nice dinner and a pair of baby shoes at the foot of the plate. So sweet.

Money will come as needed. Many people seem to worry about the money with more children and actually I think it just works out. Handy downs and friends support with clothes can be a big help.

I am so sorry for the uncle. I wish your family the best. I think naming the baby after him if it was a boy would be a wonderful touch.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from St. Louis on

EEKKKK! So exciting! I would tell hubby maybe the good news will help with the bad.

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answers from New York on

My condolences on your loss.

I would err on the side of telling him tonight- during a quiet moment after your son has gone to bed. Don't be upset by his reaction, which is likely going to range from nothing to some kind of extreme over the coming days due to the circumstances. My thought is that if you wait to tell him after everything slows down and he asks "when did you figure this out?"- would he be okay with knowing that you kept it from him?

Don't get into a discussion about logistics with him tonight (finances, space, time, etc), just sit down with him and tell him honestly that you really struggled with how to tell him this news after his very sad news today, but you are going to be a daddy again. Let him know that this isn't the right time to have a long talk about what may need to happen, but you wanted him to know because open communication and honesty is something that you both value.

Also, 36 isn't "old" to be starting over... my DH is 37 and we're going to be trying for #2 in the next couple of months. As long as you are healthy, "age" is just a number!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Cleveland on

okay i had this happen but i found out i was pregnant about 5 weeks or so exactly 24 hrs before my uncle died. i did not tell my family for a month or longer because i did not want to bring more sadness (i was 17 when i found out) but in the end it was great because it helped them move on from losing my uncle

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Norfolk on

When do you think your husband would want to know? My husband would not be pleased if I kept it to myself too long. I agree that the bad news may go down easier with a bit of good to chase it.

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answers from Richmond on

YIKES. You poor thing, I know you're probably bursting at the seems to spill the news (congrats)!! I would give him the opportunity to grieve first. He's going to need you to be his rock right now. Once he's pulled himself together a little bit, I would quietly tell him and (as much as you are) try not to be overly excited to show that you're still being sensitive for his loss. You could even tell him that you WANTED to tell him now... you know him better than anyone and you know how he'll (probably) react, so follow your heart. I'M excited for you!! ;) I would personally wait a couple of days until the dust settles. Maybe if you're having a boy you could name him after the uncle that passed to honor him ;) CONGRATS and I'm very sorry for your loss!

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answers from Dayton on

Could you plan a fun dinner out this weekend to tell them?
Make it a happy moment.
You don't have to tell DH tonight. And that might be a lot of big news for a 5 yr. old to take at once.
I would wait a few days-I think.

We had somewhat given up on ever getting pg again too, but finally were successful. 5 days after getting that most precious BFP my husband lost his job. Finally found employment a month before our son was born. But unfortunately we are in mess now w/ our (tiny) house.
Our daughter was 4.5 when our son was born.
She has (mostly) been a great big sister. Very attentive.

It will all work out. For us, and you guys too. :)
Having a baby and school age child will keep you young! I look forward to getting to do all those fun toddler things again. I don't look forward to screaming/dragging tantrums in Target again...but at least I've been through it before. And this kid is NOT his sister.

Take care! Celebrate the occassion!
Condolences to your family.
And Congrats! :)

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Tampa on

There is an expression somewhere that says something along the lines of "For all that leave this Earth, another comes to take their place." This may make him happy to know that life goes on, even tho sadness and joy can be intermingled.

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answers from Houston on

wait until he comes to termswith the death or figures it out on his own cause of your morning sickness :) or about a month or 2 no more than 2

congrats and ps I had my second at 41 my oldest was 19 at the time you will readjust but its diffrent than the first time.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

Tell him now! He should have found out as soon as you did. Even though this baby was not planned, it is a true gift. I know you will eventually become excited, but it could be some good news that your husband needs to hear.

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answers from Dallas on

I think I would tell pretty soon - if not tonight then in the next couple of days. It will take him a little bit to get his head around, but I think he will be excited too!


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answers from Omaha on

first of all Congratulations! You sounds worried; however, you will find this baby will bring you so much joy!

I think you might be surprised at how your husband will take this news. I would probably wait a few days to tell him. Let him absorb the shock a little about his uncle. He likely will find the news a source of joy and something to look forward to. It will also help if you tell him in a positive way and I wouldn't focus on all your worries just yet.
A few years ago my husband and I were going through a very rough time financially because we literally had to uproot our in-laws and take complete control of their finances. They didn't have enough money to live on or to buy their meds. We had to pay the extra. My mother in law lived with us also and she has alzheimers. In the midst of all the stress we were going through I realized I couldn't remember when my last period was. So I took a test and it was positive. Certainly, it was the worst time to be pregnant as we had no idea at that point what the future of our in laws was going to be. It was horribly stressful. Well, I took my husband into a private room and showed him the test. He was elated! He felt like in all of our doom and gloom that God gave us a reason to focus on life! Whenever we were really worried about our situation we started to focus on the baby and excitement. I ended up miscarrying the baby in the 2nd trimester and we were devastated! We picked up and moved on and got pregnant again 6 months later.
So...... I would really try to find joy in this and present it in a positive light to your hubby. I bet he will be happy! I will say a prayer for you. :)



answers from Appleton on

I started with #4 at 36. I had a 16 yr old a 14 yr old and a 4 yr old at the time. I was not easy I raised kids for 34 yrs as a single parent for most of that time. You will make it through. As far as time and space and money it will all work out, don't even think about it.
I am sorry the new baby won't get a chance to know your hubby's uncle but he will have a special angel watching over him. You could name the new baby to honor the uncle and ask the aunt to be a godparent.
A new baby is a time of joy let the happiness wash over you, knowing you will all be okay.



answers from Minneapolis on

Wow. You have a lot going on! This is what happened w/us for our little surprise baby #3! Not that they aren't loved & welcomed... but it IS starting all over again. My mom said with me (I was #2), she cried all over again - because, for another 20 ++ years, her life was over.

I would still tell your DH now, or as soon as possible. He needs to know to. We do not have the money, space, etc.. for a 3rd child, but sometimes they decide when to come (we were on prevention modes x 2, so we know that this little guy is definitely meant to be, but it doesn't make the life after the first 6 weeks any less of a challenge). I feel for you & know the turmoil you must be in. If you really feel like you need to wait to tell your DH, then I wouldn't wait more than a week.

Congrats & here's a hug & shoulder to cry on too - I know how it is!


answers from Lincoln on

I would wait just a couple days. Not too long though. Let him deal with one emotion at a time. When you do tell him you want him to be able to focus on that moment.

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