Pregnant Again and Not Sure What to Do!!!

OK, calm down and relax. There are no decisions to make! Don't even consider what it sounds like you are considering.

Let me start by saying my boys are 17 months apart in age. I got pregnant with #2, when the first one was 9 months old AND my husband didn't (think) he wanted another child. But once you are in it, you deal with it.

My husband worked nights and had to travel every other weekend, so I felt like a single mom most of the time. It is hard the first year. Now my sons are 4 and 2 1/2 and they play together, they learn together and are best friends and it makes it easier to deal with.

Our family is out of state but we have good friends. Some things you could do for help:
-see if family, even extended family like a great aunt, cousin, older niece and come to help you in the 3rd trimester, or after the birth.
-with enough notice, can your husband arrange to be off to help towards the end, or once the baby is born?
-Hire a night nurse, or mothers helper if you can afford it.
-send your 1 yr old to MDO programs a couple of time a week to give yourself a break during the day to rest
-get your son involved with setting up the baby room, getting things ready for the baby. Get him a little bear that is his 'baby' to care for. That will help with bringing a new one.
-lower your self expectations on a clean house, empty laundry basket's and home cooked dinners. Be proud in a 'picked' up house and the fact that everyone has a couple pair of clean underwear..:-)
-it's good you are working out and getting your body back in shape, you can keep that up through your pregnancy and focus on it again once the 2nd baby is here.

You can do this, many women have and it will be a joy and blessing to your family. send me a private message if you want to talk. That might help too, just getting your fears out to an objective person...hang in there.

J.,

I am not in your situation, however, in December I received the shock of my LIFE when I found out I was pregnant with TRIPLETS. I have a 4.5 year old daughter and wanted another baby - but just one. I spent 2 months crying because I knew how hard my daughter was in the early months/year but multiply that times three and I was terrified. I literally cried daily. I felt bad b/c I had fertility issues and was scared I would never be a mom and now not only was I a mom but would go from one child to four over night.

I'm 31 weeks now and I'm not near as overwhelmed as I was. Granted they aren't here yet. However, I know that God will never give me more than I can handle and my husband and I will get through this and enjoy our new family --- 1 daughter and 3 boys :)

Good luck and just let the news absorb. You'll be fine. Just take life one day at a time for now.

T.

God doesn't make mistakes. Not only did HE plan this baby's life, HE knows how many hairs he or she will have on his or her head. All you have to do is trust in God and HE'LL help you through everything. I know it does, and will, feel overwhelming at times; but you need to realize that these children are a blessing....a gift. God only *lends* them to you and HE *knows* you can do this. Look upwards and spend a lot of time on your knees...not necessarily telling HIM what you want or don't want; but asking HIM to help you with HIS plan.

One of your children may be a person who makes a tremendous difference in the world; or be the world to someone else. He or she will be a bundle of incredible abilities, an amazing creation of God. He or she will be an incomparable, irreplaceable, and indescribably special person. You'll be privileged enough to, not only teach and care for him or her; but you'll, also, get to witness the wonderful things God is planning to do for and in this child's life. What a wonderful experience to watch your child learn to trust God with his or her future. God believes in you and only hopes you'll believe in and trust HIM.

I'll keep you and your sweet family in my prayers.

http://www.missbrenda.com

Hi J.,

I will tell you that you will most likely feel many things.
Once you get use to the idea, you will feel better.....I had a baby only 10 MONTHS after my 1st was born.....Yes, two babies in 10 months.
You can and will do it.....God gives us the strength to carry on even when think we can't go any more.....

"FOOTPRINTS IN THE SAND"

PS, I had 4 more babies after that....

