Pregnant Again!

Updated on July 20, 2008
K.L. asks from Ballwin, MO
65 answers

Hello! I just found out yesterday that I'm pregnant. My husband and I have a wonderful loving little boy who will be eight months on Sunday; so as you can imagine, this came as quite a surprise.
Here's my dilemma...
I am not happy or excited about this pregnancy at all. In fact, and I'm ashamed to say this, I'm not even sure I want to be pregnant. With that said, I'm beyond nervous and scared. I'm terrified in how I'm going to nurse a newborn while caring for my (at that time will be) sixteen month old. How am I going to be able to effectively care for my newborn while giving my little boy the attention he's used to? My son has been such an "easy" and happy-go-lucky baby. What if my second one is the polar opposite?
I know I'm not the only mother who will have/has two kids so close apart; but I can't help but feel depressed.
Can someone please alleviate my fears or "knock some sense into me"?

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So What Happened?

Wow... I can't believe how many responses I have received with regards to my post. THANK YOU for all of the supportive, honest, and direct email responses. I still have quite a few emails to read and am trying my best to, at the very least, acknowledge each email with a personal response.

Thank you again!!!

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M.S.

answers from Kansas City on

I have 3 kids that are 32 months apart. The 1st and the middle child are 17 months apart and the middle child and the baby are 15 months apart. I can honestly say that the adjustment from 1 to 2 really wasn't that big of a deal I thought but the adjustment from 2 to 3 was much harder. When the baby is small they sleep a lot so you still have time to spend alone with the other child. I also always read books with the older child at night so that it was their time with mom without the baby. Right now my oldest 2 are 3 1/2 and 2 years old and they are starting to play together somewhat and it is really nice. They are into the same things too like they both love Dora. I think what you learn is that you have to let some things go and not worry so much about being the perfect mother, keeping the perfect house, or being the perfect wife and just do what you can and it will all work out.

Good luck
M.

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T.S.

answers from Wichita on

My oldest boys are 11 1/2 months apart. I couldn't imagine loving a second child as much as I did the first one. However, I did. They had different personalities and had slightly different schedules, so I had alone/bonding time with each one. When we went out, my husband and I switched off carrying each one so no-one ever felt left out or neglected. It'll be ok.

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J.F.

answers from Kansas City on

I was in the same position. But, you do it. You get through each day and then when you watch the two of them become best friends it will click that the best thing you gave them was each other. It will be tough and there will be some hair pulling days, but its always worth it!

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R.W.

answers from Kansas City on

First of all K. - CONGRATS!!! I know you are feeling down and you of course are disappointed with the timing but keep in mind those feelings will pass and then you will be so excited. Try to focus on the positives and stop worrying over what may or may not happen in regards to your other baby. You WILL be able to handle it. Look at all the mommies of multiples out there!!! God NEVER gives us more than we can handle. Just remember - you have a loving and supportive husband to help and you will have friends and family to lean on as well. If you are a special ed teacher then I am sure you are also very patient!!! You can do this. The situation will turn out to be a blessing!
You will be surprised at how well you will be able to juggle everything! I promise. Raising kids is not always easy - whether you have two or seven and whether they are close in age or far apart - but you do the best you can. Kids are wonderful at adapting as well...your other little one may have a bit of an adjustment period and then again he may totally surprise you and continue on just as always! Either way he too will be fine!
Bottom line - quit worrying and hold your chin up!!! You will be great! It's just a shocker right now. Talk to someone you are close to and try to focus on all the positives! God Bless!
~Roxanna

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S.L.

answers from Kansas City on

Your fears are absolutely normal at this point. BUT, most moms find it's not nearly as difficult as they thought it would be. The deep love and affection you have for your child now will only grow and be even sweeter each time you do it.

Think on this... The first time around you did not know what to expect. You've probably had many doubts, questions and fears about whether or not this or that was normal and whether or not you are doing it right. But your little boy is 8 months old, happy and I assume fairly healthy. By then you'll have yet another 9 months under your belt. You will be a FABULOUS mother to both your kids.

Now for the kick in the butt part... ALL kids are a tremendous gift from the Lord. I have no idea why so many people are never blessed with even one. I'm sure they would LOVE to be in your shoes right now. Enjoy this. Don't waste even one more minute on the doubts. Normal as they are. It's a waste of energy.

CONGRATS! I wish I were in your shoes. I have 4 wonderful kids but age, finances and an unwilling hubby are keeping me from ever doing it again.

Suzi

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T.S.

answers from Kansas City on

I totally admire your honesty!

My two boys are 17 months apart... this first year has been hard. I can say it is a little easier now... but it certainly has it days.

One thing is for sure... you will have enough love to give both of them and please remember to take time for yourself too... I am just now remembering to do that.

And please remember, you JUST found out about this new life... give yourself the whole nine months to soak it in and enjoy eating whatever you want. :)

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A.H.

answers from Kansas City on

My goodness do I feel your pain. My 2nd and 3rd babies are 11 months apart. Let me tell you how freaked out I was....AND I was nursing every three hours so how does that happen? :) Just rest assured that you WILL figure it all out. Every situation/family handle things differently. I was able to stay home so that helped (even though at times I wanted to run away). I had to start suplementing my 2nd at around 9 months just to make sure that she was getting enough (believe it or not your supply dries up and it starts all over again). During my pregnancy though I tried to just focus on my middle baby with the help of my oldest who was almost 4. Usually when you get pregnent it's about you and your changing body but, I didn't want to be fussed over. Don't get me wrong I took care of myself and went to my appointments however, I didn't let the pregnancy over shawdow my seemingly new baby...she was only 4 months old when we found out so she was still new ya know. anyways...as you can see form the other responses it happens but it always seems to work out. I think I read one that said the first year was hard and I agree with that whole-heartedly but just remember rest as much as possible and take your time. People got used to us being late to functions and such...but you will adjsut and instead of 45 mins late it will be 10. :) ANd if you need help...ASK. I had some depression as well and I wish I had asked for help more often then I did.

With all that being said...good luck and if you have questions and such feel free to ask me. I might add that my little sister and brother were 13 months so maybe it's in my genes. :)

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B.C.

answers from St. Louis on

Best of wishes to you! I know how you feel. I was very surprised by my second pregnancy. In fact, I had recently been quite ill and was very unsure about how I would care for the little fellow and my little daughter (who was 20 months when he was born). He is the happiest little guy ever and we are so thankful for him now. I would suggest the following: 1) don't beat yourself up over your current feelings, they are normal. 2) do be sure to get all your prenatal vitamins, good food, good prenatal care and PLENTY of rest - take naps! 3) don't be ashamed to ask for extra help from family and friends before and after the new baby arrives. It's a lot of work, to have two children close together, but is can be the most satisfying work in the world.

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S.G.

answers from Wichita on

Boy howdy does this sound like my situation all over again. I was just in your shoes with a 3 year plus the 8 month old. It is not near as bad as it seems! You will do just fine! My last one I was able to nurse the longest. Everyone will adjust just fine and your little one will love being a big brother! Hope this helps that there are other people in your situation!

