Potty Training for Almost 4-Yr.-old!

Have you tried showing her how to use her keigle muscles? A little friend of my daughter's was having a very hard time with the concept and I explained it to her as using the muscles that you stop youe pee with _while_ she was going. After that it was much easier. Good luck!
-K.

I just finished potty training my three year old boy & we used a reward system. I made a chart & bought him some stickers. Every time he went potty in the toilet, he got to put a sticker on his chart & when he got a certain number of stickers, he got to go pick out a prize. I went to the store & bought several little cars and then we had some bigger items for bigger accomplishments. I know how frustrating it is but hang in there. One day it will just click & she will start going. Good luck!!

Hello S.,
Have you tried having her clean up the mess? I know it's a lot easier to clean her up as soon as she pees but she may not like to have accidents if she has to clean them up (then you can go behind her later when she's not watching and clean/dissinfect) It does sound like she is doing it out of some sort of rebellion. If there is a special event or movie coming out, why don't you see if this could be an incentive. I know once I told my son he couldn't go to preschool with his friends (and he knew I meant it) he got on the bandwagon quick. This will be a good way to find out if she really does have control if it's something she truly wants to do.
Good Luck!
M. (who's kids are now 12,9,6,6)

Hi S.,
First, I hate potty training, but it's more frustrating for us adults than it is for the kids. They don't care until they need to care. My advice, the more you keep going back and forth, the worse it's making it. Always bring extra changes of clothes with you when you go out, instead of pull ups. Then, have her clean up herself. If she doesn't do it, then she won't like it and she won't stop peeing on herself. It'll be hard, but once she hates it, then you can tell her that if she doesn't like it to go on the potty. After 3-4 days of doing this consistently, she'll get the picture. I also suggest that you plan on NOT going anywhere during these 3 days. It'll be rough, but just keep thinking.. No more DIAPERS!!!! That'll motivate you to keep at it. Think of how much money you'll save! Also, throw ALL the pull ups and diapers you have away so they are not a temptation to you.
I have 3 boys, 1 girl and my son was 3 and still wearing a diaper because I didn't want to potty train him. I knew that I needed to, so I did. Took me 3 days to get off my butt & get it handled. I'm so grateful that I did. The problem with potty training is often the issue of the parent, not of the kid. I'll pray for you, and I hope this is encouraging to you. You CAN do it!!! Good luck.
B.

My daughter wasn't fully potty trained until she was a little over 3 years old. We sort of went through the same thing you seem to be going through. I'd get frustrated with her when she was wearing panties and kept having accidents over and over so I'd just put her back into pull-ups for a little while and then we'd try again. Finally I came up with a little system that worked great for her. I drew a little chart with 5 squares to start with. Everytime she would use the potty, I'd give her a sticker to put on her chart. When she filled up the chart with stickers (it took about 2 days in the very beginning) I would give her a little treat. Something like a pack of stickers or new crayons. I slowly kept adding more squares and eventually she was up to 60 squares before she was finally good to go! When she was filling in some of charts with lots of squares, we'd give her a bigger surprise. For one of her final treats, we let her pick out a $10 easter basket from Wal-mart (it was easter time) that was filled with toys and candy. Sometimes we'd take her to the store and let her pick her treat for filling in her squares. We'd give her a set amount of money depending on how well she did and help her with some ideas on how to spend it. Eventually we just sort of stopped the whole thing and she didn't even notice. At the end it would take so long to fill in sooo many squares she'd forget what she was working for and just go to the potty because it was a habit by then. It took us about 3 or 4 months, but we did it!

I hope that gives you some ideas to work with. Good luck with your daughter and HANG IN THERE!!

Only thing I can think of is have her spend as much time as possible with other 2,3, and 4 year olds. Seeing peers successfully accomplish a task can be very influential/inspiring to kids. It might help to have her spend more time with non-parental adults. maybe she's come to associate your presence with non-toileting. It sure can be frustrating but she'll get it.
I have a 12 year old, an AA in child development, and about 15 years experience as a preschool teacher.

You should reward her everytime she uses the potty. My son was 5 when I trained him, my boys are close in age. People say girls are easy to train. Some girls unlike boys tend to be lazy when they have to go. Be patient and maybe things will work out.

I have the same issue and my son is 5. He mainly has an issue with number two. He peed in his pants yesterday and said oh I thought I had a pullup on so I went. He's improving
but its frustrating and common. Try limiting the pullups as much as possible. I also tell him he can have icecream when he goes number two in the toillet which seems to work pretty good.

