Preschooler Potty Training

Updated on October 06, 2006
B. asks from Inman, SC
41 answers

I have a 3 year old son and I am having a problem getting him potty trained. I have tryed the rewards but nothing seems to get him interested in the potty. Any ideas?

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J.W.

answers from Charlotte on

I read and followed the book "Toilet Training in Less then a day!". This worked really well for my daughter and she was potty-trained day and night at 22 months.

Good Luck!

J.

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N.G.

answers from Wilmington on

B., I hope all the advice you got helped and you now have a potty trained son. I have a 2 1/2 yr old girl(my 3rd child) amd she is so much harder than my older 2. My oldest, which, is a girl, was trained at 2 1/2 and son was 2 weeks shy of his 3rd b-day. All of the advice here has really given me some great ideas. Thanks ladies!!!!

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C.S.

answers from Indianapolis on

Definitely go straight to "big-boy" undies. My daughter wore pull-ups a couple times and still nothing worked. Then one morning she decided it was time and we put panties on her from then on out.

Hope this helps some :o)

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K.B.

answers from Spartanburg on

For my son, he was almost three when we got started because he was just coming to live with us. At first, he was making no progress. So, we stopped using pullups during the day and used "big boy" underwear and only pullups at night. It was a lot of work because at first he was always having accidents and I was doing a lot of laundry, but after about a week, he didn't want to be "dirty." He started to get the hang of the potty. It took a while for him to say he had to go and we just had to keep reminding him. We never asked "Do you need to go potty?," It was always, "It is time to go potty." After about a month, he really liked being a big boy and within two months, he was going without pullups at naptime and at night. Now at 3 1/2, it is rare that he has an accident. Good Luck!

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B.P.

answers from Charlotte on

My daughter was 2 1/2 and not interested in the potty even though all her friends (though all older) were potty trained and tried to get her to go on the potty and wear "big girl" panties. I was getting really frustrated and sent my husband out to buy me a book on how to potty train. He got me a book by Dr. Brazelton that dealt more with the psychology of potty training kids. He is the expert on potty training and potty disorders in kids. According to him, we tend to potty train too early, which can lead to major issues down the road. Once I had that in mind I felt a lot better about my daughter not being potty trained. He also says that for most kids, potty training is about independence. Kids see it as a way to maintain some independence so the more you push, the less likely they are to be interested. So once I felt less pressure to have her potty trained, I sat her down and told her that I knew she knew how to use the potty and when she was ready, we'd do it, but there would be no more pressure from me. I didn't mention it again and a week later she decided to use the potty on a regular basis. For the first week I set the timer and every 30 minutes asked if her she needed to go and had her sit on the potty just to see, and there were a few accidents, but overall I'd say the approach worked. The same approach worked for a friend of mine too. Hope this helps.

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S.

answers from Spartanburg on

I used to have a 3 year old who did not want to go potty, and I too was frustrated with her lack of desire. So I did some research and found a product called PODS. This product is amazing and they guarantee it to work. It basically looks like a large maxi pad, but it allows moisture to stay close to the skin, without allowing accidents. It is so unlike a diaper/or pullup. I bought the small pack and before we had used all of them my daughter was potty trained. I have listed the website I purchased them from. It is worth a try, good luck.

www.pottytrainingsolutions.com

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S.F.

answers from Charlotte on

From what I understand boys take longer then girls - sometimes it takes until close to 4 on some boys! We had the problem with our now 8 year old; he wasn't potty trained until just about 4 months before pre-k started (k4). Honestly - we didn't pressure him; we used toilet training floaties; you can get these at babiesrus - they look like foam large fruit loops and they're used for "peeing target practice" you drop them in the toilet - they don't flush away, they float right back up and you tell your little guy to play a game with them! He pees on as many as he can while standing there. Pooping is a whole new obsticle - after winning the peeing game you should motivate him with reward system to poop in the potty. But peeing seems to be the hardest to get under control - because little boys like to hold it until it's too late! The target game made it fun for our little guy. If you're on a budget and don't want to spare the expense of target toys for the toilet - use one square of toilet paper and tell him to shoot it down under water! Good luck, and like the other mommy said - don't stress over it - he won't be 18 and not potty trained, this too will pass!!!