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D.H.

answers from Kansas City on

I know this is late getting to you, but I just wanted to give you a little encouragement. When I read your request I had a little Deja vu. My daughter was 8 1/2 months old when I found out I was 10 1/2 weeks pregnant. My girls are 14 months apart. I cried for a week every time I thought about having a second so soon and so close to my first. When the initial shock wore off (several weeks later) I started to fall for the little one I was carrying. We were not ready for another (mentally, physically, or financially), infact our plan was to wait until our daughter was 2 1/2 to even start trying. Apparently God had another idea and there she came.
Remember how you felt when you had your first, scared, hoping you'd be a good mom. The feeling is the same with number 2. Just remember that it will all come together in time. You'll get a schedule down soon enough after the baby is born and it will be a peice of cake. I can't even recall the hard times as much as I can recall the good times. I'm not going to tell you it will always be easy, but it will get easier with time. And eventually you'll get a raise when one of them gets out of diapers, your second raise will come when the other get potty trained as well;o)
I don't know if you have family near by, but my mom took my daughter the second week after my second daughter came home so that I could spend some alone time and bond with that one without the other wanting my attention. It was very helpful. Mom took off that week of work to help out. She even cooked dinner for us a couple of nights to give me a break. My husband was home the first week to help out (he did that with both). It was an adjustment and I probably would have gone insane if it had not been for them being there. I don't know if you'll get that pleasure, but it sure could help. It wouldn't hurt to ask either.
All that said, don't worry so much. I know you are devistated, I was too, but God has a plan for this little one and he or she will bring such joy to you, you'll forget how you feel right now. And when people come up to you and say to you "you're pregnant again" just say to them, "yep, we'll figure it out one day" and move on. I got that a lot! Good luck and God Bless.

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T.C.

answers from Springfield on

K.,

I appreciate you being so honest & not sugar coating your feelings. While it would be tough to have 2 so close in age, there are a lot of benefits also. Don't feel ashamed, in time your kids will be the best of friends. When I was pregnant with my 2nd child I just almost could not even believe that I would love him the same & as much as my 1st. I loved my first with the deepest & every ounce of love I had. The second my 2nd son was born I instantly love him in the exact same way. It is as if that kind of love is instantly created when you first see them. Even if your first wasn't so young, I would still suggest making some time everyday to spend one on one time with the older one. Your husband should help you out with this and also do them same thing. The older child will be less likely to dwell on the less time he has with you if your husband is spending one on one time with him, or even grandparents for that matter. Good luck & congrats!

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A.R.

answers from Oklahoma City on

Wow, I also think your feelings are normal. My suggestion is to try to brainstorm ideas for people and things that will support you so you can be fully with both your children. I don't mean you have to spend every waking minute them. I mean figure out all your resources and things that fill you up so that when you are with them you are there physically and mentally and hopefully enjoying yourself. For me, getting together with other moms that had kids the same age as mine was what I liked. www.meetup.com has some mom groups. Get involved now and try to meet some moms that can be around and of help when you have your next baby.
I am a postpartum doula. It is my job to support moms after they have babies so I am full of ideas and you are welcome to call and ask me specific questions. No charge, of course. My website is www.newdawndoula.com. Get some ideas from the things I do for my clients and brainstorm ways to get those things done for you. It isn't selfish to ask for these things because you are the support system for your kids. God bless.

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C.M.

answers from Kansas City on

Boy have I been there! Mine are 19 months apart and the whole pregnancy with the second one I was scared to death. My MIL who had 3 in 3 years and 15 days had to reassure me everytime I talked to her that I would be just fine. Now, I wouldn't have it any other way. They love eachother so much! I love to watch them playing together and learning together. The look on the oldest face when we brought #2 home from the hospital is a look I will never forget. She was so excited that we got to keep the baby. :) There are times that it is hard but you can say that no matter how far apart they are. As someone else said, us moms just figure out how to do what we have to do and somehow it all works out. There might be times where you can't move because you have two sleeping babies in your lap but those will be times that you treasure later on.

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B.S.

answers from Kansas City on

I assure you you aren't the only one who has felt this way. Over the past few months, I've seen numerous posts regarding feeling this way. You're not a bad mom. In fact, I'd say you're a great mom because you're worrying about how you're going to love your first one and give him the attention he needs and deserves. God felt that you were ready and had the strength to do this again, so just trust Him. This whole situation, including your feelings, isn't a surprise to Him. He's already got it written in your "story". Just take it slow. Enjoy each day. Who knows, it could be your last chance to be pregnant. I go to church with a couple who got pregnant shortly after their first was born (like within the first few times of being able to have sex again). Now they can't imagine life without her. Just relax and enjoy!

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V.M.

answers from Kansas City on

My sister and I are 14 months apart, I still don't know how my mom did it, but she did! And you will too! I think 2nd babies are always more scary than the 1st, you already have a routine and are comfortable with your life, basically. But don't worry, like you said, your son is a happy go lucky boy and should adjust well. It may feel like a juggling act at times, but it's what we moms do and we survive! The 2nd baby happened for a reason and I'm sure will only make your life more wonderful! Take care and try not to worry!
V.

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M.M.

answers from St. Louis on

I it makes you feel any better, my cousin is going through the same situation! She had a little girl early last year and she is due any day now with her 4th child! We both work together in labor and delivery at a local hospital so you would think that we know what causes pregnancy! The thing that she struggled most with is if she should keep the baby! Her first daughter died at 15 mos. because of a genetic disorder! I told her from the begining that God meant for this baby to come into the world for one reason or another! K. all you need is faith in God and your devine purpose in life! Even if you are not a spiritual person you can always look at the situation as "everything happens for a reason"! As my cousin got further into her pregnancy her whole attitude and feelings changed toward the situation and believe it or not she cannot wait to experience her life after the arrival of her new bundle of joy! Have faith K. and I promise God will take care of you and your family! Things will fall into place and before you know it you will not be able to imagine your life any different! good luck and God bless! M.

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M.L.

answers from St. Louis on

Well given what you said were you taking prevetive measures to prevent this? Anyway I had all mine very close 16 months apart and I was very young and to be real it was the best way they are close in age and got along great. He will have someone to interact with on his level. I think in time your selfishness will go away and you will see how having two is a blessing. Yes it will be trying at times but i assure you in the future you will look back and see your feelings were only Hormonal. Remember God does not make mistakes and there is a purpose for all. Good Luck...

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B.A.

answers from Kansas City on

Congratulations! I have 18 month old twin boys and although I've not had a second pregnancy (but would like to in the future) I have the same fears/doubts as you. Like another mom said, those fears make you a good mom. It means you care about your children. Just take each day as it comes and remember that no one is perfect. Some days you'll wonder if you can make it through and other days will seem almost perfect. Every day will get a little better and you'll settle into a routine and before long, you will forget what it was like to have just one baby. Good luck!

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C.Y.

answers from Wichita on

My daughter-in-law just had a still-born little boy,
I'm sure you wouldn't want that. Change your thinking, girl.
Children are a BLESSING from God, when HE sees fit.

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L.B.

answers from St. Joseph on

First I want to say, there is no "knocking sense" into you. You're fears are valid and depending on how you treat it, true.

OMG! What a flashback! Same thing happened to me in 2004. I just cried and cried and cried. I felt so bad that I was "taking away" from my first born the abiliy and specialness that he would know as an only child. Yes, I had wanted another child but I saw everything about the 2nd as being bad esp. bad timing (we were moving & I would have to get a new job PREGNANT). Suffice it to say, the new job didn't last too long with 1st getting sick and me with morning sickness...sigh. That was a blow to my DH who was "counting" on the second income.

