Potty Trainig/retraining

Updated on July 31, 2008
J.A. asks from Paris, TX
7 answers

My daughter is 5 1/2 and is erratic in her potty behavior. She is go to church all morning and never go to the potty unless told she must and then will return home and hold it until it is an emergency. We have also tried everything. She is not scared, it just seems that she doesn't care. It doesn't bother her at all. She says that she can't feel it coming until it is too late. But I see her holding herself. But it is rare that she will say she has to go on her own with me dragging her to the bathroom. HELP!

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So What Happened?

So, now I have tried for the last few days, letting her be in charge of her bathroom behavior. She needs to make the choice when to go and clean up when she doesn't make it. Only one accident yesterday and it wasn't a bm. I am going to continue making the problem hers not mine. That is really hard. But, with Kindergarten starting in less than a month, I think we need to get this under control before we are more stressed out than need be at the beginnning of the school year. Thanks for the responses.

More Answers

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G.A.

answers from Dallas on

I had a 3 yr old in my day care that the mom found out that she had an over active bladder. My daughter at age 2 found out she had a kidney that never grew over 7 yrs she self catethered and then about time for periods she was taken off. But today she is very health conscience and she is 30 yrs old. It never grew and only and has always only worked about 9-10% on the one side. The other one makes up for it. She used to turn red and if we tried to move her to the bathroom she would pee. She says now she just waited too long but I think she really could not some how control when to go. So there could be a lot of reasons. G. W

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W.S.

answers from Dallas on

I have the same problem w/mine. Could be infection or other problems. Mine is going for a u.t reflux test in August. They test many things/reflux with bladder/ how much it can hold etc. I insisted they give her a sedative though. Have to do a cath.
Dr. Pinto in Forth Worth is awesome. Pediatric Urologist.

Good luck! :-)

W.

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P.B.

answers from Tyler on

Some children have a less sensitive system and really can not feel that they have to go. You may want to contact your pediatrician for some help. There is actually a medicine that will help to develop this sensation in children who do not develop it normally.

If that does not seem to be the case, I'd just set a timer and tell her that if she does not start going on her own, then she MUST go every time the timer goes off. Start with an hour at a time and then back off about 10 minutes longer until you feel she is getting the hang of it.

Good luck.

Blessings,

P. <><

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T.S.

answers from Amarillo on

She is old enough, she knows exactly what she is doing. If she really doesn't care, stop worrying about it. Stop making her go to the restroom. As loaded as you boat sounds, she is probably doing it for attention. At her age, let nature takes its course and I promise you, it will stop.

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J.S.

answers from Dallas on

Does she go to school yet? If not, she is looking forward to going?

I always told my two children (ages 8 and 5) that the school does not want or have time for little kids who can't go potty alone and take care of things in a timely manner. That seemed to work for my children as they loved and love the idea of becoming a big kid and going off to school.

I have heard some parents too use a very cold water hose down when their child messed themselves. They only had to do that once and the child learned to get to the potty in time. LOL Yes, I used that once on my daughter and she did not like it one bit..we were inside the house though not in the yard!

I will be praying for you during this struggle. It will work out, trust me.

J. S.

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P.P.

answers from Dallas on

My daughter did the same thing beginning at 4-1/2 y.o. She regressed and began bad potty habits. She developed a U.T.I. and now sees a ped. urologist. From developing bad potty habits by holding it too long, she formed a thick muscle around her bladder. She literally cannot feel it when she needs to go b/c the muscle is so thick from holding it. Incidentally, she had a VCUG (x-ray w/catheter) and she has Stage 2 kidney reflux (congenital) and holding in the urine didn't help. Also, when they hold in urine, they hold in poop causing constipation and creating more likelihood of U.T.I.s. Miralax or natural remedies are good for this. Another thing that occurs with all of this, is that when the muscle is so thick, it is hard for the bladder to fully empty. She ends up needing to go more often and will leak or wait to the last moment when she's about to burst. Ditropan may help relax the bladder, but it didn't work for my daughter and certainly didn't change her potty behavior.

Basically, you need to nip this in the bud now. Go to www.pottymd.com and they have gadgets such as a vibrating watch alarm that can remind her every hour to go potty whether she needs to or not without making a scene at school. Talk to her kdg teacher and tell her she needs to allow your child to go often (and insist upon it). She has to relearn how to go and thin out her bladder muscle wall so that she can start feeling it. This takes some time to do. She needs to also sit on the potty and relax for at least 2 minutes, even when she thinks she is finished. My daughter also is unbuggable and didn't care. It was so frustrating. The only thing that worked to make my daughter understand the critical nature of this problem was that if she didn't come home from school with dry panties, she would not get t.v. that day. All she needed to do was to go potty when she needed to and she would stay dry...that's it. After a few days of no t.v. she got the picture. When she walked in the door from school dry, she was so proud and excited. A reward system didn't work, only a threat of taking away something she valued did. Whatever it takes. My daughter is almost 8 now. It has been a real struggle in our house and has been h*** o* my relationship with my her, asking constanting if she needs to go, blah, blah. We're still working on it. Her daytime potty habits have improved 10-fold. It has become so much more natural for her to go when she feels it. I'm sure her bladder muscle is thinning out. Unfortunately, she still wears Goodnights at night and will continue to I suspect until she's a teenager. Very h*** o* a child's self-esteem. Good luck to you.

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J.H.

answers from Amarillo on

sometimes they getso busy playing they don't want to stop, but if she has to clean up after herself and wash out her panties that may help. Since she holds herself, sounds like she really can tell. Also explain to her if she holds it too long, it could give her a kidny infection, and that would mean she had to go to Dr. and get fixed etc. I think she may be too young for the following, but my Mother told me of a girl she knew that was to embarrased to tell her boyfriend she had to go (she was too modest) they were out on a horse back riding date. and her bladder burst & she died. THat was when girls were more modest, ha. I am assuming that was a true story, as I used to hold longer than I should when a kid, is why she told me the story I'm sure.

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