Hi,

I know its tough but have patience...At first I thought maybe she is simply playing games with you and your husband but when I really thought about I think she is just not ready. She does not have the timing or the control to make it to the toilet-yet but she will...

What I did with my son is I put him in underwear and that was it-I decided in my own mind that I was not going back to pull ups EVER!! I know you are probably thinking no way but I promise she will get it after some time.
Also she is probably a little scared right now and not to mention nervous about it all and senses your frustration and I believe that will prolong the situaion.

But at the end of the day you have to remember it's not a race (she will learn to use the potty), and the method of going back and forth from pull ups to not using them is not a good practice nor effective.

Besides pull-ups are expensive and just add more clutter to our already overfilled landfills.

I hope this helps! Try and make potty taining enjoyable time b/c once done it is quite a milestone!

Happy Training!

When my daughter was 4 I had the same problem. I chalked it off to sheer lazyness on her part. She was trained and used the toilet to pee but consistently pooped her pants. We told her she had to clean the panties herself in the toilet and that they wouldn't let her go to school if she wouldn't use the toilet. She was so excited about going to school that she quit.
Now, my 3 going on 4 year old boy wouldn't potty train until I quit my job to stay home with him. He was trained in about 2 weeks. Every time he'd go in the toilet he'd get a high five and a treat.
Every kid is different. Give her lots of praise even for the smallest of effort and she'll reward you with using the potty.

I used cloth diapers for my son. I know boys are different, but somethings might work. He hated having the cloth diapers on but I would use them and if I saw him doing the potty dance we would go to the bathroom. I put goldfish crackers or Cheerios (they won't clog) to let him aim. I tried to make a game of it. Ultimately though, I think when he was ready he just used the toilet on his own. I have heard that switching between things that pull moisture away and regular underpants doesn't work (that's why we used cloth diapers/training pants). They do have training pants that are cloth with a plastic/vinyl cover that may work. If she knows she peed she is probably close. Good luck and I hope you find what works for you and your daughter.

My son will be 4 the end of the month and is EXACTLY the same as your daughter. It seems the more I remind him/tell him/ talk to him about it, the more accidents he has. We tried limiting liquids, potty after every meal, rewards, punishments, and nothing worked. At least your daughter tells you when she pees. My guess is that our children "get it" more than we know! My doctor said he's just not ready- which irritated me because he was doing fine and then wasn't. We're in the Safeway Kid Pants (cheaper than pull ups and brand name diapers.) I am trying to just lay off him all together- he can choose pull ups or underwear and we try to stay calm and nuetral if he pees or poos in the pull ups. We've been doing this for about a month and just this week he has been using the toilet more often (and we never tell him to go), and even chooses underwear one-two times a week.

First take her to your pediatrician and make sure she does not have underlying problems with her bladder. Ir really sounds more like a power trip with you daughter. I had a granddaughter who did that until she was 7...both parents were frustrated. I just always bring extra clothes when I take her out. One day I forgot to bring clothes and she had to go around with me wet..I said nothing to her and she stopped wetting her pants. Them kids would be very powerful when it comes to something they can control. So being cool is the best treatment I could think off. There are no teenagers in diapers. So sooner or later she will use the toilet. But she has to suffer the consequence of her behavior..just try ignoring it and be cool about it. You might even surprise her on your change of reaction. 4 year olds are quite smart. They know more than what we think they know. Good luck.

My son was very difficult to potty train. We read all the books looked on line and had advice given to us from every source. I even took away his favorite toys. Nothing seemed to work. His was a control thing. He happened to still have a pacifier. We told him he could have one or the other. The pacifier if he had gone in the potty all day or no pacifier if he did not. It went every other day for a week. Then he decided that the pacifier was more important and he never had a problem again. Latter he gave up the passafier on his own- he had learned that he could live with out it.

You need to find out what her currency is. His was the pacifier. It took us months to figure it out.

You never can tell what they are thinking. My sister had a similer problem when she was potty training her daughter. When my sisters daughter was out with me and I said "do you need to go potty" she said "no my mom will just change me when I get home"

I just went through the same thing. Very frustrating!!! I would buy pull ups and she loved them. I don't know if my advice will work but if your'e like me anything is worth a try. Your daughter definatly knows right from wrong. What i did was when my daughter woke up she had to go imediatly into the bathroom and try to pee, then i gave her breakfast and 30 min. Later back in the bathroom until something happened. I also had to get rid of the sippy cup and limited the amount of intake of the milk to 3 x's a day and absolutly nothing after 6:30pm. I had a very stern talk with my daughter saying that you are way to big to be peeing yourself none of your other friends do that. It takes extreme patients but if you stick to a plan it will work. My daughter just turned 6 and she has had 4 accidents in 1.5 years. When you get to that day you will be so happy. Hang in there! P.s i also bought her a puzzle every week that she was dry from the dollar tree.(cheaper than diapers)

A 4 yr old is probably into Disney princesses. Let her pick out pretty panties and when she wears them remind her pee and poop can destroy them, so she will have to hurry to the potty before any thing happens.