It was a miserable pregnancy for me because I didn't want to be pregnant, and like you, wasn't even sure I was ready for a second child. Looking back, I wish I would have been more vehiment about anti-depressants and had actually gotten therapy (at least talk therapy). Certainly all my concerns were valid b/c I have NO support network (family does not come for visits unless they want something) and there was always the probablity that DH was going to be redeployed. I was frantic about another delivery (which was the part I dreaded most). The delivery went smoothly even though my worst fears (not getting drugs) came true. Probably the hardest part for me was the first 6 mos. Even breastfeeding, I felt no connection to my daughter and really could have cared less. It took about 6 months for it to kick in and that all of a sudden I had this beautiful daughter with a bright smile and laughter that was contagious before it became OK.

Flash forward 3 years. I now have a beautiful 5 yr old boy who dotes and takes care of his darling 3 yr old sister. For the most part they play well together, get along, and (gasp) even hate to do things w/o the other...LOL. I won't kid you, it's hard and there are days I want to pull my hair out but when they both crawl in my lap and demand "mommy time" it just makes it all worthwhile. Yes, their personalities are different (one is outgoing while the other is shy) but having eachother to lean on helps tremendously. I am also writing this having gone through 2 deployments in the last 3 years, having raised the kids, for the most part, on my own.

If you want to chat further, feel free to contact me at [email protected]____.com and good luck with your decision.

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J.B.

answers from Wichita on

K.. I lived this scenerio myself. I had 3 boys, 18 months apart, starting at 40. But please do not be hard on yourself. It is easy for me to tell you to not be terrified, but be at peace. God knew what he was doing when he sent you this precious child. It will not be easy at first. But as your children grow, you will be so thankful it happened this way because children this close in age keep each other company, and are a fun blessing as they enter toddler years. They will actually make your motherhood easier later when they are totally content to play with each other and not pester you to entertain them or to take them on playdates with other kids.

When this happened to me, I was like you, and was so ashamed to have said that I didn't want my fourth, which later miscarried. At the time, I was also dealing with an alcoholic husband and was the breadwinner of the house, with so much pressure on me. Thankfully I called a friend who had 10 kids, (3 with CF, a mother who KNEW difficulty). She calmly said "don't worry about it. They are just feelings; they will pass". This gave me so much strength because I was torturing myself with huge guilt feelings. When I lost this child in miscarriage, this could have compounded my guilt, but her words made me realize that I am only human, and fears are natural. The world was just overwhelming to me at that weak moment and I was suffering. Those feelings didn't mean that I didn't love my daughter who is no longer with us. I love her so much, and I know God kept her because she was so precious, and will help her brothers all thru life from her place in heaven.

I wish to extend my love and compassion to every pregnant woman who is scared and thinks they "can't do it". Every pregnant woman is a gift to the world. She carries a unique burden no other can fathom. These women are what make the world great. Only God knows their gift, their weakness, and their strength. Every pregnant woman has tremendous burden, yet unfathomable potential. It is a legacy to the human race for the women who said accept the difficulty and do their best. No one, but us who have lived it, realize the difficulty and grace of that moment. It is women like you who make the best mothers, because you accept your motherhood with full knowledge and responsibility to give it your all, also accepting that you are not superhuman and that it will be very tough at times.

I also have tremendous compassion for every mother who in her pregnant moments described above, lost their child thru miscarriage or abortion who suffer each day. May they not feel condemned, but recognize their own dignity; heal and be comforted. May they have hope and realize that any pregnant woman is very vulnerable and should be granted every kindness and charity in her fragile and delicate state of being. 99% of abortions are because of the FAILURE OF OTHERS to love and help her, not because any woman wishes to lose her child! I wish great strength for you and all mothers who face the challenges of those first weeks when you feel overwhelmed and scared. Us moms out here will be your support! Hang in there!!

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E.D.

answers from St. Louis on

Hello! We adopted our daughter and brought her home from the hospital when she was one month old (actually she was 2.5 mo early, so she was still 1.5 from her due date when she came home from the hospital) and much to our great surprise, got pregnant either that week or the week before. I wasn't sure I was even ready for one baby (we had asked for a 4-12 year old when we adopted), much less two! I had never really been interested in being pregnant, just always wanted to adopt. I was about 7 weeks pregnant or so before we realized it, it was the last thing we were thinking about with a brand new 4.5 lb baby at home! So my two are 10 months apart (more like 7.5 gestationally), and honestly, I LOVE it this way! There are times I wonder if we are ever going to have a peaceful meal again, or if I will ever get to sleep through the night again, but they really are a lot of fun and amazing to watch together. My husband and I were both SO worried we wouldn't be able to love our second as much as our first (I think it is just hard to imagine loving anyone else as much as you love your baby). Several insensitive people actually asked the reverse, if we were afraid we now wouldn't be able to love our adopted daughter as much as our biological child, grrr.... And I was very worried about how in the world I was going to manage to take care of and nurse a newborn with a 10 month old needing so much attention. But, it works and it works well! My daughter learned "gentle," very quickly (apparently babies' eyes are really interesting to poke), and now at 1 and 2, she "mothers" him, which is really funny because they are about the same size. They play together, they make it a lot easier to share attention when grandparents are around, and I really wouldn't say it's twice the work, maybe only 50% more. Some practical advice, try to start working into a routine with the oldest as much as possible (especially naptimes and bedtimes) and that will get easier as he get older before the next one comes, that way you will have good down time for you and the baby; figure out if there are one or two tasks you would like for your son to master before the new baby, like feeding himself or learning some signs to communcate with you and work towards those during your pregnancy; if you aren't familiar with babywearing (slings, wraps, mei-tais), START NOW!!!! That is my best piece of advice, it was an absolute lifesaver with two! You can wear your newborn up against your body, which is comforting for them and and great bonding experience for you, and then you can still do everything you need and want to do with your son. Especially check out wraps, these can be made for under $5, with no sewing necessary, it will be just like being in the womb for your baby, both hands are completely free, and you can very easily nurse it in, even hands-free! Check out mamatoto.org, thebabywearer.com, and peppermint.com (especially her great wrap wearing instructions: http://site.peppermint.com/instructions/kangaroocare_wrap.... Honestly with babywearing, you can still do your shopping, playing with your son, cleaning, etc., and your newborn will be getting all the attention he/she needs at the same time! I loved it and still wear both my kids, I much prefer it to wrestling a double stroller! Your kids are going to really enjoy each other (I loved what one mom said about looking at your new baby as a gift for your older one), and you will really enjoy them. Your first ultrasound might help spark your joy, I know it did with me! Congratulations, God bless your growing family! If you have any other questions or want support, feel free to email me. A couple of great resources in the St. Louis area are Gateway Babywearing (meets once a month in person and has a great supportive yahoo group), La Leche League (I love these meetings I get so much support and good advice, and there are a lot of moms with more than one baby), and I also attend a breastfeeding support group that meet every Tuesday at 2 pm for a couple of hours at Kids Again in Florissant (I think a couple other resale shops, like Kangaroo Kids and Babymoon Boutique have them also, although I'm pretty sure Babymoom has a fee:( ). I get so much support and advice from these women it makes my life a lot easier and more joyful!

