Potty Training a 3 and a Half Year Old Boy

My son would not potty train due to daddy being in Iraq. He was potty trained one week after Daddy came home. (How frustating the year was. What I'm tring to say is that I tried everything as well, sometimes it's just a matter of all they are able to control. We learned to relax and have story time on the potty. He was able to oick his own books and we read for a certain time each day. Have him help clean the bathroom, put underwear on over the pullup and let him pick it. Eventually give him the options you want him to choose from ie- do you want to pick this underwear or this one(without the pullup but just don't say that) I hope that helped. My friend had her son peeing outside for a while like the dogs because it was the only thing that worked for them (thank the Lord that he pooped in the toilet though and no I don't reccomend that one, just thought I'd throw that one in for a smile) Good luck.

When I finaly had enough of ds not training, we did a dedicated week. He was stubborn, and we had to do 4 days naked. The first 3 days I made him go try to potty every 20 minutes, then we went to every 40 minutes, then every hour. By the end of the week he was taking himself to the potty when he needed to go. But my son didn't seem o distinguish between diaper and underwear- if there was something on his butt, he peed in it.

Your son will win this power struggle. He should feel like it is his idea. I was lucky. My sons trained themselves a little after three - mostly to get the underwear with the character they liked - what was popular at the time. I let them pick at the store.

I give my brother credit for training the oldest although he may not know this. But he babysat one afternoon and used the toilet with my son watching. After that, my son wanted to pee standing up just like his uncle. So we put a stool in the bathroom so he'd be tall enough and we let him float a few cheerios for targets.

My youngest visited preschools with me. After visiting the school he liked best, he told me that he needed underwear so that he could go there and then he went home and changed. It took a few days and a lot of drinks and some accidents but he trained himself.

My middle son refused to wear underwear at school and they were surprised when I told them that he was trained at home. It turned out that he was very attached to the two year old classroom teacher. They made a deal with him that he didn't have to move up until he decided that he was ready but that he had to start wearing underwear at school. He agreed. After a few months with the younger two year olds, he decided to join his former classmates in the preschool room.

Good luck. Humor goes a long way in making this transition. And I was a bit sorry afterward because every outing was more stressful worrying about accidents and we had to try every public toilet in every kind of establishment! Keeping extra clothes in the car helps cut down on the stress.

I agree, back off for awhile and totally relax. Then decide to do it. You can tell him he gets a party for being trained if you don't want to wait to use his birthday as the milestone. I will say, my son couldn't give a hoot about charts and stickers. My sister in law gave me a bunch of old toys and I wrapped them and my son got them for sitting on the potty, because he knew how to do that. He held them while I read three stories. Then he could open the potty prize. He got a treat (a chocolate chip) if he went while sitting there. It really helped to get him used to sitting on the potty and yet no pressure to go...it is a learned skill to release when you sit and not when you are absolutely 100% full. I believe in all positive potty training and let it be his accomplishment so he can be proud of himself at the end. Good luck. ps - peeing on trees is great fun for boys and I used that to get him to empty his bladder before getting in the car when he wasn't "full" and thought he didn't have to go.

Hi M.,
I feel for you because I was in a similar situation. My son was very resistant to training and I felt pressured by my parents and others to get him out of the diapers because of his age. I agree with a lot of the posts here that pressure and stress only make it worse. Relax about the issue and don't talk a lot about it to him. When you just go with the flow he will go along as well.
Another thing we used was the Peter Potty.We purchased it at Walmart. It is a stand up urinal for boys because peeing is a bit more difficult for boys to do sitting down and by the time they have their pants down and get to the position they have already wet themselves. The peter potty helped us because he could go to the bathroom the same way he saw his Daddy go, standing up.
I also found that my son was resisting baths (among lots of things including eating) at one point because I insisted on him taking a bath with no explanation or talking about it. I just expected him to do it because I wanted him to do it. I found that if I really thought about it, children do not control very much in their little lives and when they feel stressed/pressured to do something they want to assert their own control and power.They want to feel like they can at least control something and right now maybe the only thing he feels in control with is his body and whether or not he decides he wants to do what you want him to do with it.
Relax and start giving him more options and choices, not just with the potty situation but with other things too like foods, pajamas, drinks, books, games etc... If you give him a choice between two things he will feel more in control and may let go of the battle he is having with you.
Get him involved in the potty training by letting him choose the placement of the potty, or taking him shopping for big boy underwear and tell him that when he is ready to use the potty he will need new big boy underwear so lets pick some out "Your choose which ones you want to wear".