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N.B.

answers from Evansville on

Well my son was 3 or so when he was finally ready. Does he even go in it when you take him to it? I have b&g twins. So when she was able to go on the potty and get herself to go. He would just stand there and couldn't do anything. He didn't know how to get himself to go or have control over it yet. But after watching myself or his sister or kids at daycare and his grandpa. I'm guessing he started wanting to learn so he started to catch onto when and how he goes. When he finally understood it, he was easier than his sister who started before him! And he only wore pull ups at night time for about 2 months after that. She still has to wear her pull up at night. But most of that is due to the large amount of milk she drinks. And milk is the one thing she has to have before bed. They will be 5 in September. But don't force him, that just frustrated Mason when he would stand there and nothing happen and he didn't even want to try.

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T.

answers from Owensboro on

Hi B., I have 3 sons, ages 8, 7, and 4. What worked for me was putting Cheerios in the potty, and telling him it was a game to try and hit the cheerios with his pee. I know it sounds wierd but it worked like magic! Hope you have some success! T.

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E.K.

answers from Davenport on

Hi,

Don't get dicouraged. Eventually, he'll get it.
What worked for us was just putting the big kid underwear on our daughter. She felt like a big girl...so we told her she had to go potty like a big girl. Pull ups just made it worse for us. Also, consistancy.

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Y.A.

answers from Mobile on

Hi B., I went through the same thing with my daughter. We tried everything, including the day of nakedness and I wouldn't recommend that to anyone else. I finally gave up, put her back in her diaper and explained to her what wearing panties meant. I told her I was going to stop pressuring her about it & when she was ready she could tell me. Every morning I asked her if she wanted to wear panties and explained what wearing panties meant - she said no. Then one morning (2 months after her 3rd birthday) I asked her and she said yes. That was it. She only had 3 accidents after that, none at night, and they were truly accidents from not being able to get to a restroom fast enough. Good luck with that. I'm going to do the same with my son because it was so much easier than everything else!
Y.

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K.M.

answers from South Bend on

B., you can't make them potty train and the more you "push" the worse it gets. Not sure your situation, but I thought I had to get my daughter potty-trained before my son was born. It didn't happen, not even close. A couple of months after the baby came, my daughter realized that she was my big helper and wanted to do other big girl deeds; along came the potty. After a couple of weeks she was trained. She was about 2 and a half. Boys do take longer than girls, so your son is right on track. Don't let it over whelm you beucase you don't need the extra stress. Just let him do it when he is ready. You don't need to get concerned yet, but do take up worries with your childs dr. Hope this helps.

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T.R.

answers from South Bend on

After training my daughter i learned a lot when it came to my son. I found something they REALLY wanted, for him and her was a brand new bike, one they picked out. I cut the picture out and hung it on the bathroom wall in front of the toilet and everytime I would remind them that this is what they get when the use the toilet everytime. I also took away the pull ups, i found that with my son he was trained a week after we took them away.

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M.B.

answers from Raleigh on

Hi B.,
I'd like to agree with what the other moms said, that you shouldn't stress about it too much while you're pregnant. Unless you're having a pregnancy that's a breeze...
I am currently training a 3 year old boy, too, and he is just plain lazy about it. He knows when he has to go, it's just easier for him to go in his pants (and I mean underwear OR pullup) than to sit on the potty!! So I've decided (and we'll see if this works) that next week we're just going to stay home all week, and work on potty training all day, every day. I may even do the setting-the-timer thing, you know, so every half-hour he is reminded to go sit on the potty.
We tried the whole sticker reward thing, but it got old fast. He just didn't care. I think it depends on your child.
Good luck! I'd love to know what works for you!
M.

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L.S.

answers from Columbia on

hi I just got my 3 year old son potty trained in the last week what I had to do was put him in real underpants not the pull ups and he did not the way the wet felt on him and I would ask him ever hour if he had to go. he did have mistakes and the first week was the hardest like everthing else but the 2nd week he got really good at it and we take him ever where in his underpants he just had to see he did not like being wet but he still has to wear a diaper at night

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T.