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B.K.

answers from Kansas City on

Dear K.
Good Morning. I have 2 of my kids that are 15months apart
and yes it had its trying times. Just remember they are
a blessing from God. God will give us no more than we can
handle. We used natural family planning method it does
teach you when your more likely to get pregnant. Yes there
will be times when your ready to give up but remember its
just a short season in your life because they grow up
too fast my oldest is 20yrs old. Have a great week. B. K

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B.C.

answers from Joplin on

K.,
I have had the opposite situation, I have a 7 year old, a 12 and a half year old and a 13 month old. When I found out I was pregnant with the youngest I was mortified. I thought I was "done" with babies! I was well on the road to a bit of "freedom" the 12 and a half year old was pretty self sufficient in a pinch, the 7 year old could entertain herself for periods of a time. You know what though? I do believe that everything happens for a reason! My youngest is such a blessing to our family. He has been the sweetest most good natured baby! He has brought out the most tender sweetest part of my oldest son, and my 7 year old all though it took her a while to warm up to "eeeww another boy?" also she had been the "baby" of the family for a long time! She now beems with pride and brags about what a good helper she is ( and she is!!)

All I can say is no one can promise it will be easy, but I bet this baby will be a great blessing!

Also it is completely Normal to have the feelings you are having don't feel guilty at all about it, sometimes it takes a little longer to bond with a second child as well, you may fear you won't love him or her the same way, but trust me it will come with time, each child is a unique little individual just waiting to wrap you around their heart strings!!!

Good luck and my prayers are with you!
B.

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K.W.

answers from Kansas City on

I'm sorry you're disappointed, but take heart. I was afraid I couldn't possibly love my second baby as much as my first "perfect" child, but guess what....as soon as she got here I loved her just as much, even though they are totally different. You just will.
And don't worry for a second about how you will handle two so close together. My brother and I are only 11 months apart (I am older), and my mother is probably one of the least naturally maternal people ever. Neither of us felt neglected, and today we are so close. Best of luck to you, and if anyone offers to help you out, take her up on it.

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J.S.

answers from Kansas City on

You have a lot of responses but I thought I would tell you that I completely understand! My daughter Madison was 7 months old when I got pregnant. I was devastated. I thought how could I love anyone else as much as I love her?! Am I being unfair that she didn't have enough alone time with her Dad and myself.
Madison was 15 months old when Olivia was born. All of my doubts went right out the window. I fell totally in love with Olivia. Madison was a great big sister even though she was still so small.
They are 9 and 10 now and inseparable! They don't remember life without one another and they are best friends. In fact they still like to sleep together!
I hope you find this encouraging. Don't feel bad for how you feel. Work through it. Know that having two babies under 2 is do-able and fulfilling.

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C.W.

answers from Kansas City on

I had a similar reaction when I found out I was unexpectantly pregnant with number 3. My youngest was born 6 years after his sister and this one will be born while the youngest is still in diapers. It took a few months of me complaining and generally dreading the future before I could put those feelings behind me. I started having nightmares and just feeling generally down, all because I was being so negative. My husband was actually the solution, ironically the best speech I had came from one of the most cynical people I know. He told me I had to stop the worrying and realize that I had been given a blessing that some people never get the chance to experience. He reminded me that financially we always found a way to make it work out. He told me to remember how I worried about not being able to love a second child as much as the first, but then Joey came along and we were amazed at how much more we could love. And he made me smile when he pointed out that we make the most beautiful children. Talk to the people in your life that care about you, let them help you with the worries, fears, and overwhelmed feelings. Pregnancy is hard enough to deal with, let someone help you with the rest.

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J.P.

answers from St. Louis on

Dear K.,

I am not sure if I can give you the advice you need or want. But like you said you are not alone. At the time that this happened to me, I had a 4 month old and found out I was pregnant again, my boyfriend(at the time--he is now my husband for 9 years) and I were not getting along at all. So needless to say I was not happy myself. My boys are 8 and 9 right now there are exactly 13 months apart. Somehow it worked for me, I did stay home with them for 6 months after the second one was born so I could spend the special time with them. My oldest child was a good baby to and my second one had bronchiole problems and was in and out of the hospital but everything turned out ok. I know it is hard and scary but things happen for a reason. My husband and I are the best of friends now. My boys are the best of friends. My husband and I tried for a 3rd child a couple years later and found out I couldn't get pregnant again.....so "special surprizes" happen for a reason. Although I was scared and doubtful about the second child there is no way I would change anything. If you ever need reassurance, feel free to contact me. Good Luck!!!

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L.P.

answers from Wichita on

K.,

Let me say CONGRATULATIONS! I know you said you are not happy about this baby, and I truly know how you feel. My kids are grown now, but my daughter was 9 months old when I found out I was pregnant and that was not what I wanted. Then when my son was 9 months old I got pregnant with our third child! I was so upset but after talking to my husband I knew that we could make it! My dilemma was worse because of my epilepsy I could not get up during the night to get my daughter as I dropped her twice due to seizures. So my husband had to help me out a lot. I did nurse my kids so he brought them to me. But I was so afraid that I would not be able to handle another baby! But you can and you will find you have enough love for both of them!! Talk to your doctor and take your prenatals as that will help you a with energy! Also talk to your doctor aboout your feelings! Just try to relax and enjoy your baby now and the one to be here in a few months!!

Oh and just as a side note, when I was pregnant with my youngest daughter the doctor asked me if I had been on birth control and I told him no because she wasn't suppose to be here at all. That was when they told me it wouldn't have made a difference because the medication to control my seizures wipes out the birth control pill!! So nice to know 11 years after the first pregnancy!

Just try to relax, ask family for help when you need it! My first 3 are close and I wouldn't give up one of them NOW! Hope this helped! Take care!
L.

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K.B.

answers from Wichita on

GOod Morning K., Congratulations on your new little one! I am very sure you are nervous about taking care of two little ones. And it's not unusal to be upset, same thing happened to our son & daughter in law. T & A are exactally 16 mo and one day apart. They were living with us at the time and she did not want to tell me at all, and when she did she cried so much I thought she would make herself sick.

Everything will work out K., you will still have time for your little man, plus beable to care for your new little angel. Your new baby will possibly be as easy as your first one, sometimes it is the eviroment they come into. They can feel the stress and all things we feel. Play soothing music for yourself, take relaxing baths, talk to your little one, rub your tummy and let your little boy do the same when he is old enough to under stand he is having a bro or sister.

Give him a baby doll to play with and care for while you nurse or bottle feed the new baby, let him help get diapers and be the big brother.

Our two gr kids that are so close in age are most of the time very close and take care of each other. At times I also wished ours had been closer together.

I wish you the very very best, one day you will feel the little one move and you will smile maybe not a big smile but you will know a new little blessing is coming into your life.

God Bless you K. and may you have peace through out this pregnancy.
Always, K.