God Bless
~Cathy

I will explain to you my situation, not to make you or anyone else feel sorry for me (or think Im somewhat heroic either), but to reassure you that if I can do it, so can you. I have a 7 yr old, 4yr old, 1 yr old(today:) and I am 29 weeks pregnant!! Now on top of that, my husband works 6 graveyard shifts a week, goes to school, and I have been providing in home childcare to 3 other children. I also have a pain disorder called fibromyalgia that makes life quite a bit more trying, BUT....I am doing just fine!! We always knew that we wanted a pretty big family, and a few years ago, felt like my husband needed to change careers in order to follow his passion. We still have 3 years of chiropractic school to go, which will pretty much leave me to be the single mom. However, we wanted these children and are grateful every crazy day that we have them. We know that the difficulties associated with their youth and his schedule will be very temporary, and so we cherish the moments we have. I am very tired much of the time, and things like dinner and scrubbed toilets tend to take a back seat, but you still have a great napper, and no one else there to prevent you from sleeping when he does. You will all survive if you eat turkey sandwiches for dinner, and take out once a week (or more:). I am still able to carry my son, who is 27lbs, but now that he has started walking it has helped a great deal. I can lift him into the cart at the store though, or get him in and out of his bed. You may appreciate the differing schedules at first, because it will give you individual time with each child. And before you know it, the newest baby will be on your sons schedule, and you will wonder what life was like before you had them both. I know that it can be done, and I believe that each child should be considered a gift from God to your family, no matter how it gets to you. Good luck, and try to get some rest!! ~A.~

It will be okay, I had my girls eleven months and two weeks apart. Yes they are a handful,but I would not take either one of them back. You actually have an advantage being your older child will be almost two and probaly excited to help you with the little one. And picking up your toddler might be a little hard but you can always try and help them learn to do more for them selves. Just tell them that mommy can't pick you up as much now because she has a baby inside her and it's hard for her. Children are very smart and pick up things very fast, show him pictures of babys and he will understand, he will learn and it is always so much easier with your second child. I was just a scared as you are when I found out I was pregnant with my little one, but it all seemed to work out, of course there will still be times when things are stressful but such is life. Good luck with this and know you are not alone lots of mommy's go through this and if you would like to talk more just message me okay! :)

Hi J.,

I just wanted to echo what all the other supportive moms have said. You can survive "two under two". Just remember that even if it is tough, it is only for such a short time when compared to the whole span of your life. When you say your husband will support whatever decision you make, I can only assume that means termination of the pregnancy. Please think about your family Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner twenty years from now. Would you look at the table and think to yourself that another person should be there bringing joy to you and your husband? I can 100% guarantee that you will never look at this child and regret giving him life but if you do the other, you will very likely spend the rest of your life with "what could have been". As several others have said, life is precious and a gift, even if it's adoption, please choose life. You can make it, routines can be established with a toddler and a newborn. Just take some time to let it sink in, it took quite awhile for me to be excited about having twins but my boys are so precious and I couldn't imagine not having had them both. They are unique creations by God and I was given the honor of raising them as you have been given the honor of your son and the baby you now give life to. Keep coming back when you need encouragement, sometimes you need others to have joy for you until you can find it yourself. Best wishes on a safe and easy pregnancy.

My son was 9 months old when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. They are exactly 18 months apart and I wouldn't have it any other way. Most of my friends have kids around 3 yrs apart and they always seem to be fighting and at different stages in things. My kids have their moments, but most of the time they keep each other occupied and play really well together. They always look out for each other and I wouldn't change that for anything. I like how close they are in age because I got diaper duty out of the way all at the same time. Yes, there were some hard days, but you just have to roll with it and Don't be afraid to ask friends for help and also your hubby as much as he can.
Blessings,
E.

My first two are about 17 months apart, and my third child is two years from the middle child. Coming from a family where my sibblings were all two years apart I wanted to share this experience with my own family. CLose bond!

I won't lie to you it will be tough at times, and sleep deprived will be the hardest (especially through those first 3 months). But normally I would keep the toddler in a room with toys while I closed my eyes for a few seconds to get in a power nap. I look back and wonder how I was able to manage as well as I did, since I too have no family and a husband that works a lot. It seems like mothers always find the strength when they need it the most. I would highly recommend you to join a play group or mother's group. You will need to get out, and sometimes other mother's are willing to watch your kids while you relax for a bit.

