We have a little boy who lives down the street from us who is 6. We will occasionally trade babysitting with his parents and he is friends with my 7 and 4 year old boys. A couple of weeks ago, we took him to the zoo with us. The drive is about 45 minutes, so I had a lot of time to listen to the boys in the car. Some of the things the 6 year old were saying were a little concerning to me. He talked about he "favorite movie" and went on and on about how great it was...because it has boobs in it. My kids were just looking at him like he was crazy, and I said "well, that movie must have a lot of hungry babies in it, because that's what boobs are for!" Not the most elegant, but my four year old thought it made total sense :) So the topic changed. Then we were at the zoo and the boy pointed at several cheetahs who were lying together in the grass, sleeping. This kid goes "look, they are going to have sex with each other!" Then he turns to my four year old and says "do you even know what sex is?" Yikes. So my guess is he just learned about the basics of sex and is just dying to share, which seems normal. But I would really, really rather that he not educate my kids with his personal knowledge. I asked him not to talk about those things right now, becasue it is not appropriate zoo conversation.
So, for the future, I could 1. Just not have this kid over, 2. Talk to the mom and ask her to explain to her kid that we don't talk about certain things with smaller children (or any other kids, preferably), 3. Have a pre-emptive talk about sex with my 7 year old and try to keep my four year old away from the two older ones when I am not directly supervising 4. Open to suggestions!
I am not the type who thinks that kids should not learn about sex until their wedding day. My kids have seen photos and vides of babies being born and are totally comfortable with breastfeeding, we just have not had the conversation about intercourse yet. I don't feel like it is necessary for my seven year old at this point, but I will answer his questions truthfully as they come up. I am feeling a little backed into a corner, like I have to tell him right away to be sure he does not get bad information.
I would love to hear which of my options above you would choose, or any other suggestions you might have. Thanks!!
I would go with 2 and 3. I would in a friendly way give her a heads up that her son is over sharing a little. Not in an upset tone, just a Hey its ok I handled it, but you might want to know tone.
Then I'd get a book for my son. It's Not The Stork is perfect for a 7 year old.
Ditto Nervy Girl. Usually kids ask questions when they are ready to know. So if they don't ask, you probably don't need to explain.
it's SUCH a revelation when kids find this out! especially if it's a completely new thing to them. at 7 i'd have already done some simple anatomical explanations, so a 'pre-emptive' talk doesn't make much sense to me. it's much easier to have an ongoing open dialogue.
don't shame the little fellow, or banish him. you can shut him down gently with something like 'aaron, it's great that you understand about sex, but that's a private conversation for you and your parents. no more talk about it when you're here, please.' and yeah, a cheerful heads-up to his mom wouldn't hurt so long as it's not accusatory. 'hi marjorie, aaron's rarin' to share the birds and the bees stories with my guys! we asked him to cool it a little until we get caught up' will probably not bum her out.
and if you do choose one big 'pre-emptive' talk, make sure to gently caution yours not to share the gospel either.
:) khairete
S.
At that age? I'd take him to the side and tell him that only moms and dads are supposed to tell their kids about that stuff. When he has kids, he can explain it to them, but he needs to let the other kids' moms and dads talk to their own.
Also, there's not a thing wrong with saying to your 4 year old, "You're not old enough for that discussion yet, kiddo."
Yes, sounds like he had the talk at home. You can always ask the parents if that's the case. Sometimes rather they've picked it up from an older cousin or something - so they might appreciate knowing what he's saying.
This will happen to you over and over again as time goes on - they will come home from school hearing stuff - you can't stop it.
My son once came home from preschool very upset he didn't have a vagina.
How did your kids respond? Usually mine don't even take notice at that age - it sort of goes over their heads. Kids will throw things out they've heard at home but they aren't always even sure what it all means.
If my kids don't respond, I let it go because me getting involved actually draws more attention to it. If it's a bit awkward, I just change the subject as casually as possible.
My boys were used to me breastfeeding. When they heard about "boobs" at school, they didn't associate it with breastfeeding - they seemed to know enough that one didn't mean the other (that one could be private and one was for food).
Zoos are actually pretty good places for talking about birds and bees because it's often right there in front of you. Still remember my little guys checking out these squirrels "playing together" while the rest of us were watching monkeys. Just so long as they lead with the questions and it's age appropriate. I only ever give as much info as they can handle and I always let them ask. Later on, we got into more detail.
If it became a problem with the child always talking sex - then I would deal with it. Likely he just heard the talk recently and will move on to something else next time to talk about.
Hope that helps!
Find out what his source is - mom and dad or a movie. IMO that matters, because you can be more patient with a child parroting information from his parents. I am concerned that he's seen too much, per his comment on breasts. Talk to his parents. If it's that they had a chat with him, then you can say that the information isn't something that 1. he should discuss with your youngest son and 2. not a topic for a playdate. If it's information from a movie, then I would limit their interactions with him outside of my home as well as the above. We had an older girl show my then 11 yr old SD a very inppropriate chat room. DH put a stop to it immediately when he figured it out. We also made it clear to SD that no, that was not appropriate and that the computer could no longer be used during friend visits. That was the beginning of the end for that friendship.
You can also simply tell your sons that regardless of what they hear from friends, they can ALWAYS come to you or their dad for information. That will apply today and in 10 years.
No way would I leave my children at this kid's house without at least having a long conversation with his mother. Red flags! What kind of movies IS he watching. I'm sure there are lots of parents who think nothing of allowing their young children to see R rated movies or worse. What kind of supervision is going on over there when your children are around? Nothing worse than exposing children to the "wrong" kind of sex (IMO) at a young age. What a terrible way to give them the wrong impression of sex/women/men. I'd have cut the kid off in the car and pulled him aside at the zoo and had a little talking to him - and yes, I wouldn't have cared if I (gasp) made him feel bad about over sharing. I'd like to educate my child in the way I see fit.
