Pre Baby Jitters

Hi B.
My sons are 23 months apart and it was stressful in the beginning when the second was born because I felt so guilty that I wasn't giving them both enough attention and love. But then that goes away for the most part--for me it was after a few months. Now I rarely think about it! You'll feel better too, with some time. It also helps when they start interacting with each other more, takes some stress off of you. Enjoy them!

Hang in there!

I have two girls that are 19.5 months apart! It's wonderful-- you don't have the jealousy issues or the desire for the older to hold the little one all the time! (at least that was the case for me)
You will all adapt :) And you will love every minute of it!
Good luck :)
It is amazing how close they will be--- and i will never forget how my older daughter made her laugh like no one else could! (and still does) it's adorable!

4 months ago I had my 2nd, my 1st was 2 1/2...I too was really nervous. ANd although at times its overwhelming....LAUNDRY.....and feeding times, bed time too, I think looking back being pregnant and taking care of a toddler was MORE difficult. I will say enjoy that hospital stay, it may even compare to a hotel stay. Good luck....

Hi B., I can understand your concern. Many years ago I had 2 boys 14 months apart and when the second was 15 months I gave birth to a little girl. Needless to say I was nonstop mommy. I also had no help from Dad who I later divorced. I know you can do it. Don't worry too much about it. You will do what they need and you will rest whenever you can. There may be things in the home that will get neglected but the boys are most important. Follow your heart and it will get easier in time. My best wishes to you and your family, Grandma Mary

I have a 3 year old and a now 1 month old. And I'm not gonna lie, it's not easy and it does seem overwhelming but you'll be fine. Get who you can to come over and help you for the first couple days after your husband goes back to work. Once you get into a routine you'll be fine. Good lucks and congrats!

I had my first two sons 19 months apart. It is actually easier the first month or two since the baby will sleep most of the time. You should try to think of fun things for your older son to do when you are feeding the baby since that always seems to be the time when the older one will want you. I used to take out crayons and paper for him or give him a snack when I was nursing to distract him a little bit.

It is tough at times but you will adjust to the two kids :) As soon as my younger son started walking I found things to be a lot easier. Now they are a breeze to take care of and I have number three due in a couple of weeks - I am a little freaked by this one ;)

My two girls are 18 months apart and it was definately an adjustment after my second was born (because what do you do when they both start crying at the same time?) but you will figure it out. At times you have to ignore one and you feel so guilty about it but eventually you will get into a rythmn. And if your older one is currently in daycare or pre school you should keep him going after the baby arrives. It keeps his schedule the same and gives you some time alone with the new baby. My second one started sleeping through the night at 11 weeks so that's when I started feeling less exhausted and more comfortable with the situation. But the hardest adjustment (I think) is going from zero to one baby so this is actually a little easier than that! Good Luck!

My only issue was the lack of sleep. With one child when you are tired you can nap when they nap if you want. Once the baby comes you can't nap when the baby naps because you still have a toddler to look after. Other than that it was great. My oldest was 22 months old when his brother was born. When my 2nd was 26 months old my 3rd was born and when she was 31 months my 4th was born. I would not change having them so close together. I love it!! There is never a dull moment and they always have someone to play with. When my oldest needed attention I could put the baby in the swing or the bouncy seat. Having a baby didn't stop me from doing all of the special things I already was doing with my oldest. I still took him to story hour and to the park. I just would strap the baby to me in the front carrier. He never complained about the baby taking up more of my time, he never remembers it any different! It will be great. There will be plenty of love to go around. You will be amazed about how well you adapt to being able to give your attention to two children at once. It will all come together for you when your baby is laying on the floor playing and his older brother lays next to him and they have their first "talk". Besides the lack of sleep there was no challenge for me. Everything went smooth. It helped that I had my oldest on a pretty strict routine and we stuck with it after the baby came. Go into it with a positive attitude to start off and don't sweat the small stuff. While my children were great and I didn't worry about them not getting enough attention my house is always a mess. I would rather play with my kids than clean. "Houses are for free expressions not good impressions"! Good luck and relish every second of being a Mom of two!

