Pregnant and Divorcing. Soon to Be exHusband Wants Nothing to Do with Child.

He doesn't get to Not take responsibility for his kid. So his name goes on the birth certificate and he has to pay child support even if he refuses visitation.

Try to stay unemotional in the face of his assholery, and just do what is right and legally protects you and the children.

Willow Elizabeth <3

My mom had a friend who this exact same thing happen to. Accidental last baby, and he split and never wanted anything to do with the kid. Some men are just assholes.

I am so sorry you are going through this.

You need to talk to a family attorney about what you need to legally do in regards to the birth certificate. Just because he says he doesn't want to be on the birth certificate doesn't mean that you don't put him on it, mom. If this is his child, (and he'll be sure to demand a paternity test since he's a horse's rear), he doesn't get to just drop his responsibility because he's angry and wants a divorce. He has to pay support on this child too.

Don't accept what HIS attorney negotiates. You need a different attorney from your husband to help you protect the interests of you and your children.

You also need a counselor for your children, especially the 12 year old boy. He is losing his daddy and he needs support. If you told him that your husband is upset about the baby, or if his father tells him that, he may really hate the baby after it's born, and you really need him to have help to prevent this.

I'll let someone else help you with names.

Dawn

You are going to be a single mother to four children. That is your new reality.

Get a good attorney pronto. Get your kids into counseling pronto.

In many states, mine included, courts will not grant a divorce while one spouse is pregnant as they do not want to illigitemize (sp?) the baby. You should demand, through your attorney, a paternity test just to have that "proof" documented.

Child support and visitation will laid out in the divorce decree. If he refuses to take/visit this fourth child then he will be in breach. You cannot prevent him from seeing any of the kids under whatever terms are finally laid out or you wil be in breach.

What he wants, at this point, is not relevant You need to protect yourself and your kids. Which mean not buying into his threats or bullying.

Hugs and good luck

J., does your husband have a history of mood swings, instability, prolonged irritability and unreasonable thoughts?

Does he often punish you for insignificant issues? Or just huge, life changing events, like the birth of his very own baby?

You need to call a local woman's shelter and look into finding legal counsel for yourself and your future.

Your husband must not know anyone's legal rights very well, and you must not either, as you seem prone to believe him on this bizarre statement.

Does he often throw around odd and totally unenforceable ultimatums like this? At his family?

I wish I could connect the dots here for you, but you have to do that. Your MIL takes your 14 to NYC and gets her belly button pierced and your husband, now soon to be ex, is all OK with that. And now less than year later you're talking divorce. He and his family sound like people who don't like anyone telling them what to do, but they can toss out strange rules? It all sounds like too much drama and not much respect going around.

I'm so sorry that you are faced birthing this new baby alone. I hope you'll reach out to supportive family and friends and find someone you can count on and who doesn't threaten your well being like this.

Can you think of why you have tolerated someone not respecting you and it leading to this scenario? Did you have any ideas your husband was capable of being this mean to you during a very critical time in your life and your children's lives? This is all very sad and I truly pray that you find strength and peace through out the next phase of your life.

Please, please seek legal guidance and know your rights. Don't let him dictate to you what your rights are. He is manipulating the truth and trying to make you believe his nonsense. Don't do it.

Tough toenails if he doesn't want his name on the birth certificate. If he's the father, his name goes on it. And he gets to pay child support whether he wants to or not. If he didn't want a 4th baby, he should have kept his willy in his pants.

As others have said, you need a lawyer. Don't let him tell you what he's going to agree to. Take him to court and the judge can tell him!

As for the name, I like Kaylee Elizabeth. It sounds the best with you other kids names.

I'm sorry you're in this situation. Your husband sounds like an immature jerk going through a midlife crisis. And I hope you know that all of the "reasoning" he gave you is complete and utter bullsh.

I hope you know to make absolutely certain that his name is on that birth certificate... and you DO NOT NEED HIS PERMISSION OR SIGNATURE.

