Pregnancy Advice

I just went thru the same thing last year, but it was me who didn't want anymore. After I had my 2nd child I was told I couldn't have anymore due to some complications. Well last May I started feeling sick, sore boobs, and always tired. I was in denial for 2 months I kept thinking it would go away... it didn't. I cried for the 1st 4months because I didn't want another baby, but now I feel guilty for not wanting her. My baby girl was born Dec 7 and I would not trade her for the world she is such a good baby and her brothers love her. 3-4yrs is a great age difference. Good luck!

I have a 4 year old son and a one year old daughter. The age difference is great! At first my son was jealous but now he adores his little sister. He cannot wait for her to wake up in the morning so he can play with her. Having a sibling is so wonderful. You will love watching the interaction between your two children. Good luck with your pregnancy!

I am sure there are many great stories and once your husband see's this baby he will love it just like he loves your 3 year old now. What are the reasons he does not want children? Did he think about that before he got you this way. Just remind him it is not just your fault and it takes two to tango.

In my case we ended up divorced but have become good freind over the 4 years we have been apart. If it is bad betweent the two of you, you might want to seek counsling before it leads into a divorce or resentmit of you and the new baby. Remeber GOD gave you this baby for a reason. Maybe that reason is to remind each of you how much you really do love and need each other. In my case God gave me my second little girl as a wake up call for the life I was living and rasing my first child in. Believe me I woke up and no longer live in a love trinagle controlled relationship and could not be happier in life! A second child will not fix the problems you and him are having and should not be looked at as someone that will love me the way I want my hubby too or always. Take the next 8 months and fall in total love with each other again like you did when you first met. If that means you have to talk to a third party do. The reasons why he does not want a second child need to be knowledged as well as you did not do this to yourself. Good luck and I hope it all works out. Sorry if i was to over the top you just remind me of me almost 5 years ago and there was more to my story then he does not want a second child.

It is too late to not have anymore now, but you two need to sit and discuss whether or not he is 100% positive no more after this one. If that is the case then one of you needs to get sterilized. The only thing is, is if you want more after this one and he doesn't that could cause issues. My husband and I have 3 boys and they are ages 10,7 and 4. The 3 yr. gap is a decent gap to have between children. The timing was not good for us either with our first son. We had been married 3 months when I got pregnant with our first son and we didn't even have our own place at the time. We were living with my mother in law at the time, but we saved enough money to get an apartment. The timing may not be good, but there is a reason for you getting pregnant at this time. Your husband I think will be o.k. with it over time, especially once you start showing and when the baby comes. I wish the best for you and I hope you have a happy healthy pregnancy! Good luck!

Congrats to you! I hope you have a very happy and healthy 9 months.
I'm so sorry your husband reacted so rudely. I hope he will be able to process this information and will come to be happy about your new baby on the way with some time.
As the say goes "it takes two to tango". Both of you know that anytime you have unprotected sex, it may result in a pregnancy. Creating this baby is equally your doing as it is his.
I hope everything works out for the both of you! Good luck!

Hi D.,

Congratulations!
I am sorry to hear of his initial reaction. I think most men instantly think of numbers and finances when they think of a child. They don't see it as a baby at the beggining.

My hubby was estatic after our fist, but the second was a surprise, he was very very nervous for the financial responsability.

I believe he will warm up to the idea. He kinda has no choice hehehe ;)
When we had a scare of a 3rd pregnancy. My hubby reacted negatively and freaked out.
We hung up the phone, I was crying and hurt.... after a few minutes he called and apologized, he said, don't worry, we'll make it work somehow.
He was even disspoointed when I told him it was a negative scare hehehehe
But, all men are different.
I think he also needs to consider that you also wanted a second. Two is a very reasonable number ;)

D.,

Well, I can tell you that we had our first son and he was a challenge (colicky, high-energy). When he was a little over one, I told my husband that I wanted another baby. His reply, "Are you sh*tting me?" Not the answer I wanted to hear! Lol. Well, I let it sit with him and then a few weeks later, I brought it up again and told him that I absolutely would understand if he didn't want another child, but I absolutely did. He asked me to just give him some time to let it sink in. It did, and we welcomed our second son about a year later. We couldn't be happier and my husband is as loving and involved as he was with our first son.