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S.W.

answers from St. Louis on

First of all take a deep breath and relax. It will all work out, remember God does not give you anything that you can't handle. It's going to be hard and I'm sure that you will have days that you feel like you could just get up and walk out the door and not look back (I know that I did). But I didn't walk out and neither will you. I know someone who has 2 that are 11 months apart and she has talked about how hard the first year was, but she got through it and now her 2 are easy. They play together and both still fit in a stroller :o) When you look at that baby you will wonder how you ever felt that you didn't really want it - my girlfriend did that. That baby will just fit into place. And when they are so close together it's easier as they get older (after all the older one doesn't remember being the only child like one that was 6 when they got a baby brother or sister). You'll find a schedule and give both kids the time they need. And when the new baby is here that will give dad some great bonding time with baby #1. My hubby and 1st child spent a lot of time together at the park and going for walks. she is still really close to her dad and I think that had a lot to do with it. Good luck and it will work out!!!!

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B.W.

answers from Kansas City on

K.,

I totally understand your feelings. I got pregnant with #2 when #1 was 9 months old. I was in shock to say the least...and yes I know how that happens! It took me about a month maybe a bit longer to wrap my head around having 2 kids so close together. Our oldest was a beyond easy baby.

The first 3 months were probably the most challenging for me but I think that is true regardless of when you add another child into the mix.

The good parts: your oldest will still nap two times a day so you can get rest; the oldest hasn't "learned" not to share so there will be no issues with having to share mom/dad; they will probably be great playmates for each other. I am sure there are more but I am not quite awake yet!

The bad parts: you will want to beat your head against the wall as they grow but again thats part of having kids and you will probably have to deal with rude comments from strangers!! I am sure there are more but this is all I know. I recently just had #3 so it didn't scar me for the rest of my life or anything. :O)

Good luck!

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K.S.

answers from St. Louis on

I know I'm a bit late but my advice would be to get them used to the idea a having a new baby around. Look at books with babies together and point out babies you see a the store, encourage them to start being independent.

Encourage some independance - My daughter was a bit older when my son was born but she would love to run and grab me a burp cloth or a diaper and be my big helper.

Nursing -My friend did this while Nursing she would read her toddler a story while nursing her baby so her toddler didn't feel left out, maybe have a stack of books or a book shelve near where you plan to nurse.

Outings - My snuggly(baby pack) is a lifesaver when I go to the store or on a walk with my kids I can have my oldest in the cart or stroller and my baby in the snuggly,he usually goes straight to sleep.

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D.H.

answers from Topeka on

K.,
Congratulations on being pregnant again. That is wonderful.
YOu are not alone in your feelings. I have a 20 month old and a 7 month old. So they are close together but not as close as yours will be. I had the same feelings you had. I was not excited or happy at all. I think that it is a natural feeling. I also felt the same way about not wanting to be pregnant. I wanted to have another child later on but not right away.
I was also nervous and scared but this all will pass. It does not go right away but will gradually. I am not sure of exactly how it happens but it will. You have to see that you are blessed to have another child and that you will be a great mother to both children. Nothing is better than seeing your new baby when he or she will enter this world. All sense of being ashamed will be gone. It is a great joy.
Granted I will not lie to you it will be hard with two at this stage, but you can do it. Always remind yourself of that. Never doubt and always ask for help. Once you have started getting into a schedule and routine things will get easier. There will be times when it seems like the world is going to end but just think that this is a great time in your life. You have to beautiful children and they are your world. It will be okay. I promise. You will also learn with them.
I am currently still nursing my 7 month old and give attention to my son. You just have to make time for him each day. He is just as important. I know that when i nursed my 7 month old I let my son sit beside me with a book or even a snack. You also can enlist the help of dad. Have him play with your son while you are nursing and then switch when things are done. It will come to you i promise. We also gave our son a doll to teach him about his new sibling and have him help whenever he can. He loves being a big brother.
Our son was very happy go lucky and a good baby. his sister is a different person that is so sure. You just have to see that each child is different and needs different things. You will connect with your new baby and things will be fine. You will learn to cope and help your newest baby. It is all fine. Things will work out. I promise.

Sorry that this is so long but i wanted to reassure you that it all works out in the end. Dont forget to have "you" time. You will need it and ask for help. You can do it and it will all work out. Take each day as it comes and remember you are not alone and can ask questions whenever they are needed. Good luck.

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J.J.

answers from Kansas City on

Congratulations! I know you're having a panic attack right now, but I do think you should be congratulated. My children are spaced pretty far apart but I still would like to give you some hope. You aren't the first person to worry or not be totally thrilled when they get pregnant again. Whether it's been 18 months or 3 years since their last baby. You will continue to be a wonderful mother. And somehow you'll do it all. I know it seems impossible to do right now. But you can do it. And you will love this baby just as much as your son. I won't say that it's not going to be hard or stressful. But having two isn't all that different from having one. You just have to start to get ready to go somewhere sooner then you did with just one child! Good luck to you and God bless.

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A.L.

answers from St. Louis on

K.,
You will be ok!! what you are feeling is postpardum.SP? it is very normal. please don't do anything silly to lose the baby. because that will be with you the rest of your life.
You need to talk to someone that can help you. Your ob can help or will tell you who will help you. your littl boy with be ok. make it specail for him. get him involed in picking things out for the baby. tell him he is a big boy. there are so many books out theere that yo can read to him and talks about a new baby coming. you will be surprised what he will pick up.

You work with specail ed you know the joys kids bring to our lives. I worked with them too, and they are some of the sweetest kids ever.

I know you can do it. I am here if you need to talk. I felt that way too. my kids are not that close but it is still scary. my oldest was 2 1/2 and had to take care of me during the days because I was on bed rest for 3 weeks. so we did good.

Hang in there it will be ok!!!

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J.M.

answers from Springfield on

My sons are 12 months and 3 days apart. My husband and I worked together to take care of them. I also worked full time.
However, if you are not sure, that's why we have abortion procedures in our country. When you are ready and if you want to you can have another one later. Or you can choose to only have one child. Make your decisions and stick with them, but you need to use an effective birth control method. I had my tubs tied after the second one because I didn't want any more children.

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R.Y.

answers from Wichita on

Count your blessings that your older one is laid back. I got pregnant with my 5th when the 4th was 5 months old and handicapped. I seriously contiplated a visit to the "clinic". I worked nights and had no daycare through the day so to say the least I was tired and not happy about an OMG pregnancy.
My advise is that it is easier than you are expecting. It is ok to take antidepressants in you cannot find a bright side yet. Anyway your older child will be sweet, and helpful in small ways that will make you smile on a daily basis. My first 2 are 20 months apart and the same sex and they have become fast friends. The 4th and 5th are 14 months apart and fight constantly now. they are almost 5 and 6 now. but in perspective this is pretty normal. They are still each others best friends. The thing about having close in age siblings is every stage they may fall into back to back but it ends sooner. Diapers also tend to end sooner because you are less willing to potty train the older early when you know if you wait a bit you can do them also back to back or even at the same time. There are a number of bright sides to having them close, they learn faster, and from each other. Your biggest challenge is getting enough sleep. Try to sleep any time your son sleeps and designate an nap time and stick to it for yourself, not kidding on this one! Being more rested will put a rose colored tint on your whole outlook.