Also, I know this sounds silly and maybe obvious but have you explained WHY you want him to potty train? Have you told him that the new playschool room will be exciting and new and he will learn new things and meet new children. Maybe if he knew that he would be inclined to try to use the potty. But...That could also be what is causing the resisitance as well if he doesn't fell secure in moving on to a new and strange room. If he is scared to move to the next level you can talk to him about it and let it be his choice.
Sometimes they need a reason to do it other than us wanting them to.
My son started taking a bath when I told him to because I explained that his hair smelled or that his feet were dirty. Sometimes just giving him the choice of washing his feet with a washcloth or taking a bath did the trick. He felt like he had the last say and would choose the bath because he now understood WHY I wanted him to take one and he had the choice of a bath or a hand washing.

Bottom line... relax and give him more control of his world.
Good luck.

Hey M.,
What worked for my 3yr old was the chart with a reward. We were at the mall one day and I was strolling by the Build-a-Bear Workshop. It just hit me that this could be the big deal reward! I gave him a tour of the store and told him that they only let big kids build a bear. Luckily, the 'greeter' in the store picked up on my strategy and added some encouragement and validity to my story. I told him that if he went 7 consecutive days with no accidents in big boy underwear then he could build a bear. It took about a month but he did it. We used his magnetic monthly calendar to track the progress. I made a special 'bear day' magnet and placed it on the projected seventh day. If he fell off, then the magnet would move further along the calendar. That helped make it click for him.
I had tried a sticker and/or lollipop reward for a long time but that wasn't motivating him. You have to tap into an interest of his and use that as a motivation.
He will get there. Don't stress. I promise he won't be 13 and still in pull ups! Good luck!

Hello M.,
I was in the exact same situation and tried all kinds of things. I decided to just leave it alone for a while and then one day my son woke up and told me he needed to go pee on the potty. We just kept going from there and when he wanted to put a diaper on I said no we are going to wear underwear. He had a few accidents but is doing very well now. He is not night trained yet but he just did it on his own. He will also be 4 in Aug. Be patient and strong and I am sure it will come soon.
Good Luck, G.

what are they doing at school?

My son just turned 3 a few weeks ago. He used to hate using the potty. We decided to start putting him in underwear when we were home, except for nap time. When he showed signs of having to use the bathroom we would take him and try to use the potty. Initially he refused and then would have an accident a few minutes later. He would then ask for a change of underwear. We did this for a while. Finally he just started to say, "I have to go potty" and then we would take him and started to use it. We did the chart with stickers and we gave him M&Ms when he went successfully. He is using the potty now on a regular basis. We still have accidents now and again, but for the most part it's done. It also helps to know your child's "potty dance" and to get them to the bathroom before the accident. Good luck!

Hang in there M.! It can be soooo frustrating. But I agree with some other posts....do your best to stay positive. My 1st son was almost four as well with a Preschool deadline approaching. And he could sense my frustration.

So when I was positive and relaxed and let him know that it would be ok even with accidents EVERYWHERE and LOADS of laundry, it will still be OK.

Here's a random thing we did when we were at our wit's end:
We took him out in the back yard to show him how fun it is to "water" the grass. That did the trick and got his confidence up and made it more fun instead of daunting. Of course if you take that approach, you will find him running outside to do his business for a while, but it all works out in the end.

(We have 3 boys and the 2nd potty trained at 2 - go figure - they're all different.)

Here's to little boys. :)

Oh,what fun!!!! I will tell you,what they told me;College appication's doesn't ask.Smile......relax.....take a breathe.On the next warm day.....go to the kitchen area(if using portable potty)....toys.....drinks(he likes.....salty snacks......put him in shirt and under pants. Somethings for yourself.Let him drink ....have snacks....all he wants..about every 30mins....put him on the potty.Start asking him if he has to go. If you are using the one that goes on top of toliet seat....do this in the bathroom area. It's going to be a long day. RELAX!!!!!!

Try a new rule of no diapers at all, except for sleeping (we call pull ups "sleeping undies") and let him have an accident or two. He'll soon realize how embarrassing it is or how uncomfortable it is and will hopefully start feeling comfortable with underwear. No choices at this age when it comes to potty training. Have a potty readily available for him to sit on so that he doesn't have to "find" it when he has to go. We have ours in the family room so that my daughter doesn't have to climb the stairs to go since all our bathrooms are on the 3rd floor. It's been a lifesaver. Also, my daughter can hold it for over 2 hours so don't feel like he needs to be going every 30 minutes like some books say.