answers from Charlotte on

HI. I HAVE TWO BOYS MY FIRST ONE WAS A STRUGGLE. BUT I USED THE PRIZES METHOD FIRST. DID NOT WORK. THEN I DID THE CHERRIOS DID NOT WORK, THEN TOOK AWAY THE DIAPERS AND IT STARTED TO WORK. ALSO LET HIM RUN AROUND NUDE AND WE'D PLAY THE GAME HURRAY HURRAY TO THE ABTHROOM WHOM EVER GOT TO THE POTTY FIRST. AND PRAISED HIM FOR GETTING THERE FIRST. THEN I TOLD HIM THAT HE WAS A BIG BOY AND HAD A BIG BOY TALK WITH HIM ABOUT IT. WORKED!!!! HE HAS TO SEE OTHER BOYS GOING POTTY ALSO. DONT PRESSURE SCREAM AND HOLLER. THAT JUST MAKES THEM REBEL. I THINK.
MY SECOND SON. HE STARTED TO GO WHEN HE WAS 2 AND NOW NOT EVEN THREE YET HE IS FULLY POTTY TRAINED. WITH HIM HE SAW HIS BIG BROTHER GO ALL THE TIME THAT HELPED. BUT WHEN I FIGURED HE WAS READY -I TOLD HIM I WAS TAKING THE DIAPERS AWAY AND SAYING IM NOT GOING TO BUY ANYMORE HELPED OUT. LET ME PICK SOME UNDERWARE OUT AT THE STORE ALSO THAT MAY HELP. HOPE YOU PUT ALL THIS INFO AND MASTERS IT WITH YOUR SON. GOOD LUCK!!! T.

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J.E.

answers from Columbia on

I've just been working on potty-training with my 3 1/2 year old son this past week. He had had a few spurts of interest in the potty, but he never really was that interested. Anyway, I tried my own version of the "Potty Training in a Day" technique . . . basically, we told our son that we were having a "Potty Party" one day, put him in big boy underwear, and started setting the timer for every 15 minutes. (There's a book on this that I looked through at Barnes and Noble.) He got special drinks and snacks for going on the potty and then little prizes for going so long without an accident . . . and by the way, we had a lot of accidents that day! I wasn't sure if it was working, but he didn't want to go back to pull-ups. He's getting better and better during the day (we're still using diapers at night) with fewer accidents each day. Anyway, I think for us it helped that we just set aside several days to totally devote to the potty thing. We're still doing a lot of reminding to go to the potty, but he's going more and more on his own as well. There were several books on potty training at Barnes and Noble, and I guess I kind of took ideas from a couple of different ones. It helped me to get a different mindset about the whole issue by skimming through those books.

I hope this is helpful . . . good luck! --J.

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R.B.

answers from Charleston on

hey i read in parents magaizne about this lady who took her son up to their lake house and spent the weekend just letting him run naked and when he felt he had to go she did not have to worry about him wetting his clothes i personally never tried that but i know it took my son til about 3 years before he was fully potty trained just be constisting spelling on that word and if you are putting him in underware keep him in underware it confuses them if you switch back in forth to underware and pullups. also when he goes to the potty make a big deal about or have a party i read that in a book too

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J.T.

answers from Cedar Rapids on

I went through the same thing with my daughter and everyone kept telling me to quit pushing and she'll do it when she's ready. I couldn't see this working but figured anything was worth a try. One morning she woke up and decided she wanted to be potty trained and that was that she started using the toilet consistently. It has to be their idea. the more you push the more they rebel. With kids you almost have to practice reverse psychology. If you want it they wont do it, but the instant they think you don't care anymore they do it. Another thing I did was I bought a potty chair and set it in the living room. Alot of times I think she thought she might be missing something and being out in the living room with us sometimes she would be content to just sit on her potty and look at a book. Regardless of whether she went or not we made a big deal. told her how big a girl she was for using potty. Praise the efforts and ignore the accidents. they'll start going just for your reaction. You might feel silly but when he trys make a big deal. Clap, Scream, Hug him and tell him he's a big boy.

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S.

answers from Des Moines on

Hi, B.. I worked on training my daughter when she was about three--she's five now. Like others who have posted, I found that when she was aware that she couldn't go to preschool in the fall like we'd talked (until she was potty trained), she became much more interested in the process. I don't know if this is like the rewards others have written about, but it's pretty similar. My sister has a four-year-old boy, and they ocassionally have accidents still. I know this must be heavy on your mind (especially with another child on the way), but his interest will increase. Good luck!