Potty training can be a difficult thing. For you, and for your child. The trick is trying everything until you find what works. And it can take a lot of patience. And practice. Some kids don't want to let go of the "baby" phase where they get the attention of being cleaned up. And sometimes going potty by themselves is a sign of independence that is scary to them. Growing up isn't easy. There might be a fear of the unknown involved with that for her. Meaning, if I have to be big enough to do THIS by myself, what else will I have to be big enough to do on my own? Most kids at that age WANT to be able to do things by themselves. She is old enough for pre-school, but most pre-schools won't take 4 year olds that aren't potty trained. Have her around as many other kids her age as possible that DO use the toilet. I used to do daycare and I had a mother who brought her 4 year old son in a diaper every single day, even though he used the toilet at my house and proudly stood in line with the other children to take his turn at the potty and wash his hands before we could go on a walk, etc. Whether or not they actually "went" was not the issue....they all sat and had their potty time and took turns. He didn't want to miss out on his turn. And I confronted his mother, gently, when I said that the first thing he did when he arrived at my house was pull down his pants and take off his diaper and put it in the garbage. All by himself. Her first inclination was not to believe me. But it was the truth. Kids have accidents. No big deal. But I would suggest you have your daughter around other kids her own age that are perfectly fine using the potty and she can see that her world will not end if she doesn't poop or pee in her pants. Barring any medical or emotional conditions she may have, and I hope that's not the case, she will get on the potty train with her friends.

This woman came to speak at our mothers club and I highly recommend her and the process.

http://anintentionalparent.com/potty_training.html

I know every child is different and your case seems harder than most, but every mom I know that followed this process has been successful. You also may be able to set up a consultation with her, which might cost money, but you'll save it in diapers and laundry detergent!

Best of luck to you.

My son will be 4 in March and I am also struggling with accidents and potty training. The past couple of weeks I have only used diapers at night. During the day he either has nothing on below the waist or underwear and pants. I have noticed if he is not wearing anything he has few or no accidents. The other thing I am doing is giving him all of the responsibility. I do not remind him when it is time to go nor do I insist that he sit on the potty. When he goes I do reward him with a hershey's kiss or a lollypop (his choice). I know it is frustrating, just try to have patience.

She has been thoroughly trained to go in diapers by this point, and has probably lost touch with her bodily functions. You can't expect her to just switch to panties without at least a few days of mess.

To her, something ON means that it's OK for her to use it to pee or poop in. That's the lesson that you have inadvertently taught her for the past four years. She is not being stubborn, and it's not that she doesn't GET it. You are changing up the rules on her all of a sudden, and it will take her a little time to adjust.

First of all, ditch the diapers and pullups completely. You aren't doing her any favors there, it's inconsistent and confusing.

Next, how often does she pee and poop at various times of day? You should have some idea, if not, then pay close attention to her and find out. Normally kids pee more often in the morning than they do in the afternoon.

If she has panties on at home, then set the timer for whatever her frequency is, be it 30 minutes, an hour, whatever. Tell her "Time to go potty!" whenever it goes off, and then HELP her go potty. Pull her panties down for her and sit her on the potty or toilet, wipe her, and pull her panties up when she's done.

Over a few days or weeks (depending on how she responds), you can have her take on these tasks for herself one at a time, but to expect her to figure this all out on her own all at once is a bit much. Practice, practice, practice, and keep up a running commentary. Communication is very important.

"Oh, time to go potty! First we go to the toilet, then we pull panties down, then we pee/poop! When we're all done, we wipe with toilet paper, pull panties back up, and back to playing...hooray! You kept yourself clean and dry!"

Repeat this every single time you take her potty. It will help her get into the routine, and make her feel like you are on her team and ready to help her with this, instead of making her feel punished for not figuring it out all on her own.

Expect some messes at first. It's NORMAL as she figures things out. It will pass. If she has an accident, tell her each time, "Oh, you peed in your pants, that must feel wet and icky. Next time you tell mommy when you have to pee, and I'll help you get to the potty in time. Now let's get you clean and dry again. It feels MUCH better to be clean and dry, doesn't it?"

