Potty Training #2 - Portland,OR

Sounds to that she is frightened about losing "part of herself" in the toilet. learning to use the potty chair or toilet involves emotions as well as physical readiness.

There have been many good suggestions to this sort of question asked by other mothers.

I sympathized with your dilemna. Potty training can be so difficult and society has put such a high premium on doing it the "correct" way. My advice is to just relax and go with the flow. (chuckle-literally) Tell her it's OK to poop in the potty chair or in her diaper. Take the pressure off of both of you. Don't ask her if she wants her diaper on or off. Just put it on and reassure it's alright to have it on. She may be trying to please you.

I would also add that 20 months is young to be fully potty trained. It's great she'll pee in the potty. Let her come around to pooping when she's ready.

My daughter was very similar- she went very easily with the pee, but completely freaked out about #2. She's been out of diapers since February, but still gets wound up about #2, and mostly does that business early in the morning just before getting up. I happened to be recently perusing one of my parenting books (Touchpoints) and read that if the child is showing ANY anxiety about toilet training, to do exactly what you mentioned, put them back in diapers, not as a punishment, but so that they can do their bodily functions in a way that feels safe. Be reassuring and loving.

I very much wish I had done that instead of "helping" my daughter power through her fears. Dr. Brazelton says that when a child goes to the bathroom, it really feels as if they are a losing a part of themselves, and that can be frightening. He also says one of the worst things you can do is flush the toilet. He says he sees kids who have anxiety for years to come about where "it " went.

Good luck!

J.

First, let me say that I am pregnant with my first child so I have no first hand knowledge with potty training personally. That being said...I have 11 nieces and nephews. I have given each and every one of them the "Everybody Poops" book when they reach that stage of potty training. They all LOVE the book - graphic though it may be - and one of my nephews in particular was overjoyed to learn that all those animals and all those people all go poop, too - and they're just fine.

I haven't even had my baby and I already worry about things like potty training - it's such a big issue! So, hang in there - you sound like you are sympathetic and loving toward her in her "time of need" (no pun intended) and that's the most any kid could ask for. Good luck!

I have a 3 year old littler girl now, but she did the same thing. I talked to my doctor about it and it's normal for children to learn to use the toilet for #1 before they learn to use it for #2. My doctor said that sometimes it hurts for them to go so they squeeze their little butt together until they can't hold it any longer. My daughter would squeeze and hold it for days. Poor little thing. Anyway, my doctor said to give her food that would make her #2 as soft as possible so it wouldn't hurt when it comes out. Try to avoid foods like cheese that constipate them. It took a little while but my daughter now uses the potty everytime. Good luck!

I don;t really have any solutions for you, just some thoughts as to why this might be happening. First, the ability to poop in the toilet usually comes separately from learning to pee-they are actually two different body functions. Also, many toddlers have a very real fear of "losing" parts of their body, so she may be fearful of the feeling of poop coming out of her body. This is a reason why so many toddlers hate haircuts- it;s scary to lose part of your body! It's also why lots of potty training toddlers hold poop in so long and become constipated- they are very scared and reluctant to "let go."

I wish I had some concrete ideas as to what to do, but maybe that information will help if you think it might apply to your daughter. Good luck!