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S.

answers from Asheville on

Well, B., I went through the same thing with my son. He was the stubborn type and no amount of coaxing, promising, potty charts, etc. would work. I finally gave up trying and he eventually started using the potty by himself. He never used the little training potties, but he had a Blues Clues potty ring that fit onto the toiled (I'm sure you know what I mean) and he liked to use that. I guess the bottom line is, he's 5 now, he's been potty trained since he was almost four, and your son will, too. They will eventually start going to the potty, but they have to WANT it first. You can lead a kid to the potty, but you can't make him go!
Since that time, I've heard of some hints to help kids potty. One is putting a few drops of blue food coloring in the potty and telling them it will turn green if they urinate in the potty. Never thought of that one!

M.C.

answers from Charlottesville on

My son is 4 now and it wasnt until he turned 3 did he start doing anything with potty training. It took hubby going in with him and then going together--standing. We are still working on going #2 in the potty. Boys are usually slower with this. Just be patient and he will eventually get the hang of it. :)

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T.K.

answers from Charleston on

I am in the same boat...my son is about to turn three and he is still not potty trained. Does your son go to daycare? My daycare is about to start with him, but at home I put him in underware and put the pullup over them so it doesnt make such a mess. I just started trying to the cool alert pull ups by Huggies and he is starting to tell us he needs to go pottie after the fact. If you stay at home with him or if he is home daycare then i would try to take him every hour and see if that works...

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A.L.

answers from Indianapolis on

B.,

Unfortunately, I think waht they say is true...boys take longer. My advice would be to have his potty in the bathroom, but quit bringing it up. He is resisting hte idea each time you bring it up. What might work really well is if you had a play date with another child about the same age, who would use the training potty, and for him to observe it, not so much with it being instructed how, because this is the type of talk he resisted before...just praising the other kid, then watching his reaction and talking later about it. Kids always want to be like the other kid. Then the gummy bears from there.

Good luck.

A.

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A.W.

answers from Fort Wayne on

Hello. Well, I found that when we started potty training our daughter that the more we pushed the more she didn't want anything to do with it, so we just stepped back and let her decide on her own. That seemed the most effective. Also, I tryed an idea I read in a baby magazine that said to have diapers and underwear in your child's drawer where they can reach them, and let them decide which one's they want to wear, of course telling them that if they choose the underwear that they would have to try to use the potty. That got my daughter wanting to wear the underwear more then. Good luck and congratulations on your December due date, I'm due in December also :) A.:mommy of an almost 4 year old, 1 and a half year old, and 3rd due Dec. 29th.

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W.C.

answers from Lexington on

I agree with the other mothers - when he's ready he'll do it. We started at age 3 and 6 months down the road my son suddenly decided HE wanted to do it - and has every day since. The most appealing reward tactic to him, tho, was M & M's. This is the only time I've used bribery with him to try and get him to learn a skill set, but even at that it ony worked marginally well. The best thing we ever did, I think, was put him in cotton underwear as soon as he started waking up dry consistently. He didn't like the feeling of having soiled himself, thus it only happened twice during the day.

Do remember that boys' bladders grow more slowly than girls, and thus are significantly smaller until they hit puberty. It is harder for them to hold their urine in once they've got the urge to go. And they do have a tendency to wet the bed longer than girls. This was our biggest obstacle. It stopped around 4 tho. My suggestion: an absorbent, rubber-bottomed mattress pad.

Most ppl will tell you - you've never seen a 5-yr-old walk into Kindergarten with a diaper. Comforting, but I have. Twice in ten years. Do be careful that he doesn't perceive this as something you want so badly he can use it to control you (as my neighbor's son still does at 5....)

When he decides he's ready, he'll go for it. Just be sure to associate it with positive aspects of life - not negative. If he's disciplined in any way for not going, it will make it that much harder for him to perform, not to mention his will to perform will be completely zapped.

Good luck!!!

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D.P.

answers from Indianapolis on

My son watched his dad and me when we would go and we'd put him on as well in his lil chair. Boys are harder than girls. I have 2 girls and 1 boy. Once my son knew and understood he was supposed to go in the potty, he had stricter guidelines. Of course, I knew when there was just a plain accident or on purpose. I have a friend and her son is over 4 and still wears pull-ups and does not go at all in the potty. Now I personally think that is ridiculous and he needs stricter enforcement but he is the baby for now so he is treated as such. Good luck!!!