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E.D.

answers from Kansas City on

First of all...CONGRATULATIONS!!! This truly is a blessing, even though your anxiety makes that difficult to recognize right now. My children are almost exactly 2 years apart, but my sister's kids are only 14 months apart and my sister-in-law's kids are only 10 MONTHS APART!!! Safe to say that neither of them planned it that way! So, here's the advice...take solace in the fact that others have managed to care for two babies very close in age. Recognize that it is going to be extremely challenging for a while. Then smile because you are providing a playmate for your son to grown up with who will be close enough in age to share many interests and life stages with! That's right...you aren't TAKING from your son with the second child, you are giving him the wonderful gift of a companion to share childhood memories with. When your son is older, he won't even be able to remember his life without his sibling. But he will have that sibling to reflect on all those fun childhood memories that you will help provide them both with.

I also want to tell you that it is normal to worry that you won't love the second baby as much as the first. But did you ever think you could love someone as much as you love your son before you had him? I'm going to bet you didn't. You may go through this whole pregnancy with those worries, but trust me, when they put baby #2 in your arms for the first time, you'll fall in love all over again! Best of luck to you and your family!

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J.S.

answers from St. Louis on

My brother and I are 17 months apart and I have to say it was great having a sibling so close in age. It was a built-in playmate! We are still close today. As for nursing a baby with a second child, you find things you can do while nursing--the older child can draw while sitting next to you, you can read him a book and let him be the 'big guy' and turn the pages, etc. I have 3 kids and as we moved from 1 to 2 and then 2 to 3 kids, I wondered how I would adapt and if I'd ever feel comfortable leaving the house with them all, but you just do it and then realize it's not as hard as you think! It just kind of works itself out most of time. God bless you and your 2 children!

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C.W.

answers from St. Louis on

My Childern are 13 months apart,I know where you are.
Those two are thick as thieves now they are 21 & 22.Looking back I am glad they were that close together. You can manage, you will find yourself just doing ,not really thinking about it (all the additional work).
Everyone thought my kids were twins...LOL
I wasn't happy during my entire pregnancy,worried what others would think,or what people would say.... Don't!
I didn't think I could love another Child as much as I loved my son at the time,Once My daughter was Born that was it...She was my princess then and still is at 21.
Don't be worried, I promise it will be well worth it and you will see that you spent un-necessary time woried about nothing.Trust that you are a Great Mom and can love and manage to care for your two children.

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K.S.

answers from Kansas City on

K.,

Your story sounds so much like mine only about 8 years ago. I was also somewhat upset and scared to have to babies so close together, now it is wonderful. My two boys are very close and it is so much easier having them so close together. They have the same interests and can at times be on the same sporting teams.

I know it seems like such a shock, but I am sure you will get used to the idea and start to get excited by this new addition.

K.

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S.W.

answers from St. Louis on

How does your hubby feel about you being pregnant? I think that the short time between their ages will be a great thing. My ex-husband is very close in age to his big brother and they are still best friends. My two girls, 4 years apart are like cats and dogs. Your 8 month old should be fine, while you are pregnant with your second you will still be able to shower him with attention. Then when you have your second, I am thinking you will be in love with him/her. If you and your husband don't feel it is a good idea for the second one, Adoption is an option. My son was adopted by a loving wonderful family. I would say the best thing to do is make sure that you and your hubby keep very open communication about this so that there are no misunderstandings.

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R.Y.

answers from St. Louis on

I have to agree with most of what everyone is saying, especially Cathy's response. I, too have a sister 13 months younger and my mom had 4 girls in 5 years! We couldn't be closer friends now. I had a surprise pregnancy with my second so my girls are 14.5 months apart. I, too was devistated! It is hard to juggle but you are a capable person. God has blessed you with such a gift and you may not realize it until the new little one is here. Trust me God knew what He was doing when He gave us our second. Our girls are best friends and we have enjoyed them and their relationship to each other immeasurably! You'll make it! And the hard times (which is really only hard "work") you won't remember after even the shortest stretch of time! God bless you--actually He already has!

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F.M.

answers from Kansas City on

My mother had 2 only 13 mos apart. They were a boy and girl, and inseparable until college. My mother went on to have more children, but these two were the best of friends. My 2nd and 3rd children are 18 mos apart, both girls, and they also are inseparable. Get all your diapers out of the way, and bless your oldest with the best gift, a sibling. I have had many people that see our large brood, that were only children, or spaced very far apart, say how lonely they were and how they wished they had had a sibling to play with. So, believe me, it will be worth all the work.

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T.H.

answers from St. Louis on

Hi K.,
My grandchildren are only 14 months apart. I know my son and his fiance were very suprised also, but very blessed as well. If you are nursing your 8 month old you can nurse both of your children at the same time if you are still nursing it is fine to nurse your little one throughout your pregnancy. I belive this will also help with the transition for both of you. A child your son's age will tend to regress somewhat after the baby is born. For example; may want a bottle or to be nursed even if he wheened, basically wanting what ever the baby has, this is normal.
I have over 20 years of experience in early child care and development and have worked with many families with this situation. And have also worked with many sets of multiples. Have you ever watched "John and Kate plus eight" on TLC? This is a real eye-opener and you can see YOU CAN give both of your children all the love and attention they need. MOST IMPORTANTLY don't dought your self.
My husband's children are 19 months then 25 months apart and then ours came 22 months later. I would not give this up for anything. Believe it or not my biological children are 22YEARS apart. I want another child and my son just turned 3 yrs old, I wish he could have a brother or sister closer to his age as I am not sure when we will have another hopefully soon. We only get my step-children every other weekend and It's very hard on all of us especially him. Even though his neice and nephew are very close to his age we don't get to see them as often as we would like either.
I wish you the best of luck. I'm sure it won't be easy, but try not to get so discuraged. If you need anymore help or advice just e-mail me at [email protected]____.com care.

T.

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C.G.

answers from Columbia on

I don't know if this will be of any help to you, but my mother was in a similar situation. My mom found out she was pregnant with my sister when I was 3 months old. My sister was born the day before my first birthday. She basically had two infants. Meanwhile, my dad had cancer through all this and was undergoing chemotherapy. She had to make sure we stayed pretty quiet and didn't cry much because it made my dad's nausea even worse.

I can tell you that I have never felt neglected from having a new sibling born so close in age. We are best friends now and we have so many wonderful memories of growing up together. Being so close, we had our fair share of arguments over toys and such, but now that we are older, we couldn't be closer.

My mom survived, and I know you will too. I don't know if you are a person of faith, but I know God won't give us more than we can handle.
You can prepare your son ahead of time for the arrival of his new sibling, and be sure he still has some one-on-one time with you or dad. He can be a big helper, too. Kids that age usually love to help. You will figure out how to multi-task even more than you do now--like reading your son a book while feeding your newborn, and since newborns sleep a lot, you can be sure to give your son attention while the baby is sleeping. And, don't forget to take time for yourself to keep your sanity and to ask friends, neighbors, and family for help when you need it. That can make a huge difference!

Best wishes, and hang in there! One day, you won't be able to imagine life without this new bundle of joy!

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E.B.

answers from Springfield on

Hi K.! I know you are worried about having another child so close to your first. But maybe you need a little reminder of what's inside you:)! I know that I was scared and my second pregnancy was almost 4 years after my first. But it will be okay. This baby will be a wonderful blessing and after he/she is here you won't know what you'd do without the little sweety....promise. Here is a link to one of my absolute favorite Psalms. And it has wonderful pictures to go along with it. I'll say a prayer for your nerves to be calmed. I need that too. I'm going in for surgery tomorrow and am freaked out. So I need to get myself calmed as well.
Just copy and paste this link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TddCILTWNr8&feature=re...