Whether he wanted another child or not and whether you got pregnant on purpose or not (as others insinuated) he still had to know that even the best birth control can fail. There's no such thing as 100% effective birth control. He's as responsible for that baby as he is all of his other children. He may not want to have anything to do with parenting her, but he'd better at least financially support her.

Anyway, I do hope you have a good lawyer.

Don't rush into a divorce just yet. I would get a lawyer to get all your child support and visitation in order. Every other weekend like all the other daddy's. Your married to him so his name will go on the BC. My last worry right now would be him.

He was probably thinking your youngest is 8, you have some freedom and he can do more things now that the kids are older, he is probably just freaking out.

So take a deep breath mamma of four and relax until your little bundle comes. I love Kendra and Penelope, I actually love all the names you picked.

What a sad situation. I am very sorry for what you and your family are going through.

I don't have any advice on what to do about your husband, but to help with the bonding process for your kids, maybe let them help you choose the name. They need something to be excited about right now.

I am so sorry your husband is walking out on his family.
I hope you have a lawyer, you need good legal advice right now more than anything else as it sounds like you are basically about to become a single mother of four.
Your focus REALLY needs to be on your financial security and future, for both yourself and your children.
Baby names? It will come to you, you have much bigger and more serious things to be spending your mental energy on at this point, like taking care of your son who is at a CRUCIAL age. His father's leaving could affect the kind of man he becomes, please keep that in mind. He may need some counseling to deal with this (your girls may need it too.)
Good luck to you!!!

He's the baby's father so he goes on the birth certificate and pays child support for that baby. If he chooses not to be involved in his new daughter's life then there's nothing you can do about it but he does need to support that baby financially.

Your soon to be ex should have told the kids what's going on. It's unfair that he placed that burden on you making you the bad guy. All too often we moms are left to pick up the pieces when things don't go well. I hope you have a lot of support to help you through this difficult time.

Know that whatever comes of this, you will be OK and with support, your children will be to. My husband is another one who, on top of other issues, does not handle pregnancy well. Which is ridiculous for a guy with 4 kids. When his daugther's mother was pregnant he wanted nothing to do with her and wanted her to get an abortion. To her credit, she didn't. Of course he fell in love with his daugther the second she was born and has been a good dad to her to a point where we now have custody. He also went off the deep end with the two children we have together. With our first child, I got pregnant a few months before our wedding and we almost called the wedding off. With our second he had a total breakdown and probably would have moved out if he had somewhere to go. In both cases, he got his act together right before the kids were born and has spent a long time apologiziing for his behavior to me during those times.

I share this to say that he might be just temporarily going nutty and might change his mind once the baby is here. You may have to decide whether or not you can forgive him for what he is doing to you if that happens. In any case, it will be a long time before a divorce will be final so nothing legally will happen now anyway. Do get a lawyer for yourself to protect your portion of the assets, the marital home, health insurance, and figure out how the finances will work. If you don't work now already, alimony for a couple of years is a reasonable expectation. He is the father and his name will go on the birth certificate. He will have rights and responsibilities towards this child, just like the others.

I hate to add to your stress with this thought - and if it's totally out of line please forgive me - but is he having an affair? This kind of absurd overreaction to me sounds like a guy who was fantasizing about someone else or even has a relationship with someone else and now feels "trapped" by a new baby with his wife. I only bring it up because I've seen that scenario play out in real life a couple of times. Just something to have on your radar as you go through this upheaval, especially if he comes crawling back to you later.

Best of luck to you - just take it one day at a time and try to focus on staying calm and well for your baby. I hope you have friends and family in real life to lean on during this time.

That sucks. I'm really sorry for you and your kids.

Yes his name needs to go on the birth certificate and yes he needs to pay child support.

JUST ANOTHER THOUGHT:

If one of your friends has a good looking brother or friend, it might be fun to have a FAKE dinner date (two couples) that your husband hears about. Take a picture!

If he has been a good husband and father before the fourth pregnancy, chances are once the baby is here, he will come crawling back begging to be forgiven.