The problem I see with your situation is that your husband doesn't have the time to accept the idea of agreeing to have a second child. I'm worried that he will think you got pregnant on purpose because that was what you wanted. I'm not saying at ALL that's what you did, but he may see it that way. SO, you may have that battle on your hands with him.

At this point, there's no turning back so I think you will have to be a little sensitive to your DH's feelings toward the new baby for a little bit.

As the Mom of two, I can tell you it's just amazing. Our boys adore each other. Jacob (older) just loves his baby brother with all his heart. He gives him hugs and kisses, shares toys with him (most of the time - he IS 2 1/2!) and loves to make him laugh. Ryan (baby) smiles and laughs at the sight of his older brother. He kicks his legs and gets so excited when he sees him. They take baths together and just laugh and splash each other. Seeing them "communicating" and playing warms my heart in ways I never thought possible.

So, give it some time. If hubby doesn't come around when you're pregnant, I can't imagine him not once he meets his new child and can watch him/her with your older son.

Good luck to you.

T.

I am sure there are some good and some bad stories to your situation. Do not fret about it. Its already done and just allow your husband to talk about his feelings and ask for him to listen your feelings- set some time aside were you can be alone and talk. if you need to get some counceling. this can either bring you closer or further apart. good luck.

I must say my husband didnt seem all the excited- he just said "Round 2" when we found out it was a girl. he said "I am glad everyone else is happy" they were wrong it was a boy and he was very happy and I am sure he would have been fine if it was a girl too. a baby is a very scary thing for a man. they lose a part of their wife- we put them 2nd etc..

Well... I suppose it's a little late for him not wanting more children. ;-) It's really up to you whether You don't want anymore children. Every woman has to make that decision for herself and Not let others influence that decision... whether you think the timing is right or money is right. As a parent, you always find a way to make ends meet. There are a million ways to cut corners and save money. I was living on a grocery budget of about $30 a month for two adults. Believe me... it can be done. You just have to hussle a bit. Get into food programs, Community Harvest Food Bank, church programs. You can get free and reduced price clothing from charities, churches, thrift stores, and garage sales. There are ways to get by.

My ex is now out of the picture for good. When he was gone, I didn't know how I would make it. I found I made too much to qualify for food stamps or many help agencies. They all told me to quit my job or go part-time. I refused to do that.

I went to churches for food vouchers at the Community Harvest Food Bank. Another girlfriend and I worked together to take turns going different places for food. We would swap for extra items the other could use. There are churches that give free bread and milk. Others have thrift stores for clothes. I put a posting up at work for clothes, and even strangers gave me baby clothes and diapers. I went garage-saling over the summer. Spent $300 and bought complete wardrobes up to 6T and other items up to 10 including shoes, toys, coats, blankets, dressers, beds, and linens.

I found a home daycare that only charge $100 a week for my 1 and 2 year old. She would watch them on Saturdays so I could study for school. I was working full-time and going to work full-time. During the week I would study after the boys were in bed between 12am to 3am. Then get up at 8am to get them ready for the sitter so I could go to work. 2 years later I've finished my degree, started my own business part-time, and still work full-time. I've found a new boyfriend, who's great with the kids.

Things have a way of working themselves out for the best even if the circumstances seem extremely challenging. I believe every woman has the ability to accomlish everything she desires. You just need to have the drive and be humble enough to ask for help and take the advice or whatever if offered.

Send me an email if you like for the other details. I've been through a very challenging last 10 years, but I'm so happy now. I look forward to everyday with excitement. I am a better person for my struggles, and I wouldn't change a day of it!