Take a deep breath and enjoy every moment with the both of them. Include the oldest in feedings, changings, playing, talking to the baby. Encourage your son to say that this new little bundle is "his baby brother". Refer to him at times as "the big brother" and I am sure that you will enjoy them and they will enjoy you!!!
(This is coming from a mom of 2, with an 18 mos. gap between them.) You can do it. It may get a little tough at times, but always remember that they will grow up one day (SMILES), but enjoy them now because time flies by.
Wishing all of God's best to you and your family.

Hi B.. I am a mom to two boys too. They are just about 18months apart. So, I know exactly what you are going through. It's great, exciting, stressful, scary and the best thing you could have ever done! The begining is really hard. Atleast it was for me. Two in diapers, two constantly needing your attention. You'll be spread thin, but it does get better! You'll see that once the baby comes and you get into a routine it will become better. My boys are now almost 3 and 4. They LOVE eachother. They keep eachother busy and make me nuts...but, it's a good nuts. Boys are so much fun. Enjoy it they get big fast.

Hi!
I'm a mother of three and when I was pregnant and close to delivering my 2nd, I was a little concerned about going from taking care of one child to two, but once my 2nd child was born, the transition was surprisingly pretty easy. My oldest was also very helpful with his new sibling and also with becoming more independent in some situations(he was a toddler under 3)but besides that, it wasn't as noticeable as when I added my third child to the family! Despite the fact that I had a 7 and 4 yr old when my 3rd was born, it was much harder with three than it was with two.
You will adapt, and everything will work out fine.
I wouldn't worry.
Good Luck on your new bundle of joy!
Laura~

Hopefully your Hubby can help...alot! I have 2 kids, my son, 2 1/2yrs and daughter 12 1/2 mos...18 months apart! It was a real adjustment! My son is in daycare and loves it, so we kept him in while I was home with my daughter, which made life a little easier. Dinner time and bed times were the hardest, because at 18 months, he really demanded a lot of attention.

It finally started getting easier when I put my daughter on a schedule...around 9-10 weeks (so she would be used to it by the time I went back to work). I tried to follow a similar routine as my son, to make it a little easier.

Now that she walks and eats regular food, feeds herself, its so much easier. The major problems become she wants the toy he has, he wants to sit in my lap, etc...typical sibling stuff.

It does help to have a hubby who is involved and can distract the older one while you take care of the baby, and switch off every now and then.

Good luck!

I see you already have TONS of great answers, but I thought I would chime in anyway!! I am the mom of two very active little boys - 15 months apart!! Unlike you, I was very surprised by my second pregnancy and must admit that I was not very positive throughout it. I don't think I was excited about his arrival until the day he was born, but the minute he was in my arms it was all over!! You never think you can love a second child as much as you love your first one, but my bond with my second is even closer (in different ways of course) than my bond with my first. Each child is so different and you will love them best for their own reasons.

Having them that close was (and still is on occassion) difficult for a certain time period. It was really hard when the first would want my attention when I was nursing and I couldn't give it to him. My solution many times was to have Alex (my oldest) bring me a book and read to him with my free hand or just cuddle him so he felt close to both me and the baby. I made sure after I was done nursing to spend some quality time with Alex so he didn't feel like Kaden was getting all of mommy's attention. Sure there were sometimes when nothing was enough and Alex just had to throw his temper tantrum while I was tending to the baby, but he got over it. It is all trial and error, I swear!!

And the good news is that it does get easier....especially when you get to the point when they are on the same schedule. I think the hardest time for me was when Alex was napping at 1:00 and Kaden at 10:00 and 3:00. I felt like I never got a break, though I did get quiet time to spend with each of them on their own. (I think there are positives and negatives of EVERY stage, with EVERY child!) I felt like I really could have used a nap with Kaden still not sleeping through the night (until 18 months unfortunately!!!), but I got through that time too. It is amazing what we can do as mothers, isn't it?!

Now Alex is almost 3 (the end of this month) and Kaden is 19 months. They are best friends (well, at least most of the time!!) and they are on the same schedule. I get a nice break when they are eating - because they keep each other engaged in conversation or play - and when they nap...little bits of time to get my sanity back!! The down side is that I now have two children in the terrible 2/3 age - but that is a whole other discussion!!!

I know that was a little longer winded than I intended, but they are eating lunch right now and keeping each other entertained, so I had the time!! Good luck to you. It will be an amazing journey and you will be so glad that you had them close together as they grow. Just appreciate each child for who they are and give them each some individual attention and they will be just fine!!!