In the long run you will be happy that you had them so close together. I look at my kids now and they have what I had growing up. They are all close and play very well together, and they will always have each other for support.

Good luck, and I think you will make the right decision for your family. You are definitely blessed since there are so many parents not able to conceive.

C.

Everybody keeps saying it gets better when they're older, and I agree, but I also think it's not so hard when they're little either.
My son & daughter are 18 months apart. All those lessons you learn the first time that you swear you'll do differently next time, well the lesson is very fresh in your memory when the kids are close together! I was so much more relaxed with my daughter than with my son, I didn't have time to get out of 'baby mode' before she arrived, so there was no readjustment to having a baby around, it just continued on. My youngest is 3, and if we were to get pregnant now it would be a huge adjustment to go back to baby! It's just as easy to change two diapers as it is to change one.
Also remember that the second is a totally different child, and the issues you had with number one that frustrated the heck out of you might not even exist with number two. My son was a horrible sleeper, had colic, was extremely particular. I figured my daughter would be the same and I wouldn't survive her first year. I was wrong; she was the most laid back baby ever.
Good luck, and please stop panicking because you can and will handle this - someday you'll even look back and chuckle.

I'm in the same predictament. God doesn't give us more than we can handle. :)

My girls are 19 months apart (now 1 1/2 & 3) and yes it is hard. However, I wouldn't change it for the world. Just like your first baby, you'll get things down after a little bit. Keep in mind, that they will always have someone to play with. My girls occupy each other a lot of the time now & it is so cool to hear them play with each other. Also, keep in mind that the stress your feeling my be hightened by the hormones that your body is now taking on. Being in such good shape will help you with chasing a toddler during your pregnancy. Seriously, don't worry (easy to say I know) - you will be fine and so will your little ones.

Hi J.,

My boys are 18 months apart and I planned it that way. I love it. It was a little rough in the beginning, but I think newborns are stressful all by themselves. Now my youngest is almost 9 months and things are smooth and I'm loving it. Honestly, this new one will fit in with your life and you'll have a lot of fun. It's hard to imagine loving another kid like you love your first, but you will.

C.

Hi J.!!! I do not have children back to back, but I do have 3 kids. I know it seems very "Scary" right now, but you'll be okay! God only gives us what we can handle. Remember your hormones are going crazy now, so you are more emotional too. You have soo many options...I'm sorry I can't make the decision for you or make it any easier, but to let you know you have alot of people to talk to on this site! I will add you to my prayers! Maybe make a list of pros and cons...that always helps me make a decision. I wish you the best of luck and know that it will all work out for you! I hope this makes you feel a little better!

T.

I found out I was pregnant with my second child when my first was 10 months old. They are 18 months apart. I had always wanted a second child, too, but not that close together. Now that she is here, though, I can't imagine it any other way! It is hard splitting your time between two children who are still so young and needy, but my son has matured a lot in the past few months now that he is the "big brother." There are a few jealousy issues, but most of the time he wants to help with the baby and play with her. Everyone who has had children that close tells me that they will be such good friends since they are so close in age. I don't have family close either, and I stay at home while my husband works, and we are doing just fine, so I know you will too. I am filled with such joy with my two children that it makes all the dirty diapers and lack of sleep worth it! And now that my family is complete, I can work on losing the weight I've gained and know I will never get it back with another pregnancy! About the pregnancy-my son was 24 pounds during my last trimester, and I could still carry him without pain. So yes, it will be hard, but it will be SO worth it!