When you take her to the bathroom, stay there with her until she pees. Or you might try putting a little potty in her play area. It's often very difficult for little kids to tear themselves away from play to go to the bathroom, but if a potty is there close at hand as a reminder, it if often much easier to self-initiate.

If you insist on her using the bathroom, then it often helps to provide certain special bathroom-only toys for her to play with while she is waiting to pee/poop. A drink of water can help get things going as well...it "primes the pump", so to speak.

Hope that helps!

One thing that really worked well for us when we were out
was to bring the potty chair with us. We had 2 of them so we kept a clean one for "on the go". We have a SUV so it was easy to have it in the back of the truck and if my daughter had to go while we were out, she could still use the potty and not diapers. I always have a full set of x-tra clothes just in case. Also eliminating lots of fluids when you are out helps. Good luck! She'll get it soon.. hang in there!!!

D.

Dear S.:

Please always praise your child when she does what she is suppose to do and reinforce she is a big girl and how proud you are of her. This is just "a phase" that she will get over but if she senses your disapproval, etc. she will only be worse.

Liz J. Nana)

My son was just about 3 - 3 1/2 when he was finally potty trained, I don't have advice persay, I used a rewards method which is somewhat a form of bribery but not quite. If she is doing fine at home then i wouldnt recomend seeing a Dr., but you might want to consider it if you want to rule out anything medical. My sons grama used to tell me when I stressed about it "Well, he's not going to be 21 years old and in diapers, he'll get it down dont worry". So I didn't and he was eventually potty trained in his own time. Good luck to you!

There is only one reason for an almost 4 year old to not be potty trained. She's playing you like a fiddle. I read a suggestion once from a noted child expert. He said we underestimate our children. (I don't believe she just "doesn't get it.") He suggested the next time she has an "accident" let her spend the rest of the afternoon in her room and my guess is she won't be having accidents for long. It may sound harsh, but right now she has no reason to cooperate. Besides she's getting lots of attention from it.

Hi S. - You have to figure out what she cares about. We tried presents and candy and all sorts of stuff and just got "I don't care" back. I know it's bribery, but she's old enough and smart enough. With my daughter it was getting to run errands with me. I wouldn't let her come with me until she went in the potty - but it took us a while to figure out what she would care about. Also, if she poops in her panties, diapers or pull-ups, make her clean up herself. Lay a sheet out, hand her the wipes, and tell her to do it herself. That worked for my sister-in-law. Good luck! J.

Dear S.,
I'm a preschool teacher for kids your daughters age. We do alot of potty training in our class in the early months of the school year. You won't want to hear this, but it has been my experience that kids who are still unwilling to use the potty by this age, do so as a control issue. Three-4 year olds are discovering that they can have more control over their world, this is developmentaly appropriate. It makes it h*** o* us parents however.I know that some parents have a problem with rewards, but I have found that they can be very good motivators. In my class I have stickes that look like handprints, the kids call these "High Five" stickers and love getting them for a job that they have been able to accomplish on their own. Find somthing that your daughter would love to work toward and let that be her incentive.Most of all try and keep it light and positive (easy for me to say, but not so easy to do).

From a mom who spent months changing wet bed sheets for a son who wanted to sleep without a pull-up but had a hard time waking to use the bathroom.

PS. Potty training and food are two of the big control issues with kids at this age.

Hi there,
I used a sticker chart to potty train my son. I made it a big deal to go to Staples, pick out the chart and the stickers. We had pee pee stickers, and poo poo stickers. Just the small little round ones. He got to put the sticker on after each potty session - that was enough incentive. Just another idea for you. I had tried several other methods that did not work. You just have to find something right for your child and try (I know this is so hard) not to let her know that she is getting to you - it is all about who is in control at age 4!!

I am a certified ece educator and the mother of three.
I would suggest speaking to her pediatrician. But what I have found is that once a child either starts preschool or kindergarten they normally will stop soiling their underwear. But this may not stop immediately while at home. Bed wetting is a different story though. As most folks know that is very common in mostly boys but some girls also have this problem. This is something that I would talk to a professional about if this is also a problem for your daughter. What I have been taught is that boys urinary system develop much slower than girls but since you have a daughter and she is both soiling and urinating in her panties this may be more of a control game, and/or an emotional attachment thing. But I am no psychologist nor a doctor. But during my years working with kids I have never found any of them to really have a problem for long wetting/soiling their underwear except during nap time. Sincerely hope you find a solution for this.