Potty Training Help - Downers Grove, IL

Updated on June 16, 2009
A. asks from Downers Grove, IL
13 answers

I am potty training my son. We have gotten rid of the diapers, but he refuses to poop in the toilet. He will only do it in his underwear. Help!

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C.H.

answers from Chicago on

give him time. My daughter was like that a month or so ago and now she tells us when she has to go poopy and she has no problem going on the pot now. If you try to force him, he may rebel and it can only get worse.

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R.C.

answers from Chicago on

I too am having the same problem-he took to peeing like a champ, but will not poop!! For peeing, we have he sit backwards on the toilet seat. he hangs onto the lid, facing the tank, but still has enug bowl left to pee into w/o having to point it. But gets to "see" how he's peeing. It worked almost instantly.
I will be trying the naked bottom approach to pooping, just hope he doesn't poop on the floor...

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C.B.

answers from Chicago on

I had the same problem with my son. We started training a few weeks before he turned 3. He picked up the potty portion of training without any problems, but pooping was an issue. I tried EVERYTHING! We tried ignoring it, using discipline, and making him clean up his own mess. I would say it took at least 2 months before he started going in the toilet regularly...like it clicked all at once. His first step to success was pooping at home. We'd set up a TV tray & make him go in there when we'd notice he had to go. We'd color, play cars, etc...sitting for a super long time! Eventually he caught on...but at home only. He would not poop in public or at the sitter's house in the toilet -- he'd still go in his underwear. I tried putting him back in diapers, but then he'd potty in them, so I stopped that right away! I developed two rewards charts for him. The first has 2 weeks worth of squares & 14 smiley faces. Every day he didn't have an accident, he got to put up a smiley face. If he did have an accident, he lost one. This took a while to catch on, since it needed to be a full day's worth. To reward the individual accomplishments, temporary tattoos worked best! That & popsicles! After reaching his 14 day mark, (which shows consistent behavior) he gets a special prize of his choice (a robot!). Both these worked well at home, but as soon as he'd go to the sitter, he'd lose it! So, I then created reward cards with different rewards (staying up late, roasting marshmallows, reading extra books at night, going for a bike ride, etc). I sent these cards with him to the sitter so if he had an accident at her house she could physically remove the reward instantly rather than waiting until I got home. FINALLY he got it, and has been great -- pooping on his own, in public, at the sitter....it's almost like it just clicked & happened! I'll take the credit with all the hard work, but it could be that he just wasn't ready yet! I know we started before Easter, and he is only now receiving his robot -- that's how long it took!

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P.K.

answers from Chicago on

Hi, what I did with my daughter was have her without underwear. I choose a week when we were constantly at home. She had no other choice but to go to the washroom.
It took only 3 days. She got the msg.

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S.A.

answers from Chicago on

With my oldest I gave her a few chocolate chips. The second wasn't so easy. She was training around Easter and I sat her in the chair with a chocolate bunny if she started to go, she could munch of the bunny (I broke off pieces to she wouldn't want the whole bunny)

With the next child I trained she would hold it and go in the middle of the night...so I gave her a tsp of flax seed in a cup of yogurt and then a handful of frosted shredded wheat from Aldi (is better than the name brand) every morning. After two days of that she had to go and then we cheared and jumped up and down. I kept it up for the rest of the week and then after that she didn't hold it anymore.

The next child just refused to sit. She begged her mom for pull-ups so she could go hide and poop. Well the first time she came over she needed to go because her mom said she through a fit before they left. So I told her I would get her big girl panties...when i got back she looked at my very defiantly and told me she didn't need the panties because she already went in her pull-up. So I took her in the bathroom and explained that I had a baby that pooped in his diaper and couldn't be big and sit on the potty...and I was NOT going to clean another yucky bottom. I took off her pull-up, put a wipe in her hand and helped her wipe her own tail. She was so disgusted. I kept reinforcing very politely that it was gross and grosser for me since it wasn't my poop. We put each wipe in a bag and then the nasty pull-up and I explained that if she went on the potty their wouldn't be a mess and she would be done wiping in a second.

The next day I got the panties before she knew it. So when she started panicing because she wanted a pull-up, I took her in the bathroom and sat her on the toilet. Well she wasn't about all that. She cried and tried to buck off that toilet. But I put my arms around her, kissed her face, and told her that it was okay. I told her she would be fine and nothing would happen, that it wouldn't hurt. Finally she just had to go and I hugged her. When she went all the kids came in a cheared and jumped up and down and I gave her chocolate chips. She was beaming from ear to ear through all those tears. After that she never had a problem except it took about two weeks for her to wear her big girl panties at home since she refused to go for her mom at home.

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A.R.

answers from Chicago on

Hi A.,
I know what you're going through, I had that w/ both of my boys, just keep patient and keep at it, it will come.
The worst with potty training is to get frustrated because your child will sense this and it can cause setbacks.