Good luck with the pregnancy! I wish you the absolute best!

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S.S.

answers from Columbia on

I just wanted to send you a little encouragment. Hang in there. My children (now 24 and 25 years old) are 12 months and a day apart. Overwelmed is not even close to what I felt when I found out I was two months pregnant and I had a 6 month old son already. It was tough at times, but I also never knew any different than having two babies in diapers. And now? I am so glad they are so close in age. They always had each other growing up and they were always close to each other. When my daughter's now boyfriend came into the picture, him and my son became friends also. We called them the three muskateers. As hard as it was at times with two children so close in age, the rewards are off the chart. I rarely see siblings as close as my children are. Good Lucky, you may be exhausted but you will fine a way. :-)

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B.B.

answers from Kansas City on

K.,
I know it can be scary. My oldest and middle child were 18 months apart. After the initial fear you'll realize that you can do it. My middle son was an ooops, but a gift. I was worried duing my first trimester, but once I felt him kick I knew I could do it and it would all be ok. Don't forget you have a husband to help, and if you need more create a support system now. Congrats and God bless.

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C.B.

answers from Topeka on

I know what your going through I have 2 kids... a 2 year old and a one year old... they are almost 11 months apart and it was very hard for me and still is to deal with being 8 onths pregnant trying to care for a learning to walk infant was hard..... but they say it gets easier once they are older. Mine fight constantly and make me crazy, but I love them both with all my heart so even on bad days its worth every second. It will take some time to cope with but you have it alot easier with your oldest being so much older. Feel blessed for that. Good luck! And if you need anything feel free to ask.

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C.M.

answers from St. Louis on

WHAP!!! That was your knock to the head! I can sort of relate. Our 3rd came as a surprise, we were going to wait a little longer, but that's not the way it ended up. First of all, things happen for reason's. Now you are wondering what it will be like, how will you manage and every other question you can possibly think of. BUt when the time comes, you will figure it out, it's really as simple as that. This is a blessing in disguise, you just can't see it yet, but you will. Although you may consider it all an "inconvience" becasue your original visions of your first baby have now changed.......everything you had hoped to do during certain stages now have a curve in them. But tell that to someone just dying to have a baby and going through hundreds of fertility treatments and then see how lucky you feel. Everything will be fine, and you and your husband will manage and once that baby gets here you won't even to be able to imagine your life without him/her. Take a deep breathe, and get ready for a fun ride. If you think of it as anything else, you will spoil all the fun!

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S.M.

answers from Topeka on

We were in the same position just a year ago. My kiddos are 16 months apart, older boy and younger girl. I faced many of the same apprehensions you are facing now. I'll not lie, it is definitely challenging having kids this close together. There are several positives about the situation though. First off, you're already in baby mode. It's not like you're starting over again with baby number two. Second, they will be incredibly close friends. I'm starting to see this happen with my two.
When I was pregnant with number two my mom told me that it wouldn't matter how close together my children were there would always be a certain amount of guilt about lost time with the oldest and time with the youngest. That said, you just have to work to make alone time with both a priority. Remember, the first year is the hardest but even that first year gets easier as the months pass. Good luck!

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A.C.

answers from Kansas City on

K. - My kids are 13, 11, 9 and 9&1/2 months. I found out when my baby was 5 months that I was pregnant again. #4 was such a surprise - I couldn't believe it had happend again. It took me almost 3 months to be able to tell anyone without crying or to even be able to talk about it without getting angry or upset. My mom always says that things happen for a reason & God must have a good reason for this to be happening (as we were being extra careful for #5 not to happen). I am hoping that my last two will be a year apart. Don't fret, when it happens, you just know how to deal with it. Good luck - it's ok not to be excited right now - keep your chin up.

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C.R.

answers from St. Louis on

OMGosh! CONGRATULATIONS! The Best Gift I ever gave my firstborn son was a Brother!!! It may be true that having them close together will be challenging at first but after those first couple of years, You will be Thanking the Lord for knowing better than you!

My boys are the "Best of Friends". They are now 9½ & 7½ and when my older one was writing in school, one of his topics what that his Brother was his Best Friend. Even when one of them earns a piece of candy at school, they will either choose a smaller candy and get two or just ask for two because they always try to bring one home to share with their brother. I, of course, encourage a strong relationship between them as well. Sometimes we are all curled up together on the couch and one of the boys says, "I love my Brother". They say stuff like that all the time. Also, when they are older, it's easier to solve conflicts between them. When they were younger and they were fighting over the toy, the toy goes in time out. Now, whenever they argue who has to take a shower first, they do: "Rock, Paper, Scissors" and that seems to be the solution to so many conflicts.

After I had my daughter (child #3), I was suppose to be done having kids, but when she was nearing the age of 1, I felt the need to give her a buddy as well. So child #4 came and it was another Boy! But I'm sure they will be buddies as well, and will 'respect' their differences too.

My sister and I were 13 months apart and we were best friends our whole life. We even had an appartment together when we got older. If the relationship is encouraged right - with respect and Love, they will truly need each other during tough times, especially in the Teen years. Your Children will rescue each other many times in their lives - it will be more often then you will ever know.

I know it's going to feel overwhelming at times, but parenthood is like that no matter how you slice it. Every parent has one type of challenge or another. But when your first born comes home from preschool and the other child runs out to hug him because he was missed, you'll know this was the right thing for your family. It's not a bad balance for your gift for your children - A couple of challenging years for a Life Time of Friendship. Congratulations! Feel free to contact me if you need more encouragement: [email protected]____.com Bless,
C.
P.S. Even if you have a large house - it's important for kids to share a room - that teaches so much tolorence, sharing, and respect. My boys are in bunkbeds right now and they love it! My 3½ yr old shares a room with her 16 month old brother.

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J.K.

answers from St. Louis on

You will be fine. My two oldest are 15 months apart. Find a friend or relative who can come by for about 2 hours every other day for the first three months. This person can: play with your older child while you nap, play with the baby so you can have some one on one with the older child, take care of one child while you take one to the doctor, etc...
This saved me when the kids where young.
I was able to also find a friend and we would trade children for a few hours a week. All the kids at one house for a few hours and a day or two later everyone at the other house.
You will be fine!!!!

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M.M.

answers from Kansas City on

K.,
Congratulations!!! What a wonderful surprise! My first two kids are 12months apart and it was the best thing ever! They have been best friends and playmates for 6 years. It is difficult to take care of 2 small children, but then again what part of being a mother is easy? It took me two weeks to stop crying about #2. Give yourself some time and then I am sure depression will turn to excitement!!

M.

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S.V.

answers from St. Louis on

K. I am only a 22-yr-old mom. My husband and I have a 2 1/2 year old boy, a 1 1/2 year old girl, and we are due again in december. I COMPLETELY understand about not wanting to be pregnant. I was so happy with my first two (and two is really easy actually, even so close together)...
but now pregnant again, I went through those same feelings. Now in my second trimester I am actually starting to look forward to the new baby coming.... I just had to get over all the bad things about it in order to be happy about it.

Yes, I will be even more busy and stressed (on top of this I am taking college classes online!!) ...Yes it will be hard for me to take care of these two while pregnant, then with a newborn. Yes I have to go through pregnancy and labor all over again. But there are a lot of pros about it too. Another sibling to play with. Another beautiful baby to care for.