B.,
you will find that it is not that hard to give the love and attention to both children at the same time. i have 5 children and 2 & 3 are 17 months apart, 3 & 4 are 18 months apart and 4 & 5 are 23 months apart. i found myself many times sitting feeding the baby and reading a book at the same time with the older one(s) just to make sure the attention was given. if you have people offer to help let them, the laundry always needs doing and the dishes are always piled high so let them help do one or both. also if you are near a park or have toys in your yard if someone aks what they can do let them play with the older one, take him for a walk, to the park or just outside, this will give you a break of juggling and the chance to have 5 minutes alone with the baby. i know how you feel because i was the same when i was pregant for #3. it was crazy in the beginning but once you get a routine after a few weeks you will not remember what you did with only one or your free time before #2 came along! if i go out with only 1 or even 2 i feel lost and lie i am missing someting (or someone). just me it really is not as bad as you think it is going to be right now. best of luck and enjoy becasue the baby will not be a baby as long as the older one was, they start following the older one around way too soon!!

I know exactly what you are going through. My sons are also 20 months apart. My second pregnancy was a surprise ( a great one), but I was terrified about having 2 kids so close together. My older son is VERY demanding and I felt like a was barely holding it together with just him. But it worked out fine. I won't lie to you, it's not easy. Just getting out of the house and running errands is a project! But once you get into a routine with them it's not so bad. When my baby (9 mos. now) naps in the morning, I take my other son outside to play for a while. When my 2 year old naps after lunch, I get to spend some alone time with the baby. That way they each get some of my undivided attention every day. Also, my boys truly love each other. And think, when they're older they'll keep each other occupied for hours! We're not the first women to have to do this, and we won't be the last. Keep the faith sister, it'll be OK :)

Hi B.,

I too had concerns about having my children so close in age (mine are 19 months apart) but now I can't imagine it any other way. My son is 2.5 and my daughter is 13 months and it is such a joy to watch them interact and play. I feel that they will be closer as siblings then most other kids and will be best friends instead of fighting all the time (at least until they are teenagers). They will also only be one year apart in school which I believe will only make them closer.

My son was a major Momma boy (still is) and I was really worried about how he would deal with not being the baby anymore but he took it surprisingly well. I think that because he was so young he adjusted must faster then an older child might and after a couple of months he didn't even remember what it was like before "Sissy" was born. I'm not going to lie and say it wasn't a challange having two in diapers, nursing, waking up at night, demanding attention, ect... plus I went back to work full time after 5 months so that made it even more challanging, but it's worth it.

Best of Luck and enjoy your babies!

Hi B.

What you're feeling is normal. My children are all about two years apart and the biggest transition was having the second child because it's the first time you have to divide your attention between children. One thing that will make it easier on all of you is to include your older child whenever you can -- sit together and read to both children, have the older child bring you a diaper or whatever. Yes, you will have moments when things are overwhelming but they will pass. When things get crazy, sometimes you have to hand off the baby or put the baby down for a quiet time and take care of your older son. The first three months were the hardest for me, simply because my babies took about that long to adjust to the outside world, and also about that long for me to get into new routines. I do have to say that the third and fourth babies were not as big a transition, mainly because the older children had each other and could entertain themselves while I was occupied with the next baby!

Good luck. You'll be fine, just be patient with yourself.

R. T

My kids are 21 months apart. At first it was VERY rough. My oldest son was very jealous of his little sister. However, now (with the occasional tantrum) things are much much better. Here are some things we found worked and things that did not.
1. We found the 3 bears sesmae street video to be bad news. It sort of reinforced the idea that he wasn't supposed to like his sister. He didn't get the whole dynamic character/journey aspect of the film.
2. Instead the Tomie DePaola book where the little boy is psyched about having a baby sister reinforced how cool it was. Try to find books that don't discuss the downsides, just the good parts. Toddlers don't get nuance.
3. Involve him as much as possible in "helping." Our son balked at first but now he is mommy's big helper and he loves taking care of his sister.
4. Give the little baby a voice. I know this sounds nutty, but the second I pretended the baby could talk (literally just speaking in a squeaky voice) Luc LOVED it. He loves talking to his little sister. He now knows she loves him and cares for him. She gets sad when he is sad and happy when he is happy, etc.