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J.F.

answers from Elkhart on

Been there...done that....
I have two boys (one just turned 5 and the other is 3). I'm still trying to get the 5 year old past #2 accidents. I started at 3-knowing that boys are usually later than girls. The first summer he was completely uninterested but we used pull-ups and thought we'd try without too much expectation. The next summer he turned 4, by this time he was waking up with a dry pull-up, and we got serious. I bought a digital timer from the dollar store that I could clip on his shirt. We set the time for every 20 minutes, when the timer went off, he knew wherever he was, it was time to try. We increased the span up to every hour, and he was able to master peeing in no time.
Third smmer...we are still working through the #2. He had little leaking accidents in his pants and then large "blow outs" once in a while. After trying everything for the last year, I asked our pediatrician, she said he had impacted stool in his rectum, soft stool would leak out around it, and he wouldn't feel it because his rectum muscles were under constant pressure for the impacted stool. She told us this can happpen when little ones are learning to hold thier bowels. They hold too much, then it gets too difficult to go and they hold some more and become constipated and impacted. We had to go through a couple of ememas and now on a RX stool softener while retraining his bowels. I was unable to send him to preschool last year, and do not want to hold him back another year for this.
I suggest you encourage and offer your little one to try. But don't drive yourself crazy over it, when his little body is ready, it will happen. Also keep your pediatrician informed. I wish I would have discussed our problem with our doctor sooner. Now we are on the right tract. Hope you find peace while waiting.

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G.M.

answers from Charleston on

My son is 2 years 9 months. He's been pottied trained (except naps & nitetime) for about a month. His problem was that he was just lazy. He didn't WANT to use the potty.

So, we made him run around with no underwear on around the house. He didn't like it but there was nothing to catch his pee. He used the potty most of the time but would pee on the floor some. When he did pee on the floor, he had to clean it up himself, and then got punished. Then, the test was putting underwear on him. He went pee in his underwear and on the floor one time b/c he got punished. He sat there and WATCHED himself go pee on the floor. It's not like he didn't know and it was obvious that he was READY!

My best suggestion is that you have to be stern with them. They need to know that if they go anywhere else besides the potty, that that's bad. He picked it up within a day or two.

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S.S.

answers from Spartanburg on

Hi B.,

I have a 3 year daughter and just now got her trained. I thought she would never be trained. I have always heard that boys take a little longer. The bottom line is that with you being pregnant you do not need to stress yourself out about this. Everyone use to say "oh you don't want two in diapers at the same time". I say who cares. We the new baby comes you are going to be happy just to make it throught the day. And your son will go through this little faze were he wants to be changed like the new baby. So what I am trying to say is it might be a waste of time right now. I did all the treats with my daughter and the bottom line is they will do it when they get good and ready. For me it was easier to just change two in diapers because I wasn't as stress with trying to potty train someone who did want to to begin with. Sometimes it just isn't worth it the headache. Once the baby comes you can start talking to him about how babies wear diaper and how "BIG BOYS" wear underwear and soon the light will come on, because he will want to be a big boy. Good luck and it will happen....
Jenny

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F.K.

answers from Des Moines on

When we potty trained my daughter, the pull ups and rewards didn't work. It might for a little while but eventually she'd go back to her old ways. The only thing that eventually did the trick was having her wear underwear and only that. It was during the beginning of this summer and we just stayed at home during this time. The first day she had 6 accidents and I thought, maybe she wasn't ready but then by the next day she only had two accidents. After that she knew she had to hold it inorder not to have any more accidents and did a lot better!! She pretty much told me when she had to go, though I would as her too before we went places, etc. I always did bring a pair of extra clothes just in case. She still wore training pants at nap time and at night but now she is holding it through the night and no accidents!! Sometimes it takes boys a little longer to get the hang of it but this may help. Good luck!!

P.S. I think it's better to use patience and cause and effect instead of punishment. Kids are smart and will figure it out, better not to do things out of fear. Plus some boys aren't potty trained until 3 or 3 1/2!

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M.M.

answers from Charlottesville on

Hi B.,
You might not like this idea but I just potty trained my 3yo son in less than a week with it. Try using big boy underwear and letting him peepee outside on a tree or bush. The other parts will come naturally. I did not use pull-ups (or the like) with either of my boys (3 and 9). My 9yo also trained easily (however, I did not have to use the outdoor method with him).

