Potty Training a Very Stubborn 3 Year Old Boy (3Rd Child)

It sounds strange and mean, but one of the things that I did while going through this was to have them hand wash out their pants when they dirtied them. This was a given. After having to do this several times they got the idea that by not going in the potty they would have some work to do that they did not like. Hope that you can salve this problem soon it is hard with little ones that fight back. Good luck

I know how you feel! I finally gave up. My oldest wasn't potty trained till she was 4, my second will be five in February and is still not fully potty trained, my third is 3 1/2 and isn't fully potty trained. My 18 month old sits on the potty but doesn't do anything and I'm pregnant with #5! So I am really tired of the diapers and cleaning pee out of the carpet.

I would just let go of it right now. The more stress you put into it the harder it will be for him to train and the more frustrated you will be. nothing says he has to be potty trained right now unless you're tying to put him in daycare.

S.

I followed the advice of a mom of twin boys and went "cold turkey". I told him that he was a big boy now and it was time for underpants. Diapers were for night time only (I don't believe in pull-ups. They are the same as diapers to a kid and they cost too much.)

Every where we went, I went prepared for accidents. We mostly stayed close to home, though for a couple of weeks. He had lots of accidents at first as you might expect (and he didn't seem to care that he was dirty or wet). I just calmly escorted him to the bathroom and cleaned him up and changed his clothes and didn't make it an issue. I might say,"next time lets use the potty." Also, I would sometimes tell him it was time to go on the potty "before we go in the backyard we need to pee" etc but I wouldn't make it into a battle. Ultimately the inconvenience of changing over and over again was his motivation to get right.

It took about a week and a half to get accident free (peeing). I had a chart and told him with each sticker, that if he had three days w/ no accidents (#2 took a little longer...) he could have a party w/ a pinata. He did and his two friends brought underpants as gifts.

Good luck.

C.,

Even though this isn't your first time potty training, it is your first time training Cadyn! I had my first done by two. Literally, she was trained by her second Birthday. My second was trained at 3 1/2 and my third at three. I really agree with so many of the Moms here that say, kids train themselves. My opinion is to back off. Kids this age love independence. They want to dress themselves, open doors themselves and who knows what else. What they don't want to do is anything you tell them to. I firmly believe that the best you can do is to continue to reward for his advances, but stop the crying sessions and putting him on the potty (that is frightening because he probably doesn't know "how" to "go potty" like you are demanding. I like to equate it to an adult being put in a cockpit and told "fly the plane," "come on, just fly it now!" Ok, it may be a dumb analogy, but you kind of have an idea of the concept, but you just don't know exactly how to do it). You can try a few things like putting him in big-boy underwear and hope he hates the feeling of being wet, but that will only train him to know the feeling right before the wet, he still has to tell you when he has to go. My second daughter just wet herself over and over when I tried that, but my other daughter hated to be wet so that worked for her. Anyway, just work on praising the small steps and consistently rewarding good behaviour with m&ms or mini marshmallows. Good luck and do know that there are kids out there that are five and not trained, so you still have plenty of time.

Do you happen to be friends with a cheerleading coach or a former cheerleader? I'm not sure how she did it exactly, but a friend of mine potty trained my son in one day (he was 2 1/2)...she did the same for friend's child and her own son was using the potty by 20 months (and fully trained by 24 months).

I started in June (a few years ago now) when I got out of school for the summer...put him in underwear and resolved not to go back to diapers during the day (except when we had to go out somewhere)...a month later I was tired of cleaning up the messes. He would sit on the potty when asked but never did anything in it. I was considering going back to pull-ups when we decided to have a multi-family garage sale at my house. My cheerleading friend was there all day and she offered to take over taking my son to the potty every time he showed signs of needing to go. The first couple of times, still nothing...but she was very upbeat and would do a cheer for him when he tried. Then, that afternoon, she got him all excited and took him to the potty and he actually used it for the first time (#1)...the cheers she did got him so excited he was bouncing all over the place...and an hour later, he did #2 in the potty too.

From that day forward, my son used the potty on his own!...we had maybe three or four accidents after that but by the time he started pre-school in mid-August, he was fully potty trained...even at night!

Like I said, I have no idea why it works for her...at first I thought it was largely because she is such a pretty girl and the little boys (my own and the other one) wanted to please her (i.e., that unlike their mommies, the boys didn't feel the need to assert their will over her)...but it worked for her son too. I keep telling her that she should rent herself out as a "potty-tutor".

Good luck...they all train eventually...try to make it as fun and exciting as possible and you might see some positive outcomes faster than using punishment.