I PROMISE you that you can handle two. I did it AND I am in school, and I also babysat 5 other kids full time!!!! So you can handle it momma!

We are also a low-income family, so if we can do it with tight money and 3 kids, then you can handle two! I couldn't imagine mine not having each other. They are so close. They follow each other around, learn from each other, and tell each other that they love each other, and hug each other... they have such a wonderful relationship, how could anyone not give a sibling to their baby!

TIPS

Make sure you include your little one in everything. Like let him see the belly and talk to it, give it kisses. Tell him there is a baby inside you. By him a baby doll and teach him NOW to be gentle. Show him the right way to treat a baby NOW BEFORE the baby comes. That helped me tremendously with mine.

After the baby is born, let your little one help bring you diapers, or calm the baby. Mine even helped put the binky in her mouth when she cried. I also nursed all of my children and had no problems with my first being jealous or anything. He was fine with everything because I didn't leave him out. I included him. Don't leave him out and you will be fine.

ON ANOTHER NOTE

Your feelings are normal. I had some awful thoughts after getting pregnant again the third time in a row. I considered abortion in my head even though I would never do that. I wouldn't ever do it, but I WANTED to because I didn't want another baby. THen I would feel guilty about even having those thoughts. I cried a lot over it. Then I got morning sickness BAD... REALLY BAD, and I blamed the baby. I hated that this little baby was making me sick and ruining my life. I told my husband everyday that I wasn't happy about being pregnant again, and he is so wonderful, he would just assure me everything will be okay.

I thought, how in the world can I do it? How will I manage? But I'm over all the awful thoughts now and beginning to enjoy the pregnancy, and my little ones always touch my belly now and talk about the baby coming and give it kisses.

I didn't think I would ever recover from how depressed I was over the pregnancy. I would think "I can't have this baby... I don't love it.... it deserves a better mom than me...."

I even told my husband for weeks that I was going to put it up for adoption.

Well I am NOT going to do that, and I WANT the baby now :) :)

I am sure your awful feelings will pass soon too. :)

God Bless!

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K.W.

answers from St. Joseph on

First of all, congratulations! And secondly, I know exactly what you're going through and what you're feeling. My girls are 14 months apart and when I found out I was pregnant with the second, I was terrified. My biggest concern (as yours is) was balancing my time and care between the two babies. I won't lie, it was a little tough at first (maybe the first few days, while I was getting used to it), but then you do get used to having 2 babies and you adjust accordingly. I thought it was going to be so hard, but it really wasn't. I, too, had a very easy 1st baby, and I couldn't believe it, but the second was even more laid back and easier. My oldest adjusted wonderfully to the baby and very quickly, too. She cares so much for her sister and that helps her understand that mommy needs to take care of the baby, too.
I realize you have a boy, but this might work for him too: We gave our 14 month old a baby doll to take home from the hospital (just as we were taking home our new baby). She still mimics me when I change a diaper, nurse, or feed solids to our youngest...it's so cute and it gives her something to do while mommy's busy with the baby.
I know you're in shock and not too thrilled about the new baby on the way right now, but I'm hear to tell you that it's an awesome age difference to have. And I've had sooooo many people (that have children so close together) tell me that they will be best friends. I'm already seeing how well they get along (20 months and 6 months now); they smile, laugh, and play with each other already.
So, please enjoy and be excited about the baby growing inside you because it'll be an awesome experience!

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L.L.

answers from St. Louis on

Hi K., I can understand you being alittle freaked out by this, but everything will be ok. Some of the most unexpected things in life turn out to be the biggest blessings that we never even knew we wanted. My son was very much so a surprise, but turned my life around. Not that I was a bad person or anything, but I have discovered that everything in life happens for a reason. We may not know why or may not always agree with it, but sometimes we just have to let it "ride" and go from there. You sound like you have a wonderful family with a great husband. You will have to make some changes in your life, but it can be done. I know I was very freaked out when I was first pregnant, but I was also only 18 when my son was born. But it made me a stronger person and I am glad that everthing is the way that it is. Pray about it and talk with your husband. If your truly NOT wanting to keep your baby, there are lots of options out there. I don't know if you've even thought about that or not, but just throwing out that idea. Many couples would love to adopt a baby. Again I hope I'm not offening you by saying this, I just don't want you to think you have no way out. I know it's scary. But you and your hubby will make the best choice that is for your family. Big hugs and good luck with it.

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T.H.

answers from St. Louis on

Hi K., I have 3 children (16, almost 15 and 12), there is 18 months between my first and second and 26 months between the second and third. (My brothers and I are 9 years and 15 years apart and I am not as close to them as my kids are.) It was easier than I thought it would be...The little one, especially if he is so good now, will be a more of a help than someone who needs more attention. With the new baby, they sleep alot in the beginning which is the perfect opportunity to get them to help you with things and make it fun for them. Your son will be the "BIG BROTHER". Be strong for yourself and your family, everythig will be okay. Good luck! I have found lots of help on this website, keep using it.

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L.A.

answers from Topeka on

My boys are 18 months apart. The 2nd came along sooner than planned but looking back now, I'm not sorry for this. They are close and always have a playmate. At the time it seemed like I had twins but it was worth it. The older one adjusted very well. We prepared him for the baby and when he came along, my older one became more self sufficient but still had alot of attention. He loved it. Sometimes it felt like I was being pulled in several directions but we survived. Your husband will be a big help, I'm sure and once the routine is down, everything will be fine.

Hang in there. God only gives us what we can handle.

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M.T.

answers from St. Louis on

K.: I don't have kids close together, but I have four, the last of which I was so upset when I got pregnant. FOUR!?!? I cried for days when I found out. Plus my oldest was 14 at the time the last was born. I think what you dred the most is the first year, which I did and I hated to do AGAIN! You have a really hard one to two years at the beginning of that baby's life, not to mention it really sucks being pregnant again, and then its going to be great!! Many wonderful years ahead of those two babies being really close and fun. I think you will love having them so close after that. It will go by all too fast. I also have a sister 11 months apart from me. We fought a lot growing up I think because she was preemie and got a lot more attention and there was always after sibling rivalry, but we also played together well a lot and I am close to her now and wouldn't trade her for the world. I think its going to turn out to be really great for you! They'll keep each other busy after those baby years.

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H.H.

answers from Columbia on

God will not give you more than you can handle!! Children are a blessing and have faith in that...and in yourself!!! Enjoy every wonderful - stressful moment. They grow so fast. If you are calm and enjoy them...things will all work out. (I know...easier said than done) - but thank God for your gift and count on him to get you through it all!!

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S.D.

answers from Springfield on

Hi K.! My two oldest are 17 months apart. They are now 6 and 5. I had so many thoughts on how I was going to take care of two while working full time and wondered what it would all look like. My oldest too was a happy go lucky baby boy that seldom cried...it took a lot to upset him...still does. My daughter was a little different from him but it has been so much fun! They are so close and I would not change it for the world. You see I was told when I was 17 years old that I would probably not have children so my first was a shock..a good shock..but a shock. Then when I casually went to the store to make sure that I wasn't pregnant on my lunch break all to prove that I was, I was a little scared!!
You will enjoy this and some day you will love the closeness that it has given your children by being close in age.

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