First of all, relax. He wlll just pick up on your frustration, and that just makes it worse. Don't worry! alot of boys take forever to GET IT. Men.........Ha! Seriously, my son is getting ready to turn 6 and he was into 4 before he went to the potty by himself, and even then, wiping # 2 was an 'issue'. I think it was a control thing for him. So we did a few things, but all very casually to keep things 'mellow' in his eyes. A small white lie sorta developed- they just don't make diapers/pullups for 4 yo's. We made it rather ' a matter of fact' and told him it's your choice, what are you gonna do? They just don't make them for 4yo's, you'll just have to do it by then. I don't know why, but the logic got to him, and he would actually discuss it at times. then we also discovered his love of temporary tattoo's, so everytime he did the deed, he got one. That really helped too- wearing his accomlishments, it's better than stickers. You're lucky that we are starting the summer- he'll get it. When we got closer to the 4yo 'deadline', he saw something at the local Costco he wanted, so I told him- 10 times in the potty in a row and it was his. We made a chart to keep track and as soon as he hit 10 , we ran to the store and got that art kit. He was so proud! It's a combination of things that will work- you have to find his currency and appeal to logic/facts. All kids are different- my kid wants to know the real WHY of everything. Don't let the pressure of "appropriate" ages of milestones talked about from other mothers get to you- it will drive you crazy!. He WILL get it and most likely it will be like a lightbulb went off in his head. Good luck and really, relax- he'll get it.

refusal and panic are two different things, but in both cases, pressure will only make things worse. please don't force this. it's a shame about the pre-school room, but a worse shame that pre-school, which should be about littles and THEIR comfort levels, feel free to apply this degree of stress on both parents and kids.
he'll get there soon.
he'll get there sooner if you let him do it on his own schedule.
khairete
S.

You might tell him he will have to stay with the younger children until he agrees to go in the toilet and wear underwear. Then lay back. Or, if he has a friend who is in underwear and trained, you might ask the friend to help train him. My six year old son trained my four year old son. He play with him and constantly reminded him (every 10 min) to peepee in the toilet. Each time he did, my older son gave him a sticker. My older son was totally in charge. I stepped back and watched from upstairs. By the end of the day my four year old was trained. If your son has a good friend you might try this scenerio. If it doesn't work, then I would not mention it again until he is ready. As it was said to me many times, "don't worry. He won't go to kindergarten in diapers." Boys just are slow to train. Good luck!

I read alot of the responses and did not see this one. I have 2 sons now 19 and 20 and to many little guys in my daycare over the last 10 years to not have come across several ways to deal with this issue. With mine boys and girls i just waited until they were ready and wanted to go. too about a week to train each of them with new undies as a reward for using the potty and staying clean and dry, I did not reward everytime they went. One of my daycare moms little boy would not pee in the potty, he would poop but not pee so she made it a game and put and penny in the potty and told him that he could not pee on it. He had to show her he could and that is all it took was a few pennies to get the job done. I had another mom who used froot loops or cherrios and told there little one to see if he could pee in the middle of the circle, again it was a game and they had fun with it.

We did and still do have a small step stool for our little boys to stand on so they can pee in the potty like the big boys do. We will use these same methods with my grandson in a couple of years.

good luck and relax it will happen when he is ready and be alot less stressful for you if you just wait until he is ready.

If he's being stubborn about it, I would definitely back down for a bit. You just can't pressure a kid into potty training without it backfiring. Have you asked him why he doesn't want to (gently)? If he's panicking. Are you trying a potty chair or the adult toilet? Sometimes they're intimidated by the size of the big toilet, the potential for splash-back from the water and/or the flush. Do you use the toilet in front of him? I think that's a great way to encourage them to use it.

Hello....I started potty training my son around 2 I think and it wasnt completely done till around 3 I think...months and months of nothing working!!! I tried the cool new bigboy underpants, the games, the prizes...NOTHING WORKED...Then one mom gave me THE CLUE: Now I know it sounds weird but let him run half naked....and IT WORKED. My son did not like being without anything on...It worked like a charm. Now it took a little bit of work when he had to put underwear back on. But all that matter is that it worked...lol...so hope this little bit helped....it helped me, he is now almost 5 and has no accidents...

My son was 3.5 when I finally got him potty-trained this past November. What worked for me was rolling up all the carpets, investing in a lot of paper towels, and putting him in underwear all day long. For every time he peed in the potty (even if he completely missed the potty, but was trying) he got to put a marble in a jar. 5 marbles = treat (usually the ice cream store). And he got lots and lots of praise for every attempt. The big reward for pooping in the potty was a fish tank, and sitting on his potty in front of the tank actually helped him relax enough to go. Looking back, I realize that it wasn't really that bad once I committed 100% to the process. Good luck!

i agree with everyone else. there will be accidents but once he is physically capable of going he needs to move to underwear. if you give him the choice he will choose diapers! they are what he is used to and comfortable with and frankly easier for him!