Mostly it takes time. You should allow your son to feel the way he feels, but at the same time point out how cool it is to be a big brother. Today, he LOVES LOVES LOVES his little sister.

You will be just fine and while it's going to take a little while pretty soon you'll have a routine established that works for both you and your kids. I have 2 and 3 year old boys, a newborn baby girl and a 12 year old girl as well. It was a matter of getting up a little bit earlier to get everybody ready to go out when the boys were babies but as they started to get a little older things go easier on me because they occupied one another. They play together and keep each other company which allows me to do other things around the house.

Just include your twenty month old in on everything. He can lay a blankey out on the floor, hand you the binkies or spit up cloths, while you are feeding the lil one, read to your twenty month old. As long as you are spending time with them together, there will be no jealousy or feelings of not giving out your love equally and consistently.

I have a thirty month old and often babysit for my cousin's newborn, my daughter at first HATED this, was jealous out of her mind!!! But as i let her start helping me with things she actually enjoys the baby now, and feels like it is a treat for me to babysit so we can take care of the baby together.

Good Luck and Congratulations!

Hi B.-

I've been there! Our first 2 are 16 months apart...

You will do fine...it's easy in the beginning...the new baby will sleep so much. When you're feeding the baby, it's a great time to set the first up with a coloring book, or a book you can read together...

He can also be a big help to mommy and get diapers, or the wipes...include your first as much as you can.

Also, you didn't ask for this advice, but when he visits you in the hospital, I wouldn't be holding the new baby...I made that mistake with our daughter...I'll never forget the look on her face! Also, it is sweet to buy a small gift for your oldest from the new baby.

It's challenging, but you'll be amazed how quickly everything will fall into place for you!

Best wishes!
J.

I know exactly how you feel. I have a 5.5 year old, almost 3 yr old., and a 1.5 year old. My last two were just 16 months apart. It was extremely difficult in the beginning. I chose to breast feed and that takes a lot of time out of your day. Of course just about every time I had to nurse the baby my daughter would get herself into some kind of trouble (climbing onto the table etc.) My main concern was her safety. I ended up bringing in a local teenager to be a mommies helper and play with the older two while I was nursing. Once I got passed the first 3 months things were easier. My suggestion is that if you can afford the help, get it. I also planned some special time with my other children while dad was watching the baby. Your children know you love them and I find adjust pretty well to new ones in the house. Have the 20 month old be your helper with the new one. Let him get the diapers, wipes, burp clothes etc. When the little one falls asleep play with your son and read books together. It will get easier so just hang in there. Good luck

Hi B.!

Congrats on your boys! My girls are 19 mos apart and my youngest is now 3 mos and my oldest is 22 mos. The first month was hard--especially the lask of sleep-- but, everything as been easier and once my 2nd daughter starting sleeping through the night, things were even better.

I too had jitters, but everything (from the birth to recovery to nursing, etc) has been easier the second time around because I knew what to expect. I swear!

Relax and enjoy your sons!
Congrats!
Kate

i feel the same way. it is scary.

Hi B.,

This is a great age difference! I was in your shoes last summer... 2 girls 21 months apart...it was hard at first... just getting a routine down. I recieved some great advice to include my oldest in EVERYTHING I did with the baby or just plain old household chores. We started this before the baby was born. It was great, for instance, I couldnt bend at the end so my daughter would pull out all the clothes from the dryer for me. As she did this she began to sort them, "Daddy's shirt" "Mommy's shirt" etc... (That was not planned I just needed help getting the clothes out!) We did this everyday. When her sister came along she helped with everything, getting diapers, bibs etc... I had these things in places where she could reach. I also made sure I had a present for the big sister ready! For my daughter it was her own baby, who she would feed when I fed mine, change the diaper when I chaged the baby's etc... There was jealousy for 2 weeks. She would hit me if I was holding the baby, she called her sister poopy even though she was well aware that was not her name. You have to watch to make sure the older one doesnt hurt the baby. I can remember sitting on the couch , feeding the baby and holding the older back with my leg b/c she wanted to hit the baby in the head. They also dont understand the meaning of gentle at that age, that came along in time but it took a lot of reminding. I have to say the beginning is opverwheling b/c you are not used to having to care for this new person, we thought of the baby as an intruder to our family. Now we can't remember life without her. Thats anothe rpiece of advice I recieved from a nurse in the hospital, my youngest will never know life without her sister and my oldest won't know life with out her sister. They wont remember whay it was like when they were the one and only. Take all the help you are given and try to leave the baby with a friend, family or your husband and do alone time with your son. I would drop my youngest off at my in laws house and take my oldest to the park, just us. We even took my oldest to a Wiggles Concert 3 weeks after my youngest was born. The baby didnot know we werent there. Now it is great, I love to watch my girls interact. My older one is still so helpful and the younger one is trying her best to keep up with her sister. They truely love each other and are so happy to be together. It is a cahllange at first but establish a routine, be patient, and show your oldest love and attention. It will all work out. I would do it all over again andnot change a thing! Enjoy you sons! Wishing you all the best!