Hi C.,
It sounds like he is not ready. If you have noticed that he is stubborn in other areas of his life, it may just be that he needs you to lay off so he can be in 'control' of his own potty training. My oldest daughter fought me all the way...I finally decided to stop trying and two months later she announced one night 'I need to go potty,' marched to the bathroom, used the potty and never needed a pull-up after that. My youngest (now 4) also was pretty stubborn so I just left her alone for the most part...I left her potty and potty seat out in the bathroom so they would be accessible but didn't really push it. What finally did it for her was her grandmother bringing her a present of Bratz panties...her big sisters played with Bratz dolls so she thought they were really cool and wanted to wear them. I told her she could but she would have to use the potty so she wouldn't mess up her pretty new panties...she thought about it for a day or two and then finally decided she was ready. My middle daughter was like your daughter, super-easy and done by 2 1/2. They are all different so you have to approach them all differently. Good luck!

Give up. I knew that my kid was going to wear pull ups to middle school. I would still encourage, but I left the battle behind. He was super into Wallace & Gromit at that time, so we bought a big Where Rabbit and I put big boy pants on him - we set a timer on the microwave and I made him take Where Rabbit to the potty every time the timer went off - then we praised the Rabbit, etc... you get the picture. After a day or two of this, I put big boy pants on him, set the timer and we would race to the potty every time it went off. After about a day of this, he started going on his own. However, if I had started this right at three, I would have been banging my head against the wall.

I wish I had the solution for you. I'm in the same boat right now with my 3 1/2 year old. ALL of the other children (and this is my fifth child potty training) were completely trained and dry through the night by this age, and this guy is totally not even trying. Did everything you talked about except the Elmo video. My guy is now tall enough to stand at the toilet. Which he did one day last week and now won't do. This is getting ridiculous! Your note reminded me about a few books we can read together again that we haven't looked at in awhile. Wish I had a copy of Stop and Go Potty. That really worked with my daughter who didn't want to take the time from other activities to go. My last son thought that potty training meant never going again and felt a sense of failure when he couldn't make it the whole day with out going. When I figured out that this was what was happenening we had a little talk and some mommy snuggling him on my lap to reassure him and the accidents stopped. I don't know what its going to take to get through to my current 3 year old. But maybe I need to play psychologist with him a little longer. I do have him putting his own pants on and helping to clean himself up. Just remember probably won't be wearing diapers when he receives his diploma (God willing!)

I know it's the hardest thing to swallow but this will pass. I was where you are many times over this year. Our son turned 3 in Feb. and we started immediately because of daycare. We tried all you mention, in addition to: a penny for every time he peed that led to a toy after 30 pennies, superhero phone calls (to alerted friends of ours), peer pressure, threats of being sent back to the 2 yr. old class instead of moving on to the 4 yr. old class. You name, we've done it. And I know people would say we've made a ton of mistakes but every child is different and responds to different methods. Our son is very opinionated, bossy and willful. I have never spanked him for peeing or pooping in his pants but I know other parents who even resorted to that length and it worked for them. For us, challenges seem to work the best; the trick is finding new challenges but after 9 months, last week I was finally confident in saying it's over, he's trained. He's doing both without being reminded, he hasn't had an accident in about two weeks, and the latest bribe is a Buzz Lightyear. Hang in there, C.. Back off when you feel you're losing it and come back to it when you're ready. I've taken many breaks and it's done wonders for my stamina! Best wishes!

I tried toilet training our oldest three at different times with breaks in between as needed for each kid. I tried just about every trick in the book with the first one to no avail until I "gave up" on "making" potty training happen. Then she started doing it herself a month later, and I was lucky that she had only one accident overnight and just a few mistakes during the day (this was awesome because I'd been stressing over it in the past and had logged hundreds of hours in handwashing training pants, so it was such a relief). I decided then that all future kids would be training themselves! LOL! All three kids have been successful when I've "marketed" using the toilet (my kids use the word toilet) as a sought-after activity for mature, responsible, older kids. Sitting on the toilet is something big people and big kids "get" to do, didn'tcha know? LOL! The only reason they sat on the various potty chairs I'd bought was to sit there and smile and do nothing else, except maybe some fake grunts; so I put those away and got a little seat to go onto the toilet itself--this made all the difference in the world. So, I let my child get to be in the late two-year-old range and then we watch Once Upon a Potty for him or for her, laugh at those silly toddlers and babies, and if my child is interested then she'll ask to use the toilet and if not then I don't mention it but still occasionally show the engaging video. Once my child starts "begging" to use the toilet then I act like I "give in" to her and she quickly starts using it successfully. I think the key is for the child to be mature enough to recognize when the need to go is coming on, and to have a true desire to use the toilet. I've always been a sahm and had the freedom to not force it, and I keep them at home with me until they start school in kindergarten; despite the pressure from some relatives to "make" my kids do it by the time they're 18 months--absurd in my frequent moving and travelling experience, maybe not in others! My kids are now 10g, 6g, 4boy, and 2g; and they were all excellent at using the toilet within two weeks or less once they started on their own which was when they were 28 monthsgirl, 36 monthsg,41 monthsb, and 26 monthsgirl (does it on her own occasionally but is starting to dislike her starting-to-become tight diapers but she's not begging for the privilege of using the toilet yet, so it isn't that cool to her just yet. Courage, mama, and just know that we all have so many funny stories about potty training, and so much empathy for each other!!! Some days I simultaneously laugh at the memories but wonder how on earth I didn't pull out all my hair on my head?!!!