Pick a day a week or two in advance and tell him on that day we will say bye bye to diapers. get a little basket of candy/Small presents wrapped and tell him every time he sits on the potty he gets to pick something from the basket.

Dont pressure him though!! ask if he wants to go every hour or so and play up getting to pick the treat but don't make him go or he may get stubborn and backfire!! I'd expect at least a week or so of accidnts and resistance. Just grin and bear it and say "thats ok. accidents happen. you 'll get it next time" the less you react and force the quicker he'll figure it out on his own. the really important thing is that he knows diapers are not an option at all!!!

ive potty trained two boys, one was pretty easy and one was really hard. but this is the best method ive found!! he just needs to know the ball is in his court.....and that he is wearing undies no matter what. then he'll do what he can to be dry!

J.

my daughter was really resistant to training. I finally followed our daycare directors advice--dumped the pullups except at night and naptime, She would hold it all morning at school, and then as soon as she came in to the house would eventually loose it and pee. So I put her in the kitchen where there are not so many toys and told her she couldn't leave until she went potty. It took her about 5 minutes to agree and she dragged the potty in and went (defiant attitude mind you). I gave her lots of praise, let her call her dad and tell him, and found a reward she wanted--tastycakes. I also let her pick out her own potty chair and bought her Dora underwear (Dora was a fave at that time). A few hours later I threatened to keep her in the kitchen again and she went on the potty again. It literally only took a day and she was fully trained for #1. Your son can hold it, so it is not a matter of not being physically "ready", but it is now a power struggle. At this age, I would go for the intense weekend, get him something as a reward that he wants and go for it. Good luck--I am starting training again with my 2 yr old son and it doesn't get easier the second time around!

I feel your pain, M.. My daughter was fully potty trained at 2.5, and my son not until 3.5, this past fall. We just told him one day there were no more diapers or pull-ups, they were gone. And I literally put them away in our closet (we also have a 2 year old, so I did not want to throw them away when they can be used.) We, in conjunction with my sitter who is also my sister, made him go to the potty every 30 minutes for a full week, and then every hour for the next week, and then we just stretched it out until he started going on his own. There was probably about 10 days of accidents and a lot of washing clothes, but he got it! We gave him stickers when he went to the bathroom, and took them away when he had an accident. That way he got something, but could lose it if he didn't do right. It really did not take too long and he got it. It is just persistance and PATIENCE, which I lost after he turned 3 :). Good luck!

My son was similar to this. He was very strong willed,very smart. At about 3.5 years he still wasn't potty trained nor interested in it. I asked him when he would wear big boy underwear and he told me '4'. I laid off but occasionally would remind him that when he turned 4, he would wear underwear. The morning he woke up on his 4th birthday, I went and got his underwear, put it on him. He had no accidents, no reminders to go - except when we were leaving the house. He even went into underwear that day for night time and 99% of the time, no accidents in the bed. I was embarrassed that he was so old, but it worked for us, as he didn't have accidents, etc. He turned 14 today and we now laugh at the whole thing! I also have two other sons who I just told them 'tell me when you ready to wear underwear'. They potty trained at 3 years, 3 months and 3 years, 4months. I did the same method with them as 'let me know when you are ready' and again no accidents,no reminding, no sitting them on the toilet every so often etc. Good luck!

My son trained with all the usual rewards (stickers, M&Ms, etc.) and lots of reading potty books and lots and lots of fluids so he'd have to go all the time--"juicy water" (with just a splash of juice worked wonders because he would drink a lot of it. We stayed home for a few days and put him in underwear (except for sleeping), and we calmly cleaned up the messes. He seemed to get the picture within a week. Pooping took longer, of course, and nighttime dryness took even longer.

I have a friend who waited until summer to train her little boy, then just spent a couple of days in the backyard with the boy naked from the waist down. She had his potty chair outside and a little easel with chalk and paints and other fun things. In a couple of days, he pretty much had it down, and being outside meant less mess when there was an accident. This would also let you back off for a couple of months (who knows--maybe he'll get interested on his own during that time!) and give all of you a fresh start, and in June or July you could try the outdoor method. And you'd still have enough time to try something else before school starts again if that doesn't work. Good luck!