I have two girls. My first was 22 months when the second was born. I have been right where you are, and I struggled with how I could love one as much as the other, how it was unfair to my first that the second would take away time from her, and all thoses thoughts. My second is now 10 months old, and I can say with certainty that it is easy to love and care for them both, but it is a conscious effort to spend time with each of them together and individually - and effort that you don't mind! From even some little time as running an errand or giving a bath to spending a few hours with one at a play class or the mall. Initially, I found my older one sought to be sure she still held a place with me and my husband. If I was holding the baby and she said, "my mommy", I would ask my husband to take the baby and say, "yes, your mommy too - your turn for hugs and cuddles!" She tested the waters a few times, maybe 10 or so over the course of the first few months. I can't say she is showing any signs of jealousy or being out of place. She actually began to really help me with the baby, and she is very afffectionate towards her. I was a little stressed about having them so close, and it has only been recently that I think the adjustment part is in the past, and now they are becoming the best of friends as the baby is starting to toddle, etc. I am sure you will enjoy the same with your boys!! Enjoy every minute - Find the balance that works for you, and your kids will go along with it - Best of luck!!

B.,

Initially, it is an adjustment- there are exhilarating moments and uncomfortable ones as you find ways to balance priorities and needs. But new babies sleep SO MUCH! So at first, you still have lots of time to help your older son adjust.

Then, you can enlist big brother's help. It may take longer, but you can nurture a strong love and sense of protectin by asking big brother to help you as you change the baby, bathe the baby, etc. I gave my 2 yr old his own stuffed animal to be his baby and got him a baby stroller and other gear to mimic the gear I had so he could imitate me- and found opportunities to help him take care of his brother to foster that spirit of him being needed and helpful, which gives him a fulfillment and sense of meaning rather than a feeling of displacement.

And now that big brother is 3 and little brother is one, they really amuse each other and play near each other better than if they were alone! It's actually harder to keep the little one happy if big brother is not around to entertain him.

You know, my mother was one of twelve and I was an only child. I realized that she has stronger interpersonal skills and more security and ease with people, not to mention is less self-centered, because she was nurtured by older brothers and sisters and was not made the sole object of attention- it is dangerous for our children to think they are the center of the universe. It is healthy for them to feel part of a bigger whole, a community where each person has an important role to play. Realize mom that you are not the only person who has to provide all the nurturing- you are training your sons to help nurture each other in a way only brothers can and to understand how to be a brother! This world needs more men who understand brotherly love and who possess a sense of responsibility to their fellow men.