Holy Cow you had a lot of responses. I didn't even get to read them but I'm sure they are of much the same. My kiddos are 14months apart. Neither was planned but I'm so glad it happened that way!!! I have a boy and a girl. It's hard having little ones but I honestly think it wouldn't be that much easier if they were a couple of years apart. I love that they are close in age, they have always had each other as playmates! They are now 9 and 10 and they get along great. It may seem a little scary at first but just think how much easier it is a little later when you are planning outing, family vacations (Sea World, Disney), pretty much EVERYTHING. Its so much easier to find things a 1 and 2 year old can do together that they will both enjoy than a 1 and 4 year old. I LOVE THEM BEING SO CLOSE IN AGE!!! This is a good thing:) Just make sure to register for a double stroller before anything else and you'll be good. I'm divorced now but I always said if I remarried and decided to have more kids...the next time I would have two more close together again. Congratulations!!!!!!!

Congrats to you J. =)As I was reading your message I had flashbacks from my pregancy or rather the second one. My first was twins then excatly 18 months later my last one was born...Like you I was overwhlemed at the thought of having 3 babies and pretty much on my own cause my husband worked alot. The thought just terffied me of having 2 babies already then a newborn as well...There were times I wanted to crawl in a hole cause I felt like I couldn't do it with the 2 then another one??? Grant it my oldest was 6 when my twins were born but then came the shock of being pregant again and being a mom with 4 kids not 3 but 4 !!! It scared the life out of me. There were times when all 4 were doing something or wanted something that I thought I would never make it but here I am later, my oldest is going to high school, the twins are now 7 and my baby is 5!!!!
I look back and think how did I make it through those years? Esp. the potty training, the nights were ALL 4 kids slept through the night or leaving the house with no diaper bag????I'm not gonna say that it was easy and there were days that I wanted to run away or like I've read if I heard one time how do you do it w/4 kids??? I would have hurt someone...Including hubby & family!!!!
You do just do it and pray that the kids will not remeber anyhting...I had to let something go like the house, don't stress over it, it will always be there along with the other stuff. I know to say things will get better and you'll want to scream. But it will but in time it does get better. MAybe right now it doesn't feel like it but having been where your at and still have those days(and I also work FULLTIME!!!)it will and does get better. If you need a shoulder to cry on plase feel free to cry on mine. Cause sweetie I know how it feels to be in your shoes...
You can e-amil me at ____@____.com for now while you r little one is napping put your feet up and take 5 or read a book.

My kids are 2 1/2 yrs apart but I have several friends that have kids close in age. They have said it is hard at first but it gets easier and they love it now. Raising babies, like a lot of moms have said already, is just hard any way you look at it. I mean, changing diapers and cleaning up spit up and getting up at 3 am isn't my idea of a fun time but the trade off is sooo worth it. The smell of a fresh clean baby, the snuggliness of the newborn sleeping on your chest; the smiles all throughout the day just because they are so happy to see you; the amazing feeling you get when your child does something for the very first time and knowing you had a part in that. These are things I wouldn't trade the world for. Babies ARE a blessing. It is a lot of work but work well worth it.
Take one day at a time, even one morning/afternoon. Also, as one mom said, your second will most likely be way different than your first. You will be more relaxed with the second knowing your 1st turned out alright.
Get rest when you can and also, get in a good support group either through a play group, mom's group, or join a local church. There can be lots of support found there!

Hang in there!
M.

Just please remember that in regard to any "decisions" you have to make, adoption is always an option. We are an infertile couple (been married for almost 9 years and nothing- no miscarriages, nothing). I will never know the joys of being pregnant, but I love babies and would love nothing more to add to our family. We adopted my son, who is now 2.5yo, at 4 days old and there's no difference to us between biological or not. I've seen many "Adoption Stories" on tv where someone is married and already had a baby and just got pregnant too soon after the first and decided to let someone else be blessed by their unfortunate predictament. Just keep us and all the other infertile couples in mind when making your decision... please.