If not, you are all better off without him, but I feel sad for your twelve year old son. His father is making a very selfish decision.

As for the terms of you divorce, he doesn't get to call all the shots. Make sure you have copies of everything regarding finances and property. And the child you carry is his child and sister to your other children, so there's no reason she should not have the same last name as the rest of you.....Unless you someday meet a real man and he can adopt them and give them a name they can be proud of.

Be extra kind to yourself and your children. If you belong to a church, go talk to your pastor. If you don't have a church, try to find one, that is a place where you will find a lot of support. Hopefully you have good friends and family around. This should be a happy time for you and I'm sorry for what your going through.

I hope someone throws you a BIG BABY SHOWER!

I love the name Willow but think Willow Elizabeth sounds better then Willow Jane.

Please keep us posted.

Blessings.....

If he is indeed the bio dad and you are married, he can't say "I don't want this". He should have thought about that when you had sex.

Were you both on the same page when you got pregnant? How was the marriage at that point? Why is this baby the cause of your divorce? Did you want another baby and he did not, hence he feels trapped?

Also, he is probably freaked out because 4 children is a lot to think about financially as well as supporting emotionally. That's 4 college funds, probably a huge chunk of $ for insurance, not to mention the everyday necessities.

That said, it takes 2 to make a baby and if he didn't want more children, he knows what causes them and should have take action before you had sex. Too late now...

Accept that he may really walk away and if he does this to his family, shame on him because that is really selfish of him. You deserve child support for ALL 4 of the children even if he does not want visitation. Start getting your ducks in a row now so you can provide as much stability as psosible for these children who now have a broken home. They all need you more than ever now.

You CAN do this. All the best to you!

I would do everything the right way. As far as I know as long as you are pregnant you can put off the actual court date for the hearing. I think that he should be on the birth certificate since he is this child's father. It's not this child's fault dad is going off the deep end. He should be requested to pay child support on it, he should be the father to this child even if he never sees the baby at all.

This is also going to effect your other children. They will see dad not want to be around this child and they may also imitate dad and treat this child differently or totally turn against dad.

I would make sure that your attorney understands the issues so that he can get the full amount of spousal support and child support possible for you.

Please don't say you told your kids dad was leaving because of baby? They may possibly grow to resent baby as the reason why their dad left. Or they may blame themselves thinking dad can't stay because he didn't want so many kids.

Your first question is too serious to lighten it by seeking advice on baby names....

Forget about him. Don't hurry because of him, or worry because of him. What a cad to blame "an unborn child" on his decision to leave a family. You do not WANT him to help you. It won't be up to him whether to pay child support or not, he'll have to. It's his child. If you move on yourself and completely erase him from your mind (but don't let him out of any of his obligations) he'll be more likely to come around anyway once your new daughter is really in the world. Do not involve your older children in this drama either. Let him explain since he's the one causing all the nonsense. Just focus on being yourself and being a good mom and getting all your legal ducks in a row.

I like Liza Jane.

Ditto Jen C.

In addition to other comments, I thought you can't divorce while pregnant? Check... but I'm pretty sure they frown down on that. Don't let him control you. Get advice, get support, get a lawyer.

He will have no choice about paying child support for the baby, whether or not he chooses to have visitation with her.
I don't know about your state, but I gave birth in LA and it was up to me whether or not to name a father on the birth certificate. Your state may require a father to be named. Even if his name is not on the birth certificate, if you were married at the time of her conception, the court assumes him to be the father.
As for your name options, I like Penelope Willow.

You must put his name on the birth certificate. He must pay child support. He may not want anything to do with the baby now, but when he shows up to see his other kids he will come around to the baby, especially when the older siblings start in on him. They will begin to resent Dad if he rejects the baby. Don't let him scam the situation!

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

I think you are right, he has personal issues. Perhaps mental illness. Protect yourself and your kids. Seek a woman's shelter.

Unless, this is not his baby, he will be on the birth certificate.