hi rebecca, and congrats on your growing family! i have a 5 year old, an almost 3 year old, and an almost 1 year old, i surely have been there. i am still there! it definitely can be overwelming at times, but i swear it will be fine. just get yourself a good double stroller! other than that, you will all get into a groove and it will be great. just be sure to give your older son extra attention and extra jobs, but not to make his entire existance about being "a big brother" ... it happens very easily. be sure he knows he is still your baby and you love him for him, not only because he is "such a great big brother". you dont have to give them equal time in the beginning, the baby doesnt know the difference. (on the flip side, it is important that your toddler see that the world does not revolve around him, you have to find a balance) it is so hard, but carve out time for just the 2 of you, and just your husband and him, as well as some time for the 3 of you a couple of times in the beginning. plan an outing or 2 without the baby to someplace fun that you have always done, you will find that you wont do so much of that stuff in the beginning because you just cant with a newborn, but its important for your son. the good news is that its summer, so you can bring the kids outdoor places that arent all germy with people, so you can get the baby out sooner than you would be able to in the winter. when everyone comes over to see the new baby, its really important that you try to ask them beforehand to go kiss and hug your older son first and spend a few minutes with him before going to the baby, and talk to him about things in addition to how he likes being a big brother, things just about him.. i know everyone wants to see the baby, but he doesnt know the difference and your toddler can get very sad and resentful right from the start if he is passed over all the time, its a hard adjustment for him. you will be surprised at the amount of people who just dont realize this, a freindly reminder is fine. one thing i did was when my 2nd and 3rd were born, i snuck in a gift for the older ones, and when i brought the baby out of the hospital to go home, i also brought them the gifts "from the baby" for them. your son is still young enough that you can get away with this! i told mine that the baby told me what he wanted to get them when he was still in my belly. they were stuffed toys that they could snuggle and always have. they liked that. dont worry, it will be fine. take help when you can get it, you are not superman, and sleep when you can. i find sleep to be the hardest part all around, try to get help and work it out, dont ignore it. good luck and enjoy, they will fight, but they will also be best buddies. when you see them having fun together and being tender towards each other, your heart will just about burst. best of luck, D.

At one point i had 3 under 2! i gave birth to twins when my oldest was 14 months! it has been and is crazy every day. it is very hard, but i would definitely let your oldest "help" with the baby. it is not much help for you, but will help with rivalry issues. he won't be as jealous of the new baby. when i think i have it bad, i think of all the moms out there who have had 4,5,6,7 or more kids and they survived to tell the tale and so can i! good luck!

Congratulations to you and your family. This is what its all about. The love you can see in the older child, the wonderment of the younger child who learns so much from the older. We have three kids, ages 5.5 years, 4.5 years and almost 2 years old. The first two are 13 months and 13 days apart. Juni was just starting to walk when Cedar was born. During the first 7 hours of labor I was in bed, at home alone with Juni puttering around. I knew from then that I had to let go of control and allow these kids to become independent from the start. Times were tough, but its now bitter-sweet. Your love will make all things happen.
C. R.

Congratulations! My sons were born 17 1/2 months apart. I remember the challenges..two in diapers, two in car seats, 2 needing to be carried, 2 in preschool. I also remember how nice it was that they were close enough in age to do things together. The older could not wait to teach the younger, and the younger was eager to learn so he could keep up and play.

In school they took the bus together, shared friends and interests, and kept an eye on each other. For a while they played on the same sports teams, but eventually they each found their niche and then cheered for each other.

They are grown now and the relationship between them is one of my greatest joys in life. They grew up together, and they are each other's closest friend.

Now that they are big enough to pick me up (and they seem to take pleasure in leaving my feet dangling during a hug), I miss the moments of having a kid in each arm or the 2 sharing space on my lap.

Enjoy! Get support when you need it because there will be those times. The first few years were the hardest for me. You'll probably find yourdelf rejoicing at each milestone: 2 sleeping through the night - whoo-hoo! (this might come sooner as the older one will keep the younger one more active and alert during the day) 2 walking - whoo-hoo! (this might come sooner because the younger one will want to keep up) 2 potty-trained - whoo-hoo! (the older one might just show the younger one how this works)

Once you've reached those 3 milestones, you're going to be really glad you had 2 so close together!

I know I am chiming in very late, but just for your reassurance, everything will be fine!

I have a daughter who just turned 4, another daughter who is 18mo. and am currently 7 months pregnant (with another little girl!). Although the anticipation of going from 2 to 3 has me a bit antsy, I can tell you from experience that the transition from 1 to 2 was a WONDERFUL and EASY experience. It is only natural to have a fear of the unknown, but try to focus on all of the positives. It really is all about the mindset, and remember that when there is a will there is a way.

My husband and I had learned SO much with our first daughter. From sleeping habits to nursing schedules. Everything went so smoothly right from the get-go because I knew what to expect and I knew how to handle it.

For example(s):
- I knew that I would lose some sleep during the first few weeks, but I also remembered that it was essential to nourish my body and rest when I could during the day to prevent exhaustion.
- Nursing went so smooth right from the moment she was born. It came completely natural because I had just finished nursing my daughter at the time I became pregnant again. There was no doubt in my mind that she wasn't getting enough, or that she wasn't latching on correctly.
- And her sleep schedule(something we still don't have with our first daughter!) is WONDERFUL and has been since being a few weeks old.