J.,

My two are almost 23 months apart. I was completely in shock when I found out I was pregnant with my second child. My daughter wasn't even walking at the time! My husband is a pilot, and he had to commute to his job, so he was not even at home 10 days a month, plus I worked full time at that time. It was difficult, and I felt like a single parent at times. I had to find friends to help at times, and each month has gotten easier. People told me that from the beginning and I wanted to just scream, because I felt like they had no idea but it is true. It is so amazing to watch my daughter who is now 3 and a half adore her little brother who is 18 months. They are the best of friends and have a blast playing together most of the time. Sure it is hard at first trying to get them on a schedule together, but it happens much faster than you think. At the time, I felt like the worst mom in the world for having another baby and ignoring my first child, but I had to learn to tend to who ever needed me the most at the moment and also realize that a sibling is the best gift I could have given my first born. Best of luck, and remember to rest while your toddler rests because you will need all the energy you can get for a while.

Hi J.,

It took me 5 years of fertility treatment to fall pregnant (by IVF) with my first child and at my 6 week checkup our specialist told my husband and I that if we were to fall pregnant by ourselves it was now or never. I was not too keen but after our history never dreamed it would actually happen. My son was 5 months old and my husband had just left for a 5 month tour of duty as a part of operation enduring freedom when I found out I was pregnant. I won't lie to you, caring for my son was hard sometimes but I don't think it was any harder for me than for any of my friends who had a much bigger gap. I know it seems scary but you will find a way to do it. In the last month or two we just had a lot more quiet time reading books etc than going to the park, and I learnt that if one of my friends offered to have him for the morning or afternoon to say yes. I had my daughter when my son was only 13 months old and in many ways it was a blessing. Sure there were times when I never thought I would be able to juggle both their needs but you do manage. My son was not old enough to get jealous so we did not have the issues that alot of friends had had having their children 3 years apart. I set up a routine the day we got home from the hospital, which happened to be only 12 hours after she was born, and it really helped. Now that they are a couple of years older they are best friends and its really lovely to watch them play so nicely together.

I wish you the best with whatever you decide.

J.,
I understand your concerns. My two boys are 25 months apart; my oldest was barely 18 months old when I, too, received the shock of my life. I felt like a bad parent for having another baby when he was still a baby! But, honestly, the hardest part was caring for him during the morning sickness. If you can get through that - or avoid morning sickness all together - you'll be fine. Granted, I do have family close, but they're 20 min. from us as we live in McKinney and they're in Plano. So, even a "drop everything and come" call would take at least 1/2 an hour to get a response. I also had a strong support system of friends who were in the same boat. (several of us in the playgroup I coordinate had 2 year olds and a newborn) My second son was born 12/5/06, and it really wasn't as hard as I expected. We had some rough spots at the beginning, but it's easier now 6 months later. Please feel free to contact me if you want because I have been in your shoes - ____@____.com, if you need a support system, the ladies in my playgroup are awesome! We'd love to have you join us. Blessings to You -
K.

I was still breastfeeding my daughter when I learned my son was on the way! My kids are exactly 18 months apart. Now that they are 5 and 7 I can't imagine having them further apart. You will be tired, you will have days that you want to scream from the rooftop, but there are wonderful days and days that you can all sack out and take naps together too.

There is no "perfect" age spread for kids. My step-daughters are three years apart. They use to fight all the time until the last couple of years (teens bonding).

You will be able to carry your first child. They gain weight gradually and you strengthen as they gain.

You are overwhelmed right now with a surprise. Add to that your hormones all out of whack...Hang in there.

The Heartbeat of the Home
The birth of a child is not taken lightly by the Lord. Each one is
significant. Each one is viewed by God as a transfer of love from His
heart to the couple receiving the gift.
God never wastes parents. He doesn’t inadvertently “dump” kids
haphazardly into homes. Nor does He deliver “accidents” into our lives.
It is exceedingly important that families place the same significance on
children that God does. Again, this is contrary to the mentality of many
people in our society today. We are considered somewhere between
weird and ignorant if we have this kind of attitude toward children,
especially if we have a large number of them.
Healthy, well-disciplined, loving homes produce people who make a
nation peaceful and strong. As the families goes, so goes the nation.
When you boil it down to the basics, the pulse of an entire civilization is
determined by the heartbeat of its homes.
Charles R. Swindoll