My son did not potty train until he was four. I caught a lot of flack for that. What do you do when he looks right at you and says that he does not want to? Spank him for it, of course not. I tried all those things you are talking about also. I finally just dropped the subject and waited for him. At four he could start Pre-K. He is a very smart child and loves school. I explained to him that he couldn't go to school until he used the potty. It took a few months after that but finally one day, he just decided he was ready and it was simple as pie after that. I guess for some children, it has to be their decision and there is no reason for you to drive yourself crazy trying to push it. Keep trying something new here and there but don't worry about it too much. Good luck and one day you will look back and laugh!!

I wished i had some advice about this, but I'm in the same boat as you! My 4 year old son REFUSES to use the potty...he just doesn't care!!! Sorry I couldn't be more help to you!

R.

Let it go and be less stressed! My son was 3 1/2 before he was potty trained and I started trying at 22 months looking for readiness cues! It took his preschool teacher sitting him on the potty and telling him that we all do it this way to finally get him going. He did not get the bowel training figured out until 4 1/2 which did seem like forever, but the stress of the potty training for a year only made him very stressed and then ultimately very constipated. Again, his same preschool teacher told him to sit on the potty- that we all do it this way. I think the quiet and no stress method really worked. EVERYONE I talked to said let it happen when it happens- he won't go to kindergarten still in diapers! I did put him in the thicker underwear though so that he would at least get the sensation. It REALLY frustrated my husband that it was not faster, but every child really IS different. Maybe your older son can really work with him by taking him to the bathroom when he goes and talk to him about it if they get along that is. Sometimes kids have a way that we forget or lose. My son was also very stubborn and is now a very independent, easy 7 year old. Let it go though, and it will happen when he is ready!

With my son I tried all of those tricks, too, to no avail. (In my opionion pull-ups are a waste of money. It's just another diaper to them) What ended up working was stubborn on my part. I put him on the potty for 5 minutes or so every 30 minutes for about 3 days. Then every 45 minutes, then every hour. Eventually he picked up on the fact that we're going to be here all the time if I don't figure this out. Then praise the heck out of him when he does go. Call everyone he knows to praise him, too - Daddy and Grandma, I mean. Then he'll be excited and proud that he can do it and will want to do it some more. I also had a sticker chart (which we still use for good behavior). When he went #1 he got one sticker, when he went #2 he got two stickers. After 5 stickers he got a reward - candy or something. I figured if he went all the time like he was supposed to and got a candy for it every time, that's a lot of candy! Anyway, another idea you might try is letting him run around naked in the backyard and when he starts to go put him on the potty. That way he can associate that feeling with the potty. Just some ideas for you . . . hope they help!!

Basically my 4 year old son decided that wanted to use the potty. No convincing him beforehand would do. But we did buy him the Peter Potty (a portable, flushable urinal) that he liked and also Potty Power dvd. He still sings the songs from that one! Good luck! Hope this helps. :-)

I am in the same boat, my firt 2, boy/girl both trained by 18 months. (No pull ups back then)They are now 22 and 15. Though my 3rd witch is a boy and he will be 3 in Feb refuses to go to the potty. I even bought a Petter Potty, it is a urinal for boys(pretty cool)though he will not go on it yet. You might try one of those. I also have the regual training potty and the seat for the potty. Best of luck to you.

After reading some of the respones...I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one with a non-potty-trained 3 year old! I'm in the same boat as well. I have read that you're wasting your time if the child is not ready...guess my son is not ready :-(

My third child, a boy about to turn 4, just recently started using the potty. I finally had to just realize that each kid gets there at their own pace and that he was just not ready yet. That is what it sounds like is happening with your boy. You are doing every thing you can, but he just isn't ready. SO....take a deep breath, relax, and know that he won't be graduating in diapers! LOL

S.