I could keep going and going about how easily everything will come to you. Yes it will be more work to run grocery shopping: you will have to prepare 2 children for the outing vs. 1. But honestly, even that was not a big deal. Maybe at first you and your husband can take turns running those errands while the other stays home.

Don't forget to allow your husband to help. We have no help besides the two of us, and I would try to take EVERYTHING on myself (still do to some extent). Even if you can just hand out simple tasks, you'll notice a difference. Now I let my husband run to Wegman's if needed, switch the laundry from washer to dryer, brush my daughters' teeth, etc.

I do not know you personally, but it sounds like you are a loving mother, and your expectations are not set too high. This will benefit you in so many ways. To some, motherhood may be a hard transition because they want to continue to do EVERYTHING they did before children. I know a woman who could not adjust to her childless friends going on to have fun without her. Keep in mind that she was 38 yrs old and was SO use to having her own identity aside from children. I however am 22 years old, and have accepted everything that comes along with motherhood. I know that children grow up too fast and I try to cherish everything (including midnight feedings and even the first "I hate you!", which hasn't happened yet :)

Sorry to ramble and ramble. I hope I helped some. Everything will work out the way it is supposed to, so stop adding worry to your life.

Good Luck and Congratulations!
A.

I have two daughters, ages five and two, and I will tell you, the first few months after your second baby is born it is intense! But is does get better, and those first few weeks of having a newborn and a toddler can be eased by having a friend or family member come and take the older sibling off of your hands for a few hours (of course it needs to be someone your child is very comfortable with). I had a friend who came twice a week for about two weeks after my baby was born to take my older daughter for the day (she had a little girl my daughter's age, so it was perfect) and it was an absolute godsend! It was so great to be able to just be alone with my baby without having to divide attention, and to have time to take a nap or whatever. It was enough time to rejuvinate me for when she came home and I had two kids again.
It also helps if you make sure to give your older son special "mommy time" when your baby is napping - reading books, playing, or taking walks together with baby in the stroller and big brother stolling alongside at his own pace, stopping to look at flowers, the grass, insects, just focusing on him and not as much the baby when you have those moments. Try reading to him while you nurse or bottlefeed your baby. Emphasize his chance to be a big boy by fetching you diapers, wipes, powder, and pour on the praise when he helps out. It will give a positive spin on the whole baby thing, and make him feel special and needed.
Also, a note about going to the grocery store with a newborn and toddler. I found the best way to do it was to put the baby in a baby carrier strapped to your chest and put the toddler in the seat in the grocery cart. I know that it is easy to just clip the car seat into the cart, but it can be very upsetting for the older kid to have the baby take his seat. If you use the baby carrier, the baby feels nice and snuggled and secure being so close to you (most babies hate carseats, as I'm sure you already know!), and your big boy gets to face you and get most of the attention he's used to! Anyway, that's been my experience of what works.
It is a challenge at first, but it does get better - very early on your baby will start responding to his big brother and within a year, they will be the best of friends! One of the benefits of having your children close together is that the play very well together pretty quickly. Congratulations, and good luck!

Hi B.,
I was nervous right before I had my second child too...his older brother was 16 months and I was worried how I would do it...it's a lot like having your first child all over again, how you were nervous and anxious but in no time at all you felt like you had a handle on things...well cut that time in half and that's what it's like adding to your family...the good thing about newborns is they fit into your schedule at first(cause they sleep all the time) and as baby grows you'll adjust...just remember asking for help is NOT a sign of weekness(even if it's so you can take a nap), decide now what things hubby can do his way that won't bother you(like bathing the older child) and decide what things can wait....like for me pre-kids it was dishes in the sink I couldn't have it dirty...now with 5 kids(all under 8...my first 4 were all 16 months apart...no twins) I empty the dishwasher in the morning and load it after dinner, those dishes don't bother me so much, I'd rather play with my kids. It can be hectic at times but remember you are in control and you can do this...depending on where you live you can do your grocery shopping online(peapod) and they will deliver it and the first time is free and you can use and earn coupons this way...you also have the advantage of it being close to summer so hire a friends older child to come over once or twice a week(a mommy's helper) they play with your oldest( they can play outside) and if you schedule it around babies morning nap you can get to those pesky things like putting the laundry away...so your home and you can give a kid $5's and everyone wins. The main thing is finding ways to multi-task and realize now that someone will have to wait...now you can attend to one childs every need, in 2 weeks someone will have to wait...it doesn't mean you're a bad mom if the baby cries while you help the older one or if the older one watches more t.v. the first two months than ever in his previous lifetime...have bubbles stored around your house, buckle your 20month old into his highchair and let him color or paint.... your little boy will want to hold baby, a bobby pillow is great for this, place your son on the couch with the boppy around his front waist, place baby on the boppy..this way your son doesn't have to hold the babies head and both are more secure...have fun and good luck and congrats! It may be hectic at first but as they get older you'd be surprised how close they are...I had 4 in 4 years and they are quite the little group of men, they play well together and I am more of a refree for when things get out of hand(plus I have my little guy to keep me company :) Best of luck! C.