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S.

answers from South Bend on

B.,
Good luck with potty training. I also have a three year old that I am trying to fully potty train. She has been trained to pee on the the potty for awhile now, but will not do the other. I have tried everything in the book. Our doctor told us that three year olds can be particularly difficult. From what I understand, you having a boy makes it even more difficult. Good luck.

S.

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K.G.

answers from Lexington on

Personally, I wouldn't sweat it. When your son is ready, he will do it. My daughter was late learning to potty trained but we waited until she was ready. When she was, it happened overnight and we were out of diapers!

Being pregnant, you don't need to stress yourself out about it. There is a chance too that your son may go back into diapers after the baby is born...don't sweat it if that happens as it is very common...but he will be fine (and so will you!).

Good luck!

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E.

answers from Louisville on

Our son was almost 3 when our daughter was born. He hadn't shown any interest in potty training, and I didn't push it. I knew that for me, changing his diaper would be easier than rushing to the potty with him.

At 3, he would pee in the potty when he was naked. If we were at home, he was naked. But he would wait until he was dressed and diapers to poop. When he was 3 1/2, he spent an afternoon with my Mom. Grandmommy's Boot Camp helped decide that he would go on the potty like a big boy.

He had a few accidents after that, mostly because he was too impatient to sit on the potty and wait. He was running back to the bathroom when the accidents happened.

He still views visiting the bathroom as an inconvenience. It interferes with his play time!

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K.W.

answers from Louisville on

We used the reward system with my son (now almost 3) for months and months, but it never encouraged him to use the potty voluntarily. My theory was that his pull-ups were too absorbent so he didn't mind wetting them. So I bought him "big boy" underwear in some of his favorite characters, and when he came home from school on a Friday, I showed him his new underwear drawer. I let him choose his undies (I usually pick out his clothes so this was a treat for him) and then we put a pair on his teddy bear. I explained how these were big boy underwear and that he shouldn't go potty in them. Then we threw away a diaper to symbolize their passing. After about 1-2 weeks he was pretty much accident free. He still sleeps in a pull-up, but during the day and at nap time he stays dry. We drilled the "pee pee and poo poo go in the potty" into him so well that now he tells US not to go tinkle, etc in our underwear.

I also bought a little rolling cart that sits next to the toilet that has some of his books, toys, and flushable wipes so he can reach everything he needs while he uses the potty. I have a stool in front of the toilet and a seat with handles on the regular seat so he can climb up all by himself. He also likes using his step stool to turn on the bathroom light and fan. I have a friend who gives his son a can of air freshener to spray when he goes potty.

Hope this helps you!

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H.B.

answers from Charlotte on

Hi B.! I don't know what all you have done in the potty training, but what worked for my son was to take away diapers/pullups all together and go to cloth training pants(you can get these at walmart). For some reason, even with the pullups, he was lazy and just wouldn't go to the potty even though he had been going well before. I've also seen this work with friends' kids. I also recommend the parenting method of training which you can find on parenting.com. We didn't go by it exactly, but it seemed to help. My son is 22 months and just about fully trained(still working on the night thing). Good luck!

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R.M.

answers from Indianapolis on

I'm not sure if this will be helpful or not since I have a daughter. We stopped diapers and pull ups altogether. I bought some princess underwear and started asking her every hour if she had to go. It's been 3 weeks and she has only had 3 accidents primarily because we've been in unfamilar settings and she forgot to tell us or we forgot to ask. She understands that when she gets wet she wets her princess panties and she does not like that. I'm no expert but this seems to be working.

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S.B.

answers from Fort Wayne on

Make it a game and put cheerios in the toilet and tell him to try to hit them. It worked with my son. Just don't pressure too much. One day he will just decide he wants to tell you and that will be it.

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C.P.

answers from Greensboro on

Look into Dr. Phils potty training. I know it sounds funny, but it worked for me. It requires potty training one of his favorite toys. Elmo even has a toy that works with the Dr. Phil method!

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C.A.

answers from Indianapolis on

I don't have time to read through all of the responses so hopefully this isn't a duplicate. I picked up one of those padded seats that go on the top of the regular toilet with the handles on each side. Our 4 year old (who just got out of pull ups) loves the seat with the handles because he doesn't 'fall in'/ has something to hold on to.

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