____@____.com

I am currently 31 wks pregnant with our second, and both our kids were surprises. Timing was terrible on both pregnancies. My husband and I were living together for 3 years but not yet married when we conceived our first, and we said that we were waiting for at least 4 years before having a second.....needless to say my son was 9 mos old when I got pregnant again. Lets just say Birth Control and I are not friends. I was really nervous, and it took about two months for me to really get excited about it, but My husband refused to talk about it till about December (6 mos). He still gets nervous giggles when I remind him that the baby will be here soon, but he's finally ok about it. It just takes time. My hubby also continually said "it better not be a girl", and when we were in the office for the ultrasound and saw the girl parts, I looked at him and sweetly asked "do you want me to sign the papers now hunny?" He laughed so hard he almost literally fell out of his chair. I have tried to keep the mood light with regards to the new baby and have worked really hard at not buying a bunch of new things for the nursery, trying to reuse some of our son's things even though they are "not girly at all". The other day though while shopping, my husband found the cutest little girl dress and snuck away and bought it for her. It's going to be her first gift from Daddy. Just let the idea of another baby sink in. All will work out.

My husband said the same thing, as did my brother in law when my sister wanted a 4th child. I think at first they're just overwhelmed with the concept of how they can possibly add another to their already full lives, and no matter how hard line they are at this stage about not wanting another child, when that baby arrives they're able to love and make room for their child.
My husband and my brother in law are both nuts about the kids and can't imagine their lives without them now.
Good luck and I hope everything works out!
J.

Congratulations. What do you think your husband's reasons are for not wanting anymore children? While it will be a lot of work initially, in the long run having siblings can be a little easier than having just one as they can play with each other. Financially, yes there are some additional expenses. Addressing the issues with your husband depends on the reasons for his reluctance. I imagine when the baby arrives, he will be over the moon. I know that my parents were ballistically angry when I decided to have a child alone but boy are they enthusiastic grandparents now.

I've always thought how sad it would be to be an only child. You miss out on so much and only children often deal with some emotional stuff that other kids don't...like being self-centered. But maybe that's just me.

My first two are almost exactly two years apart, but for various reasons the next one will be three and half years younger than the second child. That was about the spread between me and my two brothers and we got along great.

Now my little brother was a decision made after a fun night out when mom was feeling a bit overly happy...dad didn't know. It only took once though...and there was child number three. Good thing...I can't imagine life without him. He was just the right addition to our family and OH the adventures he provided all of us through the years.

My husband was the same way. We wanted kids and it took us 2 years until I was pregnant. He is 40 and thought that he was too old to be a dad. I was worried through the whole pregnancy, but when it got within two weeks, he slowly started to change. It wasn't up until the time it was to deliver. My daughter was over a week late and I had to be induced three times and then had to go c-section. I called him at 2:30 in the morning and he raced to the hospital to be with me and he was with me the whole time, which he said he wouldn't be in the beginning. When they took our little girl into NICU, he followed and wouldn't leave her until he knew she was okay. He has been wrapped around her finger ever since. He did a complete 180 once she was born and now she is his world and we have to fight over her since we both work and don't see her much. Hang in there. There can still be light at the end of the tunnel. It make take all 9 months, but from what I found, your little baby may be what it takes to change him. It will be hard, but don't stress about it cause that will only complicate it, trust me I know that one. I hope he changes and things work out for you.

Well, I'm not a mother of two this far apart.... My girls are 18 months apart. But, I will tell you that is is amazing to see your child become an older sibling. Even at 18 mos old my daughter, Morgan, wanted to hold her new sister, Jordyn. She wanted to help feed her a bottle, she was at my side when I was nursing, she was even fascinated with diaper changes. Now that she's three and Jordyn is 20 mos, Morgan's fascination with babies is even more apparent. She is overjoyed when she sees other babies, she is obsessed with her new favorite story which she calls, "The story from when I was born" :) and she has really been mothery. Granted, she's still three so there ARE fights with the two of them, but overall, it's amazing to see your kids interact with one another.

And, although we're battling our wants to and not to have another baby ourselves (we're on the fence!) there is no real BEST timing to have a baby. And, even if the timing was good when you conceived, it's still nine long months until you have the baby so it may not end up a good time when the baby is born. The opposite can be said, too.

So, I say try to enjoy the idea of seeing your little man become a big brother, enjoy this pregnancy, and honestly.... you will worry about SO many things but the reality is never as difficult as our imagination makes it out to be. Take it as it comes.