Some ideas from my experience that might work for you.
1) Relax and let him train on his schedule. My older son poop potty trained almost a year after pee training when he turned 4; I would give him pull ups for naps and at night, so he would hold it until then and then go in the pull ups. When he stopped napping, he'd be awake for "quiet time" and still poop in pull ups. So, upon someone's advice, I made the rule that
2) Poop needs to be done in the bathroom, even if he was sitting on the potty chair or the toilet with pull ups on (had to do this with my younger son too.)
3) Kept the potty chair for poops -- it actually puts them in a more natural position for pooping than sitting on the toilet, even with stepping stool. Sometimes, I'll find my older son standing on the toilet seat and squatting to get into that position, now that he no longer uses the potty.
4) I potty trained both by taking away all clothes waist down. Summer's perfect for that. Beware though -- worked perfect w/ both for pee, but my eldest held his poops and the youngest would let them fall on the floor. For the yougest, I calmly explained he didn't have anything to catch them so he needed to use the potty, and he started doing that. 5) What I should have done because I hated cleaning up the messes in underwear -- if this is you too, buy cheap underwear that you don't mind throwing away when accidents happen in the underwear. 6) Stay calm when your child has accidents, even if it's driving you crazy, just say, ok, let's try to use the potty next time and involve your child in clean up.

Good luck -- he will get potty trained sooner than you know it, but while you're doing it, it always seems like that day will never come!!
A.

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J.S.

answers from Chicago on

Many kids are afraid to poop in the tiolet. My daughter is 4 1/2 and just in the last few weeks has been pooping in the toilet. I tried tons of rewards and incentives and made a huge deal about it when she did it the first time. We took her to mini golf. But she kept doing it. I would try to catch her to get her to the toilet b/c she wouldn't tell me. Finally, the thing that worked was a sticker chart and tatoos each time she did it. She hasn't had a poop accident in over a week, which is great for her. Don't give up and don't get angry. I also had her change herself. That helped too. Good luck! I am about to start my 2 1/2 year old!!!

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M.W.

answers from Chicago on

A.,
I am potty training my son as well. I would say leave him with nothing on at home and put an easy up on him when you go places right now. If he dosen't have the underwear on, he will have to go on the potty. My first son was afraid to poop on the potty. Finally, I held him down(bear hug style) when I knew he had to go,as one other mom said, I told him it would not hurt and it will be ok , and when he finally went, he said"that was not scary" and has pooped ever since on the toilet. I am sure some people would disagree with forcing them on the potty vs. letting them decide, but it worked for me. My second son, who I am training right now, poops on the potty with no problem...it is the peeing that needs work:) I leave him naked for the most part at home(except when he sleeps he wears a goodnite), and when we go somewhere I put him in an easy-up.

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M.S.

answers from Chicago on

Hi A.-

We are facing the same thing... We've been training for about 3 weeks now. Only gone 3x in the toilet #2. A friend of mine's son is almost 5 and still won't go #2, she just hands him a diaper as she got sick of making a big deal about it. Her philosophy is one day he'll come around. I am starting to keep small rewards for #2, my son loves chocolate, so he gets a hershey kiss when he goes. I also make a huge deal and get really excited. Good luck!

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S.E.

answers from Chicago on

I will make three suggestions and one comment but it has been quite awhile ago that I trained my son who is almost 19 years old but we had a similar problem those many years ago.
Comment: You can try letting him run around without the diaper or underwear on, but if he really has a phobia of pooping in the adult toilet he may just hold it in and when you put on his pajama he will do then. Or wait til you go out into public and go then in his underwear. My son hated public bathrooms. The first time he went camping with his father and Royal Rangers troop he held it for almost 2 days. He said he did not like the idea of using the public bathroom. He said he just went pee behind the trees because there was no way he was going in the stinky bathroom. He has long since passed that problem but I give that example because he may choose just to hold it in.
Suggestions: First: I never stopped using the Pull Ups if he was not willing to poop in the toilet. I refused to clean dirty underwear. I had a diaper service when I had cloth diapers because I did not want to wash dirt diapers so I was not going to clean dirty under. (But that is just me)
Second: It was suggested to me to make sure my husband/his father was involved with the whole potty training experience. My husband talked to our son about using the bathroom and how important it was to get away from the pull ups so he would be able to go places with him. Like the construction sites where the houses were be built or just down to the lumber yards or good old Farm and Fleet. He told our son that he would not be able to go until he could go without messing in his pants because there was no place to change pants at these places. That seemed to be very effective.
Third: Our doctor recommended having a potty chair that fit right on the top of the regular toilet. One that has a step so he could step up on his own and not have to ask for our help if he needed to go. Most houses have more than one bathroom so you pick a bathroom and leave the booster potty chair on the toilet when ever he may need it. It also helps if it is hard for your little one to pee without a step stool.
So there you have it. My 3 suggestions and one comment. If these help you in anyway great if not I wish you the Best of Luck but remember most parents have some small issues when it comes to potty training. Don't give up, there is no way he will go to high school wearing a pull up. When he is in high school you will look back at this problem as just a bump in the road, not the crater it seems like now.
God Bless,
S.

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J.B.

answers from Chicago on

Sounds like my life right now! You are not alone. If you hear any good suggestions, send them my way! :)

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L.L.

answers from Chicago on

Hi A.,
Have you considered using books? "Everybody Poops" by Taro Gomi and others are out there. Ask your favorite librarian. I let my boy flush when someone else had gone saying that poopies go in the potty except when you are sleeping. As icky as that might sound, it might work. I also had M & M's in all the bathrooms and used a direct bribe when I saw the avoiding or hiding behavior at a specific time. Somehow, some or all of that worked.

Good luck and may the Goddess of Patience be with you,

L. L.

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D.R.

answers from Chicago on

My daughter had this same problem. She was 3 1/2 when we finally got it worked out. This is what ended up working. If she made a mess in her pants, she had to clean it up herself. Also, if she pooped anywhere but the toilet, she lost her cartoon privileges for the rest of the day (or the next day if it was at night). Good luck!

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