Hi B.,

congrats on the new baby on the way. My boys are 25 months apart and I am not going to tell you that it is not challenging because it definitely is. My older son was very jealous of his new little brother. the first year was tough but I think it started getting easier after that.

the best advice that I can give you is find time to spend uninterrupted with you older son. give him you full attention when ever possible, because he will know the difference, but your baby will not. as long as your baby is getting its basic needs met in the first few weeks, he will not care if you are meeting them or if it is your husband or another family member / caregiver. your older son is old enough to notice that he is not getting undevided attention from mommy ( which he has always received for the last 20 months!) It is a little more challengig if you are nursing, and as a new mom we feel like we need to be in control and do everything for our new baby.....not the case... remember to let others help and spend the extra time with your
older son. even if it is only 20 minutes, as long as he has your full attention and away from the baby he will do better.

best of luck to you.

Hi B.,
First of all it is totally normal to be feeling a bit anxious before the baby arrives, however, DO NOT STRESS! My boys are 18 months apart and although it was a transition having two, it was not a difficult one. The good news is that when they are young (as your older one is) there is less tendency for jealousy. Also, remember in the beginning new babies like to sleep a lot. I took this opportunity to play with my older child and remind him that though things were different, I still loved him the same.
It is wonderful having two and I would not change it for anything. You will be fine and your babies will be happy to have each other to grow up with. Good luck with everything!
S.

Hi B.,

Congratulations! My kids are 2 years apart. It's the greatest thing! Yes, it is stressful and overwhelming at times, especially at night and when one gets sick the other gets sick, but in the end it's all worth it! Everything just seems to have a way of working itself out. My daughter was so excited when her new baby brother came so there were no jealousy issues. Whenever the baby was napping, I always made sure to spend the extra time with my daughter. Try not to get overwhelmed in the beginning because of lack of sleep, it does get better!

Good luck!
J.

Hi B.. My youngest 2 are 10 1/2 months apart! It's easier then you think to take care of little ones that close. The best thing you have going for you is that your older one can walk. Make sure you always let him sit next to you when you are feeding baby if he wants to. Even let him help hold the bottle if you bottle feed. Also, my oldest 2 are only 17 months apart, so I've been where you are twice. With the first 2 my daughter wanted to help with everything baby. I never had trouble with anything. It's really awesome to have kids so close in age. At 20 months apart it shouldn't be too hard ever. With my littlest ones it's just now starting to get easier because the youngest one is 19 months now and wants to be more independent. Good luck!

I was in the same boat as you except my first two kids are 18 months apart and now I have a third. My son is 4, my daughter is 2 and 1/2 and the baby is 10 months. Needless to say we are busy. But to respond to your question - I remember feeling the same way as you when I was pregnant with my 2nd child. It is overwhelming but just to give you some encouragement - I thought it was going to be a lot harder than it actually was. After my 2nd child was born, I tried to keep life as normal as I could for my 1st child. I tried making sure I attended to his needs first as I think he would have been affected more if I would have picked up his sister at every wimper rather than meeting his needs first. I also would read to him while I nursed his sister. He always loved that. We also "played" with the baby (as much as an 18 month old and newborn can) with games like peek-a-boo, etc. The baby probably didn't care much but I know it helped my son feel important. Anyway, enjoy this special time while it lasts, it goes by too fast! I'm sure you will be great with them. Just the fact that you are asking for advice shows that you love and care about your children so much! I hope this helps.